Shattered Hope

by D. M. Turner

  Donna opened the box with a sly smile, but let the lid come up only far enough to reach inside and pull out a small bag before shutting it again. She handed him the bag. “Why don’t you put coffee on?”

  Okay. He could humor her for a bit. Graham chuckled softly, shook his head, and accepted the bag of coffee. It took only a few minutes to have it brewing. The rich aroma filled the kitchen. The task complete, he turned back to her, only to find her standing with her back to the island, that sly smile having grown even bigger. Excitement flashed in her eyes. He cocked his head and studied her. “Well? What’s this about?”

  She motioned with her head to the counter behind her. “Why don’t you look and tell me?”

  Puzzled but willing to play along, he grinned and closed the short distance to look over her shoulder. She’d pulled a small rectangular cake out of the box. It was diagonally divided, with sky blue frosting on one half and bright pink on the other. The word “Daddy” was scrawled across it in shiny yellow gel. He stared at it, uncomprehending at first, then his heart skipped a beat. He straightened to look into her eyes. “Does this mean… are we… are you…?”

  Donna nodded.

  With a whoop, he picked her up and hugged her. She threw her arms around his neck and laughed. When he set her down, he met her gaze. “Are you sure?”

  “I saw Jeremy this afternoon. He did an ultrasound. It’s for certain.” A beaming smile appeared. “I’m due in March.”

  Graham glanced at the cake and smiled. “Interesting way to tell me.” He reached around her to slide a finger through the frosting on one corner then licked it off. “Tasty, too.”

  “I knew you’d like that, given your sweet tooth.”

  “I’m not that bad.”

  “Please!” She rolled her eyes with a snicker. “If a werewolf could get diabetes, you’d be in trouble.”

  Yeah, she was probably right. “At least it doesn’t stop me from eating my dinner. Speaking of… what do you say we go out to celebrate? Then, maybe we can run up to the Preserve and tell Ian and Tommy the news?” He narrowed his eyes. “Assuming Jeremy hasn’t let it slip.”

  A grin emerged. “He said he wouldn’t. Doctor-patient confidentiality, you know. The news is all yours.”

  “Excellent.” He stepped back and gripped her hands in his. “So, steak?”

  “Is there any other sort of food?”

  “Well, yeah….” He glanced longingly at the cake.

  “You’re incorrigible. Not until after dinner.” Donna grinned. “We’ll come back for cake and coffee before we go see Ian. How does that sound?”

  “If we do that, we may not leave the house again until tomorrow.” He pulled her into his arms and nuzzled the soft spot beneath one of her ears in case she had any doubts about what he meant.

  Her hands slipped around his neck, and she tilted her head to give him better access. “Oh, well, Ian and Tommy can wait, if that’s the case.” The husky timber of her soft voice sent desire through him.

  It was a while before they had cake and coffee. Then they went out for a late dinner.

  Chapter 4

  Home of Ian Campbell, Pack Alpha

  Saturday, February 11, 2017

  DONNA lay on the bed in Ian’s guestroom, unable to motivate herself to get up. They’d come in from the night’s full moon run only minutes before. (Not that she’d done any running in her condition.) She’d Shifted from wolf to human and curled up on the bed without climbing into her clothes. Graham had gone into the adjoining bathroom to take a shower first, with her encouragement.

  Something was wrong, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what. A hand on her rounded belly, she tried to figure out what had bothered her all night and most of the previous day.

  A pain rippled across her back and settled in her abdomen. The muscles tensed then relaxed after a moment. One of the Braxton Hicks contractions Jeremy had warned her about. She’d had them off and on for the past couple of weeks. Jeremy had checked early that week and said everything was proceeding as normal.

  So why did she feel so… uneasy? Like something dreadful was about to happen.

  A heavier, sharper pain struck, causing her to curl up more tightly. She tried to breathe through it like they’d taught in Lamaze, but it took her breath away. Were Braxton Hicks contractions supposed to be so strong?

  The bathroom door opened. “Honey? Are you alright?”

