Scar

by Baylin Crow

  Her eye’s spit fire and the venom continued to spew from her mouth. “Maybe you did deserve it. You almost ruined your father and my reputation.”

  “I don’t know why you came, but you can save your breath because this conversation is over. I’m happy now, and there isn’t anything you can do or say to change that.”

  My father hadn’t said a word and sat silently as he watched the exchange, but he spoke up at that. “You are being selfish with this charade. And if you think there’s nothing we can do, think again. My father may have left you that bar, but the house is in my name. If you continue with this,” he gestured towards Soccer, and I clenched my teeth to keep from losing my shit. “I will sell the house and everything in it.”

  “Wow,” I breathed. “How do you live with yourselves? You would go that far just to get your way?” I shook my head and stood. It was time to go before this got any worse.

  “Come on,” I said tugging Soccer up and pulling him away from the table.

  “I mean it,” my father repeated. “Deny everything that was printed, and you’ll keep your grandfather’s home. The choice is yours. Your grandfather would be very disappointed if you let that house go.”

  That had been a low blow but he was mistaken, and I knew my grandfather better than he did. “He wouldn’t be disappointed in me. You, however, he would never forgive.” With that, we left the restaurant.

  My parent’s threat burned me, I couldn’t deny that. But what they were asking me to do? I just couldn’t do, and furthermore, I knew my grandfather would be disappointed if I let Soccer go. He wanted me to be happy and had voiced it over and over but I couldn’t at the time. I was still too raw from my experience. I wished he was here now to meet him and know that someone saw me for me and didn’t want me to change.

  Outside, Miles and Josh were still waiting on Soccer. He turned towards them. “I’m sorry guys. You should have gone on without me,” he said.

  “Things looked bad in there. We didn’t want to leave you.”

  “Thanks for looking out for me but I need to spend some time with Beard. You guys go ahead without me, and I’ll see you back at the house.” His friends patted him on the back and continued on their way. “That was intense in there,” he breathed.

  “I’m sorry you saw that, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you they were here. I just wanted to protect you from them.” I pulled him in and put my arms around him. It had been getting even colder, and I was glad to see he was wearing one of my jackets. He was still shaking a little but seemed to calm in my arms.

  “What did they mean by our relationship affecting them?” he asked, and I shook my head in shame as their words replayed. I had played into their hands too many times but not this time.

  “You want to come back to the apartment with me? I don’t want to talk about this on the street.”

  “Lead the way.” His big brown eyes drew me in, and I had to stop myself from telling him exactly how I felt for the first time right there on the sidewalk.

  We walked down the road to my truck and then made the ten-minute drive back to the bar.

  Once upstairs, I got us a couple of beers, and we got comfortable on the couch. I took a pull from the bottle before I explained everything, leaving nothing out.

  Grabbing his hand, I rubbed my thumb back and forth over his knuckles and began. “The first time my parents figured out that I was gay I was sixteen, and the maid found some things in my room and relayed to my parents what she’d found. It had been a magazine featuring half naked men.” I rubbed the back of my neck with my other hand and felt myself flush, but he just squeezed my hand in understanding.

  “My father called me into his study and confronted me with the magazine. He demanded to know if I was gay. At first, I didn’t know what to say and clammed up. He told me it was wrong and that I didn’t know what I wanted. My parents started setting me up with dates, girls from other connected families. They seemed pacified when I went to the events with them. There wasn’t another word said about it, and that was why I ended up being inexperienced until college. By then I was out of from under their thumb, but their words still stuck with me. When I met Trent…” Soccer tensed hearing his name, so I pulled him under my arm and against my chest. He buried his face in my shirt and gripped me tight. “Well, you know that part of the story. Afterwards, a student came across me still lying on the ground where they had left me and called an ambulance. When my parents arrived at the hospital, they demanded that the doctor and nurse give us some privacy and drilled me on what happened. I dreaded telling them, knowing how they felt about being gay but I came clean. I told them about Trent and then being found out. I told them that I had been jumped from behind and didn’t know who had done it but was pretty sure it had been my team.” I still felt the pain every time I thought about them turning on me and then taking it as far as they had. It still felt unreal that something that didn’t even affect them would drive them to do something so hateful.

