The Truth in My Lies

by Ivy Smoak

  The meetings took place in the elementary school in our neighborhood. I thought I’d see more people walking, but only cars passed by me. It was probably smart. The sun would be completely set by the time the meeting drew to a close. I should probably try to catch a ride home with Charlotte. I had pretty much claimed that she was my new BFF. There were consequences in lying. Horrible consequences.

  I opened the door to the gymnasium. High pitched voices greeted my ears in the most unwelcoming way. But none of the voices were directed at me.

  I stared at the other women, all clustered together at the front of the room. Crap. They were wearing dresses. Of course they’re wearing dresses. I sat down in the back row before anyone could assess my jeans and sweater. My whole body seemed to expel awkwardness. I should have walked to the front of the room to socialize. Instead, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through meaningless emails. At least no one would talk if I was invisible.

  I almost jumped when someone put their hand on my shoulder.

  “Adeline, hon, how good to see you,” Charlotte said. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

  “Oh, yeah.” I waved my hand through the air and stuffed my phone back into my purse. “Just a minor sprain. I can barely feel it anymore.”

  “You’re lucky Ben Jones was there to help. Such a sweet man, don’t you think?”

  “He’s fine, I guess.” I shrugged for added effect. The action made me wince. “I barely know him.”

  “Huh.” She stared at me like she was waiting for me to say something.

  Don’t bet on it.

  “Well, I had a long chat with him the other day. I guess you were in the shower when I dropped off the lasagna…”

  “Thank you for that, by the way. It was so nice of you to think of me.” It wasn’t nice. She was being nosy. And I wasn’t thankful. I was just trying to turn the conversation away from Ben. And the fact that I was in the shower when he was in my house. Kill me.

  “Not a problem at all. But really, hon, you must spill. All the girls want to know what Ben is like. He’s so secretive. We’re trying to set him up with someone but it’s hard when we don’t know a thing about him”

  Why are they all so interested in my gardener? I internally sighed. Mine? He wasn’t mine. And he was so much more than just a gardener. He was smart and kind and had the lips of an angel. “He’s just my gardener. I barely even know him.” It pained me to say the words.

  “He was in your house.”

  I wanted to slap her. Instead, I clenched my hand into a fist and smiled. “Like you said, I was just lucky he was there to help me when I fell.” This conversation was excruciating.

  “Well, he likes gardens. That doesn’t exactly add to our list. We all knew that already. Regardless, the girls and I have someone in mind.” She waved a few women over from the front of the room. “Rosie, Phoenix, you remember Adeline.”

  “You haven’t been to the book club meetings in forever,” Rosie said. “Was the last book selection that bad?”

  “No, no,” I said with a laugh. “I haven’t been feeling well for awhile.” I really hadn’t. Or rather, I hadn’t been feeling anything at all.

  “Well, we’re glad you could make it,” Phoenix said. “We all heard about you hanging out with Ben. We’re hoping you could give us the dirt.”

  “I just hired him to handle my lawn care. Nothing more,” I said with a laugh. It sounded so fake. But that didn’t really matter. Everything about these women screamed fake.

  “I’d hire him to handle my garden any day,” Rosie said with a wink.

  Phoenix laughed and elbowed her in the side.

  I was going to rip their throats out. Oh. My. God. I looked down at my hand that was clenched in a fist. I liked him. I really, really liked him. Who acted this jealous if they weren’t smitten? I knew I was attracted to him, but this reaction was intense. Ben and I weren’t supposed to be a thing. We couldn’t be. But if we were, in some crazy way, it would have needed to be purely physical. My emotions were completely out of control though. I unclenched my fist, placed my hands in my lap, and willed them to stop talking about Ben like he was a piece of meat.

  “You should hire him. He does great work,” I said.

  “You really haven’t learned anything else about him?” Charlotte asked.

  “He drives a truck.”

