Fear of Love

by Carole Mortimer

  Dominic’s mouth was a thin angry line. ‘I doubt if Alex has ever read books so lewd that she could be shocked by them, and even if she has I haven’t indulged in those sort of games. But I don’t need to defend myself to you—Alex and I are perfectly capable of deciding our own future.’

  Roger’s scorn now returned to Alexandra. ‘You’re a child compared to the women he’s known. How long do you think you’ll be able to satisfy him in bed?’ He shook his head. ‘He’s had more women than he can remember, and most of them a hell of a lot more accomplished at it than you are.’

  ‘Dominic, can we please leave?’ Her blue eyes were swimming with tears.

  Dominic stood up, towering over the boy swaying unsteadily beside him. ‘With pleasure,’ he agreed grimly. ‘I think your young friend has said quite enough for one evening.’ He moved to pull her chair back for her. ‘You go on ahead, I’ll join you in a moment.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Go on, Alex,’ he insisted firmly. ‘Wait for me outside.’

  She did as he asked, waiting beside the car until he joined her a couple of minutes later. Roger had made a complete exhibition of himself and the things he had said had made her blush with embarrassment. She couldn’t be sure of Dominic’s reaction.

  ‘I didn’t expect you to walk all the way over here,’ he said abruptly, unlocking the car door for her before going round to the other side to get in the driving seat.

  ‘What did you say to Roger after I left?’ She fidgeted with her evening bag.

  ‘Not a lot,’ he answered coldly, his attention seemingly centred on manoeuvring the car out of the car park. ‘There didn’t seem a lot left to say.’

  ‘But you must have said something.’

  ‘Yes,’ he acknowledged tersely. ‘I told him that if he ever said things like that when he was sober I’d kill him.’

  She gasped, knowing he meant it. ‘Dominic!’

  ‘He has a lesson coming to him, and I’ll give it to him if he ever tries anything like that again,’ he promised fiercely.

  That he was furiously angry she knew without a doubt, and it was all her fault. Dominic didn’t like these sort of complications in his life, rebuffed boy-friends and the like, and she didn’t think it would take him long to tire of such confrontations. Hadn’t he just threatened to get violent with Roger if it happened again?

  But she didn’t want him to tire of her, although Roger’s last barbs about Dominic not being satisfied with someone like her for long had gone home, painfully. Everything he had said was true; Dominic had known many women, he wasn’t ashamed to admit it, and she felt sure they all were much more accomplished than she was.

  How could they not be! She was so innocent that Roger’s tentative attempts to touch her had put her into a complete panic. But Dominic’s touch hadn’t affected her the same way! The question was, would he have the patience to teach her all about love? She wasn’t sure, and the uncertainty was what was tearing her apart.

  They hadn’t been aware of each other long enough, Dominic said; they needed time, time to get to know each other. But it was time that was her enemy now, each passing second adding to her uncertainty and nervousness.

  ‘You’ve gone quiet again,’ Dominic remarked, breaking into the oppressive silence that had sprung up between them.

  ‘I—I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘No,’ he agreed. ‘He pretty much seems to have said it all.’

  ‘You don’t agree with him?’ Her distress showed in her deep blue eyes.

  Dominic glanced at her fleetingly. ‘Should I?’

  ‘Not as far as I’m concerned,’ she said resentfully. ‘Were the things he said about you true?’

  ‘Which ones? That I’ve been with a lot of women, that to you I probably do seem to lead an exciting life, that I’m richer than he is? All of that is true.’

  ‘That isn’t the part I meant.’

  ‘I didn’t think it was,’ he said tersely. ‘What I want to know is did what he had to say make any impression on you?’

  ‘In what way?’ she evaded.

  ‘In any way! God, Alex, stop being obstructive. That’s only the start of it, you know. There’ll probably be worse than that said, but let’s hope most of it won’t be said to your face. Are you going to be able to take it?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted miserably.

  ‘Now you know why I insisted on six months before we make any decision. I’m not sure you can take this type of pressure.’

  ‘He was—he was so nasty!’ The hurt showed in her voice.

