Fallen Angel

by Rose, D. L.

  “Wait--don’t leave,” he begged. He had startled her, although, he didn’t understand why. For some strange reason he wanted her here.

  Eloise stopped before she reached the door but did not turn. Her heartbeat struggled like a little bird caught between two paws. “You don’t seem to be yourself right now my lord; shall I summon Stanwick for some of Mrs. Brown’s tonic?” She slowly turned around and when she did she was relieved to find him still sitting and not staring at her like a madman betrayed by a wicked angel.

  “I know Eloise, would you … would you care to take a stroll with me? Maybe a good walk will clear the doldrums from my mind.” He stood and took a few steps towards her before stopping and presenting his arm.

  Eloise stared at his arm before gently resting her hand upon it. A walk couldn’t hurt and maybe the fresh air would help clear her head as well. “If that is what you wish, I will accompany you.”

  “I thought we had agreed to dispense with the formality, did we not?”

  Eloise nodded, “We did.”

  They made their way to the garden where the grass was musky and warm from the sun, and flowers boxed in neat beds bobbed in a gentle breeze. It was the kind of dreamy afternoon that lulled one into sleeping beneath a tree, blanketed by speckled shade, and soothed into deep sleep by the lullaby of nature. It was the kind of afternoon Eloise loved to spend outside emerged in country life, but this afternoon she strolled beside Lord Black and nervously thought of what to say.

  She tentatively broke the silence, “Do you prefer to be called Ben or Benjamin?”

  “Ben suits me just fine. Benjamin reminds me of being reprimanded by my mother,” he smirked, but his amusement faded quickly.

  Inwardly Eloise sighed. This was going to be the most awkward stroll of her life. He seemed quite content to have no conversation but the silence between them was eating at her frayed nerves. “I know we have not been kind to one another—,”

  Ben snorted.

  Eloise tossed him a glare but continued, “Since you invited me out here, would you like to discuss what is bothering you or shall we walk in silence?”

  “You want to discuss our dislike for each other?” He said perplexedly.

  So he admits to disliking her. Eloise controlled her expression but inside her heart sank to her stomach like the sad plop of a stone in a shallow pond. “Well, that isn’t precisely what I meant but—.”

  Ben grasped at the idea like a falling man to a rope. Anything to distract him from his angel would be a blessing, including arguing with Eloise. “Alright then, I find your stubborn inability to act like a proper young lady infuriating. Granted, you did quite well the other night at dinner despite …” Ben froze as an image of her supple breasts nearly escaping her bodice overcame him. He shook free of it and cleared his throat. “Never mind, I suppose you need new gowns?”

  Eloise didn’t know which comments to attack first. “My gowns are none of your concern,” she returned. Her cheeks bloomed pink at the memory of both Bradley and Ben ogling her.

  “They are if you are falling out of them,” Ben said scornfully.

  “A true gentleman would never--!”

  “A gentleman is still a man Eloise and we are all the same when a perfect pair of--,” he stopped and turned to face her. “You know what I mean or you at least pretend to.”

  Eloise mentally stumbled. “I don’t have to pretend, I am who I am and I accept that.”

  “Eloise, you are a naïve young woman sheltered from the harshness of the world here in Coltwyth. Your immaturity speaks for itself in the way you flaunt your outlandish behavior and balk at any form of restraint. You are just a little girl.”

  Eloise stood frozen before him. His words broke over her like the crumbling stones of falling ruins, only the ruins were what was left of her battered pride and bruised ego. She didn’t even want to think about how her heart was faring. Frankly she was surprised she was not crying under the onslaught of his judgment of her.

  “Are you perfect Lord Black? You scorn me for my wild and immature ways but stand before me like a cold statue. Have you no feeling, no heart? Are you even capable of feeling softer emotions like joy and love? I may be an embarrassment to you but I know the sensation of soft meadow grass beneath my bare feet, reading under the shade of a hundred year old oak and what it is to have no one left in the world but my sister and your uncle. I wouldn’t trade these things for all the fancy gowns in London nor do I want to be anything like you.” A fat tear escaped her lashes and rolled down her check in defiance. “I don’t think you are in any place to tell me how to behave,” her eyes narrowed angrily as she remembered him, her devil, and how wicked he could be. How dare he bluster on about her behavior as if he were some saint? She fumed as he stood before her looking none-to-pleased with her dissection of his character and not at all chastised.

