Shattered Hope

by D. M. Turner

  “What’s wrong, honey?” He sat beside her.

  She swiped away moisture with her fingertips and kept her gaze averted from his. “I’m sorry.”

  Surprised, he ran a hand through his hair and frowned. “What in the world for?”

  “The way I acted earlier.”

  The only thing she’d done earlier was wake him up with the wolf’s yellow eyes peering through hers and set him on fire with some mighty intense lovemaking. Certainly not something to apologize for. She could do that to him all she wanted, anytime. Graham shook his head. “I must be missing something, because I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “I was too aggressive,” she muttered, her chin tucking close to her chest.

  Huh? “That didn’t bother me a bit. Why is it bothering you?”

  Donna shook her head and turned her face further away. As though ashamed.

  Concern increased. He cupped her chin and gently drew her gaze up and around to his. “Talk to me, honey. Please. Don’t shut me out. I can’t read your mind. I love you. Nothing you tell me will change that.”

  Doubt flashed through her eyes. She sighed and shifted her gaze over his shoulder. “I woke up with my mother’s voice running through my head.”

  In the months they’d been married, she hadn’t said much about her mother. The woman had been a drug addict who killed herself when her son and daughter had gone missing the previous fall. That was the extent of what he knew. “What was she saying?”

  A long silence passed before she whispered, “What a whore I am.”

  “What?” He could hardly breathe. Why would a woman say such a thing about her own daughter? “Why did she accuse you of something like that?”

  “She caught her boyfriend in bed with me.”

  Nausea churned his stomach. “How old were you?”

  “Twelve.” She closed her eyes, but not before he detected the glint of tears. “He told her I seduced him. She believed him.” Her eyes opened and widened. Pleading filled them, even as tears spilled. “He was lying. I swear, I didn’t—”

  He covered her mouth gently with a hand. “The only reason an adult ends up in bed with a child is because he’s a perverted scumbag who needs to be castrated.”

  Relief crossed her face, but only for a moment. She looked away again and more guilt appeared. “He wasn’t the only one.”

  Much more, and he’d have to empty his stomach. How much had she truly been through? “Tell me,” he urged as gently as he could manage despite rising anger.

  “I was nine when the first one came into my room. At first, he just… touched me. He got bolder over time. He’d wait until Mom was too high, stoned, or drunk to notice and slip into my room.” Tears flowed freely. “I couldn’t fight him. He was too strong. I tried to scream when he raped me, but he put a pillow over my face and threatened to kill me if I made a sound.”

  If I ever find out who he was, I’ll kill him. No child should ever have to endure such abuse. Graham tamped down his anger, afraid she’d smell it and think he was mad at her. “It wasn’t your fault. Your mother left you at the mercy of a piece of trash who didn’t deserve to breathe the same air, much less be under the same roof. They are to blame for what happened. Not you.”

  Lord, right now, as hateful as it may sound, I’m glad her mother’s dead. Otherwise, I’d be tempted to tell her right to her face what I think of her.

  “Not too long after Mom caught the one, they realized I was pregnant by him.” A sob rattled her. “She accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to steal her boyfriend.”

  He scowled. He couldn’t help it. “You were a twelve-year-old child, not a femme fatale.”

  “It didn’t matter. I was female and, therefore, competition for her man.”

  “What did she do about your pregnancy?”

  “She demanded he take care of it.” Donna curled up even tighter if that were possible, hunching down behind her knees like she wanted to disappear. “He hauled me to a clinic, claimed to be my stepfather, and told them I was pregnant by some boy in the neighborhood I’d been hooking up with. They didn’t even ask me if any of it was true. When they took me into a room alone, I told them he wasn’t my stepfather and I didn’t want to be there. The nurse ignored me and jabbed me with a needle. When I woke up, they’d killed my baby. They sent me home with him.”

  Fury rolled through Graham that he couldn’t possibly hide. Great. Further abuse her and send her home with her rapist. Lovely. People like that should be taken out and shot.

