The One Real Regret

by Janet Nissenson

  Max hadn’t wasted any time in fulfilling that last promise. Once they arrived in London, he’d spent several hours at the bookstore near their hotel and left with an armload of books on pregnancy, infant care, and fatherhood. After they had returned to San Francisco, he had continued to add to his collection of reading and research material, and Jill guessed that between the two of them they had bought a couple of dozen different books. And while she thought it incredibly sweet of him to be so involved, he also drove her a little crazy at times with all of his nitpicking about her health and his constant worry that she was overdoing.

  Her first appointment with Jordan had resulted in dozens of additional questions from Max, and they had walked out of his office with another armload of pamphlets, checklists, and glossy brochures. Jill had cringed when Jordan had pronounced her a little on the underweight side, and had prescribed not just prenatal vitamins but iron supplements as well. Max, of course, had taken Jordan’s cautionary words to another level entirely, and had started making his wife a protein smoothie twice a day to help her gain weight. When she had watched him carefully measuring out ingredients one morning, she’d joked that he reminded her of a scientist conducting a complicated chemistry experiment.

  Max was so overprotective that he refused to let her lift anything that weighed more than a pound or two, scowled ferociously when she had still insisted on going for her runs (which Jordan had given his blessing to), checked her entries in the food diary that he’d bought to make sure she was consuming enough calories, and watched her like a hawk to make sure she wasn’t overdoing or getting too tired. And with her pregnancy not even at the full three month mark yet, Jill just hoped her well-meaning but almost paranoid husband didn’t drive her crazy sooner than later.

  But his controlling behavior also touched Jill deeply, for she knew it was a sign of just how much Max loved her and how hard he was trying to be a good father, even before their baby was born. She didn’t really have the heart, therefore, to tell him to tone things down, or that he was worrying far too much. She knew without having to be told that the real reason Max was trying so hard to be the perfect father was because his own parents had been such complete and utter failures at raising him.

  And because she had been trying so hard to be supportive of her husband and ease his fears and insecurities about impending fatherhood, Jill initially had kept her personal fears and insecurities strictly to herself. Her own childhood hadn’t exactly been a shining example of the ideal way to raise a child, and while she’d never doubted her grandmother’s love for her, Betty Parrish had been far from nurturing and had rarely demonstrated affection. How in the world then, Jill had fretted, was she supposed to care for a baby of her own? She had no mother, no aunt, no older sister, no role model to answer questions or guide her along the way. There was only so much, after all, that a person could learn from books or lectures or videos.

  She’d broken down and told Jordan pretty much the same thing during her appointment a week ago, wiping tears from her eyes as she’d admitted to feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of becoming a mother, and especially so soon after becoming a wife. Max, who’d had little to no idea up to that point about all of her doubts and uncertainties, had clasped her hand reassuringly in his as Jordan had done his best to alleviate both of their fears.

  “The two of you are going to be just fine,” he’d insisted gently. “You honestly think you’re the only parents I’ve had to counsel about this? Even couples who are on their third baby have doubts and questions, so it’s only natural that as first time parents you’re both going to be anxious. But the two of you are awfully smart cookies, and having a baby isn’t rocket science, after all. You’ll figure it out - together. A lot of it is just instinct, you know. Instincts that will kick in the minute you hold your baby for the first time. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen with more deliveries than I can recall.”

  Jordan had taken Jill’s other hand in his, and smiled at her warmly. “As for you, Mrs. Wainwright, well - you’re probably the most nurturing, kindhearted woman I’ve ever met, someone who was always meant to be a mother. Look at what a good job you’ve done converting Max from a grumpy, stone faced old coot into a happy, smiling human being,” he’d added teasingly. “If you’re capable of working that sort of miracle, then being a great mom is going to be a piece of cake for you, Jill. The most important thing babies need, after all, is lots of love and patience. And I already know the pair of you are more than capable of giving your child everything he or she will need. So my advice to both of you is relax, enjoy these next few months, and catch up on your sleep. Because once this little person comes into the world, you’ll get very little of the latter.”

  Jill had felt instantly relieved after Jordan’s pep talk. And he must have shared her concerns with Aubrey that same evening, because the very next day she invited Jill to lunch, where her half-sister Tessa was also present. The soft spoken mother of four, who’d brought her adorable older daughter Gilly along, helped to alleviate a lot of Jill’s fears about motherhood and parenting.

  “I was in a very similar situation when I was pregnant with Gilly,” Tessa had admitted. “I lived with my mother until she died when I was sixteen, but she was something of a disaster when it came to acting maternal. In fact, when I was still a little girl, not much older than Gilly is now, I was the one taking care of my mother most of the time. So I didn’t exactly have much of a role model to emulate, either. But fortunately, everything Jordan told you is absolutely right. Your instincts will take over, Jill, and you and Max will figure it out as you go along. And you can always call or text me if you have a question about something. With four little ones in the house I’m getting to be quite the expert on being a mother!”

  Jill had been touched by Tessa’s kindness and generosity, and it had been a relief to know she now had a real live resource to consult instead of an endless stack of how-to and reference books.