  “It seems we are at an impasse,” he murmured. “You are very poetic Eloise, I will give you that.”

  His voice skittered over her nerves like the caress of velvet on skin. It bothered her that he could annihilate her confidence so completely and yet she still was drawn to him. He didn’t deserve such fine looks when he was so callous on the inside.

  “So we dislike each other--nothing has changed,” Eloise quipped but inside her heart was breaking. She wanted to be the angel he wanted. She wanted him on his knees before her--a devil tamed and yearning for her. More tears escaped and she hastily wiped at them.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Ben pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.

  “Were you trying to flatter me with that list of shortcomings?” She grumbled behind the handkerchief.

  “No, I thought if we aired our differences we could find common ground but it seems a foolish notion.”

  “I don’t want to be like you Ben. I like my life here, I thought I liked myself.”

  “Yes, you did seem quite enamored of the soft meadow grass here,” he smiled. Eloise looked quite pretty with flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes. He felt like a cad for making her cry and perhaps he was one.

  “You mock me,” Eloise turned away.

  “No.” He grabbed her arms and forced her to face him. “I want to apologize. I am deeply sorry for upsetting you. I am holding you to a standard that is unfair when I should accept that you are a simple country maiden.”

  Eloise tried to wriggle free, “Your awful apology is not accepted. Is this how you charm your seasoned debutantes? With insults?”

  Ben cursed himself, he was being an ass and he knew it. “That came out wrong.”

  “Be that as it may I think I’d prefer to return to the house alone,” she tried to wiggle free of him again but he held firm.

  “Eloise … I am not the same man I was last night. Something has happened … something changed me and I can’t for the life of me figure out what it is, but when I look at you I feel as though I have wronged you in some way and I wish to make amends. I know I am bungling it but-- lord help me--I want you to understand that I am trying. I will be around a lot more now that Uncle Malcolm needs me and I don’t want things to be tense between us. I still think your idea of being his secretary is foolish but … so be it.”

  “Is this still an apology?” Eloise wanted to laugh but it was the kind of laugh one made when avoiding more tears.

  “No, it’s a truce. You care about my uncle, I care about my uncle. We need to work together.”

  Eloise looked down. She didn’t want him to identify any of the whirling emotions through her eyes. “I see.”

  He finally let go of her arms. “You can go if you wish.”

  Without a word Eloise spun on her heal and hurried back to the house. She took deep even breaths to keep from falling apart without making a spectacle of herself. She bolted up the stairs to her room, relieved when the door closed firmly behind her. She leaned against it with her eyes closed, begging them to obey her and not release another drop. She didn’t want to cry over that blasted man,
she didn’t want to feel anything for him at all and yet here she was a--jumble of thoughts and emotions--so tangled and interwoven she didn’t know where one began and the other ended.

  “You seem to be hiding from someone.”

  Eloise’s eyes popped open. Eleanor was sitting on her bed calmly watching her as if they were discussing nothing more interesting than the breeding of roses.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Eloise tried to recover. She walked over to her dressing table and sat down. She had left her oil lamp on again, as was her horrendous habit, and knew Mrs. Brown would have something to say about all the oil she was wasting. She picked up her brush and began to brush her hair as her sister scrutinized her from the bed.

  “I would like to know what happened last night. I should have asked after the ball but I was not feeling well and … it was a mistake wasn’t it. We should have never gone; I should have never let you convince me to partake of such a hair-brained scheme. Does he know it was you?”

  Eloise clenched the hair brush in her fist. “I don’t need this right now Eleanor, I want to be alone.”

