Rainier

by Moxie North

  Sure, that wasn’t anything to worry about. Tell her he was a bear, tell her they were fated mates, and tell her that he loved her more than any woman in the world. That she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen and that he wanted to make love to her multiple times a day and make lots of babies with her. He could tell her he would die for her, kill for her. He was sure girls loved hearing that. Nothing crazy or psychotic there.

  He needed to ease her into it. Feel her out, how she thought about things, if she had opinions about the paranormal, other worldly things. It would be someplace to start to tell her who he really was.

  Chapter 21

  Tapping her foot, Quinn resisted looking at her phone again. She was standing outside Parnassus in the art building waiting for Rain. She’d gotten there early and at first she thought that she could get them coffee and have it waiting, but what if he wanted something other than the straight cream and sugar affair she had in the morning she would be at a loss. Maybe he was a latte guy, or a mocha guy. So she waited instead.

  Another minute ticked by and she saw a figure walking towards her in the fog. She didn’t have to see his face to know it was him. She could feel it. Her heart skipped a beat, the muscles between her legs clenched and she could have sworn she could smell his cologne even though he was too far away for that.

  Resisting the urge to start running towards him, she waited, her hands clenched together. She hoped she was sending off a casual, nonchalant vibe. His eyes were on her much like they were last week. Hot, hard, and hungry. He got close to her, and she could see that his hands were in his front pockets like he was doing the same thing she was, holding himself back physically from touching her.

  “Quinn.”

  He said her name like a caress. It said more than ‘hello.’ It said, ‘I want you, I need you.’

  “This is awkward,” she said, giving him a wonky smile.

  “Does it have to be?”

  “I guess not. I’m sorry about Friday. That wasn’t how I would have wanted to leave things with you. I really didn’t want you to have to run off to stay away from me.”

  “I wasn’t running from you. I was giving you space. I don’t know if I can explain how hard it is for me to not touch you or kiss you, all the time.”

  “What if I said you don’t have to hold yourself back?”

  “Are you saying I can have what I want?” His voice was a low growl that spoke volumes.

  That was a loaded question and she was afraid to answer it wrong. “You can have what I offered. Touching, kissing, more, but you didn’t like my limits for that.”

  “No, I didn’t. I can’t taste what you have and not want more. It’s killing me to be so close to you. I also want to respect you and what you are willing to give me. I want all of you, but I’ll take what you offer, for now.”

  She knew she should correct him. Tell him that it was always going to be that way for her. But honestly, she wasn’t so sure anymore. Things could change, and if it was ever going to, it could with him. He wasn’t like anyone else she’d met. He was constantly surprising her and worse, constantly challenging her long-held feelings. What she felt for him was something scary and exhilarating. These were things that she assumed she would be afraid of; but instead it gave her an adrenaline rush just to be close to him. There was one way to make sure she wasn’t alone in her feelings.

  “Shut up and kiss me,” she said, daring him to refuse her.

  He didn’t refuse her. Rain took the two steps to close the distance between them and pulled her against his body with a crash that sent the air rushing out of her body. He swooped down sealing their lips together. Strong hands wrapped around the sides of her neck in a possessive grip. It wasn’t scary, it was hot as hell. It was the grasp of a man that was desperate to keep you close, to ensure that once he made contact, he could keep it.

  Quinn kissed him back giving herself over to all the feelings she had. All the worry and confusion she’d faced over the weekend, she channeled into the kiss. Her tongue sweeping against his, tasting him, marking him with her teeth as she nipped at his lips. He kissed her back. All control, all dominance directing what he wanted while giving her the chance to play.

  They made out standing in front of the cafe, with people coming and going around them, but they never noticed. It wasn’t an unusual sight to see horny coeds making out in public. Most didn’t even bother looking although there were a few catcalls that were shouted out.

  Quinn didn’t care who saw, or who she knew that might have seen. She was enjoying every second of being in Rain’s arms. It was a guilty pleasure. In the past she had always tried to keep the upper hand, guide the kisses, the sex. It made sure that she was always the one that was in control. It also always gave her a way out.

  She didn’t feel that way with Rain. He was so overwhelming, but he did it without taking anything from her. His very presence dominated everything he did, yet he never had to steal her energy to get it. It was just him. He absorbed and reflected all of that power, heat, and desire straight back at her.

