by Liv Brywood
Dusty looked up from the box he’d just closed with duct tape. His face went slack.
“What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? What are you doing? Are you moving? Are you taking Mason with you?” Laurie stomped across the floor until she was inches away from Dusty.
Anger flashed across his face for a split second before it transformed into sadness. He turned away before answering.
“I’m moving back to Nebraska. There’s nothing here for me anymore.”
“Oh, that’s bullshit.” She grabbed his shoulder and tugged, forcing him to face her. “You’re running away again.”
“I’m not running.” The defensiveness in his tone infuriated her.
“You are running. Just like last time. You could have stuck around after the accident, but you didn’t.”
“How could I have stayed around after what I did?” He gave her an anguished look. “You couldn’t even stand to let me see you the other night. The whole town hates me. I never should have stayed here longer than a day or two. I should have left a long time ago.”
“What about Mason? He doesn’t want to leave his friends. At his age, it’s very traumatic to change schools.”
“He doesn’t have a choice.”
“Wow, you’re a real jerk.” She wiped her palm down her face and laughed bitterly. “I thought you cared about him.”
“I do, but I need to leave. I can’t stay here, so he’s coming with me.”
“Why is everything always about you? Do you have any idea what it’s been like for me?” She fought back bitter tears. “You left me all alone. And now you want to run away and leave me alone again.”
“Leave you alone?” He shook his head. “We’re not in a relationship anymore. I’m a grown man. I can leave for Nebraska if that’s what I think is best.”
“Bullshit,” her voice was a low growl. Her bear gnawed at her belly. The beast paced back and forth across her heart. “I know you felt something the other night.”
“I did. I felt…” His jaw clenched. He shook his head slightly. “You wouldn’t return my calls. You shut me out. Why?”
“Because I wasn’t sure if you were going to run away from me or not. And you are. I was right.” She only paused because Mason peeked into the room from the doorway. She gave Dusty a withering glance. “You need to think about someone other than yourself for once.”
Anger caused fur to sprout on her hands.
“Crap.” She turned her back on Dusty and ran for the back door. He came after her, but she ignored his pleas. She kept running until the forest swallowed her whole.
As her bear ripped through her chest, she cried out. Through a wall of agony, she shifted and dropped to all fours. Ever since the fire, shifting was a hit or miss situation. Sometimes she could shift with very little pain. Other times, it was agonizing. This was one of those terrible times. Fortunately, it ended quickly.
As she ran through the forest, her heart broke. He was leaving. How could he do that to her again? And what about Mason? Dusty was dragging his nephew away from his friends, away from school, away from everything he’d ever known. He was being a selfish jerk, just like he’d always been. Well, not always, only after the accident.
She stopped in the center of a clearing. As she wailed and roared, she clawed at the earth, tearing up roots and grass. She couldn’t contain her anger and frustration. She’d been a fool to let him into her heart again.
As she inhaled, the forest came alive with a variety of scents. A fox in heat. A campfire tended by hikers. The distant odor of car fumes. All around her, birds chirped, squirrels scampered, and deer darted away. It would have been the perfect day if she hadn’t been so damn angry.
She heard Dusty calling her name. Well, screw him. He’d had his chance to explain why he was moving, but he wouldn’t own up the real reason he was running away—again. Until he could tell her the truth, she didn’t want to hear another word from him.
She took off deeper into the woods.
Her bear crashed through thick underbrush. It ignored the roots and brambles that tangled into her fur. Her bear was pissed off that she couldn’t keep herself together long enough to confront Dusty. She needed to stop, to shift back, to tell him everything she’d been feeling, but it felt so dangerous. Would she be putting her heart on the line for nothing? Would telling him exactly how much she cared about him even matter now?
She huffed and kept running. She was too mad to stop. Dusty was a coward. He was running away from his problems again, just like she knew he would. So much for being mates for life. She shook her huge head from side to side before letting out another huff of frustration.
He hadn’t even planned to tell her he was leaving. How could he be so cruel? What if she hadn’t gone to his house? Would he have just disappeared? Would he have told anyone else?
As she plunged ever further into the woods, steam burst from her nostrils. Up ahead, a babbling stream glistened in the sunlight. Normally her bear would to take a nice cool dip before hunting for fresh fish, but she was too angry and too hurt to stop and enjoy the stream. She plunged right through the water and climbed up the other bank without slowing.
When she came to a steep, rocky slope, she scrambled up it. Her paws dug into the earth as she strained to get her massive bear body up the incline. At one point, midway up the slope, she slipped and collapsed onto her belly. She slid a dozen feet before her paws dug in with enough purchase to slow her rapid and unplanned descent.
Growling, she attacked the incline with renewed vigor. She used her rage to give her the energy she needed to conquer the hill.
When she finally slapped a heavy paw onto the top of the hill, a rush of accomplishment made her chuff. She padded toward a dense copse of pines. Their wind-deformed, tangled trunks made it impossible for her to continue along this path. She padded around the trees and stopped at the edge of a cliff. A meandering stream cut through the forest below. Everything seemed so peaceful. She wished she could just stay in bear form forever. It was be so much easier than going back to her empty home.