  “Don’t you dare even think of clearing off the table or doing the dishes,” Max warned ominously. “Just sit there and finish your tea, and I’ll have all of this put away in less than five minutes.”

  She grinned, tempted to give her very bossy husband a little salute. “Yes, sir. God forbid I lift something as heavy as a fork. Ooh, and that bottle of maple syrup must weigh at least eight ounces, so I’d better not strain myself.”

  He glared at her darkly. “Jordan said you shouldn’t lift anything heavy, but he didn’t specifically say I couldn’t spank you every now and then.”

  Her eyes twinkled mischievously as she obediently sipped her tea. “I’ll be good,” she replied meekly. “I promise.”

  Max chuckled as he loaded up the dishwasher. “Of that I have little doubt,” he told her suggestively. “In fact, you can prove it to me in a few minutes.”

  “What happens in a few minutes?” she asked warily.

  His smile deepened and turned downright lascivious. “In a few minutes it will be nap time. For both of us. Though we might be tempted to, ah, delay the actual nap for awhile.”

  Her face grew hot at the very suggestive tone in his voice. “Oh. Um, that - that could very easily be arranged.”

  In the weeks since her pregnancy had been confirmed, her hormones had already started to fluctuate out of control and she’d been especially eager for sex. Fortunately, Max had been more than happy to oblige her, even though he adamantly insisted they needed to be gentler and more mindful of her pregnancy when they made love. Knowing how obstinate he could be, Jill hadn’t even attempted to argue with him, just as long as he continued to satisfy her seemingly insatiable needs.

  While Max finished cleaning up the kitchen, Jill picked up her phone to answer a text from Shoshana. Her former roommate had rather reluctantly gone home to Chicago for the Thanksgiving holiday, and even more reluctantly had brought her brand-new fiancé along with her to meet the family. Jill liked to tease her friend that apparently catching the bride’s bouquet was somewhat
contagious, given that Shoshana’s boyfriend Aaron had proposed to her just a couple of weeks after she had caught the bouquet at Jill’s wedding.

  In September, Casey had been offered the opportunity to transfer to a larger, busier hotel in San Francisco, and had jumped at the chance. And since Jill had been in the process of moving all of her things over to Max’s house, she’d suggested that Casey take over the lease on the in-law unit. Casey loved being so close to the beach and had taken up surfing again, claiming that it was a great way to meet hot guys.

  Max had given his closet an admittedly overdue cleaning, making sure that there was plenty of room for Jill’s things when she moved in. She’d joked that they were probably the only couple she knew where the guy had twice as many clothes and shoes as the girl, a joke that had resulted in a shopping spree where Max had blithely ignored her protests that she really, really didn’t need more stuff.

  And that had all been before she’d learned about her pregnancy, realized Jill with a little groan. She was probably a couple of months away from needing to wear maternity clothes, considering that her regular things weren’t the least bit snug as yet, and shuddered to imagine how many things Max would probably insist on buying her.

  Max had already begun to clean out the bedroom that had primarily been used as storage until now, moving boxes and bins to the basement, and getting rid of others. They had decided to use that room as the nursery since it was closer to the master bedroom, and were in the process of considering paint colors, furnishings, and accessories. Max had also been poring over decorating magazines and websites, and was currently enamored of a Peter Rabbit themed nursery, while Jill really wanted to wait a bit until they knew if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl before making the decision.

  She already knew that she would take at least six months leave from her job, something that she hadn’t had the heart to admit to Jacob as yet, knowing how much he would panic and fret. And just in the last week Max had floated the idea of her coming to work with him once she was ready to resume working.

  “I know I used to tell you that I preferred to work alone, but since Tamara and Erik have started taking on some of the jobs from me, I’m quickly changing my opinion,” he had told her. “But even if I begin delegating more of the assignments to them, I’m still going to have to handle at least half of them myself. Which means being away from you and the baby far too often. However, if you started working with me as my partner, that means you and the baby could come with me on the trips. And with you and I both working on an assignment at the same time, we could get it done much more quickly.”

  He’d kissed her on the forehead when he had noticed the uncertain expression on her face. “Think about it, love. That’s all I’m suggesting. You’ll have plenty of time to give it some consideration over the next few months. You’d be able to work from home as often as you’d like, be with the baby, and then we could all be together when I have to travel. But I also know how hard you’ve worked to get where you are today at Celex, so if you want to continue as CFO, then of course I’ll support you. We’ll hire a nanny - one who comes very, very highly recommended, of course - and whatever other help we would need.”

  Jill was torn between the two options, wanting on the one hand to spend as much time with her baby and husband as possible, but also reluctant to just give up the job she had worked so hard to attain. Max was right, however, that she didn’t have to make the decision anytime soon. Between the remaining months of her pregnancy, plus the six months leave she planned to take, it would be another year before she had to decide.

  “Stop frowning, love. I read in one of our many baby books that the mother’s moods can have an effect on the fetus. And since we want our child to come out of the womb happy and smiling, that means no more frowns from you,” teased Max.

  “I think you’ve been reading far, far too many baby books,” retorted Jill. “And I didn’t mean to frown just now. I was thinking about what you brought up the other night - about working with you at some point.”

