Maude

by Donna Mabry

  Sister Clark patted my hand. “I’m going back up to the house to sit with his mother. I’ll send someone down for you when it’s time.”

  I nodded a little. “Thank you,” then I put my arms around Sister Clark and hugged her before I went in the cabin.

  Helen, Tommy, and Faith came and walked back to the house with me. I was calm.

  In the parlor, James was lying in a plain pine box with a satin lining, looking for all the world like he’d just fallen asleep. I looked down at him for a while, but it was still like it wasn’t real, and I’d wake up any minute, and he’d be lying next to me and tell me it was only a bad dream.

  Looking at my young husband in his coffin, I began to feel like I was going to pass out. When I sat next to Dad Connor, he looked at me with relief on his face. I think he was already depending on me to hold them all together. I gave him a small smile, linked my arm through his, and made a nod that told him his confidence was in the right person. In a minute or two, my head stopped spinning, and I went to the bedroom to wake James’s mother.

  Mom Connor was sleeping with Lulu nestled in the crook of her arm, her curls on her grandmother’s shoulder. I watched them for a while before I reached out and touched Mom Connor’s hand. “He’s ready, Mom, it’s time to get up.”

  Mom Connor opened her eyes, but didn’t move. She stared hard into my face. “All right,” she said at last.

  “Do you need any help getting dressed?”

  “No, I can do it.”

  I picked up Lulu and left. When I got back to the parlor, the chairs from the dining room and the kitchen had been set up in rows. Helen and Tommy sat in the second row. Holding Lulu in my arms, I sat in front of them. Lulu stirred and woke. She started crying. Helen handed Faith to Tommy and took Lulu out of my lap. “I’ll take her to the cabin and feed her something and change her.”

  Mom and Dad Connor sat next to me. The inside door was open, and no one had to knock. The friends and neighbors opened the screen door and came on in. For the next few hours, just about everyone in town came and went. Some paid their respects in only a minute or two, and some sat and talked for a while. The boys from James’s team all came by, and every one of them cried like the world was coming to an end. For me, the world had already ended. Helen came back with Lulu, and I held her for a while, but finally Helen and Tommy took the two girls home with them.

  We sat up for the watch as long as we could, but finally, we went to bed.

  In the morning, the body was moved to the church, and the preacher held the same service for James that he’d held for my mom and dad and Helen’s little Henry eight years earlier. It was the same one he preached for every funeral. I recited it in my mind as he spoke it, and I took comfort in knowing what he was going to say and the promises from God. James had accepted the gift of God’s salvation several years before, and I knew I’d see him again. It made the whole thing tolerable, to know that.

  After the preaching, singing, and prayers, we walked behind the undertaker’s wagon to the graveyard. Mom Connor was calm, and her face showed enough steel to get her through the day. I’d been back to the cemetery only a few times over the years since my parents’ burial. When we got there, I was surprised by how sharp the memories were in my mind. I had bad dreams about the fire that killed them all my life, but not a one since Lulu was born.

  Our family, friends, and fellow church members clustered around the hole that had been dug, the preacher said a few more words, we all dropped in our handful of dirt, and then we prayed and left. As we walked away, I could hear the sound of the dirt thumping against the box as the men shoveled it into the hole. The thud-thud of the work followed me all the way down the path.

  Neighbors brought food, and the house was full of people for hours. The women of the church made a fuss over us, and I finally made a show of eating something, pushing food around on a plate. I realized that James’s mother was doing the same thing. Finally, everyone was gone. Helen and Tommy were the last to leave. Helen hugged me. “I’ll be by tomorrow, hear?”

  I watched her back as she went out the door and then Mom Connor and I exchanged looks. I could see my reflection in the mirror that hung by the door, and both of us had dark circles under our eyes. Our faces were lined with grief, and we were both worn out. I gave her a hug. “I’m going back to the cabin unless you need me to do anything for you.”

