Hope Over Fear (Over #1)

by J. A. Derouen

  It’s clear how deeply Caroline cares for Abigail. I’m unsure of the exact circumstances that brought them together, but I’m thankful it happened. It’s a shame that Abigail doesn’t receive what she needs from her mother, but I know Caroline will do everything in her power to help this girl.

  “She fell in love with a boy from Northern U who said all the right things. I warned her about dating a college boy when she was still in high school. But she was blinded by his attention and couldn’t see what was happening. I wish to God I was wrong about the boy, but he broke her heart and left her pregnant. She hasn’t heard one word from him since she told him she was pregnant. Abigail expects the people in her life to abandon her. Unfortunately, it’s all she knows.”

  “That’s more disappointment than anyone should have to withstand at seventeen years old,” I say. It’s so disheartening that Abigail has suffered these hardships at such a young age. Her story resonates with me. Single mothers raised us both, but that’s where the similarity ends. My mother centered her life around her child, and Cindy left Abigail to fend for herself while she drowned in drugs and alcohol.

  “I know. I try to keep Abigail’s spirits lifted and remind her about the bright future that’s ahead of her. When she’s been let down all of her life, though, it’s damn near impossible for her to believe it. That girl is smart as a whip. She’s managed honor roll throughout high school in a terrible environment, and her standardized test scores are through the roof. I refuse to let her give up.”

  “Thank you for sharing her story with me. She’s an extraordinary young woman. I’m glad she chose to look into open adoption. I believe Abigail will find solace in being a part of her child’s life.”

  “I completely agree, Sara. I’m looking forward to working together with you on this case. I hope you understand how much faith I have in you. I wouldn’t let just anyone work with Abigail. Like I said, I care for her deeply, and no one is better suited to her needs than you.” Caroline gives me a reassuring smile. A warm flush runs over me as I accept her praise. Caroline’s respect means more than I can say.

  “I appreciate the vote of confidence, Caroline. I won’t let you down.”

  Caroline and I make small talk as we slowly move out of her office and into common area. Celia is sitting at the middle table inhaling the largest cinnamon roll that I’ve ever seen. It’s the kind of cinnamon roll that would give me two dimples of ass cellulite just for taking a whiff of it. Damn! She’s got the guy and the fast metabolism. Life is officially unfair.

  “Caroline! Sara! Good morning, my lovelies. I brought fruit for the health nuts and donuts for the cheaters like me. Come and get it!”

  And she’s thoughtful, too, which means I can’t hate her. I’m still a teensy bit envious, though. I punish myself for my jealous thoughts with a donut. Ass dimples are an appropriate punishment for my jealousy, right?

  “I’ll take my donut to go, Celia. I’m going to be down the street working on the downtown mural this morning. You guys feel free to check it out later. It looks fantastic; the clients have really outdone themselves this time!” Caroline beams with pride and her enthusiasm is contagious. I’m surrounded by people who are passionate about their work, and I love it. Caroline is out the door with her donut before I have a chance to tell her goodbye.

  “Thanks for the donut. My big butt is especially appreciative,” I giggle.

  “Oh, please. I can tell with one look that you are all muscle, girl. I’d kill for your ass!”

  “Well, I would kill for your thin frame. There is way too much thickness going on over here,” I explain as I wave my hands over my stomach and thighs.

  “It’s official—women always want what they don’t have!” Celia shakes her head and laughs.

  “Now, that’s the truth! So what’s going on this morning? How can I help?”

  “Well, I have a couple of individual therapy sessions, so I’ll be busy with that. Adam just started an STD awareness class that you could observe. You may have to lead one of them in the future, so that’s probably a good idea. We have the class every Saturday morning, and the Northern U freshman students have to attend one of the classes as part of their orientation. Ooh, you need to sit in the back and heckle him. He claims no one can fluster him, but I bet you’d give him a run for his money.”

  “Oh, he’d appreciate that, I’m sure. I’m trying to stay on his good side since I pretty much called him a skank my first day here. Not the best way to make friends at a new job, if you know what I mean.”

  “He’s got a good sense of humor. Don’t spend one minute worrying about that.”

  “How long have y’all been together?”

  “Well, we … huh? What are you talking about?” Celia’s head is tilted to the side, and she is squinting her eyes at me like she’s trying to figure me out.

  “You and Adam, I mean. How long have y’all been a couple?”

  “Adam and I? A couple?” Celia throws her head back and bursts into laughter. Now I’m the one trying to figure her out.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I am not seeing Adam. We are very good friends, and we’re next-door neighbors. That’s the only thing going on between us. What gave you that idea?”

  Huh?

  But I thought …

  So you mean …

  It takes me a long moment to process her words, and then another moment to sufficiently cover up my excitement … I mean … surprise.

  “Sorry, I completely misunderstood the situation. The two of you just seem so close, and then I heard y’all making plans last night. I just assumed …”

  “We are close, that’s true. Adam’s a great friend. He’s got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, and I help him out sometimes. That’s what you heard us talking about. I actually can’t remember the last time Adam has dated anyone.” Celia winks at me knowingly.