  Dominic gave a harsh laugh. ‘Don’t you think he has a right to be? You were going to marry him, Alex. You can’t expect him to turn off the feelings he has for you just because you’ve changed your mind.’

  ‘No, but—’

  ‘There is no but, Alex,’ he cut in coldly. ‘Luckily I’m not made of the same stuff. If you let me down you won’t be given a second chance.’

  She gave him a reproachful look. ‘I won’t let you down. You don’t have much faith in me, do you?’

  ‘I don’t have faith in any women. It’s up to you to prove me wrong.’

  ‘That’s a big responsibillity,’ she said nervously. ‘I’m far from being infallible.’

  His mouth turned back. ‘I think you’ve more than proved that.’

  ‘Why are you being cruel to me?’ she demanded.

  ‘At the moment I feel cruel, I feel bloody cruel! That young pup talking to me as if I’m some ageing roué who’s seduced you into bed with him.’

  She gave a wan smile. ‘When in reality I’m the one who did the seducing. Roger would be very shocked if he knew how shamelessly I’ve thrown myself at you.’ She put her hand on his thigh. ‘I wish we could hide away from the world during the next six months and face everyone again when we’re married.’ She felt him tense beneath her touch but didn’t remove her hand.

  Some of the anger left his face. ‘I could think of ways to occupy you for six months,’ he agreed softly. ‘But hiding is the one thing I don’t intend doing. Could you stop doing that!’ he asked tautly as she caressed his thigh with circular movements.

  ‘Why?’ She watched him beneath lowered lashes.

  ‘Because if you don’t you could become the first girl I’ve ever tried to rape in the confines of a car.’ He took a deep ragged breath.

  ‘It wouldn’t be rape.’

  ‘The way I feel right now it would. Stop it, Alex! Don’t play games.’

  ‘The games Roger was talking about?’ she teased.

  Dominic frowned. ‘And that’s another thing! Does he think I go to orgies every night or something?’

  Still she caressed him. ‘Oh, not every night,’ she shook her head. ‘Just every other night,’ she added mischievously.

  ‘That sort of sex isn’t my scene at all. I like to wake up in the morning able to remember who I slept with the night before.’

  ‘You’ll know in the future, it will either be me or no one.’

  He gave a husky laugh. ‘You’re very sure of yourself.’

  ‘I have to be—you don’t have any confidence in me at all.’

  ‘At least you’re able to laugh about it now. I’m finding it a little more difficult to accept what he said about me. Alex, will you please stop that!’ he groaned at her continued caressing. ‘I can just imagine us parked on the side of the road with me trying to explain to a policeman how you seduced me. I somehow don’t think he would believe me.’

  ‘Poor Dominic,’ she taunted, ‘taken advantage of by a mere girl.’

  ‘I could always stop the car and give you a good hiding,’ he threatened.

  Alexandra pouted at him mischievously. ‘Don’t you like me to touch you?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘But not while I’m trying to drive.’

  ‘All right,’ she removed her hand. ‘I’ll wait until we get home.’

  ‘Not if Trevor decides to come outside and meet us again you
won’t, not after I’ve assured him that nothing like that will happen between us.’

  ‘I meant your house.’

  ‘We aren’t going back to my house,’ he told her firmly.

  ‘But it’s only eleven o’clock, much too early to take me home.’

  ‘I promised Gail I would make sure you weren’t home late.’

  ‘But it isn’t late,’ she insisted petulantly. ‘I want to be alone with you.’

  ‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’ Dominic smiled at her hurt expression. ‘You know why. I’m not safe left alone with you, or rather, you’re not safe alone with me.’

  ‘But I want to be kissed.’

  ‘I know what you want,’ Dominic said gruffly. ‘But you’ve been kissed once tonight, that will have to do. We’re there now anyway.’ He halted the car in the driveway. ‘Meet me for lunch tomorrow and then I’ll take you shopping,’ he suggested.

  ‘Lunch at your house,’ she said eagerly.

  ‘No,’ he tapped her playfully on the nose. ‘Lunch in town before you drag me round the shops.’

  ‘Don’t you even trust yourself alone with me during the day?’

