The One Real Regret

by Janet Nissenson

  She smiled up at him. “Needless to say, my grandmother never allowed me to attend any school dances so I never got to dance with a guy until my roommates dragged me along to a club during college. And that was a very different sort of dancing than what we’re doing now.”

  “Good,” retorted Max. “I would hate to think of another man holding you quite this closely.”

  “Just like I’d cringe at the thought of you holding another woman this way.”

  He laughed softly, his hand squeezing her waist. “So we’re agreed then? From now on, we’re only permitted to dance with each other this way.”

  Her green eyes twinkled at him merrily. “Agreed! And you’re a much better dancer than you think. At least, you’re a lot better than I am.”

  “Impossible,” he argued. “Because you’re perfect at everything. Not to mention the most beautiful woman in the room.”

  “It’s a well known fact that the bride is always the most beautiful woman at her own wedding,” corrected Jill. “And Aubrey looks gorgeous, there’s no denying that fact.”

  The bride did indeed look breathtaking, with her blonde hair falling in loose curls about her bare shoulders, and wearing a strapless sheath wedding gown that was stunning in its simplicity and flattered her tall, shapely figure to perfection. Jordan, who looked dashing in his own tuxedo, had scarcely taken his eyes off his new bride all evening.

  “Speaking of the bride,” observed Max as the music ended, “it looks like she might be getting ready to toss her bouquet. Better get in line, sweet. Some of these single women look like they’d be ready to put up a fight in order to catch it.”

  Jill giggled, but stayed right by his side. “I think I’ll skip the bouquet toss,” she demurred. “It’s kind of a silly tradition, don’t you think?”

  “Not at all,” insisted Max, as he all but dragged her out to the middle of the dance floor. “And even if it is, you should still participate. Good luck, sweet, and watch out for the redhead over there. She just took off her shoes and cracked her knuckles, so I think she means business.”

  Max bussed her on the cheek and then dashed off before she could protest further. And then it was too late to escape without being overly obvious about it, given the crush of women around her, including Jordan’s own mother. Jill chuckled, trying to imagine how mortified Jordan must be to see his thrice-divorced mother gathered among all the single women.

  Aubrey was greeted with whoops and cheers as she turned her back to the room and flung her beautiful bouquet of white orchids and plumeria into the eagerly waiting group of women. Some unknown instinct compelled Jill to hold up her arms, even though she knew the chances of actually catching the flowers were slim to none. But before she even realized what was happening, the bouquet was falling right into her outstretched hands, and she clutched it to her fiercely before someone like the rather crazed redhead could snatch it away.

  Aubrey was clapping her hands in glee at the sight of Jill holding the bouquet and hurried over to give her a hug.

  “I’m so glad you caught it,” she whispered conspiratorially. “I was trying to aim for you actually, though it’s been awhile since I was the pitcher on my high school softball team. Glad to see that I’ve still got it!”

  Jill couldn’t help herself from laughing in delight as she hurried back to their table where Max was waiting for her. But instead of holding out a chair for her, Max took her by surprise and tugged her onto his lap, his arms tightening possessively around her waist.

  “Now, aren’t you glad you didn’t skip the so-called silly tradition?” he asked her teasingly.

  She nodded, then leaned down to kiss his cheek. “Thanks for giving me a little push. And you were right about the redhead. I was half-afraid she was going to tackle me for the bouquet.”

  Max laughed, but his expression quickly turned serious as he cupped her cheek in his palm. “Well, now that you’ve gone to so much trouble to catch the bouquet, we’ll have to make sure all that effort doesn’t go to waste.”

  Jill looked at him quizzically, hardly daring to believe what she thought he was implying. “What - what does that mean?” she asked faintly.

  “It means,” he whispered against her lips, “that we can’t very well break with tradition. And since you caught the bride’s bouquet, this means that you’re going to have to marry me now.”

  Epilogue

  Thanksgiving Day

  “How do you like the French toast?”