  “I guess we’re all right, Maude. The Lord will take care of us. We can face what we got to face. We both need some sleep. You go take care of that baby, and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

  I carried Lulu back to the cabin and got her ready for bed. Once she was sleeping, I took James’s shirt back off the hook where he always hung it. I held it up against my face and breathed deep. I always said he smelled better than any man I’d ever been around. My daddy smelled of leather and hay and the horses. James smelled of the supply store, oats, alfalfa, soap and grass.

  I held the shirt to my face for a few minutes, then put it on over my dress again and went back out to the porch. I sat in the rocker and looked up at the sky. It was getting dark. The moon was out early, and I could see it on the tree line to my right, like it was stuck on the top of a pine. The last rays of the setting sun filtered through the tops of the trees on my left and made a pattern of shadows on the yard. It was such a pretty night, like the nights when James and I used to sit out and talk until time to go to bed.

  I sat there for a long time, rocking now and then, sitting still some, crying at last. I had no idea what would become of me and my little girl. I’d already been an orphan, a wife, and a mother. Now I was a widow. I was only three months past my sixteenth birthday.

  Chapter 9

  In 1908, there weren’t many things a young widow with a toddler could do to make money and support herself. I didn’t want to be a burden to James’s mom and dad or to Helen and Tommy either.

  In my sixteenth year, I knew enough to know the whole world was changing. I’d heard of automobiles but never seen one. People were talking about a man named Edison who’d invented an electric light that was being used in the big cities, but not one house in our town had electricity. Homes like Helen’s, with a pump from the well that brought water right into the house, were the latest thing in being modern and up to date.

  The Connors treated me like their own daughter, and they just showered their love on Lulu. They told me I could stay in the cabin forever if I wanted, and they said they prayed that we would. They even gave me spending money when they could, but the year after James died was a hard one, and a lot of the farmers couldn’t pay their bill for the things they bought at the store.

  Dad Connor’s health began to fail, and he had to take on a hired man to replace what work James had done. It made for a tight budget. I knew they weren’t having an easy time of it, and I didn’t have the heart to ask them for more money. In my brother-in-law’s store, he kept a book with what everyone spent and they paid him at the end of the month. I know he put down half of what he should for what I bought. We didn’t talk about it, but I was grateful.

  One day after church, Sister Clark was telling me how adorable Lulu was and going on how much she’d grown. “You made her a little dress just like your blue calico, Maude. You should have worn them at the same time, it would be just precious.”

  “We can’t do that, Sister Clark. I made that up out of my old dress. She’s growing so much I have to make her new things every time I turn around.”

  “Well, you certainly have a beautiful hand with a needle. Look at that smocking on the front and the little flowers you embroidered. It’s as fine as any dress you could buy in St. Louis.”

  Sister Clark took a closer look at the dress I wore. The fabric was getting thin at the elbows and shoulders. It looked ready to come apart any minute.

  “You’re having a hard time of it, aren’t you, Maude?”

  “We make do. Mom and Dad Connor take care of us the best they can.”

  “If I could get you some wor
k sewing, would you be interested?”

  I had to hold back how excited I got when she talked about work, but couldn’t think of how that would happen. “Of course I would, but all the women here can sew their own clothes. They don’t need me to do it for them. Even if they did, I don’t think they could pay me for it. It’s been a hard year for everyone.”

  “I don’t mean here. I have friends up in Union City. My sister, Dora, lives there. Some of them are doing very well. You know, I go up there to visit Dora about once a month. Give me the best thing you’ve made, and I’ll show it to some of the ladies who hire out that kind of work.”

  I went through every piece of my own and Lulu’s clothing. I finally decided on the nightgown I’d made for my wedding night. I’d worn it only that one time, then washed it and put it away for the next special occasion.

  James and I had talked about taking a trip someday when we had more money, and I planned to wear it again when we went. We thought we might even stay in a hotel if we could afford it. When he signed up to be a professional ball player, he’d said, we would have money to burn.