  “I don’t… think so,” she gasped around pants. “I think I’m going into labor.”

  “But you’re not due until next month!”

  “Don’t you think I know that?”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  The fear in his voice compounded the dread crawling through her. Something was very wrong. That’s when it hit her. She hadn’t felt the baby move since the morning before.

  * * *

  Graham ran through the house and found Ian in the kitchen. “Has Jeremy left?”

  “He just headed for the front door a minute ago. Why?”

  Without taking the time to explain, Graham ran out the front door and waved to the car pulling slowly down the driveway. “Jeremy! Wait!”

  Brake lights flashed. Jeremy opened the door and got partway out of the car. “What’s wrong?”

  “Donna’s gone into labor.”

  The curse that flew out of Jeremy’s mouth stunned Graham, but not enough to still his feet as he turned and ran back to the house. The rapid crunch of shoes on gravel that followed assured him that Jeremy was right behind him. He barely caught the front door before it flew into the window behind it but didn’t wait to make sure Jeremy closed it.

  By the time they reached the guestroom, Donna was curled into as tight a ball as her belly would allow, panting and gasping. Sweat glistened on every inch of bare skin. Graham eased onto the bed beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder. “I’m back, and I brought Jeremy.”

  She nodded but made no attempt to speak.

  “Let’s see how you’re doing,” Jeremy murmured gently. He set a bag on the floor, knelt, unzipped it, and dug around inside. His hand emerged with a stethoscope. He tucked the ends in his ears then set the round piece against Donna’s abdomen. As he moved it about and listened, his frown grew.

  Graham resisted the urge to ask what was wrong. When Jeremy knew and could say, he would. Pushing him would only stress Donna even more than she clearly already was.

  The doctor looped the stethoscope around his neck and groped in the bag again. This time, he pulled out a small handheld device with a looped cord and probe attached. “Donna, I need to apply some of that icy gel again. Okay?”

  She nodded in jerky fashion.

  “Is that really necessary?” Graham frowned. She was in enough pain. Did Jeremy need to compound it?

  With worry rich in his eyes, the doctor met Graham’s gaze and spoke softly and slowly. “I’m not picking up a fetal heartbeat with the stethoscope. This will be more accurate.”

  His chest tightened. Oh, God, please, let him find a heartbeat.

  Minutes later, Jeremy sat back on his heels and sighed, his gaze meeting Graham’s again. “I’m sorry.”

  “What do you mean?” Donna asked, panting.

  He rose to his knees and laid a hand on her arm. “There’s no heartbeat.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “No, this can’t be happening.”

  “I wish it wasn’t. I’m so sorry.” Moisture in his eyes backed up the apology. “You’re in labor, and it could last several more hours. I’ll stay and see you through this.” He glanced at Graham then back at Donna. “Your husband’s right beside you. Would you like me to get Kelly or Tanya?”

  “No. I don’t want to see anyone.”

  “Alright. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  Graham watched Jeremy leave then turned back to his wife, helpless to do anything but be there. If he could, he’d wrap himself around her and take all the pain.

  * * *

  The sun had long since gone
down by the time the physical ordeal was over. Donna stared at the lifeless form of their daughter wrapped in a small blanket in her arms and struggled not to wail.

  Why, Lord? Why did You let this happen? After everything… all the pain of the past… You finally gave me some happiness. Now, You’re ripping it away? Why? What did I do to deserve this?

  Graham sat next to her, not quite touching but there. Did he blame her? Did he think she’d caused it? What if she had? Had she eaten something she shouldn’t? Done some activity she shouldn’t? Maybe she should’ve stayed in the night before? The moon would’ve forced the Shift, but that didn’t mean she’d had to go into the forest with the pack. She could’ve stayed at the house.

  Would he hate her for killing his child?

  The tiny face nestled against her chest as though sleeping, even as Donna’s nose and ears assured her that wasn’t the case. “Marisa.”

  “What?” he asked softly.

  “Her name. Marisa.”

