Hope Over Fear (Over #1)

by J. A. Derouen

  “No, you know what, it’s perfect. We definitely won’t finish it all, but I’m sure the kids would like a treat after school, right? What grade are they in?”

  I know he wants to keep his life compartmentalized, but how do I ignore the biggest part of his life? I’m hopeful that he won’t shut me down, and I’m genuinely interested in his answer. I think it’s impossible to see those cuties and not want to know more about them.

  “They’re in Pre-K this year. Yeah, they’ll love the treats. I have a feeling Gage and I will be strong-armed into attending one of Lily’s tea parties today. At least there will be goodies this time instead of dirt pies.”

  I giggle as I nibble on a banana nut muffin.

  “So,” Adam prompts after a few moments of companionable silence and eating.

  “So,” I return with a smile.

  “I’m going to assume you thought about our conversation last weekend and just get right to the point. Gage and Lily are going camping with my parents this weekend, so I have a rare weekend to myself. I want to see you.” His crystal blue eyes are fixed on me, his intentions clear.

  I cock my head to the side and smirk. “Is there a question in there somewhere?”

  “Not really. I have a tendency to go after what I want and ask questions later. How’s that working?”

  “Well, in this instance, you’re in luck, since I happen to want the same thing. I would love to see you this weekend.” I smile and attempt, not very successfully, to keep the anticipation out of my voice.

  “Great! I promise you won’t regret it. Is Saturday night cool?” Speaking of overeager. Adam’s excitement is palpable, and it makes him all the more adorable.

  I shake my head and laugh to myself. “Man, I just can’t get a good read on you. You are nothing like I thought when I first met you.”

  “And what did you think?” He cocks one eyebrow up and leans into me.

  “You know, too cool to get excited about a date with someone like me. The ‘unaffected’ type.”

  “Someone like you? You clearly have a skewed vision of yourself, because what I see when I look at you affects me very much. The hard-to-keep-my-hands-to-myself type of hot.” Adam grabs my legs and pulls me closer to him. Our faces are inches apart, and my breath quickens.

  “And let me assure you …” He licks my bottom lip, causing a shiver to run down my spine. “I’m very affected by you, Sara Preston.” His lick quickly turns into a bite as he turns his baseball cap backward. I open my mouth as his tongue expertly collides with mine. His fingers snake through my hair, holding me in place. I reach out to him, clutching his sweatshirt, needing, wanting more. More of this. More of him. The kiss quickly becomes urgent, almost desperate. It’s frightening how easy it is to lose myself in him, but I willingly give into the feeling. Adam ends the kiss, and our foreheads remain touching, neither of us ready to separate.

  “Although I don’t want to, I know I need to let you rest. Plus, I have lots of planning to do.” My eyes are still closed, but I can hear the smile in his voice.

  “Okay.” It may not be the most articulate response, but it’s all I can muster after that kiss.

  Adam plants a quick kiss to my forehead and collects his things.

  “Sweet dreams, Sara. I wonder what you could dream about, huh?” He winks as he turns his hat around, and the blush slowly creeps up my face.

  Oh, if he only knew …

  “Show Me What I’m Looking For” by Carolina Liar

  “I’m On Fire” by Bruce Springsteen

  “Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam

  “SO WHAT TIME is loverboy due to arrive?” Marlo taunts as she helps pick out my jewelry.

  “He said he’d be here at five o’clock, so we need to hurry so you can leave!”

  “Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist. Come to think of it, your panties better not be big enough to get twisted. Please tell me you have on a thong!”

  “Your inappropriateness never ceases to amaze me, Marlo! I assure you, I’m not wearing granny panties, okay?”

  “I’m just looking out for you. If y’all knock boots tonight, I just want everything to be perfect. Here, wear this silver necklace. Ooh, are you gonna call him Daddy? He is a daddy, you know!”

  I rip the necklace out of Marlo’s hand and try unsuccessfully to stop the blush creeping up my neck.