  “What you need is to grow up. I won’t always be around to save you when you get yourself into a bind and Malcolm won’t either. Think of your future, what will you do if you disgrace yourself—.”

  “I cannot do this right now,” Eloise cried, “Please let me be.”

  “Let you be?” Eleanor stood. Her cheeks flagged with red in a rare show of anger. “I have let you be for far too long. I….I am with child Eloise.”

  Eloise froze. Slowly she turned and stood, brush forgotten in her hand. “Eleanor—how--who?”

  “Jasper and I are in love. We plan to marry when he returns to fetch me. He went to his father’s farm to make amends. He never wanted to be a farmer but the land is prosperous and he will be able to provide for us. I can’t take you with me Eloise; you must look after yourself now,” she choked on a sob.

  Eloise was by her side in an instant. “Why didn’t you tell me? If I had known I would have…”

  “Done what; fretted, worried over me? I have seen the doctor. I am progressing into my twelfth week and am doing well.”

  “But Eleanor your weak health …” Eloise didn’t even want to finish the thought. How would her sister ever survive childbirth?

  “I know about my own health,” her sister snapped. “I have been through this already. I know there is risk. I am scared but this is my chance to be a wife and mother.”

  “I’m sorry Eleanor; I don’t mean to upset you. You are all the family I have left in the world and now I am going to lose you too.” Again the tears flowed. By the end of the night Eloise would be a dried out husk of skin. This was proving to be the second worst day of her life. She would be an aunt but in the process be left alone at Pommoroy Place. If her sister survived …

  “What did the doctor say?” She asked timidly.

  “That I need to rest and keep calm. I need to keep all my strength for the baby which means you, my dear girl—.”

  “I know, I know.” Eloise interrupted. “I’ve learned my lesson Eleanor believe me. After last night--.”

  “What happened last night?” It was Eleanor’s turn to interrupt. She pinned Eloise with a stare.

  “It’s really nothing you should worry about now dearest. Let’s talk about the baby!”

  “Eloise did Lord Black … did you and Lord black?”

  Eloise looked down at her brush in her hand. “What’s done is done, why focu--.”

  “No!” Eleanor ripped the brush from her hand and threw it at the dresser. It hit the oil lamp shattering the glass. Oil and flame rained down over the carpet and side of the wardrobe. Eleanor screamed.

  “Fire!” Eloise shouted as loud as she could. She ran to the wardrobe and threw open the doors ripping gowns from their hangers. With the last gown in her hand she beat furiously at the flames as Eleanor did the same with Eloise’s dressing gown.

  Maids and footmen rushed in with ewers of water followed by Ben and Bradley. Seeing the rapidly spreading flames they tore the coverlet off the bed and frantically began to beat at the carpet. Eloise pulled Eleanor away from the melee and shoved her towards the door. The flames were quickly put to death by Ben and Bradley and soon everyone stood around the carnage heaving smoky air and wiping their brows.

  “Good work everyone,” Ben said.

  “Good God what happened?” Bradley asked. Everyone looked to Eloise and Eleanor in expectation.

  “The oil lamp fell obviously.” Eloise gestured towards the pieces of broken lamp on the floor with the dress in her hand. She looked down at the garment in her hand and gasped , dropping it to the floor.

  Bradley laughed and stepped forward to pick it up. “I don’t think you’ll be wearing this again Eloise.” He held the dress up for all to see. The once white lace dress was now horribly singed at the bottom and forever stained with oil and smoke.

  Eloise looked at it in disbelief. Somehow it seemed befitting that the dress of a disgraced angel should die by fire, and when she looked up all she could see was the devil staring back at her.

  Chapter Eight

  “Everyone out, I need to speak with Eloise privately,” Ben demanded. His eyes bored into hers with startling intensity.

  The servants obeyed immediately but both Bradley and Eleanor hesitated.

  “I don’t wish to speak with you right now my lord,” Eloise said weakly.

  Bradley coughed, “Surely staying in this smoke filled room is not advisable.”