  She laughed. “We’ve all seen his truck. He’s so elusive, don’t you think? It just makes him sexier. But you know Sally? Of course you know Sally.”

  I freaking knew Sally. Nosy Sally. The nosiest neighbor in the history of nosy neighbors. She was worse than Charlotte. For some reason since she was older, it was harder to hate her, though. “Yup. I’ve met Sally.”

  “Well Sally’s daughter just moved back home after finishing med school. Her residency is at Kennett Hospital so it made sense for her to move back for the time being. We all think they’d be great together.”

  How could they think that? They knew nothing about Ben. “She’s living with her mother?”

  “Yeah, but weren’t you listening? She’s going to be a doctor. She’s a catch. Ben and her would be adorable together. I’m going to try to convince them to grab a coffee together.”

  “I doubt he’s into older women.” It was a stupid thing to say. Because obviously he was. But they didn’t know that.

  “She’s just a few years older than him. It’s not like she’s 30,” Charlotte said with a laugh.

  “Mhm.” My hand had formed into a fist again. Stop it.

  “What do you think?” Rosie asked. “Do you think they’d be a good match?”

  “I don’t know. Why are you so interested in his love life anyway?”

  “Single people in the neighborhood is bad for resale value,” Charlotte said.

  That didn’t seem like a true fact. “Really? How would you even check something like that before moving into a neighborhood?”

  “Everyone talks. And if there’s single people lurking around, it could lead to the neighborhood turning to a younger crowd…or affairs…or worse.”

  I swallowed hard. She knew. She obviously knew. Did she see me kiss him in that parking lot? They were all staring at me. Say something. Say anything! I laughed. “Worse?”

  “Like porn factories,” Phoenix said.

  “What’s a porn factory?” Rosie asked.

  Charlotte shushed them with her hand. “You know what we mean, Adeline. Only bad things can come of it.”

  “Okay, but you could set Sally’s daughter up with anyone. Maybe another doctor or someone with something in common with her?”

  A bell jingled at the front of the room.

  “Two birds with one stone, hon,” she said and patted my shoulder. “We’ll talk later. Wish me luck setting them up!”

  “It was great seeing you,” Rosie said and Phoenix added a wave before they followed Charlotte to the front of the room.

  Crap, I forgot to ask Charlotte for a ride. I rotated my ankle slowly. The pain was on a whole new level. But I’d have to suck it up on the way home. I wasn’t about to approach those women again. I was worried I’d knock one of them out.

  Chapter 15

  The president of the civic association was droning on and on about how important it was that no sheds were built in anyone’s yard. Why did she care so much? No one would even be able to see them from the street.

  I opened my eyes up wide to try to make myself stay awake. I should have tried to slip out before the meeting started. The conversation with Charlotte and the other women hadn’t gone great. But I had held my ground. And if they were trying to set Ben up with Sally’s daughter, then clearly they didn’t think anything was going on between me and him. Right?

  I started tapping my foot and immediately stopped. The pain was searing. This extra strength Advil was total bullshit. It was worse than normal Advil. All it did was make me sleepy.

  Stay awake. I glanced down at my watch. How had it only been five minutes?

  My mind wa
ndered back to Ben. What was he doing right now? Eating dinner probably. My stomach growled. Nothing I ate was as good as that burger he had brought me. I wished I had asked him where it was from. Now I’d never know.

  It was strange, but I had this overwhelming feeling of loss. Not because of the burger. Well, partially because of the burger. It was delicious. But mainly because of Ben. I barely even knew him. Why was I so fixated on him? All I knew was that I was happy when he had showed up on Monday morning. I had been looking forward to seeing him all weekend. For months he was all I had looked forward to. And that was just when I would see him. Now that we had talked? Touched? Kissed? God.

  He was perfect for me. Somehow I just knew. But I was technically committed to someone else. I twirled my wedding band with my thumb. I just needed to learn how to smile and hide the truth. It was something I was used to doing. I needed to bury my feelings in a pit and walk away.