  Quinn broke the kiss when she realized that her hands had slid down from their grip on the sides of his jacket to his ass. She was cool with kissing in public, but stopped at full on groping. She couldn’t remember the last time she had copped a feel on a guy, especially in public.

  Clearly, Rain didn’t think breaking the kiss was a good idea as he kept stealing kisses.

  “Rain, we’re outside,” she gasped between kisses.

  “We can go inside.” His voice was dark and sexy.

  She leaned back to look at him and saw the strangest glow around the edges of his eyes. It was like his eyes were reflecting some unknown light source she couldn’t see in the overcast sky.

  “No, we can’t.” She said this with a sorrow that spoke to how she was currently feeling. The conflicting emotions of wanting him so desperately, but not being able to give him the long-term commitment he was seeking.

  “I missed you,” he said, his voice growling.

  “I missed you too. I barely know you, but I felt the loss of you being gone this weekend. It was very distracting.”

  “Whatever you felt, I felt it deeper. I’m not saying that to sound like a jerk, I’m saying that because I make deep connections that go past just the physical or the casual.”

  She frowned at him. “You’re saying I’m being casual? I’m not. I won’t say that I don’t have sex when I want to because I do. I won’t apologize for owning my sexuality, Rain. Although it’s been a while…” she trailed off.

  “I’m not asking you to apologize. You seem to be very confident in your choices. I’m saying that I don’t make connections with people easily. You are the exception. I feel things for you that I have never felt with anyone else. I believe the universe put you in my path for a reason.”

  “I feel the same way, I just don’t know if we are thinking of the same things. Let’s get coffee, talk a while and see if we can keep our hands off each other, huh?”

  Rain gave her a frustrated look. “I keep getting deep on you, don’t I?”

  “Yeah, but I’m kinda digging the moody dramatic thing.”

  She watched a number of emotions play across his face. The odd light in his eyes was gone, replaced by the edge of a frown that was ruined by his wet lips. She could only imagine what her lips must look like.

  Rain grabbed her hand and led her into the cafe. They ordered coffee and Rain picked up an omelet. Quinn picked out oatmeal with nuts and fruit.

  Finding a table by the window, they kept their coats on to combat the cold seeping through the glass and sat down.

  “Oatmeal gives me the gags,” Rain said, grimacing at her bowl.

  “How can you have a problem with oatmeal? It’s delicious, nutritious and you can cover it in a shit load of sugar and milk and people still think you’re eating healthy.”

  “I never thought of it like that. I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I need food frequently and in large
quantities.”

  “Good to know. Not that I’ve ever met a guy that didn’t eat like he was always starving.”

  “Yeah, my older brother cooks really well. Fin and I used to raid his fridge all the time and he got sick of it and put padlocks on it.”

  Quinn almost choked on the bite in her mouth. “He actually locked his fridge?” she asked with a laugh.

  “Yup, and not a little one. One of those huge metal things that you need a blowtorch to get through.”

  “It must be good food. I always made my own food growing up. I’m a whiz with the microwave. Now I usually try to eat things that don’t need to be cooked. Sandwiches, wraps, fruit. All things that need minimal assembly and can be tossed together and eaten on the run.”

  “You’d like my sister-in-law. She is a junk food fiend. The only time I’ve seen her eat anything close to healthy was when she was pregnant. She craved fruit and it totally freaked her out. She didn’t even dip it in chocolate or cover it with sprinkles.”

  “Let me guess, she’s tiny and never has to worry about her weight?”

  “Pretty much. She’s like this big,” he said holding his thumb and index finger two inches apart.

  “That is tiny! I bet she’s careful around your niece and nephew though.”

  “Oh, she’s totally nuts with them. I was feeding them spray can frosting this weekend. They totally love me.”

  “They love the sugar. Any kid is your best friend if there’s sugar involved.”

  “True, though I hope they would like me anyway. I miss them. They grow so much the few weeks between when I get to see them.” He had a wistful look in his eyes.

  Putting on a weak smile, she tried to pretend that the idea didn’t strike a chord with her. “It must be hard. I don’t have any other family, just my mom and me like it’s always been. It must be loud at your house,” she said with a laugh that fell short.

  Rain gave her a hard look it was intense, searing into her. “There is no reason for you to be alone anymore, Quinn.”