  Jill smiled at Max’s question, licking a drop of pure maple syrup from her lip. There was no way, after all, that someone as particular as Max would even consider buying the imitation stuff in a plastic bottle.

  “It’s delicious, thanks. Though every time you cook for me I feel a little ashamed that you’re so much better at this than I am,” she replied, even as she forked off another bite of the really awesome bananas foster French toast he’d made specially for her.

  Max shrugged as he took a sip of coffee. “I’m not, actually. I just happen to have a dozen or so dishes that are my specialty. Overall, you’re a much better cook than I am.”

  She kissed him on the cheek. “And you’re sweet, too, even if you’re not a very convincing liar. But thank you for fixing breakfast this morning. And for the tea.”

  He slid a hand to the slight swell of her belly. “Of course. I’m glad it settled your stomach. And doubly glad that the morning sickness subsided enough for you to eat. You’re sure you’ll feel up to going to Finn and Delilah’s later?”

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” assured Jill as she took another bite of her breakfast. “After all, it’s our first Thanksgiving together. And yes, I know you aren’t American by birth, but you’ve lived here long enough that you should be used to all of our holidays by now.”

  Max wrinkled his nose. “Most of them, anyway. Independence Day might still be a bit of a touchy subject.”

  Jill laughed and took a drink of the peppermint tea that Max had brewed for her. “I can understand that. And I feel fine, Max. Honestly. Besides, it’s called morning sickness for a reason, and the reason is that you stop feeling sick well before dinnertime. In my case, before brunch time.”

  “I want you to take a nap before we go to dinner, though,” insisted Max. “Jordan specifically told you to rest for a little while each day.”

  She sighed. “Jordan told me a whole lot of things, things that you apparently made a very long list of. And that you never forget to remind me of. Like the text you sent day before yesterday asking if I’d done my five sets of Kegel exercises yet. I was right in the middle of a staff meeting when you sent that, by the way.”

  He gave her an apologetic look. “I suppose I might be a little too overprotective. But this is all new to me, you know. Pregnancies and babies and morning sickness and Kegels. Which, by the way, I had never heard of until Jordan explained what they are.”

  “It’s all new to me, too,” she reminded gently. “And realizing I was pregnant was just as much of a shock for me as it was for you. I was totally unprepared for all of this, Max. But I won’t lie and pretend I’m not deliriously happy about it at the same time.”

  Max squeezed her hand in reassurance. “And I’m every bit as happy about it, sweet. Now that I’ve had time to get over the shock, of course. I wonder how many men receive the news that they’re going to be a father for the first time right in the middle of their honeymoon?”

  They had been married for less than two months, their small, intimate wedding having taken place in early October in the Napa Valley wine country. Max knew the owners of the winery from having done a consulting job for them a few years ago, and they had been thrilled to make their grounds available for the wedding ceremony and reception. Unlike Aubrey and Jordan’s lavish Hawaiian wedding, or Delilah and Finn’s even more elaborate affair at a Nob Hill hotel, Max and Jill had opted to keep their own nuptials on the simple side. Since neither of them had any family or a very large cir
cle of friends, they’d kept the guest list to fewer than fifty people. Finn and Jordan had served as groomsmen, while Jill had asked Shoshana and Casey to be her attendants.

  The weather had been picture perfect that autumn day, sunny and warm, with the sky a brilliantly dazzling blue. Jill was pretty sure she’d woken up that morning with a smile on her face, a smile that hadn’t faded away for even a minute the entire day and night. All of the wedding plans that she and Max had put together with relative ease and speed after his impulsive proposal back in April had unfolded without a hitch.

  Without a male relative to give her away, and with Max’s two closest friends already pressed into duty as groomsmen, Jill had asked her boss to give her away. Jacob had been thrilled, if not also a little teary-eyed, at the prospect. And while Aubrey and Delilah hadn’t officially been part of the wedding party, both women had been there to lend a hand throughout the planning process and on the day of the event to help Jill get ready.