  ‘I don’t trust you at any time,’ he grinned at her indignation.

  ‘So I noticed,’ she retorted dryly. ‘You haven’t even switched off the car engine.’

  ‘That’s because I don’t intend stopping,’ he teased her.

  ‘Aren’t you coming in for coffee?’ She gave him a sly look. ‘My dates usually come in for coffee.’

  ‘Do they indeed,’ he drawled. ‘Then I suppose I’d better follow suit.’ He switched off the engine. ‘We have to do this properly. It’s years since I had a girl-friend as such, I’ll need a little coaching as to the right procedure.’

  ‘I’ve offered to do that, but you keep refusing me.’

  ‘Out, young lady! I’ll have one cup of coffee and then I’m leaving, ten minutes at most.’

  Alexandra let them into the house with her own key, Trevor having left the kitchen light on for her. ‘How do you like your coffee?’ she asked in a whisper.

  ‘Black, no sugar,’ Dominic whispered back.

  ‘You go into the lounge and I’ll bring it through in a moment,’ she told him softly.

  She joined him in the lounge a few minutes later, putting down the tray before going over to close the door. ‘Here,’ she handed him a cup of steaming coffee.

  Dominic sat forward on the sofa. ‘Why are we whispering?’

  Alexandra grinned at him. ‘That’s half the fun.’

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘I don’t find it fun, I’ll probably get a sore throat.’

  She curled up on the sofa next to him, her head on his shoulder. ‘There’s no romance in your soul. It makes it more illicit this way.’

  He turned to kiss her. ‘It already feels illicit enough, thank you.’

  Her mouth lingered on his. ‘Mm, that was nice.’

  ‘Nice!’ he scorned. ‘I don’t want you to think my kisses nice.’

  She turned into his arms, her mouth raised invitingly. ‘Then show me what they can be like,’ she said throatily. ‘Go on, put your coffee down and prove to me that you’re the man you once said I’d meet.’

  He laughed, putting her away from him. ‘That won’t work, Alex. I’ve been tempted by experts. You’ll have to do more than that.’

  ‘I would if you would let me.’

  ‘Well, I won’t.’ He stood up, the coffee forgotten. ‘Goodnight, Alex. Twelve o’clock tomorrow. Be ready.’

  ‘Dominic,’ she peered at him over the back of the sofa. ‘You aren’t leaving me?’

  The light was suddenly switched off, leaving the room bathed in moonlight. ‘No,’ he agreed with a groan. ‘No, I’m not leaving you, not yet.’ He came back to her side. ‘You’re wild and untamed and no one should ever be allowed to clip your wings. Marriage to Roger Young would have, stifled you.’ He smoothed her hair back from her face. ‘I won’t stifle you, darling.’

  ‘I know you won’t.’

  ‘We’re whispering again.’

  ‘I know,’ her eyes glowed. ‘But it’s a different type of whispering.’

  His lips moved across her cheek to linger on her parted lips. ‘I want you! I’ve been wanting you all evening and you haven’t been making it easy for me to fight you.’

  Alexandra lay back on the sofa, pulling him with her. She touched the hair on the nape of his neck. ‘Did I tell you how handsome you look?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Well, you do. But you always do, always. Oh, Dominic,’ her breath caught in her throat, ‘why didn’t I realise sooner that I love you?’

  ‘Because you didn’t love me sooner.’

  ‘But I did. I did!’

  ‘No,’ he denied gently. ‘I can tell you the exact moment you became aware of me. It was the day after Young had made that pass at you in your bedroom. You came back from visiting Gail and I was in the lounge.’

  ‘Yes, yes, I remember.’ Alexandra remembered the way her body had reacted to him and the way she had been angry with herself. She blushed. ‘It was the way you looked at me.’

  ‘Mentally undressing you,’ he said with remembered humour.

  ‘Well, you were.’

  ‘I know,’ he acknowledged unashamedly. ‘I’d always thought of you as Gail’s kid sister, a pain in the neck most of the time, and to see someone kissing you with passion put you in an entirely different light as far as I was concerned.’ His hold about her tightened. ‘I didn’t like seeing him touch you.’

