The One Real Regret

by Janet Nissenson

  “All of us are thrilled to welcome you to our little group, Jill,” he began, his own Southern drawl a bit more pronounced now after a few glasses of wine. “Though, as Delilah said earlier, we’re really more of a family. Max, Finn, and I are as close as brothers, maybe even closer, and the three of us have looked out for each other for over twenty years. And while we were all convinced we’d be bachelors for the rest of our lives, at least until the right women came along, I don’t think anyone was more convinced of that than Max. I’m very, very glad to realize all of us couldn’t have been more wrong. I have my Aubrey, Finn somehow convinced Delilah to agree to marry him - still haven’t figured out how he managed that, by the way - and now you and Max have found each other again. So here’s to true love and finding the loves of our lives.”

  Jill felt all warm inside after listening to Jordan’s heartfelt toast, a warmth that had little to do with the champagne she was sipping. Rather, it came from a sense of truly belonging, of being surrounded by people she sensed would become her closest friends as well as Max’s, and of knowing she had finally been reunited with her first love. Her only love, she corrected.

  “To the love of my life,” whispered Max as he clinked glasses with her. “It took me long enough to admit it, but I promise that I’ll never let a day go by without telling you I love you from now on.”

  She took a sip of champagne before kissing him softly. “That, Mr. Wainwright, is a promise I intend to hold you to.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Three Months Later – Maui

  “I can’t believe this is the first time you’ve ever had a mani-pedi, Jill. As busy as things get at my design studio, I always make time in my schedule to have one at least every two weeks.”

  Jill smiled at Delilah a bit sheepishly. “I admit I get way too wrapped up in my job sometimes, even forgetting to eat when things get really crazy. But that’s not the reason I’ve never had a mani-pedi before. At least not a professional one,” she added. “My roommates and I used to give each other facials and do our nails and stuff during college, and I do my own nails when I remember to. And it’s definitely not because of the cost, because I can easily afford it now. It’s - well, silly to say, but it goes back to when I was still a teenager. My grandmother was sooo strict that I wasn’t allowed to paint my nails, even with clear polish. Though I used to sneak a bottle into the house and paint my toenails once in awhile, mostly during the fall and winter when it was too cold for sandals and I could keep my feet covered.”

  Delilah shook her head in disbelief. “Hard to imagine, especially since my mother was the ultimate girly girl. She loved dressing me and my sister in all these frilly, lacy dresses. I think I must have been about four years old the first time she painted my nails, and not a whole lot older when she’d dab a little blusher or lip gloss on me. God, I haven’t thought about that stuff in a long time.”

  Jill had learned that Delilah’s mother had died when she was still a teenager, committing suicide after Delilah’s father had announced he was leaving her for a younger woman. Delilah and her older sister Desiree had more or less raised themselves after that, and were seldom in contact with their father these days. It had reminded Jill that appearances could be deceiving - that no matter how perfectly poised, beautifully dressed, and self-assured Delilah looked on the surface, her life had been anything but happy. At least until she’d met the perpetually happy-go-lucky Finn McManus, and fallen in love despite their very different personalities.

  Aubrey gave a little snort as the manicurist buffed her nails. “I was such a tomboy until my last year or two of high school that I would have run away screaming if my mother had ever tried painting my nails. Fortunately, my mom knew better and didn’t waste her energy. Right, Mom?”

  Lorena Hurtado-Larson, Aubrey’s mother, gave her beloved adopted daughter a knowing smile in acknowledgment. The petite, dark-haired Latina was sitting at the manicurist station right next to the bride-to-be’s. “Absolutely. Getting Aubrey to wear anything but jeans and sneakers or workout gear was like pulling teeth. When she was fourteen or fifteen, she would much rather have been playing soccer or basketball or hanging out at the beach all day instead of getting a mani-pedi. I’m surprised she’s managing to sit still this afternoon, in fact.”