  “That’s beautiful.”

  “It suits her.”

  A tap on the closed bedroom door made her tense. She didn’t want to see anyone.

  Graham laid a hand on her blanket-clad thigh and turned toward the door. “Who is it?”

  “Jeremy.”

  She relaxed.

  “Come in.”

  The doctor closed the door behind him then crossed the floor to the bed. “I got hold of a friend of mine at the hospital. He said I can use a table to perform an autopsy, if you want it.”

  Without looking at her, Graham nodded. “I think that’d be a good idea. We need to understand what happened. There’s too much we wolves don’t know. It never bothered me before.” He glanced at the baby in Donna’s arms. “It sure does now.”

  Jeremy nodded. “I agree. I think Tanya’s created a monster, making all of us doubt in some way or another how things have always been done.” A soft smile appeared, but his gaze didn’t quite meet hers. “I’ll take her whenever you’re ready. It may take a few days to get all the results.”

  She nodded, looked down at her daughter, and held her out to him. “Her name’s Marisa.”

  “Marisa. That’s lovely.” Tears glistened in his eyes as he took the tiny bundle. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make this right.” Head bowed, he turned and slowly left the room, closing the door again behind him.

  Donna stared at her hands, which now lay empty in her lap. The hollow feeling inside was too much to bear. “I want to go home.”

  “Are you sure?” Graham tucked hair behind her ear. “We can stay for a few days. Ian won’t mind.”

  She raised her head and met his gaze. “I just want to go home. Please.”

  “Alright.” He got to his feet, came around to her side of the bed, and leaned down. “Arms around my neck. I’ll carry you to the car.”

  She did as he asked and tucked her face into the curve of his neck, not wanting to see anyone. Looks of pity or blame were more than she could take right then.

  * * *

  Graham drove in silence. Powerless. Helpless. Mute. What could he possibly say to ease his mate’s pain? He couldn’t even come up with anything to comfort himself. How could he comfort her?

  By the time he pulled into their garage, she’d Shifted into wolf form.

  He went around and let her out. She slinked past him, head down, tail tucked, eyes aimed at the ground. Without a word, he opened the door into the kitchen and let her go through. She trotted, still slouched, down the hall toward their room. He watched her go, choking back tears.

  Lord, what do I say? How do I even begin to make this better?

  He slowly followed her to their room and found it empty. Where had she gone? The bathroom off their room was vacant, as was the open closet. Tommy’s room sat unoccupied. He’d remained at the Preserve with Ian, crying his eyes out on Kelly’s shoulder over the loss of his tiny cousin, Brett hovering close looking as helpless as Graham felt. Never before had Graham been so grateful for the pack. He couldn’t figure out how to help his mate. What could he hope to offer Tommy?

  Only one room remained to check, but why would she go in there? He turned to the nursery. A pang went through his chest. Donna had curled up in a tight ball, nose tucked under her tail, on the rug in front of the crib he’d put together just the week before. Yellow eyes opened and watched him approach, but she didn’t move.

  “Honey, I’m not sure this is the best place for you right now.”

  No response. Not even the faintest movement.

  He sighed and sat on the floor beside her, his back against the crib. Heart aching for his loss, and even more for the pain his mate had to endure, he laid a gentle hand on the back of her neck and caressed one ear. Tears coursed down his face, and he rested his head against the front of the crib.

  Now, what, Lord? How do we rebound from this?

  Chapter 5

  Caldwell residence

  Friday, February 17, 2017

  THE front doorbell pulled Graham from the nursery. Donna remained on the rug in front of the crib, where she’d stayed ever since they’d lost Marisa the previous weekend. She’d left that spot only to venture outside to use the bathroom. He’d tried closing the door during one of those trips, hoping to spur her to either retake human form or at least sleep somewhere else. She’d curled up on the floor against the door and waited until he opened it again.

  The weight of her grief bore down on both of them. The fact he had sorrow of his own only made matters worse. Grief over their child, he could bear up under, but if he lost his mate….