  It had easily been the happiest day of her life, and she hadn’t wanted the celebration to end. Max, too, had laughed and smiled more than she had ever seen him do, and both Finn and Jordan had whispered to Jill that she was some sort of miracle worker to have worked such wonders on their formerly grim, uptight friend.

  And she’d been delighted to meet Max’s old roommate from their boarding school days - Theo. He and his charming wife Brianna had flown over from England just for the wedding, though they’d left their three children behind with her parents so they could have some much needed alone time.

  Jill and Max had honeymooned in Europe, three wonderful, whirlwind weeks that had included stays in Paris and Zurich, though they had spent most of their time in England. As promised, Max had shown her around London, Stratford-upon-Avon, and the Cotswolds. They had also made an overnight trip to Norfolk, where Max’s former teacher Mr. Harkness had retired. Max had kept in close touch with him over the years, but the older man had been thrilled to visit with his former student in person and to see firsthand how well Max had done for himself. Jill had quietly realized that the teacher was probably the closest thing to a father her new husband had ever known, and was thankful they had made a special trip just to see him.

  She’d had the nagging suspicion for a couple of weeks that she might just possibly be pregnant. In the days leading up to the wedding she had felt a little queasy at times and definitely exhausted, but had dismissed the cause of her symptoms as stress. In addition to all of the last-minute wedding plans, she had been working longer than normal hours in order to take a three-week vacation with a clear conscience. It was only natural, she’d reasoned, to be feeling a little out of sorts after burning the candle at both ends.

  But when she’d missed a period during the first week of their honeymoon, Jill had been dismayed to realize she had also missed an appointment with her doctor to receive her quarterly Depo Provera shot. Counting backwards she had estimated that she was at least six weeks overdue for her next shot, and that she was likely at the one month mark of her pregnancy. She had bought an over-the-counter test at the local pharmacy near their Parisian hotel before sharing her suspicions with Max, but when the test had come back as positive she’d told him the news immediately.

  To say that he had been shocked at her news was an understatement. And since she had still been trying to come to grips with such an unexpected development herself, she hadn’t been able to think of what to say to ease his mind. Instead, she had given him some space, and had tried very hard not to get upset or panic when he’d abruptly announced he needed to take a walk.

  But when more than two hours had passed with no sign of Max, she’d begun to worry and fret that her news had already driven a wedge in their brand new marriage, and blamed herself for being so caught up in her job and wedding plans that she’d forgotten all about getting her birth control shot. She had thought about calling one of her friends back home for advice - Shoshana, perhaps, who would hopefully be levelheaded and reasonable, or even Jordan, who was Max’s closest friend as well as an OB/GYN and could maybe give her some advice on how to deal with her husband.

  In the end, though, she decided not to share the news of her pregnancy with anyone else just yet, not until she and Max had the opportunity to talk this thing through. She’d had a momentary panic when she worried that he might want her to terminate the pregnancy, something she could never do, and especially considering this was Max’s child she was carrying.

  She was brushing tears from her cheeks and trying not to imagine the worst when her husband had returned to their hotel suite, a rather shamefaced look on his face, and carrying several bags and bundles.

  “These are for you,” he announced, extending a beautiful bouquet of white roses. “White because - well, because we won’t know if we’re having a boy or a girl for some time, I would imagine, so this is a gender neutral color.”

  Jill had taken the bouquet tentatively, hoping against hope that this was a positive sign from him. “They’re lovely, thank you. I think there’s a vase in the kitchenette. Just let me check.”

  “In a minute. I have - that is, the rest of these things are for you, too. For you and - well, for the baby. I’ve been wandering in and out of shops, not having any idea of what one is supposed to buy his wife under the circumstances.”

  Max had sounded so anxious and uncertain that she hadn’t had the heart to scold him for worrying her by his absence, or for his less than joyful reaction to her news. Instead, she’d begun to open the half dozen bags and boxes he placed on the living room sofa.