  “I probably don’t want to know, but I need to. What did they say?” he whispered still buried against me.

  The sound that left me was hollow even to my ears. “They asked me what I had been thinking. Told me I was an embarrassment and that I better hope this didn’t get out. They ended up paying off families and doing damage control where they could, denying every bit of it. They explained my absence from school as being sick and in the meantime were working on a transfer. I told them I wasn’t going back to school, ever. I was in a bad place and in a deep depression. The first person I thought about was my grandfather so I called him and asked if I could stay with him. He told me I never even had to ask, but I wondered when I told him what had happened if he would feel the same way still.”

  “Wait,” Soccer interrupted. “Your family paid off what families? Did they know who did it?”

  I nodded. “I overheard my father on the phone. Like I said, he was doing damage control, and there wasn’t a lot he didn’t know. My father is a judge. Fitting, huh? He never told me he had found out who had attacked me and I would have never known if I hadn’t overheard him when he mentioned my teammates by name. It broke me,” I choked.

  “Oh God,” Soccer maneuvered himself quickly until he was in my lap straddling my waist. “What horrible people. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  I hugged his body tight at the term of endearment. “Beard,” he hesitated. “I don’t care about your parents. They aren’t worth even thinking about but what about your grandparent’s house?”

  His fear was almost palpable. If he thought for a second that anything would come between us, I was about to prove him wrong. “I loved my grandfather very much, and he loved me. Both of my grandparents did. That house provided me somewhere safe when I was at my worst, but I have something else now that makes me feel even safer. I won’t give you up.”

  He sighed, and I felt the tension leave his body. “This is so messed up,” he said. I agreed, but I was so tired of talking about it. I needed him to take it all away, and in return, I wanted to show him how important he was to me.

  Fourteen

  Soccer

  Beard took me to bed and undressed both of us slowly, taking his time and watching every move I made like it might be the last time, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t care about where he came from. I only cared about where we were going, together. When he laid us down and rolled the condom down my length, I knew he was finally giving himself to me completely. This wouldn’t be like his last experience. The sounds he made as I took care of him would stay with me forever. I cherished his body with my mouth and hands. My arms shook as I hovered over him and slid inside him. He came on a groan that shook me to my core triggering my own release. Afterwards curled around each other, I listened until his breathing evened and couldn’t help the tear that escaped after the shit day we had both gone through. I felt his pain with every word and never wanted him to go through anything like that again. I was his, and that meant I would share in every happy and every sad
part of his life. He’d never be alone again. I needed to tell him and I had a plan on how to do it. I just wasn’t sure how he would react.

  ---

  I woke to the angry sound of Beard’s voice coming from down the hall. Immediately on alert I scrambled towards the noise and found Beard sitting down at the dining table rubbing one temple as he pressed the phone to his ear with the other hand. He hadn’t seen me, so focused on the call.

  “I don’t care! What do you not understand? If that’s what you need to do to make yourselves feel better than I guess do it. It’s not going to prove anything and you punishing me for being happy by using grandpa’s house as leverage is one more reason why I want nothing to do with you or dad.” It was clear he was talking to his mom, and I didn’t know whether to interrupt and be supportive or give him some space, so I stood and waited for him to notice me. His laugh startled me. “I know you knew who did it. I overheard dad. Why do you think I left? It wasn’t because I cared what you and him thought, that’s for damn sure. Me leaving was the best thing I ever did. Who keeps something like that from their kid and silently makes everything go away?” He listened to the other end for a second before growling. “Well it’s been a nice chat, but we’re done here. Do what you have to do and don’t contact me again.” I could still hear screeching on the other end before he hung up on her.