  But that kiss. How could I forget that kiss?

  “Is this seat taken?”

  I had been replaying Ben’s voice in my mind on repeat. I knew before I even looked up that it was him. It felt like my heart started beating again when my eyes met his. His proximity made me feel cold and hot at the same time. He was the only one that could make me feel alive.

  But what the hell was he doing here? I had just done damage control. He was going to ruin everything. “What are you doing here?” I shoved my left hand between my thighs to hide my wedding band and engagement ring. Had he seen it? Why did I even care?

  He sat down as if my words were an invitation.“It’s for members of the community.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said.

  He took off his jacket and settled into his seat.

  “So…leave,” I added.

  “Does it really pain you that much to sit next to me for an hour?” He was smiling at me.

  “That’s not it.” I was having a hard time keeping my voice down. “I just cleared the air with the gawkers. And now you’re here sitting next to me. You’re probably not even allowed in here. Are you stalking me?”

  He laughed. “Gawkers?” When I didn’t say anything he continued. “Addy, I’m here because I’m part of the neighborhood and I want to know what’s going on. Honestly, it has nothing to do with you. But thanks for letting me know about the meetings.” He turned to face the front of the room.

  Nothing to do with me? What an ass. “You’re hardly part of the neighborhood.”

  “You’re really stuck up, do you know that?” He was still looking at the president instead of at me.

  And it made me jealous. And sad that he wasn’t here to see me. “I’m not…” I let my voice fade off. “You’re not getting it. It’s for people who live in the community. Not work in it.”

  He finally turned back to face me. “You’ve been to my house, Addy.”

  “No I haven’t. You keep showing up at mine uninvited.”

  He put his arm on the back of my chair. He wasn’t touching me, but it was like he was claiming my whole body as his. Any chill that I was feeling was replaced by warmth. “Were you so drunk the first day we met that you don’t remember coming into my home?”

  “I remember going into the house where you were mowing the lawn. Not your house. Some really organized couple who likes white.”

  “So you think that because I own a landscaping company that I can’t afford a house in this neighborhood?”

  “I didn’t say that, but…”

  “That was my house. I like things clean.”

  “I’ve run past that house every day for a year. You and your truck are only ever there on Thursday mornings.”

  “And I’m the stalker?”

  I ignored his comment. “Fine. Whatever. I stalked you. But at least I’m not lying. You do lawn care at that house. There’s no way you own it. I’d know.”

  “Owning a landscaping company means I need to go to other houses during the day. Thursday mornings I take off to make sure my property looks good. What kind of landscaper would I be if my own lawn was a mess?”

  “I’ve been by at night a few times…”

  “When I park my truck in the garage. Because I don’t need my tools from it.”

  “If it’s your house then…then…where is my shoe?”

  “What shoe?”

  “My sneaker. You took it off of me so I could ice my ankle. And I left it in that house. If you lived there you would have brought it back to me.”

  “I haven’t seen your sneaker.”

  “Then you don’t live there.”

  “I do live there.”

  “Then you stole my shoe!” Oh my God. How loudly did I say that? No one seemed to be staring at me besides for Ben.

  “I haven’t stolen your sneaker. You can even come look for it if you’d like.”

  “You’re just trying to get me back to your place. Or someplace. Whatever that place is. Oh my god, do you run a porn factory there while the owners are away?”

  “What? No. To both things.”

  I swallowed hard and turned to him. “No?” I had never hated that word so much.

  “I heard you loud and clear the other day. You wanted a friend and I crossed the line. I’m sorry about that. Seeing you here was a coincidence. But I thought I’d take the opportunity to apologize. End of our story. Just like you want.”

  End of our story. I blinked at him. Great. End of our fucking story then. “Awesome. Well, it was great knowing you, Ben. I hope you have fun on your date with Sally’s daughter. And just for the record, she lives with her mother.”

