Fallen Angel

by Rose, D. L.

  Eloise squeezed her eyes shut against the tide of shock and awareness that washed over her. Although it had hurt at first, the sharp stab of pain was assuaged quickly and replaced with a growing need. With each thrust the need grew, with each stoke of him inside her--combined with the grind of his hips against her sensitive hooded nub—she was spiraling towards an unknown bliss. Higher she soared as she gripped him with frustrated hands. He ruthlessly drove her on until finally, her body reached its zenith. A feeling so intensely wonderful fired through her. A carnal cry escaped her and her body hummed with joy until it passed. She could do nothing but hold him while he groaned and thrust one final time before pulling himself from her body and releasing himself against her thigh. He was shaking as he rolled to the side and folded her into his arms, tugging one side of the cloak over them.

  Eloise was limp and intoxicated with pleasure. She breathed in the musky sent of his skin combined with the tangy aroma of their love making. She looked up at him in the firelight but all she could see was the black mask covering his features. It was too dark to see his eyes although she guessed they were closed.

  A pervading sense of doom entered her mind. She had just become intimate with Benjamin Black, a man she swore she would forever dislike and tried to exact revenge upon this very evening. She suddenly felt cold and a little nauseous. How like her to embark on such a foolish plan and thoroughly muck it up beyond salvation. She was ruined, her plan was ruined, and now she needed to get away. She pulled herself out of his arms and sat up.

  “What’s wrong?” He sat up as she moved away from him and began to straighten her cloths.

  “I have to leave.” Eloise kept her back to him as she righted her bodice and bent to pick up her wings.

  “The night is still early; we can have supper and dance.” Ben did not want her to leave; he wanted to stretch out every second of the night with her.

  “I can’t stay any longer; I’ve already made a terrible mistake.” Eloise nearly choked as a hard sob caught in her throat. She would not cry in front of him, all she needed to do was make it to the cart, and then she could let loose the torrent of emotion inside her.

  Ben grew cold with unease. Clearly his angel regretted their love making and it was like a punch to the gut. Was she married, betrothed? Why would she attend such a gathering if she was not available for dalliance? “I apologize, my lady, if I have offended you in some way, I thought our attraction was mutual. I know that we’ve only just met, but you have bewitched me and I wish to see you again,” Ben removed his mask.

  “Please, will you help me fasten my dress?” Eloise hugged herself, holding up her bodice while she felt Ben step closer and begin to hook the back. Occasionally his knuckles would brush her skin and a new wave of remorse would wash over her. She was a foolish woman who got swept away by desire. How could she have let it go so far? Now he stood there apologizing when, really, it was all her fault. She misled him from the very beginning and the taste of her own medicine was bitter and spiteful. She turned to face him and her regret compounded. With his mask gone he was more handsome than Eloise had ever seen him. His emotions were unguarded and vulnerable, his eyes creased with hurt and puzzlement. This was not the victory she craved; this was not the man she wanted to break, but a man who was lonely and baffled by her sudden rejection.

  She wanted to hold him and confess, to kiss the pain from his eyes, but to do so would only make it worse. He might want his angel but he would never want Eloise. She got her revenge it seemed, but at the cost of her virtue and her soul. She saw a side of him that he kept hidden. She was finally seeing him as a man and he had treated her like a woman--a woman he wanted--a woman who bewitched him, he said. If only she could be that woman instead of the reckless chit she was. Eloise fastened her wings on and straightened her halo. Lord knew how she looked when she would leave this room but at the Sinners’ Masquerade, no one would take notice of a rumpled angel. “I wish I could see you again my devil but you cannot know who I am.”

  He took her hand. “Do you regret being with me … did I cause you pain?”

  “I regret that I won’t ever know the real you, and you will never know the real me.” Eloise looked at him one last time memorizing his wrinkled shirt, his unbuttoned breeches, and his crooked devil horns. She may have been ravished but she certainly did some ravishing of her own. These memories would serve her when she was a lonely old spinster.

  “Goodnight my handsome devil.”