  I ran my fingers over the tiny, even stitches and the little embroidered flowers. It was almost like brand-new. I pressed the nightgown and wrapped it in the white paper I saved from a package of fabric that Helen gave me. I took it down to the parsonage and handed it over to Sister Clark.

  She said, “I’ll show this to the ladies and see if we can get some work for you, Maude.”

  A few days later, Sister Clark was standing on my front step with the good news. She had an order from one of her friends. She wanted me to make the gown exactly. She’d sent enough money to buy the fabric and thread, and I would have two dollars left over to keep for myself.

  After that, I got a lot of work as a seamstress. For the next few years, I made dresses and fancy underwear for the ladies. Brother and Sister Clark drove me and Lulu up to Union City in their buggy so I could measure the women, and they could get to know me. It was the first time in my life that I had set foot outside of my little town. Union City was a hundred times bigger. A lot of the buildings had three or four stories, and there were all kinds of automobiles.

  The ladies at the Union City church were all very kind, making a fuss over Lulu and taking turns holding her while I measured them in the preacher’s study.

  One day, one of them asked me if I would be interested in doing the wash for her delicate clothing. She gave me a pillowcase full of her undies, and I brought them home with me. I washed, pressed, and folded them neatly. I bought a roll of white paper and string from the store and wrapped them. Then I gave the bundle to Sister Clark, who delivered it to her friend. She sent back another bundle that included her fine table and bed linens to be done up along with a new bundle of lacy garments.

  Pretty soon, I had enough coming in from my sewing and laundry that I didn’t have to take money from the Connors. After I tucked Lulu into bed at night, I knelt on the little rag rug by my bed and said my prayers, thanking God for my family, my home and my work, and asking forgiveness for the times that I’d failed as a Christian.

  Dad Connor never really recovered from losing James. He spent less and less time at the store and let his hired hand run it. He went for days without saying more than a few words to Mom Connor. She told me that losing James had taken the heart right out of him, and the only time she saw his eyes light up was when I brought Lulu up to the house.

  Lulu liked to pull a book off the bottom shelf and carry it to him. He’d put her on his knee and read to her from the same storybooks he’d read to James. She listened close, following his finger as it moved across the pages, making the animal noises when he told her about a chicken or a cow. She never got tired of hearing the same stories over and over.

  By the time she was three, she’d memorized most of the words and could read them along with him. It was proof to her grandfather that she was the smartest little girl ever, and Mom Connor and I agreed. She told me that when I took Lulu back to the cabin, Dad would fall right back into his gloomy mood.

  He caught the flu in the winter of ‘09 and didn’t fight to get well. The whole family was sick with it. I fussed over Lulu and waited on Mom and Dad Connor hand and foot until I came down with it myself, and then Mom Connor nursed me in return. We all had a fever and were coughing and aching for a few days. The doctor couldn’t help much. “Drink lots of water and stay in bed,” he said. “Everyone in town has it.”

  Dad Connor’s fever never went down. He mumbled as he tossed around in his bed, with me changing his sweat-soaked sheets twice a day. Mom Connor was in her own sick bed in the other room. Somehow, I didn’t get sick with it, but Lulu did. I worried something awful, but in only a few days, she was back on her feet and getting into everything.

  The doctor put a poultice on Dad Connor’s back, but it didn’t help. One night, he went to sleep and didn’t wake up. He was only fifty years old.

  After that, we women grew even closer than before. Mom Connor wanted me and Lulu to move up to the house, but I knew I would be happier in the cabin I’d shared with James.

  Chapter 10

  A few of the single men in town started paying attention to me, but I wasn’t interested. The thought of another man touching me in the way James touched me made me shiver. I didn’t see how I could ever share that part of myself with anyone else.

  The years passed. In 1915, Lulu was ten, and I was twenty-four. My life fell into a nice routine. I walked Lulu to school every day, even though she didn’t want me to, cleaned my cabin every morning, did my laundry and sewing, and then did the housework that Mom Connor had grown too weak to do for herself.

