Derek (Hunter PI & Security #1)

by Sharon Cummin

  She parked her car and got out. I hadn't even closed my door yet, and she was already starting on me.

  “What did you do, Derek?” she asked with a look of worry on her face. “I can't imagine what you wanted to come out here to tell me. If you think I'm fucking you in broad daylight, you've got another.”

  My hand went up to cover her mouth before she could even finish her sentence.

  “Stop,” I said. “Do not make me sound like some asshole. Do you hear me?”

  She nodded from behind my hand, but I didn't move it.

  “I need you to stay quiet until I'm done,” I said. “Can you please do that?”

  “Yes,” she said from behind my hand.

  “Promise you won't say anything,” I said. “I know you're going to want to.”

  “I promise,” she said.

  I slowly took my hand away from her mouth. Then I grabbed her around the waist and set her on the hood of her car. When I took a step back, I wanted to take her look of worry away. I wanted her to feel safe, to know that he'd never hurt her. I couldn't wait to tell her that she had nothing to worry about, not ever. The one fucker that had touched her and gave her the fear she'd been living with would never be able to touch her again.

  When I opened my mouth and began speaking, I was sure that when I was done, relief was going to have replaced her worry. I thought a weight would be lifted from her shoulders. The one thing I never saw coming was that another weight, one so much bigger than the one before, would take its place, and I instantly regretted my decision to tell her what I'd found.

  Chapter 42

  Bridget

  “Please don't be mad,” is the first thing he says after he makes me promise not to talk.

  Was he serious? You can't say don't be mad to someone and not expect them to automatically put their guard up.

  “Derek,” I said, immediately feeling defensive.

  “Shhh,” he said. “Just listen.”

  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing.

  “I know you asked me not to,” he said, and my whole body went stiff wondering what he'd done. “You asked me to drop it, but I couldn't do it. When I thought about that fucker touching you when you didn't want him to, it got me. I let it go for you, but I couldn't do it anymore. Each day, that feeling I had turned even more into anger. He shouldn't have done that to you. Knowing that what he did still hurts you today made it even worse.”

  “You didn't,” I snapped. “Please tell me you didn't. It's in the fucking past, Derek. If you did something stupid, I'm going kick your ass. Do you hear me? If you did something that will take you away from Jenny, I will never forgive myself or Doug.”

  “Stop,” he said harshly. “I don't want to hear Doug's name again. He shouldn't be the one always protecting you. I didn't do anything stupid. That's why I'm telling you.”

  “What?” I asked, feeling a tiny bit better and feeling my body beginning to relax. “You looked for him.”

  “I did,” he said.

  “You found him?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he answered. “We found him.”

  “We,” I snapped, immediately feeling defensive again. “Who is we, Derek?”

  “Drake,” he said.

  The second he said it, my head fell into my hands.

  “It's not what you think,” he said. “He knows nothing about you and the asshole except that you dated in college.”

  “Why?” I asked. “Why would you get your brother involved?”

  “Because I needed his help,” he said. “I'm good at what I do. I can follow, sneak up on, and kick some ass. The original finding of them is what he's strongest at. Crazy that I taught his ass and he blows me away at it.”

  When I narrowed my eyes at him, I could tell he was so damn nervous. I'd never seen the man stumble with his words, not ever.

  “Sorry,” he said. “He's in jail, Bridget. He'll be there for the rest of his life. He can never find you, and most importantly, he can never hurt you again.”

  My entire body relaxed. I took a huge breath in and released it slowly.

  “Forever,” I said.

  “Forever,” he said.

  When I looked up into his eyes, there was relief in them. It was the same relief I knew I had in my own. I was pissed that he'd gone against what I'd asked. At the same time, it felt good knowing he cared enough to go looking, even though he had no idea what he was going to find or what might happen when he found it. Then something hit me, and I had to ask.

  “Why is he in jail?” I asked.

  “For murder,” he said.

  “He killed someone,” I said. “That can't be. He wouldn't do that, would he?”