  Well, shit, that definitely changes things.

  I slink into the classroom and try my hardest to go unnoticed as I take a seat in a chair in the back row.

  “Ah, Sara, I’m glad you decided to stop by my presentation today. Did you really think I would let you get away with hiding out in the back?” Adam winks at me while the entire class turns around to gawk at the newcomer. “Ladies and gentlemen, Sara is a volunteer here at the clinic, and she has some invaluable insight into the importance of STD prevention. Sara, care to share with the class?”

  “Sure thing, Adam, there’s nothing I’d rather do more,” I quip sarcastically as I make my way to the front of the class.

  “Like Adam said, my name is Sara. I’m a new volunteer here at the clinic, and I’m also a labor and delivery nurse at Providence Memorial. As you can imagine, I see my fair share of unplanned pregnancies. It can be a very scary time for someone who isn’t ready to be a parent, so I can’t stress enough the importance of safe sex.”

  “Sara, I’m sure the hospital treats many patients who have contracted sexually-transmitted diseases.” I nod at Adam as he continues, “What pearls of wisdom can you impart on the class from your experiences at the hospital?”

  “When talking about STDs, I want you to remember this one statement. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.” I give this a minute to soak in before continuing. “People with STDs don’t look a certain way. Chlamydia can be disguised in a very pretty package. It would be easy if we could spot the danger, but you can’t. A large percentage of people with STDs don’t even realize they have one. It’s important to protect yourself every time you are engaging in any sexual activity.”

  One of the boys in the back row raises his hand, smirk already present on his face. “When I’m messing around with a girl, it’s embarrassing to just start talking about that junk. It breaks up my flow.”

  The class is snickering, and I can tell ‘cool boy in the back of the class’ thinks he just scored points for being the class clown. “First of all, if you can’t talk about condoms with your partner, you probab
ly shouldn’t be having sex with her. Second of all, what conversation would be less embarrassing: ‘Do you have a condom?’ or ‘I may have given you syphilis.’ I know what conversation I’d rather have.”

  The class is laughing and cool boy shakes his head and puts his hands up in a “you win” gesture. I take a seat in a chair off to the side of Adam and let him take the lead again. He periodically engages me in the lesson, and I find that we work well together. We are aware of each other’s cues, and we have a good back and forth. I’m impressed with the casual atmosphere he creates and how it makes the students more at ease about asking questions and sharing their concerns. Focusing on the lesson has distracted my mind for a while, but I’m now acutely aware of how sexy Adam looks, yet again. He makes a pair of worn jeans, black boots, and a black henley look runway ready. I feel my nerves creeping up, and I do my best to swallow them.

  As the students file out of the room, I notice Adam grinning at me and nodding his head smugly.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “I believe I’ve found my partner in crime for these classes. We make a great team, don’t ya think?” Adam comes closer and bumps me with his shoulder, and I savor the proximity. He’s not wearing cologne, but he has a distinct, delicious smell—outdoors and just male. The man is completely edible.

  “Yeah, we do make a pretty great team. Thanks for letting me jump right in.”

  “No need to thank me. Now that I know you’re good at this, I’m going to do my best to make you my permanent co-instructor. The other volunteers get all squeamish talking about this stuff. From now on, it’s you, me, and the pictures!” Adam holds up a picture of … well, let’s just say it’s very disturbing.

  I scrunch up my nose and laugh. “Adam, please, put the picture down. It’s very unbecoming!”

  “That’s the point!”

  I shake my head and follow Adam out of the classroom. I try to ignore the view, but who am I kidding? There’s no denying he’s got a fine ass. I’m so enthralled with Adam’s backside that I don’t realize that he’s looked back to ask me a question. Oh yeah, he just caught me checking him out. The smirk on his face is all the evidence I need.

  “I’m sorry, what?” I feel the heat rushing over my face. Because of my coloring, I can never hide my embarrassment. My cheeks always give me away.

  “I was just saying that it looks like it’s going to be just the two of us this morning. Caroline and Celia are both busy today.” I’m relieved that Adam seems to be letting me off the hook. I’m humiliated enough without him bringing attention to my ogling.

  “Only if you put the pictures away. I’ve seen enough herpagonasyphilaids to last me a lifetime!”

  “Herpagonda what?”

  “You know what I mean … no more crotch rot!” Adam is laughing hysterically, and I grin back at him. Leave it to my foul mouth to smooth out the awkwardness. Marlo would be so proud of her little protégé.

  For the next two hours, we talk about nothing. Absolutely nothing—and it’s the best conversation I’ve had in a very long time. Adam confesses that he didn’t learn to ride a bike until he was twelve years old, and I admit that my walls were covered with N’Sync and 98 Degrees memorabilia in high school. I secretly hope that no one walks in and bursts our little bubble.

  “So what’s this?” Adam asks, running his finger along my jawline. I resist the urge to shiver, but only barely.

  “Just an old scar.”

