Halo

by R. C. Stephens

  He stomps through the water and dives into me. He clasps me in his arms and rubs his nose along my nose.

  “You’re something else,” he says, shaking his head.

  “And you are king of the world,” I holler.

  “Shh, you crazy girl.” He captures my lips in a hot kiss. His tongue feels warm against mine and I wrap my legs around his waist. He pulls his head back and looks down at my breasts.

  “Holy fucking hell,” he hisses. My yellow tank top is sticking to my chest, giving him a nice view of my perky nipples.

  I look into his dark blue eyes breathless, “I wish there was some where we could go to be alone. I bet my parents have left for their dinner by now. We should go to my house.” I offer with a raspy voice.

  He kisses me again and the heat between us grows stronger. “I will prove your parents wrong, I promise you,” he whispers against my lips.

  “You don’t need to prove them wrong, because you prove me right every day.”

  “How did I ever find you?” he asks, nuzzling me. “I’m going to marry you someday, Halo. You have my word. I will go off to become a SEAL and I will marry you.” He captures my lips in another hot kiss.

  ***

  In my bedroom Thomas takes his time undressing me.

  As his lips brush my ear, I feel tingles run down my body. His rough hands glide over my breasts and I arch into his touch—it sends my body spiraling into flames. He’s always soft and gentle with me despite his strength. His lips graze my nipple and then he covers it with his mouth, sucking, but not too hard. I moan in response and this urges him downward as he spreads kisses down my belly. I know where he’s headed.

  Right now my world is Thomas. There is no one and nothing else when we’re making love. As he licks me between my thighs, I buck off the bed, calling out his name.

  He sends me into a soaring orgasm as his strong tongue assaults me in the best way possible. Rainbows spring into my vision. My breathing is erratic and I moan at the top of my lungs.

  “I love how crazy you get,” Thomas says, leaning over me. “You’re the sexiest girl ever.” He grins.

  “I get crazy for you,” I huff as I come down from my high. I smooth my hands over his broad shoulders and push. He knows what I want and he flops onto his back. I don’t wait. I bend over him and take his cock in my mouth, letting the head hit the back of my throat.

  “Jesus, Halo, easy or I’m going to come before I get a chance to be inside you.” I love how his voice goes gruff and low. It does things to me, makes me crazy in love. As I continue sucking, I run my tongue along the shaft and all around. Thomas’s fingers are in my hair, tugging. It drives me wild when he does that.

  I move lower, tonguing and licking his sac. He throws his head back and groans. I love undoing him, taking away his hard-won control. I take his cock back into my mouth, sucking him hard and fast. I feel him lengthening and strengthening and I know his release is near. Finally, he groans loudly and hot cum spurts into my mouth. I suck it all down until there’s nothing left.

  I slowly climb back up his ripped abdomen to his broad chest and lay my chin on him. He looks like he’s on top of the world. I know he doesn’t feel like this often because of the way he grew up. Right now he’s looking pretty damned pleased and very adequate and I liked having that impact.

  “What?” he asks, looking down at me.

  “You’re hot,” I say with an amused grin.

  “Not as hot as you.” He gets up and pins me to the bed, hovering above me. With his free hand he reaches over to his jeans on the floor and pulls out a condom. He slides it on. “I love being inside you,” he whispers as he rocks his hips in and out of me. “I love how wet you are,” he continues. His voice is like a drug I can’t get enough of. It sets me on fire. It does things to my body I can’t quite understand. I began to build again. His sexual stamina is ravenous and meets my own need perfectly. He picks up pace, rolling his hips and rubbing me in all the right places. He’s strong and controlled with his movements. We move our hips in rhythm and my insides begin to clench and tremble. We finally come together in a sweaty heap of scattered limbs.

  “I love you so much,” he says, pulling me down against his side to snuggle as our chests heave up and down from the exertion and adrenaline.

  “I love you too,” I say, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

  We doze for a while, content.