  “You’ll have plenty of time to decide,” declared Max, taking her by the hand. “Right now all you need to decide is if you’d like to be on top or the bottom. Or perhaps,” he added sensually, his breath hot against her ear, “on your knees. And, if you’re in the mood for variety, we could try all three positions.”

  “Why stop at only three?” she replied naughtily, running her fingertips up and down his chest as they walked out of the kitchen. “After all, we don’t need to be at Finn and Delilah’s until four o’clock. That’s hours from now.”

  Max gave her a light swat on the buttocks as she preceded him up the stairs. “Don’t tempt me, you little devil. Though that would be impossible, since you tempt me just by breathing.”

  Jill snorted in derision as they reached their bedroom. “I’d like to hear you say that in about three more months when my stomach will be as big as a watermelon.”

  “Shh.” He pulled her into his arms, nuzzling the side of her neck. “You’ll be every bit as beautiful and sexy and tempting then as you are right now. I already know that you’re going to be one those women who have that special pregnancy glow. You do right now, as a matter of fact. You look like a rose in bloom, Jill, and have this luminous air about you. Your skin, eyes, hair. Not to mention your gorgeous body, especially since you’ve put on a few pounds.”

  “You’d put on a few pounds, too,” she joked, “if you were force fed smoothies twice a day that must contain two thousand calories each.”

  “Not quite that many,” he corrected as he began to pull her jade green sweater over her head, and then cupped her breasts through the fragile bra of mint green lace. “Though I’m pleased to notice that you’re already showing signs of being pregnant in at least one part of your body.”

  Jill whimpered pleasurably as he squeezed both breasts gently. Her boobs were noticeably larger, and her bras were starting to feel a little on the snug side. And her breasts were definitely tender and very sensitive, especially when her husband was licking the nipples as he was doing now.

  “That feels so good,” she sighed as he unhooked the bra and let her swollen breasts tumble into his waiting hands.

  “I can see we’re going to have to make another trip to the lingerie shop very soon,” he purred, his thumbs teasing her nipples until she squirmed. “I believe they also carry maternity bras, very sheer, lacy ones, no doubt.”

  “O - okay,” she agreed breathlessly, even as he finished undressing her.

  She was already so aroused, so needy, that she all but pounced on him when he joined her on the bed. Max grinned up at her when she straddled his thighs, but his smile faded rapidly when she wasted no time in impaling herself on his rigid cock.

  “Christ,” he rasped, his hands clamping down on her hips as she began to bounce up and down enthusiastically. “I suppose this solves the dilemma of what position to start in. Good Lord, you are brimming over with hormones, aren’t you?”

  Jill giggled gleefully, bending low enough for her breasts to brush against his chest. “Are you complaining, Mr. Wainwright?”

  He cupped her buttocks in both hands, giving them a squeeze. “Complaining about a gorgeous, sexy, and horny wife? One who seems to need sex more and more frequently these days?” He shook his dark head. “Not on your life, sweet. Now, don’t overdo, hmm? Take things easy, slowly. You know you really shouldn’t be - ah, fuck!”

  She had lifted herself off his cock until just the tip was still inside of her, and then, with maddening slowness slid back down until he was once again fully embedded. “Was that slow enough for you?” she asked sweetly, batting her lashes at him flirtatiously. “Hmm, I think maybe that was still a bit too rough. Let me try again, slower this time.”

  She yelped when he pinched her on the buttock, but he was grinning up at her as he did.

  “You might look like an angel most of the time,” he whispered, “but when I take you to bed, the devil in you
always comes out to play.”

  Jill smiled in satisfaction to hear him gasp as she once again slid her pussy along his penis until only the head was still inside. “Would you rather I act like an angel right now?” she teased. “To be sweet and submissive and let you take charge?”

  In response Max thrust his cock inside of her until he was buried to the hilt. “What I want,” he growled, “is for you to fuck me like the little devil you are.”

  She met him thrust for thrust then, their bodies bucking and heaving against each other in a wild, erotic dance. Jill’s head fell back, her long hair tickling the tops of his thighs as her back bowed and her fingernails dug into his hips for support. Abruptly, Max heaved himself into a sitting position, pulling her to sit astride him as they continued their erotic duet. He cupped one of her breasts, plumping the flesh up until his lips could reach her nipple, and then sucked hard. She cried out in reaction, feeling the sensations all the way down to her womb. And when Max began to stimulate her clit while still licking her nipple, it was suddenly much too much, and she climaxed instantly, powerfully, wondrously, the pleasure rippling through her so completely that she was barely aware when he found his own release.

  She collapsed against him then, her body wrung out and feeling a bit like an overcooked noodle. She couldn’t stifle a yawn as Max gathered her into his arms, pulling the thick duvet up over their nude bodies.

  “Nap time,” he announced in a no-nonsense voice.

  “No argument from me on that suggestion,” she mumbled sleepily, already burrowing her head against his shoulder. “But don’t let me sleep too long, okay? I still have to whip the cream for the pies we’re bringing over to Finn and Delilah’s. And, yes, I made an apple pie as well as a pumpkin one. So there’s at least one thing you’ll like about Thanksgiving.”