  “No, that’s fucking sick. Okay, my friend, time to go. I really appreciate the wardrobe advice, but you’re making me so nervous with all this thong and daddy talk. I need to relax for a minute before he gets here.”

  “Fine! My job is done here anyway. You look absolutely beautiful, Sara, thanks, at least in part, to me.” Marlo stands in front of me, fluffing my hair like I’m her masterpiece. “Remember what I told you before … you deserve this. I’m so excited about your date, I think I may have to give Mike a call.”

  Marlo has been casually dating-slash-fucking a paramedic named Mike for a few months. She doesn’t bring him around her friends, but I see him occasionally at the hospital when he transports a patient. He’s hot, and he seems like a cool guy, but I doubt there is anything real between them. Only time will tell …

  “Thanks. Now get out of here!”

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. That should give you more than enough leeway!”

  As she bolts out the front door giggling, I walk back to the bathroom to check my makeup again. Marlo decided on a peach off-the-shoulder sweater made of a gauzy material with a tank underneath and a dark wash jean. I saw Adam at the clinic this morning, and he told me to dress casual and definitely no heels. So, much to Marlo’s dismay, I’m wearing simple black ballet flats.

  I look down at my watch to see the minute hand click over, and I take in deep, steadying breath. As I blow it out, I hear a light tapping at my front door.

  “So where are you taking me?” I ask as Adam places his hands on my hips to help me into his jeep.

  “Have patience, sweetheart. You’ll find out soon enough.” Adam laughs as he closes the door. As he walks around to the driver’s side, I nervously fidget and take in that beautiful face and unruly hair. As Marlo would say, this guy is sex on a stick.

  We drive through town in a comfortable silence with Carolina Liar playing softly in the background. While Adam is focused on driving, I take advantage of the time to perform a quick visual inspection of my date. He’s wearing a gray button-down oxford with rolled sleeves and dark blue jeans. Several leather bands adorn his right wrist. His sleeves are pushed up, but not quite high enough to see his tattoo.

  “So, you’re not even going to give me a little hint?” I tease good-naturedly.

  “Nope. I told you not to wear heels, and that is as much of a hint as you’re going to get!”

  As Adam drives us to the outskirts of town, I start getting a little concerned. Where exactly could he be taking me? We cross the bridge over the Red River, and he veers off onto the side of the road. Adam turns to me and grins as he kills the engine.

  “Um, Adam, I don’t get it. Why are we on the side of the road? Are you planning to dump a body in the river?” I ask, only half joking.

  “So you’ve never been here before? Awesome … I’m so glad I get to be the one to take you.”

  Adam jumps out of the jeep and comes over to the passenger side. He helps me out of the truck and grabs a blanket in the back seat.

  “Can you carry the blanket?”

  “Sure, as long as you don’t roll me up in it and tie weights to me.”

  “Ha ha! Don’t give me any ideas. Just trust me.” Adam grabs an ice chest out of the bed of the truck. I follow him up a path that is hidden from the road and understand the ‘no heels’ rule immediately.

  After about five minutes, we hit a clearing that looks out over the river and the sunset. We are standing on a cliff that’s about ten stories up from the river. Pine trees hover behind us, creating a shady spot to picnic. The dark red clay of the cliffs contrasts the deep blue sky and complements t
he setting sun perfectly.

  “Welcome to the bluffs, Sara. I thought we could set up the blanket and have a picnic. Is that okay with you?”

  “Wow, it’s so beautiful up here. How did you find this place?”

  Adam takes the blanket from me and lays it on the clearing. “Since spring only lasts a couple of weeks in Louisiana, I figure we should enjoy it. It’s a pretty cool spot. I hate to admit it, but Cain is the one who showed it to me. He’s actually from Providence, so he knows some hangouts that only the locals frequent. When I mentioned our date this weekend, he gave me this idea. ‘Cain the Casanova,’ right?”

  “Oh God, don’t tell him that. We’ll never hear the end of it!” I giggle as I sit down on the blanket.