  “I felt so empty and broken.” Her whole body shook as sobs rolled out one after another.

  He shifted closer and pulled her into his arms, cradling her as she cried. Oh, God, I wish I could go back and protect her from all of that. I’m tempted to ask why You allowed it, but I already know the answer. We live in a despicable, sinful world, and You won’t interfere with free will, even when it means harm to an innocent. Help both of us understand why You allowed such horrid things in her life.

  When Donna fell still and silent except for sniffles, he kissed the top of her head. “Your mother deflected blame for her shortcomings onto you, so she wouldn’t have to face the fact she was a lousy mother. Don’t let her get away with it. You deserve better.”

  She straightened enough to look into his face. “I meant what I said though. I didn’t intend to be so… aggressive.”

  He grinned. “Hey, did I ever complain?”

  Half-smiling, she wiped tears from her face. “No.”

  Graham cupped her cheek and paused until her gaze met his. “Trust me. I’m secure enough in my manhood that I’m not threatened by a wife who comes just short of attacking me for sex. You’ll never hear me complain, believe me.”

  A smile didn’t mask her doubt. “Are you sure I didn’t offend you? You’re not just being nice so you don’t hurt my feelings, are you?”

  He gently nuzzled her nose. “Honey, you can jump my bones anytime you like. Nothing turns a rational man on more than knowing his wife desires him.”

  She laughed softly. “I’ll try to remember that.”

  * * *

  Relief coursed through every inch of Donna’s body. Graham didn’t blame her for what had happened. Any of it. In fact, the warm smile on his face and lighting his hazel eyes assured her that he’d meant what he said—he still loved her despite it all. She leaned her forehead against his and closed her eyes. Lord, thank you for bringing this man into my life.

  She smiled then laughed softly.

  Graham eased away with a puzzled frown. “What’s funny?”

  “Months ago, right after I was Turned, Tanya asked if I felt being a werewolf was a blessing. Considering how it helped Tommy, I didn’t see it as an entirely bad thing, but I didn’t think much about what it meant for me personally.”

  “And now?”

  “Being a wolf isn’t always easy, and it’s meant a lot of adjustments to my life. But… if someone offered a chance to go back and undo what was done to me, I wouldn’t take it. Through all that’s happened in the last year, God gave me you.” She shook her head. “I was… terrified when Tanya told me I had to take a mate.”

  “Considering the men you’ve known, I don’t blame you. Between your mother’s boyfriends and the scumbag who Turned you, you must’ve thought men were pure evil.”

  “You’re not far off in some ways.” She smiled. “But from the moment I met you, I just… knew, deep inside, that you wouldn’t hurt me. That you were different from the others.” A soft chuckle shook her. “I have to appreciate the irony of me finding human men so threatening and a werewolf comforting, especially after a werewolf almost killed me.”

  “That doesn’t strike me as particularly funny.” He gave her a puzzled look. Then he shook his head with a faint smile. “As long as I get to see that beautiful smile, I’m happy. No matter what weird thought process puts it there.”

  Donna smiled and cuddled against him. She should think about making breakfast. They
could use something to eat. No sooner was she settled and relaxed than a familiar ache started to build deep inside. Already? Good grief. Maybe food could wait…. “How long does a heat last?”

  “A few days.” He shrugged. “I’m not sure how many exactly.”

  Days? Oh, boy. “You know what?”

  “Hm?” He nuzzled the side of her head and kissed her temple.

  “I was going to ask if you wanted me to make some breakfast, but my stomach has been overruled.”

  “Really?” He tilted his head to look at her and grinned.

  “Mmhm.” She cocked her head, mimicking his posture, and returned his grin. “So, what are you gonna do about it?”

  His grin widened. He scooped her into his arms, climbed to his feet, and headed to the bedroom, all in one smooth motion.

  “Um, when’s Tommy supposed to be home?” she asked as he carried her down the hall.

  “He’s staying with Ian until I go back to work.” He lowered her feet to the floor beside their bed and reached for the belt on her robe. “It’s just you and me for the next week and a half.”