  The doorbell rings. For a moment, I’m pretty sure I just imagined the sound. But it rings again and I sit up, looking at Thomas, wondering who it could be. My parents would use their key.

  We quickly wiggle out of bed and throw on our clothes. I’m well aware that I’m a rumpled mess and whoever it is will know what we’ve been up to. I go downstairs on wobbly legs, even though I know I have Thomas right behind me to protect me.

  I open the door and I know right away that nothing can protect me from the grim expression of the policeman standing on the porch.

  He introduces himself but I barely register anything beyond the fact he’s a Chicago police officer. “Are you related to the Pearsons?” he asks.

  “Yes. They’re my parents.” My heart is beating so crazily in my chest I can’t breathe. I’ve seen scenes like this in movies. My knees give out and Thomas catches me.

  “Can I come in?” the officer asks gently. “It might be good for you to sit down.”

  I shake my head violently. “Just tell me,” I beg.

  “I’m sorry.” His voice is solemn. “There was a car accident. A drunk driver. Your parents were killed on contact.”

  The rest of that night is fuzzy. Thomas holds me for hours as I grip him for dear life. He comes with me to identify their bodies.

  “Even darkness must pass,” he repeats numerous times in my ear, quoting our favorite author. “I’m here for you. I won’t leave you.”

  I want to believe him. The words give me hope, but the darkness envelops me.

  Chapter Six

  September 2, 2001

  Halo

  I was set to attend the University of Chicago to work on my psychology degree and eventually get into education. Given the circumstances, the University accepted my request for deferral until January. Thomas felt it would be better for me to start school sooner rather than later. A post-secondary education was not on his own agenda, but he knew how much it meant to me. Despite my dark and spacey mood he kept me focused on that goal.

  He surprised me when he enrolled in paramedic training. He spent six months in training to become an Emergency Medical Technician. He went to the bank for a student loan which surprised me even more. It shouldn’t have, I know. I witnessed his ambition when he trained to prepare for boot camp.

  “Baby, come downstairs. I made you breakfast,” he whispers lovingly close to my ear.

  I can’t move, let alone think of eating. It’s exactly one year since my parents were killed.

  “Please get out of bed,” he pleads. I sense his worry. I know he won’t like my answer. He’s been caring for me since the day my parents died. The next morning he went home, packed all his belongings when he knew his father would be at work and never turned back.

  My life still feels like a bad dream. I crave normalcy. I keep hearing mom’s voice and my dad placing his keys on the front door mantel at the end of each day. My mind is playing tricks on me. My heart is aching badly. Worst of all, guilt consumes me.

  “Baby, please get out of bed. Or at least drink something.” Thomas places the tray on the night table and takes a seat on the bed beside me, caressing my hair. So loving and dedicated.

  “Thomas, you don’t have to take the day off today,” I chide him. He has already given up so much for me. I hate feeling so down and useless. I can’t help myself either.

  “You know I can’t work today, baby. I wish I could do something to help you gain some closure. They’re watching over you from up above. They wouldn’t want to see you sad.” It’s an argument he’s made many times over the pas
t year. He’s my life coach, guiding me step by step down a path I’m unable to follow. I know he’s putting his dream of becoming a SEAL on the back burner for me.

  “Halo, I can’t see you like this,” he rasps, looking helpless. I hate that I make him feel like this. I hate everything about my situation. I can’t break the cycle either.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t mean to be like this…” I begin to apologize as tears began to fall again, so many tears. I wish I could control them.

  “How about I help you up and you take a shower? I will put some music on for you. Maybe it will relax you.” I nod and he lifts me in his strong arms. He puts me down in the bathroom and turns the water on in the shower, helping me inside. I wait for the warm water to rejuvenate my aching body. Nothing happens. Thomas waits patiently in the bathroom, never leaving me.