  Aubrey grinned at her mother’s teasing. “I promised Tessa I’d get through all this primping somehow without squirming. Especially since the mani-pedis and the lunch we just had was her treat.”

  Tessa, who looked almost identical to her younger half-sister, gave Aubrey a sweet smile. “The least I can do. Plus, it’s a little break for me from the kids. Though I will need to be getting back to them very soon since the twins will need to be fed.”

  Delilah shook her head in disbelief as she glanced at Tessa. “I still can’t fathom how you gave birth to twins less than two months ago and already have your figure back. It’s uncanny, is what it is. And really, really unfair when some of us have to count nearly every calorie or work out two hours a day because we ate dessert the night before.”

  Tessa patted her belly beneath the loose fitting Hawaiian print sundress she was wearing. “Trust me,” she assured wryly, “I do not have my figure back. Thank God my matron of honor gown for tomorrow isn’t a sheath or form fitting. I’ve lost just enough of the baby weight to fit into it.”

  Aubrey gave her half-sister a look of derision. “Just enough, my ass. I saw you at the beach yesterday morning, Tess. In a fricking bikini. And Delilah’s right, there is no way anyone would believe you had twins seven weeks ago. Hopefully whatever freakish genetics you have run in the family when it’s time for me to have a baby. Not,” she added hastily, “that Jordan and I have plans for me to get pregnant anytime soon.”

  “Hmm,” mused Delilah thoughtfully. “You don’t want to wait too long, though. Neither do I for that matter. Oh, you and I aren’t even thirty yet, Aubrey, but our guys are both in their early forties. We don’t want people mistaking them for our children’s grandfathers, do we?”

  Aubrey snickered. “I dare you to repeat that to Finn. He’s so paranoid about getting old that he’d probably work overtime to get you pregnant before your wedding.”

  Delilah shuddered delicately. “You’re right. I’ll wait until our honeymoon to bring up the subject.”

  Jill knew from prior conversations that Delilah and Finn planned to honeymoon on a private yacht in the French Riviera after their July nuptials, while Aubrey and Jordan were remaining in Hawaii after their wedding, although they wouldn’t be staying in Maui the entire time. Both vacations sounded fabulous to Jill, who was very much enjoying her first trip to a tropical locale, and especially spending so much time alone with Max.

  Aubrey and Jordan’s wedding was taking place at the exclusive Gregson Resort here in Maui, since the grand beachfront hotel was the same location where they had first met two years ago. Her half-sister Tessa was married to Ian Gregson, one of the chief executives of the worldwide, family-held hotel group, and the couple had been more than happy to lend a hand in making all of the arrangements. And despite the fact that she had just given birth to twins - a boy and a girl - seven weeks ago, and also had a four-year-old daughter and two-year-old son, Tessa had somehow found the time and energy to organize a fabulous bridal luncheon here at the hotel for a dozen of Aubrey’s family members and closest friends. After lunch, Tessa had also arranged for the group to more or less takeover half of the beauty salon for their mani-pedis.

  Jill had been thrilled when Max had insisted she accompany him on a week’s vacation to Hawaii for the wedding, and even more so when she had received her first glimpse of the fabulous resort hotel. Just like the Gregson Hotel in Seattle had been, everything here was first class all the way - the décor, furnishings, amenities, food, and especially the service. It was more than obvious that someone would need to be seriously wealthy in order to afford even a single night’s stay here, especially in the deluxe suite Max had booked, and
she had tried very hard not to feel intimidated or out of place with so many sophisticated, elegantly dressed guests everywhere she looked. She was doubly glad now that she had enlisted Shoshana’s and Casey’s help when it had come time to shop for a suitable wardrobe, after finding her very limited supply of summer clothes sadly lacking. After living in Seattle and then San Francisco for the last six years, there had been little need to stock up on shorts, tank tops, sundresses, bikinis, and sandals.

