Message, which she will scarcely take amiss.
But if I may advise you, do your best
To drive this fruitless passion from your breast.
Farewell.
ERGASTE
(To Valère:)
What a perfect dupe!
SGANARELLE
(Alone:)
It makes me sad
To see the anguish of this lovesick lad;
’Twas his misfortune to suppose that he
Could storm a fortress long since won by me.
Scene 7
Sganarelle, Isabelle.
SGANARELLE
Never did any swain so hang his head
To see his billet-doux come back unread.
He’s lost all hope, and will no longer woo you,
But begs me to convey this message to you:
That in his passion, he never entertained
A thought by which your honor might be pained,
And that the one thing he desired of life
Was that he might obtain you for his wife,
Till fate obstructed his desire, revealing
That you were bound to me by tenderest feeling;
That, whatsoever happens, you must not
Think that your charms will ever be forgot;
That, let the heavens treat him as they may,
His fate’s to love you till his dying day;
And that my merits, of which he stands in awe,
Are the sole cause which leads him to withdraw.
Those are his touching words; I cannot hate him;
He’s a decent fellow, and I commiserate him.
ISABELLE
(Aside:)
Those sweet words but confirm my heart’s surmise;
I read his pure intentions in his eyes.
SGANARELLE
Eh? What did you say?
ISABELLE
I said that I’m distressed
To hear you pity a man I so detest,
And that, if you truly loved me, you would share
My rage at the affronts he’s made me bear.
SGANARELLE
But he didn’t know, dear, that your heart was mine;
And his intentions were so pure and fine
That one can hardly—
ISABELLE
Is it well-intended, pray,
To seize a person, and carry her away?
Would a man of honor think it a noble course
To snatch me from you, and marry me by force?
As if I were the kind of girl who could
Survive such insults to her maidenhood!
SGANARELLE
Do you mean to tell me—
ISABELLE
Yes; this brutish lover
Talks of abducting me, I now discover.
I don’t know by what secret means he can
Have learned so very quickly of your plan
To marry me within a week or so,
Since only yesterday you let me know;
But he intends to strike at once, I find,
Before our loves and fates can be combined.
SGANARELLE
Well, this is bad indeed.
ISABELLE
Oh, no! I’m sure
He’s a decent fellow, whose aims are fine and pure!
SGANARELLE
This is no joke; he’s wrong in the extreme.
ISABELLE
Your mildness prompts him to this madcap scheme.
If you’d been harsh with him just now, he would
Have feared your wrath and mine, and stopped for good;
But even after his letter was returned
He hatched the shocking plot of which I’ve learned,
Convinced in spite of all, it would appear,
That in my heart of hearts I hold him dear,
That I am loath to wed you, and cannot wait
For him to free me from my captive state.
SGANARELLE
He’s mad.
ISABELLE
With you, he knows how to disguise
His feelings, and pull the wool over your eyes.
But his fair words make sport of you, believe me.
It does, I’m forced to tell you, deeply grieve me
That after all I’ve done, for honor’s sake,
To balk the vile advances of this rake,
I still must find myself exposed to these
Shameful designs and base conspiracies!
SGANARELLE
There, there; don’t worry.
ISABELLE
I swear, if you do not
Rebuke him fiercely for this impudent plot,
And find a way to put a stop at once
To this bold rogue’s continual affronts,
I shall embrace some desperate solution
And, once for all, escape his persecution.
SGANARELLE
Come, come, my little dear, don’t fret and frown;
I’ll go at once and give him a dressing-down.
ISABELLE
Tell him it’s useless to play innocent,
That I’ve been fully informed of his intent,
And that, whatever he may now devise,
I challenge him to take me by surprise;
Tell him he wastes his time, and urge him to
Remember what my feelings are toward you;
And add that, lest he pay a bitter price,
He’d best not wait for me to warn him twice.
SGANARELLE
I’ll say what’s needful.
ISABELLE
Show him I mean all this
By speaking it with gravest emphasis.