  Adam sits across from me and opens the ice chest. He lays out an impressive spread of cheeses, meats, breads, and fruits.

  “Mr. Hunt, I’m beginning to think you don’t do anything halfway. First, I get the whole bakery for breakfast, then the entire deli for dinner. I’m impressed.”

  “Oh, believe me, I don’t intend to do anything halfway when it comes to you.” Adam smirks mischievously as I shake my head and blush at his innuendo. Adam rises and leans toward me, brushing a light kiss on my lips. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you, beautiful girl. Let’s eat!”

  Adam keeps our conversation light and easy as we eat and drink a little wine. I don’t feel nervous or pressured to think of something witty to say. Sometimes first dates can feel like an interview, but not with him. I’m content to just be in the moment and enjoy the evening.

  “So what were you like in school, Sara? I’m trying to figure you out.” Adam taps his fingers to his lips, and his eyes brighten. “I know. You were the snooty cheerleader. No? What about the rebel bad girl? How about the uptight class president?”

  I keep shaking my head no and laugh at all his guesses. How could he think I’d be the rebel bad girl?

  “Well, I suck at guessing, so just tell me!”

  “I was just your plain ol’, run-of-the-mill goody-two-shoes. The boring teacher’s pet. I rarely went out, never dated much. Yep, just pretty boring.”

  “That’s how you see it, but I bet that’s not the real story. I know who you were. You were the untouchable girl.”

  “The untouchable girl?” I ask.

  “Yep. You were the hot, smart girl who all the guys wanted, but were too intimidated to approach. Not to mention that none of them thought they were good enough for you, which they weren’t. That was you, the untouchable girl.” Adam nods his head, satisfied with his appraisal of me.

  “That could not be further from the truth. I was not untouchable! More like unnoticeable.”

  “I find that hard to believe. How could anyone tear their eyes away from you?”

  “What about you? What were you like in high school?” I figure the best way to get off this subject is to turn the tables.

  “I have to confess … I was that cocky, unaffected guy you talked about the other day. I’m not proud of it, but that’s who I was back then.” Adam keeps eye contact with me, showing me he may not be proud of it, but he owns who he is. I appreciate his honesty.

  “I knew it! But now you’re so approachable. What changed?”

  “Lily and Gage. The second I laid eyes on them, I fell completely in love, and it wasn’t about me anymore. Also, the women who were practically panting for my attention before didn’t find me nearly as attractive. Who wants a guy who’s saddled with two kids at twenty years old? Definitely not the self-absorbed bitches I’d been entertaining. So I focused my attention on those two beautiful children, and they make me a better person every damn day. As a result, the unaffected asshole has left the building.”

  “Well, you’ll have to thank Lily and Gage for me, because I’m having a good time with the affected Adam.”

  Adam reaches over and places his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him.

  “I’m enjoying myself, too, goody-two-shoes.”

  His lips brush against mine, warm and soft. I open for him, needing him to be closer. My body responds as our tongues move together, and I quickly become breathless. He breaks the kiss and lightly licks right under my ear. He has a frustrating knack for leaving me wanting more.

  “Watch the sunset with me?” he whispers.

  I nod and let him pull me between his legs, my back against his front. He sweeps my hair to the side and softly kisses my neck. He wraps an arm across my chest, and I sit comfortably in the perfection of this moment. We silently watch the sun disappear, and I lean my head back on his shoulder affectionately.

  As the sun sets and the night air settles around us, a slight chill enters the air, and I shiver as Adam packs up our leftovers. He drapes the blanket over my shoulders to keep me warm and tenderly rubs his nose against mine.

  “Listen, my old band is playing at The Courtyard tonight, and I thought it may be fun to go check it out. I’m not ready for this night to end. What do you think?”

  “I would love that. I haven’t been to The Courtyard in ages. But wait … you used to be in a band?” Hello? I can’t think of anything sexier than Adam rocking out in a band.