  She had also chosen a gorgeous dress for the wedding itself, though she’d gone shopping with Max for that. It had been the same day he’d made good on his promise to take her to the exclusive little shop near his office that specialized in elegant couture lingerie. And despite her protests he had bought her far too many bras, panties, thongs, camisoles, stockings, and sexy nightgowns to count.

  In the three months they had been back together, Max had wound up buying her a whole lot of things, she realized with a little scowl. Despite her multiple and often heated protests that she earned a good salary and could easily afford to buy whatever she wanted, he blithely ignored her objections and continued to leave little “surprises” for her, both at her place and his. Some of them, admittedly, were small, inexpensive thoughts like a bouquet of spring flowers, a box of the chocolate mint truffles he knew she had a mild addiction to, or a souvenir from whatever city he’d just traveled to for business. But many of his other gifts were far more expensive - jewelry, a designer purse, a set of Baccarat wine glasses - and Jill was nearly ready to throw up her hands in surrender after unsuccessfully pleading with him to stop. Max had been a little miffed that she’d gone shopping for her vacation clothes without him, and therefore insisted on buying the dress and shoes she would wear to the wedding - a dress and shoes that had cost far, far more than she would have ever dreamed of spending on herself.

  But she had also learned that Max had expensive tastes, and that he refused to scrimp and save or even bother glancing at the sales rack. The first time she’d peeked inside his spacious, walk-in closet she had been left speechless with shock, her jaw dropping open as she took in the rows and rows of neatly organized suits, shirts, trousers, sweaters, jackets, ties, and shoes. He’d admitted sheepishly to having something of an obsession with clothes, harkening back to his youth when the few things he had owned had all been old and worn and cheap.

  “I’ve worked very hard for my money, Jill,” he’d told her earnestly. “And even though I haven’t been poor for a long time, I don’t think I’ll ever forget how awful it felt to be hungry or cold or have the other students at boarding school make fun of me because my clothes were all secondhand. So perhaps it’s a bit over the top to own so many suits or pairs of shoes now, but every time I look inside this closet most of those old insecurities seem to disappear.”

  She had wrapped her arms around his waist then, resting her head on his chest reassuringly. “It’s a good thing, I suppose,” she had teased, “that you only have a two-car garage downstairs. Otherwise, if you felt the urge to buy as many cars as you have suits, you’d need a much, much larger house.”

  Max had laughed along with her, hugging her close. “I’ll just have to compensate by buying you lots of things, too. After all, from what you’ve told me, your childhood was almost as deprived as mine.”

  She had given a firm shake of her head. “Not even close. As strict and overprotective as my grandmother was, and as frugal as she was, at least I always had her love. I always had security and a roof over my head and enough to eat. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. And it doesn’t even begin to compare to the sort of deprivation you had to suffer. Or the loneliness.”

  He’d kissed her then. “I’m not lonely anymore,” he’d whispered against her lips. “Thanks to you I’ll never be lonely again.”

  They had spent as much time as possible together over the past few months, alternating weekends at the other’s place and meeting for dinner when their equally hectic schedules allowed. Max had lined up consulting jobs months in advance, and while he hated being away from Jill, backing out of his business commitments simply hadn’t been possible. She had been equally as busy, hiring and training the additional staff members that Celex’s recent expansion had made possible. But during their time apart, Max and Jill kept in frequent contact, texting and calling and Skyping several times a day. And not being together constantly had actually been healthier for their still evolving relationship, thought Jill as she reflected upon the matter. After so many years of being alone and a loner, she’d been terrified that Max might have felt overwhelmed by the thought of opening up and sharing his life with her. This way, she reasoned, they had been able to take things slowly, establish a solid sense of trust between them, and really get to know each other. She adored spending time with him, whether it was spent cooking a meal together in one of their kitchens, going for a long walk in Golden Gate Park or visiting one of the museums, curling up in front of the fireplace in his office reading a book or listening to some music. She especially loved the nights and mornings - and occasionally afternoons as well - they spent in bed getting to know each other in a very intimate way. Max was both a generous and passionate lover, and had been very intent on making up for the four years of self-imposed celibacy he’d endured. Jill was frequently left limp and exhausted after a night in bed with him, but also incredibly satisfied and always longing for more.