SGANARELLE
Yes, yes, I’ll say it all, and I’ll be stern.
ISABELLE
I’ll wait impatiently for your return.
Please hasten back to me with all your might:
I’m desolate when you are out of sight.
SGANARELLE
Fear not, I’ll soon be back with you, my sweet.
(Alone:)
Was ever a girl more prudent, more discreet?
How happy I am! How fortunate to find
A wife so suited to my heart and mind!
Yes, that is how our women ought to be—
Not like some wives I know, whose coquetry
And bold amours have managed to embarrass
Their wretched mates before the whole of Paris.
(Knocking at Valère’s door:)
Ho there, my fine and enterprising swain!
Scene 8
Valère, Sganarelle, Ergaste.
VALÈRE
What brings you back, sir?
SGANARELLE
Your follies, once again.
VALÈRE
What?
SGANARELLE
Come, you understand my reference.
Frankly, I thought that you had better sense.
You’ve hoaxed me with fine speeches, and continue
To harbor vain and foolish hopes within you.
I’ve wished to treat you gently, but—see here—
If this goes on, my rage will be severe.
Aren’t you ashamed that you, a gentleman,
Should stoop to such skullduggery, should plan
To abduct a decent girl, and cheat her of
A marriage which would bring her joy and love?
VALÈRE
Sir, where did you hear this curious news? Do tell.
SGANARELLE
Let’s not dissemble: My source is Isabelle,
Who for the last time tells you, through my voice,
That she’s informed you plainly of her choice;
That she’s mine, and hates this plot that you’ve devised;
That she’d rather die than be thus compromised,
And that there will be dire results, unless
You put an end to all this foolishness.
VALÈRE
If that is truly what she said, it seems
That t
here’s no future for my ardent dreams:
Those plain words tell me I must yield at last
And bow before the sentence she has passed.
SGANARELLE
If? Do you doubt, then, that they came from her,
These words I’ve brought you as her messenger?
Would you care to hear them from her lips? I’m quite
Prepared to allow it, just to set you right.
Follow me, then, and learn from her directly
Whom she prefers, and if I spoke correctly.
Scene 9
Isabelle, Sganarelle, Valère.
ISABELLE
You’ve brought him here—to me? With what design?
Have you taken his side, and forsaken mine?
Have his merits charmed you so that I’m to be
Compelled to love him, and bear his company?
SGANARELLE
Ah, no. I’d never give you up, my precious.
But he thinks that my reports were meretricious,
That I falsified your feelings when I stated
That you were fond of me, and he was hated;
Therefore I’d have you speak to him, and dispose
Of this delusion on which his hopes repose.
ISABELLE
(To Valère:)
What! When I’ve bared my whole soul to your eyes,
Can you still doubt where my affection lies?
VALÈRE
Madam, this gentleman’s reports were such,
I own, as to surprise me very much:
Frankly, I doubted them; and this last decree,
Which sentences my heart to misery,
So stuns me that I dare request of you
That you repeat those words, if they were true.
ISABELLE
No sentence that I’ve passed should have surprised you:
Of what I feel, my plain words have advised you,
But since my judgments had both truth and strength
I don’t mind stating them at greater length.
Yes, hear me, gentlemen, and believe me, too:
Fate here presents two objects to my view
Who agitate my heart with sentiments
Quite different, though equally intense.
The first, whom honor bids me choose, I deem
Worthy of all my love, all my esteem;
The other one’s affection gains from me
All my resentment and antipathy.
The presence of the first is dear and sweet,
And makes my soul’s felicity complete;
As for the other, my heart is seized by grim
Hatred and horror at the sight of him.
The first I long to marry, while if I
Were forced to wed the other, I’d wish to die.
But I’ve now said enough of what I feel,
And borne too long the pains of this ordeal;
It’s time for him I love to terminate
Decisively the hopes of him I hate,
And by a happy marriage deliver me
From torments worse than death itself could be.
SGANARELLE
There, there: I’ll grant your wishes, little one.