  In a sudden surge of bravado she quickly kissed him, and then left on swift feet. She never looked back as she retreated down the hallway. In a blur of haste she found Eleanor and they left the ball. She drove much faster on the way home letting the bitter cold wind wipe away her tears as Eleanor held on tightly to the cart. Curiously she asked no questions and Eloise was thankful. Upon reaching the stables they let Dylan put away the cart and horse and retreated to their rooms. It was only half past midnight but Eloise had experienced enough for a lifetime. She didn’t know how she would face the day tomorrow but for tonight she would cower under her coverlet and try to pretend it was all a sad dream.

  Chapter Six

  Everyone except Malcolm slept late that morning. Eloise tossed and turned for hours before finally falling into a deep sleep only to be rudely awakened by the mid-morning sunshine a quarter past eleven. She had missed breakfast but a maid was kind enough to leave toast and cocoa--now cold--on her night stand. Eloise felt wrung out like a tattered wet rag; twisted, and twisted, into a tight coil never to be the same again. She slid her feet out of bed and sat up. She could see herself in the mirror of her dressing table and wondered if she was any different on the outside or if only her heart and body were changed. She stood and walked forward analyzing herself. Her hair was a tangled nest of curls; her eyes were drowsy and puffy with shadows underneath. The rest of her was covered by a chaste white night gown except for her toes. She looked down at her toes and, as expected, they offered no insight into the roiling emotions within her. She looked into her own eyes. Did she regret last night? Yes, but it wasn’t the intimacy she regretted, it was her own foolish nature. Her bull headed machinations led her down a road she could not return and she did not go it alone. She had unwittingly led an honorable man with her and deceived him.

  This time she had gone too far and she was ashamed of herself. She had wanted to ruin him in childish spitefulness and instead she only ruined herself. It was a funny thing to be ruined, Eloise thought, as she pulled at the neck of her night gown. No one could know of her behavior last night but she still felt vulnerable and open to the world, like all her secrets were written on her face. How could she face Lord Black as if nothing had changed, as if she hadn’t felt his hands on her skin, or his lips on her own? A hot blush swept over her cheeks. Dear Lord, how was she to look at him and not think of all they had done? The mere thought brought a fever to her cheeks. What would happen when she actually laid eyes on him? He was so handsome last night and so wicked. Her angel had been seduced by the devil quite thoroughly and now it was up to Eloise to pick up the pieces. She had seen a different side of Lord Black last night, a side that was intriguing and playful. How did she never notice how disarming his smiles were? Most likely because he never smiled at Eloise, only frowned. Without the guise of her angel Lord Black felt nothing for her except annoyance. If she was to behave normally in his presence she needed to remember that.

  Eloise pulled the bell cord and pulled off her night gown. She wrapped herself in her softly worn dressing gown and waited for Anita to attend her. After ordering a bath she sat down before her dressing table and began the torturous work of untangling her hair. She felt as though she deserved every biting tug. How could she have dared to attend the Sinners’ Masquerade, to bring Eleanor to such a shameless and dissolute party? It was one thing to completely destroy her own tattered reputation but Eleanor was good through and through. She deserved more from life than spinsterhood. She was gentle and kind, the same way their mother had be
en. Eleanor would make a wonderful mother and Eloise had almost destroyed that for her. If caught she would bring great shame to all of them including Malcolm. Malcolm would be scorned from polite society and mocked by all who knew him. How could she have behaved so callously? With each thought she loathed herself more and more.

  She jumped when a knock fell on the door and Anita entered followed by footmen carrying the tub and buckets of steaming water. Anita pulled a clean gown from the closet and laid it out on the bed.

  “Anita?”

  “Yes miss?”

  “Has Eleanor risen from bed yet?”

  “Yes miss, she is reading in the parlor.”

  “Thank you Anita. That is all; I can attend myself this morning.”

  “Yes miss.”