She sat down on her haunches. Sorrow replaced rage. Grief and longing rushed in to fill the hole in her heart. As she returned to human form, misery and anguish overpowered the pain of shifting.
After the transformation ended, she sat and sobbed. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins. She buried her face in her knees and rocked slowly.
Even if Dusty hadn’t felt anything the other night, he still owed her an explanation. She knew in her heart that he’d felt something, so why was he so ready to throw it away? He’d been ready to leave without even saying goodbye, why? And why was her pain so bad? She’d written off finding her happily-ever-after with Dusty a long time ago.
Or had she?
Gradually, her tears slowed as she came to a stunning realization.
“I still love him,” she whispered.
Inside, her bear nuzzled its furry form against her chest. It was doing its best to alleviate the ache and longing in her heart.
It was no use. She loved Dusty. She couldn’t imagine life without him.
But he was leaving. Forever.
12
Dusty stood on his back porch and watched as Laurie disappeared into the forest. His bear paced nervously inside his chest. It wanted to give chase, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t face her anger right now. He couldn’t even understand why she was so mad. He’d called her more times than he could count, but she’d never called back. She’d rejected him. So why was she so angry?
Since she hadn’t returned any of his calls, he figured that she’d probably regretted the other night. He couldn’t face her rejection again, so he’d started packing.
“Go after her,” his bear demanded.
“No, we’re leaving.”
“Go after her!”
“I said no!”
“Who are you talking to?” Mason asked as he joined Dusty on the back porch.
Dusty ran his hand through his hair. As far as he knew, Mason didn’t know he was a shifter. Now wasn’t the time to spring that on him in addition to everything else. He’d deal with it later.
“No one. Did you finish packing everything?”
“I don’t want to pack anymore. Besides, they left.”
“Who left?”
“The movers.”
“What?” Dusty ran back into the house. The movers were nowhere in sight.
“Where did they go?” Dusty’s eyes narrowed. “You didn’t tell them to leave, did you? Because I still have to pay—”
“I didn’t do shit.” Mason stomped toward his mostly empty bedroom. “They took a break for lunch.”
“Don’t swear.”
“You do it.”
Dusty sighed. He wasn’t wrong.
“Where’s Laurie?” Mason asked.
“Gone.” Dusty looked out the window that faced the forest.
“Great. You ruin everything!” Mason slammed his bedroom door.
Dusty stood there, shaking his head and wondering if Mason was right. Was Dusty making a mess of everything again?
Laurie had claimed he was running away again. Was she right? Should he have fought harder for her? Maybe he should have gone over to her house and demanded that she speak to him. He was so confused about everything that leaving had seemed like the best way to deal with his life.
But part of him didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to abandon her again. She was clearly upset he was leaving, so did that mean she cared about him too? The other night, she’d sure as hell cared, but then he’d ruined it by turning on the light. He didn’t care about the scars, but she clearly did. He should have been more sensitive.
The more he thought about it, the more he realized she was right. He absolutely hated to admit it, but she was right. He was running away like a coward.
His bear snorted.
“Of course, she’s right. She’s our mate. Our mate is always right.”
“Quiet,” he whispered so Mason wouldn’t hear him talking to “himself” again. He dreaded having that conversation. Sorry kid, but you’re part bear. Good luck on that first shift.
He couldn’t deal with that right now. Trying to sort out his feelings for Laurie was hard enough. All of the baggage stemming from the accident was keeping them apart. He knew he needed to let go of it. She’d told him time and again that she was over it, and she wanted him to move on too. But with her or without her?
Then there was the other issue—everyone in town hated him. Was he willing to endure their whispers and sneers for the rest of his life? Could he get over the hatred that still lived in some people’s hearts? What would it take for them to forgive him the way Laurie had forgiven him? He shook his head. He didn’t know.
His memories of growing up on Yellowstone Mountain weren’t all bad. He still had fond memories of the good times he’d had in town. Back when he and Laurie were young and carefree, they’d spent hours in Yellowstone Central Park just sitting and laughing together. They’d thought they were ready to conquer the world. How could they have been so wrong?
Although he wasn’t sure if it would help, he needed to talk to Laurie. They’d left too many things unsaid. He needed to know where he stood. When she hadn’t called him back, he’d thought she’d been done with him. Maybe there was something else going on. If she didn’t want him to stay, why had she freaked out so hard?
“Mason, I’m going to look for Laurie.” He yelled from outside of Mason’s door.
“Whatever,” came Mason’s muted response.
“Don’t leave.”
“Don’t want to,” Mason yelled.
Dusty went outside. Normally he shifted on the back porch, but he couldn’t do it without Mason seeing, so he walked into the forest. He checked to make sure he was well-hidden before he shifted.
Running through the woods in his bear form, he inhaled a myriad of smells. When he reached the river, the scent of fish caught his attention. He stopped in front of the river. It was the exact spot he’d used to go fishing with his father. Dusty’s brow furrowed as his father’s final words came back to him.
“You’re a screw up. A no-good piece of trash. You’re not my son anymore, so get lost and never come back.”