  I looked up at him and saw him looking at me with concern in his eyes.

  “Please don't think I was dating some crazy man,” I said. “It wasn't like that. When I met him, he was so sweet. Everything was perfect. We saw each other often. He took me out to dinner and the movies. Things were good. When he came over drunk one night, he was like a different person. The next day, he said he was sorry, that it was an accident. He said that he didn't mean it and promised it would never happen again. I believed him. I know what you're thinking.”

  “I'm not thinking anything,” Derek said.

  “I gave him another chance,” I continued on. “That was the biggest mistake of my life. Things were fine for a couple of weeks. Then it happened. He showed up, at two o'clock in the morning, banging the shit out of my door. I was half asleep when I let him, and he went off on me. He was drunk and was accusing me of cheating on him. I honestly don't know who it was he even thought I was with. When he hit me, I was afraid, but I thought it was going to be like the time before. I thought he was going to leave. When he came at me after that, he was yelling at me. He was telling me that I was his and no other man was going to touch me. I fought him, but he hit me again. Then he took his aggressiveness up a notch and forced himself on me. I was so damn scared. The more I fought, the more it hurt, so I stopped fighting. Believe me, I didn't in any way act like I wanted to be with him. I just stayed still until he was done, until I could get away from him. He passed out right after. The asshole was in my bed. I cried harder than I'd ever cried before.”

  I took a huge breath in before continuing.

  “When he woke up, he acted as if nothing had happened. When he came toward me, I flinched. He fell to his knees and promised that he'd never hit me again. It was as if the other things he'd done hadn't even mattered. I wasn't sure if he didn't think if was wrong or if he didn't even realize he'd done it. I played it off until he left. When he was gone, I thought about what had happened. I knew I didn't want it to happen again. When I walked into my class that day, Gabe was there. I played the bruise off like it was nothing, just like I had the last time. He'd known who I was dating, we'd talked during class before. That day was the last time I saw the guy. He'd sent me messages during the day and even that night. Then they stopped, and I was so relieved. I just wanted it to be over. That was all I wanted. I heard from a girl that worked with him that someone had beat the shit out of him, like beat him within an inch of his life. He never pressed charges or anything, and I never saw him again. When I found out who it was, things sort of fell into place. He didn't press charges because he was afraid of what would happen to him if he did. That was why he'd dropped it. Since I wanted to move on, I dropped it too. He was gone, and that was all that mattered to me.”

  I could see Derek's fists clenched at his sides and reached out to pull him closer. My arms wrapped around his waist and my head fell forward against his chest.

  “Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate what you did, but if you ever do anything like that again, I will kick your ass myself.”

  He pulled back a bit and lifted my chin so I was looking at him.

  “Seriously,” he said.

  “You have a little girl. She's what matters,” I said.

  “What about you?” he asked.

  “I'
m just fine,” I said. “I don't need you risking anything for me. I'm not what's important.”

  “But it's okay for Doug to take care of you,” he said.

  “I don't need taken care of, Derek,” I said. “That's not at all what I need.”

  “What do you need?” he asked.

  I shook my head knowing he'd never be the one to give me what I needed. My mind went back to that silly conversation about moving. It was the dumbest thing, but it stuck with me. We were two different people looking for two very different things. He wanted a friend. He didn't want a relationship. I wanted more than a friend. I wanted a man that was willing, no matter what, to let his feelings be known. If he loved me, no matter where we were or what we were doing, he wouldn't be afraid to say it. He'd take me in his arms and claim me as his in front of everyone. That was the kind of man I wanted. I honestly wasn't sure what I needed, but I definitely knew what I wanted. If I ever found that kind of love, I wouldn't deny it. I'd stand right there and claim that man as mine too. Nothing would stop me. Life was too short to keep those three words to myself again. I'd been too afraid to say them once, I wouldn't make that same mistake twice.

  I slid off the hood of my car and turned to walk toward my door. When I stopped and turned back toward him, I knew there was one more thing I wanted to know.

  “Who did he kill?” I asked.