  I cleared my throat announcing I was there. “You okay?” I asked.

  “I am now.” He grinned and stood. Stalking me like prey, he backed me up against the living room wall. “Kiss me,” he demanded, and I was more than happy to oblige. When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes. “I want to take you somewhere today.”

  There was no practice today, and all I wanted to do was spend the day with him. “Where are we going?”

  He smiled, and looked so relaxed considering what I had just overheard. “I want to take you to my grandparent’s house. The last time I was there I thought about bringing you and now might be the last time I’m able to do that.” There was a brief flash of grief before he covered it and it made me angry at his parents all over again.

  After I agreed, we dressed and were on the road soon after. The drive there wasn’t long, and as we pulled up to the house, I could immediately tell why he loved this place so much. It was so serene here, even in the winter.

  Instead of taking me into the house, he walked us to the back.

  “Wow,” I said as I took in the view of the water. “This is really nice.”

  He smiled as he walked over to a hammock that hung between two of the largest trees that surrounded the property. “Yeah, I’m going to miss this.” He shrugged. “This,” he said, pointing to the hammock underneath him, “is my favorite spot. I used to come out here just to think or read. If this is the last time I’m going to be able to visit, I want my last memory of it to be with you.”

  He looked so content, more than I had ever seen from him and it was a good look on him. He crooked his finger, beckoning me forward. I hurried over to him, and he laughed. We lay there, rocking side to side, just listening to the soft sounds of the water and wind. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew Beard was shaking my shoulder.

  “Huh?” I was so comfortable and didn’t want to move so when he tried to sit up I tightened my grip on him.

  “We have to go. Andi called and said she needed me to come sign off on a delivery, and they’re waiting on me.”

  Grudgingly I lifted myself and allowed him to sit up. “I’m glad you brought me here.”

  He smiled as we started walking back around the house. “Me too.”

  ---

  Back at the bar, Beard went in the back to take care of the delivery, so I perched myself on a stool. Andi was behind the bar setting up for the evening, and I wondered if Beard had to work tonight.

  “You’re good for him, you know.” I started at her voice, and she laughed lightly. “It’s true. He’s always been so closed off and broody. Things have changed a lot since you and him…well you know. He’s happy, I can tell.” She obviously cared about him, and I wondered if he knew there was someone who worried about him even before me.

  “He makes me happy, too.” I couldn’t even begin to tell her how much but she seemed satisfied and left me there to go unlock the door.

  Beard came back from the back room and set down a crate of bottles underneath the bar. “Do you have to work tonight?” I asked.

  “Nah, Jackson should be in pretty soon.” This worked with my plan perfectly, now I just had to get him there without being too obvious.

  “Good, it’s my turn to take you somewhere.”

  “Is that right?” He said with a lift of his brow and a smirk. “Does this somewhere happen to have a bed I can lay you down on?”

  I cursed and squeezed my eyes shut trying to get my body under control. He chuckled. “I’ll take that as a maybe.”

  “I really want to take you somewhere, and you are distracting me,” I chastised him.

  He held his hand up towards the door. “You lead, I’ll follow.”

  When I headed for his apartment, he made a smart comment about being serious about that bed thing. We were never going to make it to our destination at this rate. In his apartment, he reached for me but I stepped too far away. If he touched me, it would be game over.

  “No.” I shook my head. “Go change. Something like this,” I said and gestured at my usual outfit of athletic pants and t-shirt with tennis shoes.

  “I still think no clothes would be better,” he mumbled as he walked down the hall. I shook my head, smiling to myself.

  Five minutes later he was dressed, and we headed out again. I held my hand out for his keys since I didn’t have my car. He looked between his keys and my hand, reminding me of Miles and his stupid controller. “Just give me the keys, Beard.” He didn’t look happy, but he handed them over.