  I grabbed my purse and slid out of my seat. I was such an idiot. I had been so happy to see him. And he was probably pissed that I was here. I crossed my arms to hide my rings and practically ran out of gymnasium.

  I didn’t get far before my ankle gave out. Damn it. I sat down on a curb, pulled off my rings, and shoved them into my purse. I wanted to go back to last Wednesday. Before I had heard his voice. Before I had felt his touch. I wanted the memories to go away.

  The leaves crunched beneath me as I leaned back into the grass. What a lie. I needed to savor those few good memories if I wanted to keep breathing. My eyes focused on the stars above me and I made a wish. A stupid wish that a stupid girl might make. Let him chase after me.

  But I wasn’t in a rom-com. If anything I was in a horror movie. And a knight in shining armor wasn’t going save me. And a prince wasn’t going to bring me my missing shoe. The stars started to blur above me.

  “I don’t want this to be the end of our story. I said that because I thought it was what you wanted…” Ben blocked out my view of the stars. The sight of him was more glorious than any starlit sky.

  “I lied.”

  “Why?”

  Because I’m so scared. I shrugged my shoulders. Ow.

  He sighed. “I’m too old to play games…”

  “You’re only 23.”

  “Tell me what you want, Addy.” His voice was demanding. He didn’t sound 23. He sounded strong and competent and so sexy.

  You. I wanted anything he’d give me. Everything he’d give me. But I couldn’t say that. “A burger.”

  “That wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.”

  “When do I ever say anything you expect me to say?”

  “Fair point.”

  “I want one of the burgers like the one you brought me the other day. I’m starving…”

  “Then let’s go eat.” He put his hand out for me.

  I stared at it. I felt like I was imagining this moment. “Are you asking me out to dinner?”

  He smiled. “Yes, Addy. I’m asking you out to dinner.”

  I glanced toward the school. No one else was walking or driving this way. He must have left the meeting early too.

  I put my hand into his and I did my best not to cry. Because I wasn’t sure my hand had ever felt so comforted by someone else’s.

  Chapter 16

  “So you live in my neighborhood.” I took a sip of my water.
My stomach growled again. The burger joint smelled amazing. I was practically drooling. But it could have been because of the man across from me. I put my elbows on the table and leaned forward. It was very unladylike, and I didn’t care. I just wanted to be closer to him.

  “Or one could say that you live in mine.”

  I laughed. “I’m sorry. I just assumed…”

  “And that’s why I called you stuck up.”

  “I guess I deserved that.” I leaned even closer to him. “And I’m sorry.” I was. When had I become so pretentious? I was basically a gawker.

  “Apology accepted.”

  I smiled. “Your house, though. It was so…white.”

  “I know you well enough now to know that your compliments are always backhanded.”

  “But really, Ben…it’s hardly a bachelor pad.”

  “Why should it be? I don’t want to be a bachelor forever. I’m looking for something lasting. Like I said earlier, I’m not into playing games.”

  We’d only been apart for a day. He looked good. Better if that was possible. The day apart had been agonizing for me. Like nails on a chalkboard bad. I had even rummaged around in the medicine cabinet to see if there was anything to numb the pain. It was a low moment. And luckily, there hadn’t been any old prescriptions.

  It seemed like he was waiting for me to say something. He had given me the perfect opportunity to tell him I was married. I took the silence that stretched between us to take a sip of my chocolate milkshake. “This is so good.” I immediately took another sip.

  He laughed. “You’re doing that thing again.”

  “What thing?”

  “Using food to make me fall in love with you.”

  His gaze was unnerving me even more than his words. I pushed the milkshake to the side and ran my thumb along the condensation outside the glass. “Are you going to go on that date with Sally’s daughter?”

  “Who?”

  “I don’t know her name. The doctor. Charlotte was saying she was going to set you up with whatever her name is. She might be good for you.”

  “Charlotte never mentioned it to me. I don’t even know who Sally is.”