  Derek looked at me, but he didn't answer. I could see something register in his features, but I wasn't sure what it was.

  “Derek,” I said. “Who was it?”

  That was the moment I saw regret in his eyes.

  “Who?” I snapped.

  “His girlfriend,” he said.

  Before I even realized those two words had sunk in, my knees had given out, and I'd gone down. He moved fast, and I felt him catch me before I hit the ground. When I opened my eyes again, he was sitting in the grass, and I was in his arms.

  “It's okay,” I heard him whisper, as I looked at the open field around us.

  His hand was on my hair, and he was running his fingers through it over and over.

  “He killed his girlfriend,” I heard my words, but they didn't sound like they were coming from me. “Did he hurt her in another way too?”

  “No,” he said. “Everything we found said that he was drunk, they'd had an argument, and he beat her.”

  “Shit!” I heard myself say. “He could have killed me.”

  “He didn't,” Derek said softly.

  The big, tough, demanding man I knew was gone, and a caring, sweet, soft man had taken his place.

  “I should have known,” I whispered.

  “You didn't,” he said.

  That was when it hit me.

  “Neither did she,” I said, as I sat up quickly in his arms. “She didn't know, and she should have.”

  Derek had a confused look on his face.

  “This is my fault,” I said.

  I tried to pull out of his hold, but the tough guy was back, and there was no way I was getting away from him.

  “How is this your fault?” he asked. “There's no way it is. It's that asshole's fault. He's totally to blame. How can you even say that?”

  “I was worried about me,” I said. “I was selfish. He was gone, and I was happy. I kept it to myself. I kept everything to myself.”

  When I moved to get up again, he held me even tighter.

  “Let go of me,” I snapped, and he did instantly.

  I knew he wasn't going to hurt me, but I needed out of his arms in that moment. When I got to my feet, he was right there with me, but he kept a little distance between us, the perfect amount. He wasn't touching me, but he was close enough for me to know he was there if I needed him.

  “Don't you get it,” I yelled out. “If I had gone to the police, she might not be dead. Nobody pushed me to go. They'd beat his ass. Doug had beat his ass. It was over as far as they were concerned. If I'd gone to the police, he would have gone to jail. Gabe and the other two thought what they'd done was more than enough to take care of him. They didn't think he'd end up in jail for hitting me. They didn't know the truth. They didn't know the whole story. I was the only one that knew, and I didn't go. He could have gone to jail. What if they would have put him away or done something to get him help? What if she never would have met him because of that? What if it would have saved her?”

  “Shit!” I heard him hiss through clenched teeth. “I'm so sorry.”

  He stepped forward, but I matched his step moving backward.

  “I was worried about me, Derek,” I shouted. “I didn't want people to look at me like a victim, but they did anyway. The three people that knew have always looked at me that way. I didn't want everyone else to look at me that way too. Shit! I was being selfish. I didn't say anything, and I should have. What if I could have stopped this?”

  “You couldn't have stopped this,” Derek said. “Listen to me. If that man was that mean and destructive, you couldn't have stopped him.”

  “He was my boyfriend,” I said. “I trusted him. I honestly thought they'd just play it off as me being mad at him for hitting me. I didn't think anyone would have believed me, and they still would have looked at me differently. I was worried about me when I should have been worried about the next woman he was with. Not for one second did I think he would hurt someone else.”

  “You were young, Bridget,” he said, as he slowly stepped forward. “You were still a damn teenager. You can't blame yourself for what he did. Shit! If I thought for one second this was how you would have taken it, I wouldn't have told you. I thought you'd feel better. I thought you'd feel less nervous. I thought it would help.”

  When he wrapped his arms around me, I let him. I didn't pull away.

  “Don't you get it,” I cried out, as I smacked at the hard chest in front of me. “Knowing that he's gone doesn't matter. I'm not afraid he'll come back. I'm not afraid he'll hurt me again. It's not him I'm afraid of.”

  “Then what are you afraid of?” he asked, not even trying to stop my hands from hitting him, which I knew he could have done in a second. “I see it every fucking time any man comes near you, any man but me that is, and Doug too. If it's not him you're afraid of, then what is it?”