  “Yeah, when I was in college. We performed mostly covers, but some original stuff, too. It was just for fun—to blow off steam. Once I had Lily and Gage, I didn’t have the time anymore. I still jam with them when they’re passing through, but I couldn’t keep up with those bachelors. My priorities changed, ya know?”

  “I get that,” I murmur as we make our way down the dirt path. Adam has given up so much to be a father to his children, but I don’t hear one ounce of resentment in his voice. I admire and respect his devotion, and it only endears him to me more.

  The Courtyard has an indoor bar area, but the bands play in the back courtyard. There are black wrought iron tables and chairs scattered in the center of the courtyard area and more intimate booths along the sides. It’s packed, and I don’t think we’ll find a place to sit.

  Holding my hand, Adam leads me to the booth right beside the stage that has a reserved card placed in the middle.

  “Perks of knowing the band,” Adam quips as we slide into the booth. “Hey, usually I sing a few songs with them for old time’s sake. Is that okay? If you’re uncomfortable by yourself, I won’t do it.”

  “Are you kidding me? I’d love to see you play. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands off you, though. Guys in bands are pretty irresistible,” I joke and raise my eyebrows suggestively. I’m not really joking, but I keep that fact to myself.

  “Really? I may have to rethink this whole band thing, then. Maybe I could find the time.” Adam nuzzles his face into my neck, and I instinctively curl into his side.

  The band, Voodoo Fire, is really good. They play a few songs before the lead singer looks over and notices us. He raises his hand, and Adam does the same with a head nod.

  “Yo Adam! Are you gonna jam with us or what? Get your ass up here!”

  After a quick kiss, Adam bounds up onto the stage and gives quick handshakes and back slaps to the other members of the band. The lead singer gives Adam a guitar and moves to the side to make room.

  Adam adjusts his microphone and addresses the crowd.

  “Hey guys, let’s give it up for Voodoo Fire. These guys fucking rock, am I right?”

  The crowd hollers and cheers loudly, agreeing with Adam. Once the cheers die down, Adam puts the guitar around his neck, readying himself.

  “I’m honored and humbled to play with them tonight.” Adam turns and addresses the band with a smirk on his face. “I’ll try to keep up with you assholes, okay?”

  Sitting here, experiencing yet another side of Adam, is overwhelming. Watching him play the guitar and listening to the gravelly tone of his voice has electricity shooting through my body. I cross my legs in an attempt to control the ache that has become a constant when I’m in his presence.

  The band begins their set, and Adam sings lead vocal. He has a magnetic energy ab
out him, and the crowd instantly responds. I scan the crowd and see potential Adam groupies in the making. I try to curb the territorial attitude that’s taking over my thoughts. He’s here with me, and I need to remember that.

  They immediately change into their next song, and the tune catches my attention right away. It’s a classic and it’s like it was written for his raspy voice. I’ve heard it countless times, but I can’t remember it ever sounding as erotic as it does right now.

  As the song raps up, the band leaves the stage while Adam stays settled on the stool.

  “I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’d like to do a quick solo number,” Adam says quietly into the microphone. “Thanks for indulging me.”

  After a few moments of silence, he begins to reverently strum the guitar, and I instantly recognize the Pearl Jam tune. He breathes the words to the song almost like a prayer. Adams eyes are closed as he sings, and it seems like he’s transported himself to another time.

  I close my eyes and let the melody wash over me; I let his words touch my soul. The pain in his voice is palpable and the backs of my eyes burn with unshed tears. But mixed with his pain is a sense of release, and I look up to see a slight smile pulling at his lips. It doesn’t make any logical sense, but that small smile on his lips assures me that everything is going to be okay.

  “For You I Will” by Teddy Geiger

  “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star

  “SO, I WOULD be honored if you let me be your number one groupie. If the women fawning over you tonight are any indication, I’ll have an army of groupies for your fan club in no time,” I joke as Adam drives me home.

  “Ha, very funny. I believe you’re more than enough groupie for me. I don’t need an army.” Adam chuckles, adding, “All joking aside, it feels great to strum the guitar again. I may need to do that more often.”