  “No, it’s not just an old scar. Don’t you know? Scars are tattoos with much better stories. Let’s hear it.” Adam smile is infectious. While he waits for my answer, he reaches for my hand and begins drawing on the inside of my wrist again.

  “I was in a pogo stick contest in the fifth grade. We were up to 200 jumps, and my stick got caught on a rock, causing me to take a little trip. I think David Lewis threw that rock somehow. He was always a sneaky bastard, and he hated to lose. I ended up with five stitches.”

  “So, while I was wobbling around on training wheels, you were an Olympic pogo stick champion? Figures.”

  I giggle, and I sound way too girly for my liking. I’m curious to see what Adam is drawing, but I try to respect his no peeking rule. I sit quietly and revel in his touch. The silence feels intimate, and I’m in no hurry for it to end. All too soon, Adam completes his drawing and looks up at me with a gentle smile. Drip. Drip. Melting.

  “All done. Tell me what you think.”

  I look down at my wrist and see a strange symbol in thick black ink. It doesn’t look familiar, so I give Adam a confused look.

  “Okay, you’re gonna have to give me a hint.”

  “It’s an Om symbol. You know, like meditation. Om conveys the sound of life. It seemed perfect for a labor and delivery nurse since you help bring new life into the world.” Adam shrugs his shoulders shyly and looks down, and it’s beyond adorable.

  “Wow, very thoughtful. I like it.”

  “I wouldn’t put it on your wrist, though. I think it belongs up here.” Adam reaches up and brushes my hair out of the way as he caresses the back of my neck. His hand remains there a few moments longer than needed as our eyes lock. It falls away, leaving a tingling of awareness in its place. Like us, time is still. The chemistry pulsating between us is unmistakable.

  “Celia invited a few people to come over to her house tonight for dinner. Come.” He doesn’t ask, and I love that. His eyes are coaxing, willing me to say yes. I know, in this moment, that I’m in serious trouble—mesmerized, spellbound. My insides twist, my breath is fast and shallow, my hands tremble nervously … and that’s merely from a look. I may spontaneously combust if he were to reach over and touch me.

  “Well, I hate to impose. I mean, she hasn’t said anything to me about it, so I don’t want to just show up at her house …” I feel like a stuttering idiot, but that’s all I can muster.

  “Celia will totally be fine with it. You should bring Marlo and Alex; she’d love them,” Adam says, glibly dismissing my excuse.

  “I’ll think about it. I just don’t want to put her out. That’s kind of rude just waltzing into someone’s house uninvited with two people she doesn’t know.”

  Celia breezes through the common area, grabbing several files as she rushes away. As if Adam has summoned her, she turns her head a casts him a quick glance.

  “Adam, you told Sara about tonight, right? Bring whoever you want, Sara. The more, the merrier. I love to dazzle people with my stellar cooking skills!” Before anyone can respond, Celia prances off into one of the offices and closes the door.

  When I turn back to Adam, he’s staring at me with a huge grin on his face.

  “I told ya! Now, no excuses, Sara. You’ll hurt Celia’s feelings if you don’t show,” Adam reasons, laying it on a bit thick.

  “All right! I’ll check with Marlo and Alex,” I relent, throwing my hands up in the air.

  “That’s what I like to hear! Can I see your phone?” Adam asks, holding out his hand to me.

  “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

  Adam fiddles with my phone, and then I hear his jeans start ringing. “Now that I have your number, I’ll text you Celia’s address. That cool?”

  “Yeah, that’s cool.” My words come out more breathy than I would like, but whatever.

  I’m going to see him tonight.

  “Kiss Me Slowly” by Parachute

  I SENSE HIS presence behind me a moment before his hands rest lightly on my hips, his breath tickling down the curve of my neck. My entire body ignites at the sensation, rife with need.

  “Don’t turn around, baby. Stay right where you are. Put your hands on the wall for me.”

  My body instantly obeys his command as he alternately licks and bites my neck and collarbone. He slides his hands from my hips, up to the side of my breasts and continues until his hands are grasping mine above my head. I feel his hard length against my ass, and I instinctively push into him, craving the contact.

  He quickly lifts my dress ov
er my head, throws it to the side, and resumes his assault. I’m left in only a black lace bra and matching thong, and that’s still too much clothes. I need to feel all of him; I don’t want anything between us. I try to turn around to remove his clothes, but he stops me before I make the turn.

  “Slow down, baby. I want to enjoy you. I promise you, you’ll get every inch of me soon enough. You’ll just have to be patient, because I plan on taking my time with you. I plan on touching and licking every inch of your beautiful body. Do you want that, Sara?” While he’s talking, he’s driving me mad, seductively running his fingers up and down the back of my thong, barely touching me where I need him most. I try arching my body to prolong the contact, but he continues to tease me. I’m going to explode any second, and I’m willing to beg him for release.

  “Yes, Adam, please. I need you to touch me.” My voice is a sigh, and my breaths are quick and ragged.

  “I know. I plan on making you come over and over. I’m just getting you ready for me.” Adam pushes a finger inside of me as he squeezes my taut nipple. The sensation is almost too much, and I cry out his name.