  “I'm afraid of myself,” I shouted. “I was the one that trusted him. I was the one that didn't see him for who he was. I thought he was a good guy. When it happened the first time, I honestly thought it was a mistake, that he didn't mean it. I was the one that went back for more. I should have seen through the bullshit. I should have known he was going to do it again. He was a nice guy when I met him, just like any other nice guy out there, and I believed his lies. Do you know what the means? It means that it can happen again. It means that any guy can be like him. It means that I can get hurt again, even it it's not him.”

  “Bridget,” he whispered, as she pulled my head against his chest and leaned his chin on top of it. “I'm so sorry. I thought I was helping. I thought I was doing the right thing. Not for one second did I think that you'd blame yourself. All I thought about was helping you to feel better. I thought him being gone would give you some relief. I never meant to make things worse for you.”

  “I asked you to let it go,” I yelled into his chest, as my hands clenched his shirt so damn tight in them. “Why couldn't you fucking listen to me? Why doesn't anyone listen to me? Why does everyone think they know what's best for me? First Gabe, then Gabby and Doug, and now you. Can't any of you fucking let me live? Why is it so hard for all of you? I'm not going to fucking break. I thought you were different, but you're just like the rest of them. Poor Bridget. She can't survive on her own. Let's all save her. I don't need taken care of. I don't need protection. I don't fucking need to be saved.”

  “What do you need?” he asked in a wobbly tone. “Tell me what you need.”

  “What I need, you'll never be able to give me,” was all I said, as I pushed out of his arms, walked to my car, got in, and drove away.

  I couldn't even go to my s
pot, the one I'd go to when I needed to get away from everything else. I didn't even have that to myself anymore.

  When I pulled into the driveway, I saw Doug's car and let out a loud breath. I walked into the house, up the stairs, and to my room. Then I stripped off all of my clothes, turned on the hot bath, and sunk down into the water. My phone was dinging over and over again from the counter, and I heard Doug knocking on my door, but I didn't answer, and I didn't plan to. I needed some time to myself. I needed to think about everything that had just happened.

  As I leaned my head back against the edge of my tub, of Gabe's tub, I realized that I was a mess. I was blaming myself for someone's death, and I wasn't the one that had killed them. Yes, I should have come forward, but I was a teenager, and I wasn't sure they would have believed me. I was scared, and I was wrong. I should have been brave enough to do it. Not for one second did I think it could have helped someone. Then I thought about Gabe and the way he'd always treated me like I might break at any moment. I knew he did it because he cared. That was the only thing he knew to do to help me. He was young too. Then I thought about my baby boy, our baby boy, and how I wanted to give him the best life I could. Then my thoughts went to Doug and Gabby. Was Derek right? Were they taking care of me? Then I thought about Derek and how I'd just walked away from him. Was he just like the rest of them, or was he different? He wasn't trying to hurt me, I knew that. He was trying to help. When I'd stood there, smacking his chest, he didn't stop me. I knew damn well he could have, but he didn't. He let me pour my heart out, and he never judged me for what I'd said. At least I didn't think he did. I guess I didn't stick around to find out. Why had he done it? Why didn't he do as I'd asked and let it go? Why was he trying to take care of me too?

  I stared up at the ceiling for a long time before I realized that I was still giving that asshole that hurt me the power he needed to do it over and over again, and he didn't even know it. I let him hurt me every single time I flinched or got nervous around a guy. I let him hurt me as I fell to the ground blaming myself for that woman's death. I let him hurt me in every relationship I had. When Gabe, Doug, and Gabby treated me like I was going to break, I let them. I'd even let that asshole hurt my friendship with Derek, who'd just tried to help in the only he knew how, and I walked away from him. He'd gone out of his way for me, and not only did I smack at him and yell at him, but I'd left him standing there. I was done. I wasn't going to let it happen anymore. I was going to take my life back. That fucker wasn't going to hurt me anymore.