Dusty shuddered. The problem with staying in town was that every good memory was offset by a bad one. He’d never tried to tally the number of good memories versus the number of bad ones, but he couldn’t have quantified it anyway. Just one bad memory could obliterate a thousand good ones. If he stayed, he’d have to take a good, hard look at his life. He wouldn’t just be sifting through his past, but he’d be deciding his future too.
The prospect seemed far too daunting. He wasn’t ready to do that much introspection. He liked to keep things simple. He’d lived in a trailer home for years because it didn’t require any real maintenance. If things feel apart, he’d figured he could just buy a new one. They were cheap enough. He didn’t want to put any effort into it.
Just like the rest of your life, his bear said.
Dusty sighed. His bear was right again. He didn’t put any effort into his life. He just went with the flow, never trying to better himself or change his lot in life. He was smart, but he didn’t lift a finger to try to get a better job or to try to move into a better house. He just didn’t care. He didn’t have anything to live for. But now? Maybe he had two reasons to get his shit together: Laurie and Mason. And maybe that’s what he really needed—responsibilities.
He searched the forest but couldn’t find her. She’d probably headed home. Maybe that was a good thing since they both needed to cool off.
Dusty shifted back into his human form. He returned to his silent house and he checked Mason’s door. It was still closed, but music from a video game slipped through the door. Dusty had thought they’d already packed the games. Had Mason unpacked a box?
He wasn’t in the mood to fight with his nephew. The movers weren’t back from lunch yet, so Dusty went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. The cupboards were empty. All the glasses had been packed already.
Halfheartedly, he picked through several nearby boxes until he found a faded fast food cup. He filled it with water. He took several long swigs, but the bitterness wouldn’t leave his throat.
If he didn’t have to think about anyone else, he would’ve just finished packing. But he wasn’t alone anymore. Mason was his responsibility now, even though Dusty still didn’t know shit about raising a kid.
Was Laurie right when she’s said that a move would be too traumatic for Mason? Kids were resilient, but Mason had already been through so much this year. Why should he suffer more? He wasn’t the one running away from everything, Dusty was.
But then again, maybe moving Mason away would be a good thing. In a new location, he wouldn’t be surrounded by constant reminders that his mother was dead. He wouldn’t have to think about the fact that his father was never around. Maybe this wasn’t a bad thing after all.
Or maybe you’re trying to justify the move in order to avoid talking to Laurie? His bear dragged a claw across his ribs.
“Ouch.” Dusty rubbed his chest.
Caught between the guilt of uprooting Mason’s life and the shame caused by the accident, he wasn’t sure what to do. Which path was the right one? Should he stay or go?
The sound of an engine rumbling outside caught his attention. The movers were probably back.
After a few seconds, the engine cut off. A door slammed. Dusty walked toward the front door. It was unlocked, but he wanted to check with them to see how much longer it would take to finish packing.
The doorbell rang.
“Why are they ringing the bell? I bet Mason locked the door. That kid, I swear...”
Dusty yanked open the front door so hard that it slammed into the wall. Carl shook his head and smirked.
“A little tense?” The older man stepped past Dusty and walked into the living room. “What the
heck happened in here? Are you doing some spring cleaning?”
“No, I’m—I’m moving.” Dusty crossed his arms over his chest. “Mason and I are leaving for Nebraska.”
“Oh?” Carl gestured toward the couch. “Can I sit?”
“Of course.” Dusty pulled one of the last chairs across from the couch.
Carl clucked his tongue at the stacks of disorganized boxes. “Cluttered house, cluttered mind.”
“Well, I’ve got a lot going on right now.” Dusty pursed his lips. He was trying to find the right words, but they wouldn’t come. Finally, he just said exactly what he was thinking. “Aren’t you going to give me a hard time about leaving?”
“Do you want me to?” Carl met his gaze. “It sounds like you’re already giving yourself a hard time about leaving. Are you trying to get me to talk you out of it, or are you trying to use reverse psychology to get my approval?”
“I—I don’t know.” Dusty looked at his feet and sighed, feeling deflated. “Things were so much simpler before I came back here. No one hated my guts. I didn’t have to take care of a kid. And Laurie... Laurie was part of the past. Now I don’t know what to do.”
Carl stared at him for a moment, then he cocked his head to one side.
“Got any tea?”
“Sure.” He dug through several boxes to find actual mugs and a box of tea bags. He filled the mugs with water and placed them in the microwave.
“Good thing that wasn’t packed yet,” Carl called.
“Yeah.” The microwave beeped. Dusty dropped a tea bag into each cup. “Sorry it’s nothing fancy.”
“You know I don’t care about fancy.” Carl laughed. “Let’s go out back.”
They went to the back porch and sat in patio chairs. For several minutes, they sat in silence. Taking the occasional sip from his mug, Dusty started to relax. When Carl finally spoke, he stared straight ahead and didn’t look at Dusty.
“Here’s the thing. Your past can haunt you forever if you let it. Do you want to stay haunted or move on?”
“Of course, I don’t want to stay stuck, but moving on seems impossible.”
“It’s not impossible, you just need to find the right way to move on.”