  ‘He never touched me like you do.’

  ‘No,’ he agreed tautly. ‘You allow me far too many liberties than are good for me. Like now,’ he slipped one of the thin straps off her shoulder, caressing her skin with his tongue. ‘I like your body—what I’ve seen of it.’

  ‘Dominic!’ she burrowed into his shoulder.

  ‘Yes—Dominic!’ He kissed her briefly on the lips before getting to his feet. ‘I suppose I have to sneak out of the house now?’ he mocked.

  ‘You aren’t leaving?’ she asked in dismay.

  ‘I am.’ He straightened his jacket.

  ‘But—’

  He silenced her with a look. ‘No, Alex.’

  ‘You’re no fun,’ she said sulkily.

  His grey eyes hardened to angry pebbles. ‘I could give you so much fun it would frighten the hell out of you!’ he rasped. ‘Now, I’m going because I don’t want to do exactly that.’

  ‘Frighten me?’

  ‘That, amongst other things. Don’t bother to see me out, I know the way.’

  Alexandra had to run to keep up with his angry pace. ‘Are we still going out tomorrow?’

  ‘Is there any reason why we shouldn’t be?’ he returned coldly.

  ‘I—I wasn’t sure.’

  ‘I said twelve o’clock and I meant twelve o’clock.’

  She was left standing in the doorway as he drove off without another word, leaving her knowing what an unpredictable man she had fallen in love with. One minute he was the ardent lover, the next a cold stranger.

  She switched off the lights and slowly made her way up to her bedroom. All in all it had been a pretty disastrous evening. Up until Roger’s interruption she had thought things were going reasonably well, but after that he seemed to have put a blight on the evening. And now Dominic had left her in a bad mood.

  ‘Is that you, Alexandra?’ Gail called from her bedroom.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied dully.

  ‘Did you have a nice evening?’

  ‘Yes, thank you.’

  ‘Could the two of you talk about this in the morning?’ came Trevor’s sleepy interruption. ‘Some of us are trying to sleep.’

  ‘But I wanted—’

  ‘In the morning, Gail,’ he said sternly.

  But when morning came there was little Alexandra could tell Gail about the previous evening, especially as she wasn’t really sure Dominic would arrive to take her out for lunch. A couple of time
s she was tempted to telephone him and find out, but each time she changed her mind. She had done enough running after him the last few days, she couldn’t keep doing it.

  But she needn’t have worried, for he turned up promptly at twelve o’clock, laughing and joking with Gail and Trevor. There was a certain reserve about him when he spoke to her, but the other two didn’t seem to be aware of it.

  Alexandra’s hair swung down to her shoulders in deep natural waves, her blue eyes sparklingly clear in the midday sunshine. The thin blue knitted dress was a perfect foil for her black hair and was the exact colour of her eyes, but for all the notice Dominic took of her appearance she might not have bothered.

  ‘It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?’ she broached once they were out in the car.

  ‘Yes.’ He appeared to be intent on driving the car.

  ‘Where are we going for lunch?’

  ‘I thought maybe a pub,’ he said disinterestedly.

  ‘Oh, lovely!’ she gave him a glowing smile.

  ‘You’re easily pleased,’ he said tersely.

  ‘Yes, I am, aren’t I!’ Tears glittered in her eyes at his continued coldness. ‘I must be if I can still sit here with you when you treat me so distantly. You’re a cold, heartless bully, Dominic. I haven’t done anything, except ask for your love, and I don’t see what’s so wrong about that.’

  ‘Don’t you?’ he asked grimly.

  ‘No, I don’t!’ She turned angrily in her seat. ‘What’s the matter with you? You’re completely unfathomable!’

  He gave a deep sigh. ‘Maybe I’ve decided I don’t like the responsibility of having someone else’s feelings mixed up in my life after all.’

  Her mouth was suddenly dry. ‘And have you?’

  He shrugged. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Then stop the car right now and I’ll get out. You’re a coward Dominic. The life you lead, the job you do, anyone would expect you to be brave and fearless, but when it comes to personal relationships you really lose out. This might seem a ridiculous thing to say, but you’re afraid of life!’