  “Certainly,” Eleanor quickly agreed, “Perhaps we should go to our own rooms and change from our clothes as well. Eloise, come to my room,” she beckoned.

  Eloise quickly nodded and turned away from Ben. Taking Eleanor’s hand she ushered her from the room but not before Ben uttered one more command.

  “I expect to see you in the library in a quarter hour or I will come find you, wherever you may be.”

  Eloise did not look back as she walked from the room on unsteady knees. Eleanor tucked her hand firmly in hers and said nothing as they retreated to her room. Once behind the safety of a closed door she pulled Eloise into a tight hug.

  “I don’t know if I can save you from yourself,” she murmured into Eloise’s’ hair.

  Eloise’s throat felt like she had swallowed wool. “I do not deserve to be saved. Everything I have done is no one’s fault but mine. I tricked him and he knows it, I seduced him with false smiles and wonton words.” A sob tore itself free and like a scared little girl she huddled in her sister’s arms.

  “Oh how he must have hurt you,” Eleanor rubbed her back with soothing strokes. “Something that should have been saved for the man you love was taken from you with no tenderness or—.”

  Eloise pulled back and looked into her sisters eyes. She smelled of smoke and oil from the fire. “He did not hurt me Eleanor,” she said calmly.

  “Eloise … the act of lovemaking can be quite wonderful if approached with care and tenderness. I know this to be true, but a hastened coupling can be painful and rough. A woman must be in the moment--.”

  “I was in the moment.” Eloise stepped away from her sister. She could see fierceness about Eleanor’s countenance, like a mother bird protecting her eggs. “There was a little pain but it was over quickly and then … ”Eloise blushed, “It was wonderful.”

  “Oh Eloise … what fine ladies we turned out to be.”

  A laugh erupted from Eloise startling them both. They both stared at each other as weary smiles began to form and tears ebbed. Their mother would surely be spinning in her grave if she knew what trouble her daughters had brewed for themselves.

  “What will we do Eleanor?”

  “I know what I must do, I will be a wife and mother, but what will you do Eloise?” Eleanor stepped forward and took her sister’s hands. Their worlds would no longer be the same after today and the future was uncertain.

  “I will face whatever comes with my head held high. Malcolm would neve
r turn me out and Lord Black … I am sure he will ring a peal over my head and wish to bury me in a convent somewhere.”

  “Perhaps he will wish to do the honorable thing and marry you?”

  Eloise laughed openly and didn’t try to stop it this time. The idea was preposterous. Perhaps his angel would be worthy of the title Lady Black, but there was no way in hell Lord Black would propose to Eloise. Not now, not ever. If he disapproved of her before he probably hated her now—which she deserved.

  Ben left Eloise’s room without speaking and went straight to the library. Uncle Malcolm had left the house moments before they were alerted to the fire and would not return for some time. He poured himself a liberal glass of brandy before collapsing into a winged chair and closing his eyes. Dear God what had he done. He deflowered his uncle’s ward at a secret masquerade and didn’t even know it. Or perhaps he did know it? The similarities between the two women were as plain as day. Her hair, voice, stature, all of it should have been glaringly obvious but he was blinded by her beauty, her radiant skin, the promise of heaven in her eyes … Ben groaned. This was a bloody nightmare. The look in her eyes when she saw him take notice the dress said it all. She knew what she was doing when she went to the ball, when she approached him … but did she really know? Did she have every intention of letting him seduce her or was it a lark gone too far. Knowing Eloise as he did—which now included carnal knowledge—she probably never thought beyond their initial interaction. What had she hoped to gain?

  Was he caught in a marriage trap? The idea was laughable. Eloise despised him and yet … everything she had done that night, every touch, every kiss, had been sure and deliberate. Her angelic persona sought him out, hypnotized him with her sensual beauty, and brought him to his knees. He’d been helpless against her. It suddenly occurred to Ben that’s precisely what she wanted. She wanted the power over him, the knowledge of pulling the wool over his eyes—bringing him low—knocking him off his dammed high horse—so to speak.

  She succeeded.