  September 11th, 2001

  We wake up to disaster. The planes hitting the Twin Towers. It looks like a movie. It can’t be real, but it’s real, a nightmare. Our world is changing for the worst. Thomas sits glued to the television. Reporters reveal more and more information slowly but surely about the attacks. Days pass slowly…more information comes to light. My chest aches for all those who lost their lives. Death has taken up residence in my life and won’t leave….

  His jaw ticks as he watches the news describing the war in Afghanistan. Troops are being deployed. Talks of terror and what it means to our new world. I know he’s itching to go. As I watch the casualties and the cruelty of the September 11th attacks, I remain quiet. I’ve become selfish after losing my parents. I can’t handle losing him too. He knows it. He’s all I have and I’m broken.

  I want to be okay. I know I need to find strength somehow. I know he wants to enlist and leave. I know I have to be okay with it. It was the first thing he confessed to me on our first date. I want to be enough for him. I know by now I’m not saving the darkness inside him. He needs to enlist. He needs to save the world to feel good. In order to do that he has to leave me.

  Chapter Seven

  January 22, 2008

  Ryder

  I’ve been in and out of hospitals for four months now. I feel like a fucking wrecking ball tore through my head. From the looks of my body I gather I was in good shape before the attack. Shit. My reality is that I have lived with pain, hospital rooms, needles, pills, surgeries for longer than I care to remember. I hate the sterile smell of a hospital. I know that. I hate that my body feels so broken. Most of all I hate that I’m so fucking alone.

  The only visitors I’ve had have been Halo and that cute baby of hers. Must have been fate that day she fell in the hall. Because she became a friend. Someone to talk to. It’s so important to have someone to talk to.

  As I think about the information I have been given about myself I feel totally disconnected. The man I read about and hear about from the people the navy assigned to help me doesn’t seem like me. It’s like I’ve read a story about a man I don’t know and I’m trying to convince myself I am him. None of it feels right. It’s maddening.

  I don’t even have a family member I can go to for advice or help. Someone to tell me what I was like. What I like. What type of man I was. I must have been a real asshole because I have no one. I may not know much but I know there is something very wrong with that. They think they can help me get my memory back. The doctor said I’m suffering from a bad case of post-traumatic stress disorder and that I’ve managed to block the old me out completely. I figure if my situation is that bad maybe the old me isn’t worth remembering.

  I’ll continue to get wound therapy and physical therapy and now I am so relieved to know I’ll have someplace “normal” to come home to while I continue my treatment.

  I hope I’m making the right decision by taking the apartment Halo offered. Anything seems better than a hospital, more treatment centers. I like talking to her. It comes easy. I don’t know why she would take interest in me. I think she pities me. I have a feeling that should be problematic, but I like her. She’s pretty. She’s kind and I like the way her face lights up when we talk. I even like the way she looks at her baby.

  None of it makes sense to me. I am going on pure impulse. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to do. Her friend clearly has issues with me taking the apartment. I know it’s selfish of me, but the way I look at it I don’t have a choice. I just want to feel free. Breathe air… I don’t know.

  I guess the next thing is to take this small bag of belongings and go to her hospital room. She said to meet there. I guess I’ll see where the wind takes me.

  Chapter Eight

  January 22, 2008

  Halo

  There’s a knock on the door. “Halo, it’s Dave. Are you decent?”

  I have my bags packed and I’m wearing a jogging suit. I am so ready to leave this place. I call out, “Yeah, we’re ready.”

  He enters the room with a bright smile. Dave is a good, stable guy. He works full time for an insurance company as an adjuster. He’s a good father to his three little children. He is also very handsome, standing well over six feet tall with dirty-blond hair and hazel eyes. He and Jenny make a beautiful couple. They aren’t wealthy, but they get by with what they have and they’re happy. I think Thomas always looked up to him as a man because of the way he took care of his family.

  “Let’s see this little man,” Dave says, picking up Brandon and grinning at him. “You are one handsome fellow, aren’t you? You look exactly like—”

  “Hey,” I holler, cutting him off. “I know he looks like me, dammit.”