  He unlocked and opened the front door, knowing who waited on the other side. It had been only a matter of time before his alpha would no longer settle for daily phone calls.

  Ian stepped inside. “How is she?”

  “Worse.” He shook his head. “She still hasn’t eaten, and she hasn’t gotten up to go outside today.” It would be dark soon.

  “She’s still in wolf form?”

  “Yes.” He nodded and blinked back tears.

  The alpha sighed, lines creasing around his eyes in a way Graham hadn’t seen in a long time. Was it possible their sorrow was taking a toll on Ian? “Let me talk to her. Maybe it’ll help.”

  “Please.” He pointed toward the nursery. “It’s the second door on the left.”

  He quietly trailed his alpha back to the room.

  Donna’s eyes opened a fraction then widened to look up at Ian, but she didn’t move. Graham circled Ian and sat next to her. She’d lost a noticeable amount of weight over the past days. It was far too reminiscent of the way their friend Isaac had wasted away in the weeks before his death two Christmases before.

  Ian stood for a moment then sat on the floor within easy reach of them both. “This has to stop.”

  She tucked her nose further under her tail and looked away from him to stare at a wall. A soft whine was her only other response.

  “I know how much you hurt.” Ian ran a gentle hand over the top of her head.

  To Graham’s surprise, tears filled the alpha’s eyes. He hadn’t seen him cry since his wife’s death many years before.

  “Colin wasn’t my first child by Alison. We had a son stillborn three years before Colin was born.” His gaze went to the window, but the distant look in his eyes suggested he wasn’t looking there. “I thought for sure I’d lose my mate. She almost grieved herself to death, thinking she’d caused our son’s death.”

  Donna flinched noticeably.

  Graham laid a hand on her neck. Was that at the root of the problem for his mate? Did she blame herself? “How did you convince her otherwise?”

  “I didn’t.” Ian shook his head. “Her mother did. Felicity had gone through it, too, and talked to her about it. Alison was a natural-born werewolf, like Colin. She was Felicity’s only surviving offspring. Her brothers had been killed in fights of one sort or another. The youngest one hadn’t survived his first Shift. Others died before they were born.”

  “Others? How man
y?”

  His eyes narrowed in thought, and he glanced at the ceiling. “Let me see if I can remember. She was the only surviving female. There were eight males born alive. It seems to me there were three stillbirths, but I could be wrong.” He shook his head and sighed. “It’s been so long since we talked about it.”

  “If you’re remembering correctly, that means a quarter of her offspring were stillborn. Why?”

  Ian shrugged. “No one knows. It just… is.”

  “There has to be a reason.” Graham ran his fingers through Donna’s ruff.

  “I’m sure there is. We just don’t know what it is. Regardless….” The alpha pinned Donna with a sympathetic but determined look. “You need to return to human form. If you die, you’ll take Graham with you like Isaac followed Imelda. Is that what you want?”

  Tension tightened the muscles across her neck under Graham’s fingers, and she lifted her head to look at him.

  He could almost hear the question he saw in her eyes and nodded. “He’s right.”

  She nuzzled his chest and whined almost soundlessly.

  He wrapped his arms around her neck, hugging her head against him. “Please, don’t leave me. I’m having a hard enough time grieving for our daughter. I can’t handle the sorrow if I lose you on top of that.”

  After a few moments, she pulled away. He let her go. She went straight into the Shift. Relief coursed through him.

  Ian left the room and returned with Donna’s robe, dropping it over her as she completed the transition to human form. “I’ll wait in the living room.” He left again.

  She laid on the floor, panting. After a few breaths, she put one arm through a sleeve of the robe. Then she just laid there.

  Concern reared up again. “Do you need help?”

  Donna nodded then murmured, “I don’t think I can even sit up.”

  “Not a problem.” He knelt next to her, helped her sit upright, and eased her bare arm into the other sleeve of the robe. “We’ll get food into you. That’ll restore your strength.”

  She grimaced. “I’m not sure I can eat.”