  “I understand peppermint tea is supposed to help with nausea,” he’d explained as she had opened the first bag. “And of course it’s still very early, but rubbing Vitamin E oil on your stomach helps eliminate stretch marks. At least,” he’d added sheepishly as she had frowned at the French writing on the label, “that’s what the directions say.”

  The pale green pashmina shawl had been purchased because Max insisted it was almost the exact same color as her eyes. The box of decadent chocolate mint truffles weren’t the same brand she favored back home, but he’d hoped these would be a suitable substitute.

  The second to the last gift brought tears to her eyes, despite the resolve she’d made not to cry. She had unwrapped the adorable stuffed bunny carefully, running her hands over the ultra soft brown fur, before clutching it to her breast.

  “The baby will love it,” she’d whispered tearfully. “I already know it will be his or her favorite toy.”

  “One last gift. My way of saying I’m sorry for acting like an ass and walking out on you that way. And also for saying thank you for giving me the second greatest gift I’ve ever received - our child,” Max had murmured softly as he’d handed her the small, beautifully wrapped box.

  Jill had unwrapped it with trembling hands, the stuffed bunny still tucked under her arm. She’d gasped as she had lifted the lid on a magnificent emerald and diamond pendant suspended from a thin gold chain.

  “The emerald, of course, is darker than your eyes, but it was the closest I could get,” he’d told her as he had fastened the clasp around her neck. “I hope you like it, love. And I know mere trinkets can’t make up for my having acted like a total arse, but - ”

  She’d flung her arms around his neck then, pressing kisses along his cheek and chin before kissing him long and deep on the lips. “I love all of your so-called little trinkets,” she’d assured him softly. “But there was nothing to make up, Max. I know you were shocked by the news. I know it because I was every bit as shocked. And I know it’s awful timing, we’re on our honeymoon and I really just moved into the house, and work is going to be something of a nightmare when I get back. Not to mention the fact that neither of us knows the first thing about having a baby or being a parent, since we didn’t have anything resembling a role model growing up. So I’m just as terrified as you probably are, just as uncertain. But the one thing I do know for sure is that we’ll figure this out together. U
nlike when the two of us were born, this baby is going to be loved and cherished and treated like the most precious thing in the world. And we’re going to figure all the other stuff out together as we go along. How - how does that sound to you?” she’d finished breathlessly.

  Max had laughed in delight, picking her up and swinging her around for a moment until he’d cautiously set her back down. “I suppose I shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing, should I?” he’d asked uncertainly. “I mean, it’s probably not good for the baby.”

  “It’s fine,” Jill had assured him, placing his hand on her still-flat belly. “We’ll have to ask the doctor about all sorts of things when we return home and I can get an appointment. Or would you rather we have Jordan deliver our baby? Frankly, I’m not all that crazy about my current OB/GYN so maybe it’s a good time to make a change.”

  “I think Jordan would be quite offended if we didn’t ask him to be your doctor,” Max had replied, and then smiled thoughtfully. “It just occurred to me that even though I was the last of our trio to tie the knot I’ll be the first one to be a father. Finn will have something to say about that, of course.”

  “Of course he will,” she’d agreed, grinning. “Probably something along the lines of how you knocked me up before putting the ring on my finger. That sounds like something Finn would say.”

  “Actually,” he’d corrected, “I believe Finn - Jordan, too - are going to be more than a little envious that we beat both of them to the punch by getting pregnant first.”

  “So everything is okay, then?” she’d asked worriedly. “I mean, it’s still going to take both of us a few days to get used to the idea of being parents, but overall you’re - ”

  “A very, very happy man,” Max had told her firmly. “And while I have absolutely no idea of what being a father involves, I do know that I’m going to dedicate myself to finding out.” He had kissed her, then hugged her tight. “I love you, Jill, With every breath in my body. And I will love our baby equally as much, and be the best father I can possibly be.”