  He wasn’t even paying attention to where we were going. Instead, he was too busy playing backseat driver and telling me to be careful every minute or two. Parking in the lot, I gave him a minute to figure out what I wanted us to do. His face went from confused, to shock, and then downright refusal.

  “Why the hell are we here?” He narrowed his eyes and flattened his lips.

  “Because we are going to play,” I told him.

  “No, we aren’t,” he argued back.

  I would do this all night if I had to, but I was getting him on that grass. “I guess you aren’t getting laid tonight then.” That’s right, I would play that card.

  He scowled, and I had to fight back a laugh but one side of my mouth cracked. Taking the keys out of the ignition I walked towards the indoor facility that I had keys to and went in to grab a ball. After about five minutes, he must have realized I wasn’t coming back because his door slammed closed in the distance.

  When I turned to look at him, he threw up his hands. “You’ve got me here. Now, what?”

  “Now.” I winked. “We play.”

  “That’s not a good idea, and you don’t even have a ball.”

  “It’s a great idea, and yes I do.” I held it out. He stared at it most likely trying to come up with another excuse. “Tell you what, if you win, you get anything you want tonight. If I win, same bet.”

  “Define anything.” Finally, some interest and it got me thinking what else he wanted to try.

  “Any position, any place, my mouth, my… Hey!” I yelled as the cheater snatched the ball and took off for the field. Like he had never missed a day, he stood on the field with the ball under his foot, taunting me.

  “Scared?” he asked.

  “You wish.” I stole the ball, and he cursed.

  “What’s the game?” he yelled.

  “First to a goal.” I laughed as I took off.

  “Oh, is that all,” he said as he ran around me, kicking the ball back to his control. I was impressed. According to that newspaper he had been in a similar situation with a promising career going professional but it had been four years ag
o. I was about to kick his ass.

  After a lot of back and forth, Beard managed the impossible and got the first goal. My jaw dropped when it flew right by me. “What the hell?” I yelled. He laughed. Like a real laugh, it was loud, and he had never sounded so alive. Suddenly his eyes grew hooded. The feral look in his eyes told me exactly what he was thinking about.

  He tackled me onto the grass and took my mouth with his. I was squirming under him in seconds and taking the kiss deeper. When he pulled back, breathing heavy, he just stared down at me while propped on an elbow. He ran his other hand up my arm and brought it up until it was cupping my face. The look in his eyes still held heat but had softened. I watched as a million emotions seemed to cross his features.

  “Soccer?” he asked.

  “Yeah, Beard?”

  “I love you. I’m not sure when it happened, but it did. You don’t have to say it back or anything, but I wanted you to know.” I think I was too shocked to stop him or even move. He bit his lip when I didn’t immediately reply, and I reached up to tug it free.

  “You stole my line,” I whispered.

  “What do you mean?” he asked as his brows dipped.

  “I was going to tell you tonight. That’s why I brought you here. I was halfway in love with you before you got stuck with me on my birthday, and I’ve done nothing but fall further every day since then.”

  “Soccer?”

  “Yeah, Beard?” I laughed.

  “I want my prize.” My shorts suddenly felt too tight. “Let’s get out of here.” He pulled me up, and we made it back to his apartment in record time.

  Epilogue

  Beard

  Everyone was shocked when they had learned that Soccer didn’t intend to continue playing and instead wanted to teach and coach. After that night when I kicked Soccer’s ass on the field, we started talking future plans. He made no secret that when he had enrolled his plans were to go back home where he would be close to his family to find a job. He had tried to talk about a compromise, but it wasn’t a question of whether I was going with him or not. I’d do anything for him, and his family was great. We had gone to his hometown for Christmas. They lived in a small three-bedroom home that was littered with family photos. I saw Soccer at all ages, even the funny braces picture. There was a lot of love in that house. You could feel it went you walked in and I had. They made me feel at home, and I definitely understood why Soccer would be drawn back there to plant his own roots.