  After filling the tub with a few more buckets and a cold bucket to cool the water, Eloise was alone with herself again. She undressed and lowered into the tub hissing at the protest of her stiff muscles and sore delicate flesh. The water worked quickly to ease the pain and soon Eloise was relaxed in the water. She wished her thoughts could be so easily appeased. Today marked the beginning of a new life for her. She was no longer an innocent and would face whatever challenge presented its self but there was one thing she couldn’t do. She could never tell Lord Black what had transpired between them. She would hold that secret in her heart until her last breath escaped her. She would face him with the same indifference she showed him before and strive to never think of him that way again. It would be difficult to forget him as the handsome devil but not impossible. She would exist solely as Malcolm’s secretary from now on and lead a very quiet contented life here. That is all she could hope for the future.

  Eloise loitered in her room until it was time to go down for luncheon. She fidgeted with her skirts nervously as she descended the stairs keeping her gaze on her feet. She smiled absently as Stanwick held the door for her and when she entered the dining room a quick cursory glance revealed Lord Black and Bradley in attendance as well as Eleanor. She took a seat beside Eleanor and kept her eyes lowered as a footman brought a plate of cold chicken before her.

  “I’m glad to see you are feeling better.” Eleanor smiled brightly and took a sip of her tea.

  “I gather you didn’t feel the thing this morning either?” Eloise said quietly. “I hope you are much improved.”

  “Yes dear, it was just a touch of something this morning but I am very well now.”

  “You both were ill? I’m glad to see you have regained your health.” Bradley spoke up.

  Eleanor smiled her thanks but when Eloise looked up at Bradley, all she could see was the half-naked Zeus he portrayed last night. Her mind blanked and she struggled for even the most banal response.

  “Yes, er-um well you know …” Dear lord her brain had run away.

  “Do you still feel ill Eloise? You look quite pale darling,” Eleanor put her hand to Eloise’s forehead in a motherly fashion.

  “No.” She looked up again and was petrified to see that both Bradley and Lord Black were looking at her rather intently. She looked from one brother to the other and when she focused on Lord Black and he looked into her eyes with gentle concern her stomach did an unsettling flop.

  “Perhaps some tea.” She looked away quickly and grasped the cup of steaming liquid presented to her like a lifeline. She took a swift gulp and shuddered as hot tea burned down her throat. She could feel three sets of eyes watching her and it only compounded her nerves. “I’m fine really--please pay no mind to me,” she said hastily.

  They turned away from her and resumed their meal. Eleanor kept shooting glances her way but said nothing. Eloise speared a piece of chicken with her fork and chewed tensely while looking at everything in the room but her dining companions. Eleanor and Bradley made polite conversation while Lord Black ate quietly. Tempted to steal a glance, she pretended to give rapt attention to buttering a roll while peeking at him from under her lashes. He was staring out the window across from him and frowning at it. His fingers idly stroked the stem of his wine glass as he continued to stare as though his thoughts were miles away from them. How curious? He looked very melancholy in that moment and Eloise would have given anything to know precisely what he was thinking. Was he thinking of the angel? Was he angry or hurt?

  There were so many questions and no conceivable way for her to find answers. Eloise could already feel the strain of a headache coming on.

  “Miss Logan?” Lord Black cleared his throat.

  “Yes my lord? Eloise was surprised her voice came out as calm as it did. He looked handsome this morning in a blue superfine jacket and a butter yellow silk waist coat that looked so soft, she wanted to run her hands over it.

  “Would you like to resume going over the secretarial duties this afternoon?” He watched her with a cool unaffected gaze and waited for her to respond.

  It was clear to Eloise that she was all alone in her self-made misery. Perhaps he didn’t care for the angel at all and she was just another conquest? Perhaps he was suffering from the effects of overindulgence in spirits? Her heart ached with a hallow feeling of loss. Self-doubt again reared its ugly head and inwardly Eloise kicked herself for her rash actions last night. She was forever changed, and he looked none the worse for wear. It was a hard life lesson to learn all in one evening.

  “Secretarial duties?” Bradley broke the silence, “Surely you don’t mean to take over for the secretary Eloise? How dreadfully boring.”