  She could handle that.

  Chapter 3

  Gentle Care Medical Clinic

  Flagstaff, Arizona

  Friday, October 21, 2016

  PARKED on the exam table, Donna stared at the door, increasingly impatient. What was taking so long? She glanced at her watch. Had she only been sitting there five minutes? For real? Good grief. How could five minutes feel like hours? Maybe she shouldn’t have come.

  Jeremy, the doctor in the pack, probably had a boatload of real patients needing his attention. Human patients who actually got sick. Donna wasn’t sick and might be wasting his time. No wonder the nurse had given her such a dirty look when she’d refused to disclose her reason for making the appointment. The woman had probably known there wasn’t a thing wrong with her. But the suspense was driving Donna crazy. She couldn’t wait anymore.

  A tap on the door a moment before it opened startled her. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and plastered on a smile.

  Jeremy came in, his gaze on the file in his hand, his brow furrowed. When he glanced up, confusion remained. He closed the door then crossed his arms loosely over the file, holding it to his chest. A small, distracted smile appeared. “What can I do for you?”

  “I’m sorry.” She shook her head and hopped off the table. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sure you have a lot of truly sick patients who need to see you.”

  “Plenty, mostly summer colds and allergies.” He waved her into a chair and dropped onto a rolling stool. “What’s on your mind?”

  Donna hesitated then settled on the edge of the seat. “Well, I wondered….” Just say it. I’m sure he’s heard far more stupid questions. “Do at-home pregnancy tests work on wolves?”

  His brows shot up then he chuckled. “Uh, I have no idea.”

  “Oh.” She sighed and lowered her shoulders.

  “Do you think you might be pregnant? Or is this for someone else?”

  “I guess… maybe… I’m just… hoping I am. The truth is, I felt… odd last night. When I Shifted for the full moon, I just felt… different.” She grimaced. “I’m sorry. I’m not sure how to explain it.”

  “Are you sick? Having any symptoms?”

  “No. I feel fine. Anxious, but fine.”

  “Well, I know one way for certain to tell. Hopefully ease your anxiety.”

  Hope flitted through her. “Oh?”

  He nodded. “Would you like me to do an ultrasound, see what we see?”

  “Do you have time?”

  “Sure.” Jeremy got up and opened the door, holding it wide. “Come with me. The equipment’s in another room.”

  Donna hopped up and followed him.

  He closed the door behind them and pointed to the exam table but kept his eyes on the machine he rolled away from the wall. “Undo your jeans and lie down. This won’t take any time at all.”

  She did as he asked and laid back, pulling her shirt up to her ribs to get it out of the way. Just breathe. Being a nervous wreck won’t change the outcome one bit.

  “This gel will be cold.” He cast her a brief apologetic smile.

  She gasped as the thick, icy fluid hit her skin. “You weren’t kidding.”

  He chuckled then rolled the probe across her skin, at first to spread the gel, then with his gaze on the monitor. Shadowy shapes rolled through blackness. None of it made sense. How did doctors look at those things and identify anything? His intense focus began to worry her.

  After an eternity, he hit a button on the monitor then glanced at her and smiled. “Well, that answers that.” He pointed to a spot. “See that?”

  She nodded, though all she saw was another shadow and more blackness.

  “That’s your baby.” Jeremy’s smile widened. “You’re definitely pregnant. I’d say about nine-and-a-half weeks.”

  Donna smiled, laughing softly in relief. Then she sobered. “Kelly said we have fertility issues. Does that include miscarriages?”

  “Not to my knowledge. From what I’ve heard from wolves far older than me, the problem is getting pregnant.”

  That was a relief, but one other concern remained. “And stillbirths? Kelly mentioned that happened to her mother a couple of times.”

  “I don’t know. Given the brutality of Kelly’s father, I can’t dismiss the possibility of abuse-induced trauma causing the death of the unborn child. No one’s ever mentioned stillbirths before.” He frowned and shook his head. “There’s not much known about wolf reproductive abilities, other than a tendency to be hit-or-miss in the fertility department.”