  Looking at Brandon is a constant reminder of Thomas and I know other people who knew Thomas will make note of the same thing. But I have to ignore it. I completely adore Brandon just like I adored his father. No matter what Thomas has done I can’t control how I feel. As mad and angry as I am, I still love him.

  “Ah, Halo.” He lowers his voice and moves closer. “Jenny was mentioning you offered to rent the garage to some stranger here at the hospital.” His tone says he doesn’t believe it. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  “I already explained this to Jenny,” I tell him. “He was in the military and he was injured. He has money to pay rent. I need money since I have to take care of Brandon on my own. It makes perfect sense.” I shrug, lifting the diaper bag onto my shoulder.

  “Jenny is worried. And if Jenny is worried, it means I will never hear the end of this.” He chuckles but then his face turns serious. “Seriously, it does send off alarm bells. You don’t know this guy or what he’s capable of…”

  Dave trails off because Ryder is now standing in the doorway wearing jeans and a worn-out-looking shirt. I notice how tall he is for the first time. He’s built too. The navy does create big, strong soldiers. I know that.

  Ryder takes a few hesitant steps toward Dave. He must have heard our conversation. “Hey, I’m Ryder. Uh, you don’t need to worry… I mean, I can understand why you are worried. You don’t know me from Adam and I don’t know myself too well, either. I can barely walk on my left leg and I’m covered with these…” He gestures to his bandages. “But they come off in a week. For now I’m a mummy.” He chuckles to himself. It’s throaty. My heart clenches because he seems so lost. “If I were going to kill her, she’d definitely have a head start.” He laughs again. I laugh too. Dave’s eyes go wide.

  “Dave, he’s joking,” I chide, shaking my head. Dave isn’t amused one bit.

  “I think I’m a nice guy, man,” Ryder says. “I seem to get along with Halo.” He nods as if he likes his answer. Dave doesn’t look convinced.

  Dave looks at me, draws his brows together, then looks at Ryder. “Yeah, sure man. I guess.” He shakes his head. “Do you mind introducing me to your doctors? I need basic information, man. We need to know that you are an actual soldier and not some lunatic making up a story,” he explains to Ryder.

  Ryder nods. “I don’t mind. I told them you were coming.”

  Dave looks at me and shrugs. “Sorry, Halo. I pro
mised Jenny I would.”

  “Yeah sure,” I say with a small smile. Inside I’m thinking it isn’t such a bad idea.

  Ryder follows Dave out of the room. I take the time to feed Brandon one last time before leaving. Breastfeeding can be a challenge—it’s hard to know how much food he’s actually getting and my nipples are sore all the time. It doesn’t deter me, though. I love being able to feed my son like this. I like the bonding time.

  About fifteen minutes later Dave returns with Ryder and two patient transporters with wheelchairs, one for me and one for Ryder.

  “He checks out, Halo.” Dave nods to me and I feel my cheeks flush when Ryder looks my way, shrugging his shoulders. “He was a model soldier. Injured on active duty. He’s suffering from PTSD.” Dave nods to me and I know he’s thinking of Thomas and silently asking me if I want to deal with that again with a complete stranger. I shrug and he eyes me warily then he lets it go and I am glad. I like that I can do something good for Ryder. I hold Brandon in my arms as I’m wheeled to the hospital entrance.

  “I’ll go get the car,” Dave says, placing the infant carrier beside me and looking back to me and Ryder. “You’re a good person, Halo,” Dave calls out before he leaves.

  “Thanks,” I call back.

  Ryder and I sit on a bench in the entryway waiting for Dave. It’s awkwardly silent. I’m not sure what to say after he’s convinced us he won’t try to kill me and Dave went to verify it was true with his doctor.

  “How’s the leg?” I ask, trying to break the silence.

  “Shitty. I guess physical therapy should make it better with time. Doctors said I’ll always have a slight limp.”

  “I’m sorry,” I answer, not knowing what else to say.

  “That’s life, I guess. It would help if I could remember how it happened.”