  “Not all of us can choose the life we want Bradley,” Eloise murmured.

  “But you have better options than going into service to your guardian. You are certainly beautiful enough to find a husband Eloise—egad--a secretary? It’s positively outrageous.”

  “I do not expect you to understand the choices one in my position has to make,” Eloise snapped.

  “I wouldn’t consider that a choice more … a punishment.”

  “Bradley leave her alone,” Ben scolded his brother. He could see Eloise was becoming upset.

  “A secretary for Christ’s sake, it’s a bloody shame Eloise. I don’t believe it for a second. You would shrivel up into a dry old maid and die of boredom, not to mention the rumors that would spread about you. Naturally people will assume the worst.”

  “Bradley I--.” Her throat closed with emotion and not another word could cross her tongue. It was true people would assume the worst … and they would be right.

  “That’s enough Bradley,” Ben warned.

  “We’re friends aren’t we?” Bradley looked to Eloise imploringly. She nodded. “I could never stand by and watch you throw your life away like that, I won’t allow it.”

  “What bloody right do you have to say what I can and cannot do Bradley? You’re not my husband or my father.” Eloise shouted. She was met with stunned silence and wide eyes. Her cheeks flamed in embarrassment and her eyes pricked with tears. “I will be in the library my lord.” She quickly left the table and didn’t look back.

  “Well …” Bradley was speechless.

  “I think she still feels poorly,” Eleanor smiled nervously.

  Ben glared at his brother. “You need to apologize to her Bradley, your behavior was abominable.”

  “It’s just Eloise; she can take a good ribbing.”

  “I think I should go check on her,” Eleanor moved to get up.

  “Please let me.” Ben stood quickly and left the dining room.

  Bradley and Eleanor stared after him dumbfounded. “Well that is peculiar,” Bradley murmured.

  “Is Lord Black ill as well? He does not seem himself this morning.” Eleanor sipped her tea but kept her gaze steady on Bradley.

  Bradley smiled in amusement. “It must have been something we ate at dinner; I know I was not myself last night as well.”

  Eleanor remembered his half naked portrayal of Zeus and hid a smile behind her cup. “Indeed Mr. Pommoroy.”

  Chapter Seven

  Eloise stood in the library and stared out the window. Her w
as gaze focused inward, never seeing the trimmed hedges and bees hopping from flower to flower outside. She did not hear anyone enter, or the door close. She only became aware of someone else in the room by the creaking of a chair and the heavy sigh he released when he sat and covered his face with his hands. It was then Eloise turned and beheld her devil. He was weary and vulnerable at the moment, no longer hiding behind manners and appropriate behavior.

  “My lord do you wish to be alone?” Eloise asked timidly, half afraid to disturb him and half afraid he would say yes.

  “Not presently Eloise.” He ran his fingers through his hair in an agitated manner, mussing the pomaded strands that his valet coifed only hours ago.

  Eloise watched him with rapt attention. He was like an injured animal; gone was the cool aristocrat who frowned at her every action and in his place was a man no longer shielded by his title. His shoulders were tight with strain and his eyes spoke of sleeplessness and irritation. She should not enjoy his misery but for once, he looked so real and so devastatingly handsome it was a blow to her heart. This was Benjamin Pommoroy of flesh and blood--of wants and needs--the man exposed. It was thrilling and frightening to be in his presence right now and it felt alarmingly intimate. Why did he want her here?

  Ben rubbed his eyes gruffly before looking at her and when he did he froze. She stood before the window with the sunlight pouring in around her, creating a near blinding glow. The light shimmered with floating dust and her hair shone with a radiance that was so beautiful it almost hurt to look at her.

  “Eloise you look like an angel,” he said softly, so softly, he thought she didn’t hear him. He knew he sounded like a lunatic and a bitter sweet memory of his angel darted across his mind. Her eyes widened in surprise and her soft pink lips popped open with a gasp before she quickly turned from him and practically ran from the room.