  She sighed. “Tanya’s right. Someone needs to keep track of this stuff.”

  Jeremy chuckled. “Yeah, well, convince every other wolf of that.” He slipped the probe back into its holder, shut off the monitor, and handed her a couple of paper towels. “You can clean that off now. Congratulations to you and Graham on the coming addition.”

  “Thanks.” She wiped the gunk off her belly, zipped and buttoned her jeans, and lowered her shirt hem. “What can I expect from the pregnancy? Do you know? I mean, will it be… normal?”

  “If you mean a normal human gestation and possible hormone-related symptoms, yes. Don’t be surprised if you experience morning sickness, cravings, mood swings, and other symptoms commonly found in pregnant women. There are any number of materials I can recommend for you and Graham to read, if that would be helpful.”

  “That’d be great. I’d prefer not to go into this totally blind.”

  “Understandable.” He nodded. “As far as your due date, the easiest way to figure it out is to count out forty weeks from the date of conception.” He grinned even as his gaze fell to the floor. “I’m sure you can narrow that down easily enough.”

  “Yes. Um…. Can you do me a favor and not tell anyone? I want to make sure Graham hears it from me and can tell others when he’s ready.”

  “No problem.” He got up and pushed the stool under the counter, casting a brief grin over his shoulder. “Doctor-patient confidentiality means I can’t tell a soul anything unless you give me express permission to do so.”

  “Thanks, Jeremy. I appreciate you seeing me today.”

  “Anytime.” He reached for the doorknob. “I always have time for pack. Always.” He pulled open the door and waved her through. “Oh, and don’t worry about the bill. I’ll take care of it. Consider it an early gift.”

  “Thanks.” Now, how do I tell Graham? Donna smiled as she walked out of the office.

  * * *

  Where is she, and why isn’t she answering her cell phone? Graham paced the confines of their living room. She hadn’t said anything that morning about running errands. There’d been no note or phone call, not even a message on his voice mail, to let him know she’d be running into town. She didn’t even have a vehicle, for Pete’s sake. Surely she hadn’t hiked somewhere alone. He hoped.

  His reflection in a long mirro
r Donna had placed beside the front door drew him to a halt. She’d put it there to double-check her appearance before she walked out, but he barely noticed it most of the time since he entered and exited through the garage. Sheesh. If he frowned any harder, he’d break something in his face. If she’d run into trouble or something, she’d have called.

  Maybe. Maybe not. Considering how oddly she’d acted that morning when she’d pushed him out the door to work, Tommy with him, he was no longer sure. She’d been so distracted and disconnected from him and Tommy. Was something wrong, and she didn’t want to admit it?

  The sound of a car engine sent him running for the front door. He yanked it open and stepped onto the porch, relieved as much as annoyed.

  Donna climbed out of a cab, her hands full with a box. She pushed the back passenger door of the cab closed with her hip and turned toward the house, a big smile appearing when she saw him standing there. “Hey.”

  Graham tried to keep the scowl off his face but failed. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

  Her smile faltered, and she studied him as she came up the short walkway and onto the porch. “I’m sorry. I forgot my phone. It’s on the charger in the bedroom.”

  “I was afraid something had happened.”

  “I didn’t mean to worry you.” She rose up on her toes to kiss him briefly in passing. “I had a couple of things to take care of. I assumed I’d be back before you got home, or I would’ve left a note. How was your day?”

  “Okay, I guess.” He followed her into the kitchen, where she set the box down on the island. “Tommy wanted to stay with Ian tonight. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Perfect actually.” A wide smile reappeared, lighting her eyes with excitement.

  “Oh?”

  “Yep.” She cocked her head and laid a hand on the box. “Do you want to guess what I have in here?”

  He took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes. “Smells like… white cake with butter-cream frosting and that special blend coffee you’ve gotten me hooked on.” And in no way explained her absence. What was she up to?