  In the afternoon, I fixed dinner at the main house. Every evening, Lulu and I ate there. On Sundays, we went to church. Mom Connor couldn’t walk the distance anymore, so Helen and Tommy picked us up in their buggy, and we all rode together. Helen’s family sat in the front seat and mine in the back. As Faith and Lulu grew, the buggy became more and more crowded.

  John Stuart, that I’d known all my life, was one of the men who failed in his attempts to court me. I liked him well enough, I guess, but wasn’t interested in him the way he was in me.

  He went to visit some of his family in Kennett, Missouri, a town across the Mississippi River. He was gone longer than expected, but he sent a letter that he was fine, and had been held back by an “unexpected turn of events.”

  After being gone an extra three weeks, he came back with a wife. I met her at church the next Sunday. She was even taller than I was, with jet black hair and warm brown eyes. She had a pleasant face and a friendly smile. When John introduced her to me he grinned and said, “Maude, this is Elizabeth Foley Stuart, but she’d like it if we all called her Bessie. Bessie, this is Maude Connor that I told you about. If she’d of had me, you’d still be single.”

  I was afraid Bessie wouldn’t take kindly to me and would be jealous, but Bessie grabbed my hand and held it in both of hers. “We’ll be great friends, won’t we, Maude?”

  That’s the way it turned out. Bessie became part of the circle of females that made up my life, Mom Connor, Helen, Lulu and Faith. We all sat in the big Connor kitchen once a week, stitching a quilt that was stretched out tight on a big wooden rack, talking and drinking iced tea.

  Bessie brought something new to the group, a lot of laughter. Her sense of humor was contagious, and soon, our usual seriousness was lit up by her joking and foolishness. The children rolled on the floor laughing at her while she played with them and acted silly. The sound of Faith and Lulu laughing was like music.

  I was content. I didn’t want for anything, and except for Mom Connor getting older, my loved ones were well. It was only that, in the night, when I’d gone to bed, I still missed James, missed the warmth of his body lying next to me, missed the smell of him, and missed his touch.

  Bessie became my best friend outside of Helen. One Sunday in late spring, Bessie and her husband John brought a visitor to church, a nice looking, ta
ll, slim man. Helen and Tommy had barely stopped their buggy before Bessie led him over to me, tugging his hand. “Maude, this is my brother George Foley. He’s here to visit for a week.”

  He was handsome, and you could tell right off he was related to Bessie. He had the same warm brown eyes. He took off his hat to show the same jet-black hair. He grinned at me. “Pleased to meet you, Maude.”

  Bessie introduced him to the rest of the family, and he greeted them each in turn without taking his eyes off me. I could feel my face turning red. We all chatted outside the church door for a few minutes before we went in for the service. Bessie and her husband sat in the row across from me and my family. During the preaching, I looked over at George a few times. He was always looking right at me and smiled when he caught my eye. I felt myself blush again.

  After the service, he came over to our buggy, took off his hat, and said, “I’d like to come calling on you some time, Maude, if that’s all right.”

  Helen held back a giggle. I looked at Bessie for help, but Bessie was grinning from ear to ear.

  “I-I-I- guess so,” I said in a voice so low, I’m sure he could barely hear me.

  Early the next afternoon, I was hanging clothes in the side yard when I saw George Foley drive up to the Connor house in the Stuart’s buggy, but it wasn’t the Stuart horse pulling it. He didn’t see me in the yard, and he went up the steps and knocked on the door at the big house. It was quite a while before Mrs. Connor answered.

  I heard her say, “Sorry it took so long for me to get to the door, but my arthritis is getting the better of me these days.”

  “I’m here to see Maude,” he said.

  “She lives around back.”

  It was a warm day, and my door was propped open. I hurried inside before he saw me. He tapped on the frame. I’d been expecting him, but I had mixed feelings about the visit. I came out to the front porch.

  He took off his hat. ”I brought a buggy, Maude. It’s such a pretty day, I thought maybe you’d like to go for a ride.”