  Max had also made good on his promise to see a therapist, one who had come highly recommended by Jordan. And while he’d found it difficult at first to open up about his feelings and past experiences, he had recently admitted to Jill that his sessions were becoming more productive each time. Seeking professional help to deal with his emotional issues had also made it easier for Max to discuss those issues with Jill, and to make sure their relationship continued to deepen and evolve.

  Jill had likewise grown closer to his friends, and was starting more and more to feel like part of the group, part of the unofficial family they considered themselves to be. She had been a guest at Aubrey’s bridal shower, had accompanied Delilah to a fashion show, and attended a party at Jordan’s private club with Max a few weeks ago, along with having dinner or brunch several times with the whole group. And just last weekend she and Max had driven down to San Jose to have dinner with Shoshana and Casey and their respective boyfriends.

  Max had insisted on flying first class to Maui, and during the relaxing five hour flight he’d told Jill about his plans to start training his two assistants to take over more of his work. Both assistants - one a male, the other a female - were bright and capable, and had been eager for more responsibility for some time. It was Max’s hope that both of them could start handling at least a few of the consults and thus cut down on the amount of time he had to spend traveling, leaving him more time to spend in San Francisco with Jill.

  He hadn’t suggested as yet that she move in with him, and she hadn’t felt comfortable bringing up the subject. Max seemed perfectly happy and eager to share his home with her whenever she spent the night or a weekend, but she was always careful to give him his space at the same time and not seem overly intrusive. It was also important for her to maintain a sense of independence, and not allow someone as naturally dominant and authoritative as Max to try and control her. Fortunately, he’d seemed to be stifling those particular tendencies as of late, at least around her.

  “That shade of coral is perfect for you,” commented Delilah as she admired the polish being applied to Jill’s nails. “Is that the color of your dress for tomorrow?”

  “One of them, at least,” Jill replied. “The dress is a floral print, actually, with half a dozen different colors on a black background.”

  “Sounds gorgeous, and very appropriate for a Hawaiian wedding. I hope you made Max pay for the dress, and that it cost a small fortune. After all,” replied Delilah airily, “it’s the least that man can do, given all that he has to make up for. You’ve been far too easy on him, Jill, taking him back with open
arms the way you did. When Finn screwed up big time, I made the jerk suffer for weeks and weeks. You wouldn’t believe all the little gifts he sent me, including this enormous teddy bear that my pain-in-the-ass PA refuses to let me move out of my office. Finn even sent me all these letters, pouring his heart out. He admitted to me afterwards that the last time he’d written a letter had been a thank you note to some relative when he was a kid, and that was only when his mother forced him to write it.”

  Aubrey nodded in agreement. “Same thing with Jordan. When I found out he’d been keeping something really, really important from me, I wouldn’t see or talk to him for over a month. You should have made Max grovel at least a little, kept him on edge for a few weeks as to whether or not you’d actually take him back.”

  Jill gave a little shrug and smiled sweetly at her friends. “And what would the point of any of that have been, except to make Max feel worse than he already did? After all, both of us had already suffered enough being apart for four years, and I didn’t want or need any more heartache. I knew he was the one I loved, and the only man for me, so I didn’t hesitate to tell him exactly that. Besides,” she added soberly, “Max has had more than enough hardship and unhappiness in his life, even more than he’s told any of us about, I think. Maybe I’m weak or overly sentimental or just too tenderhearted, but I couldn’t bear to intentionally make him unhappy. I love him, and I don’t think I could ever deliberately hurt someone I loved. Not to mention the fact that he’s been very dedicated to making things up to me, in a hundred different ways, so you can both rest assured on that count.”