ISABELLE
I’ll have no happiness till that is done.
SGANARELLE
You’ll soon be happy.
ISABELLE
It’s scandalous, I know,
For a young girl to declare her passions so.
SGANARELLE
No, no.
ISABELLE
Yet in my present state of strain
I take the liberty of being plain,
And cannot blush for the fervent things I’ve said
Of one to whom I feel already wed.
SGANARELLE
Of course not, sweetest angel, dearest dear.
ISABELLE
Let him now prove his love at last.
SGANARELLE
Yes—here—
Come kiss my hand.
ISABELLE
Let him delay no more,
But speed the nuptial day I’m yearning for,
And take my promise now that none but he
Shall ever speak his marriage vows to me.
(She pretends to embrace Sganarelle, and gives Valère her hand to kiss.)
SGANARELLE
Haha, my pretty duck, my pussycat!
You shall not pine for long, I promise that:
There, now! (To Valère) You see, she cares for me alone.
I didn’t prompt her; those words were all her own.
VALÈRE
Well, madam, you’ve made your feelings clear indeed:
I grasp your wishes, and shall pay them heed.
I’ll rid you very soon, you may be sure,
Of him whose presence you can not endure.
ISABELLE
Do so, and I’ll be infinitely grateful;
For merely to behold him is so hateful,
So insupportable, so odious—
SGANARELLE
Now, now.
ISABELLE
I offend you, then, by speaking thus?
SGANARELLE
Oh, mercy, not in the least. But I confess
I feel some pity for the man’s distress;
You put your adverse feelings too severely.
ISABELLE
At a time like this, they can’t be put too clearly.
VALÈRE
Well, I’ll oblige you. In three days from this date
You’ll see no more the object of your hate.
ISABELLE
Thank Heaven. Farewell.
SGANARELLE
(To Valère:)
I’m sorry for your pain,
But—
VALÈRE
No, you’ll not hear me whimper or complain:
In judging us, Madame’s been most judicious,
And I’ll now strive to gratify her wishes.
Farewell.
SGANARELLE
Poor lad, he’s utterly undone.
Come, I’m her other self; embrace me, son.
(He embraces Valère.)
Scene 10
Isabelle, Sganarelle.
SGANARELLE
He’s much to be pitied.
ISABELLE
I feel no such emotion.
SGANARELLE
In any case, I’m touched by your devotion,
My sweet, and it deserves some recompense:
A week’s too long to keep you in suspense;
Tomorrow, then, shall be our wedding day.
ISABELLE
Tomorrow?
SGANARELLE
From modesty, you feign dismay,
But I well know what joy my words created,
And that you wish we were already mated.
ISABELLE
But—
SGANARELLE
Let’s prepare for the wedding; come, be quick.
ISABELLE
(Aside:)
Inspire me, Heaven! I need another trick.
Act Three
Scene 1
Isabelle.
ISABELLE
(Alone:)
Yes, death is far less dire to contemplate
Than a forced marriage to an unloved mate,
And I should not be censured, but forgiven
For any subterfuge to which I’m driven.
Time passes; night has fallen; I now must dare
To trust my fate and fortune to Valère.
Scene 2
Sganarelle, Isabelle.
SGANARELLE
(Enters, muttering to himself:)
That’s done. Tomorrow, when the magistrate—
ISABELLE
Oh, Heaven!
SGANARELLE
Is it you, dear? Where are you going so late?
You told me, when I left, that you desired
To go to your chamber, being a little tired;
You even begged that I, upon returning,
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Would not disturb you till tomorrow morning.
ISABELLE
That’s true, but—
SGANARELLE
Yes?
ISABELLE
You see my hesitation;
I fear that you won’t like the explanation.
SGANARELLE
Come, tell me.
ISABELLE
You’ll be amazed. The reason for
My going out is sister Léonor;
She’s borrowed my chamber, which she means to use
As part of a disreputable ruse.
School for Husbands and the Imaginary Cuckold, or Sganarelle Page 5