  She couldn’t help but look away. Quinn heard him clear his throat before he continued.

  “That had to have been tough. It makes me sad to think of you alone, having to take care of yourself. I didn’t even learn to tie my own shoes until the third grade.”

  “Third grade? How is that possible?”

  Rain shrugged. “Someone always did it for me. They made my food, tied my shoes. Hell, my mom washed my hair until I was seven.”

  “Oh wow, serious dependency issues,” she said with a peal of laughter.

  “My family doesn’t have any boundaries. I’m not exaggerating. I’m actually surprised my brother didn’t tell them about you from the other night.”

  Quinn looked at him with a combination of shock and horror. “Just because we went out together? They would be interested?”

  Rain let out a coughing laugh this time swallowing the eggs he was chewing. “If my mom knew that I had been on any kind of a date type thing, she’d drive up here to meet you. Hell, she’d probably ask for your measurements so she could knit you a sweater for Christmas.”

  “Oh geez, No pressure there! I feel embarrassed for you or I should if I didn’t find it a funny kind of torture.”

  “You should. I love them, but they can’t give any space. You spend your life trying to get away from your family, to finally be alone and have some peace. Then you realize that being out in the world alone isn’t so great. Anyway, they are always trying to pull more people into the Rochon universe, so I didn’t mention that I’d gone on a date with an amazing, beautiful, brilliant woman.”

  Quinn chose to ignore that last part. She was terrible at taking compliments. More so when they seemed sincere and laced with emotions she didn’t want to label. “Did they come to visit with your other dates?”

  “No other dates.”

  “No other dates, like none recently?”

  “No, just none. I took someone to senior prom. It was quite the event. Pictures, corsages, mom crying. Does that count?”

  “What is wrong with you?” she said suspiciously. There must be something hidden that she hadn’t picked up on. Some kind of psychotic tendencies that were lurking under the surface that other women had picked up on and run away from. Her radar wasn’t pinging, so either he was really good at hiding his crazy, or he wasn’t. She wasn’t sure which was worse.

  Rain gave her a grin before his smile faded and he looked down at his coffee. He took a moment before bringing his eyes back up to her. “I was waiting for love,” he said simply.

  Quinn dropped her eyes from his intense gaze and quietly put her spoon back into her bowl then folded her hands in her lap. Her breath felt short and painful in her chest. He didn’t say those words as hopeful, looking toward the future. He said then with a finality of finding exactly what he was looking for. It was like an elephant in the room, big and obvious. She couldn’t help but wonder if anyone else in the small café was feeling the vibes coming off the man by the window.

  He was radiating something that covered her like a cloak. She’d never had this experience before, had never felt the weight of someone else’s love. It was a burden that you could bear, one that she could grow to be grateful for as the days went by. But she didn’t know if it was a burden she wanted or even deserved.

  Bracing herself, she licked her lips and said, “You think that’s me?”

  Chapter 22

  Rain saw the change, felt it like electricity crackling through the air. She was scared or at least nervous. This was a chance he couldn’t miss. He might be able to use her nerves to get her to hear him, really hear not just his words, but what his heart was saying.

  “If I wanted to keep you at this table at all costs, I’d lie to you and say no. But I promised you I wouldn’t lie to you, I’ll never lie to you. So, yes, I wouldn’t be sitting across this table with you unless I was sure we had something that others don’t. I’ve never in my life spent this much time with a woman who I wasn’t related to. Sure that makes me sound like a total loser, but it’s true. I’ve had friends, classmates, but you could never be something so simple in my life. I will never, ever be the same person I was before I met you. You aren’t just a part of my future, you are my only future. Are you a spiritual person, Quinn?”

  His fierce expression wasn’t angry; it was just sharp. She wasn’t afraid of him, at least not yet.

  Clearing her throat she managed to whisper, “I was raised angrily atheist. My mother felt that God had turned his/her back on her from the get go. She told me that if you believed that your life was God’s plan, then he/she must really hate us, because we’d had shit piled on shit for far too long. If you believed that you were living a shit life because the afterlife would be better? That just seemed like a bad bet. So my mom told me the only thing to put your faith in was yourself. But as I got older, I felt like I was missing something. So I looked into a few religions, went to some church groups that showed up to the school. Those didn’t fit, they wanted me to toe the line and follow rules that I never agreed to. Definitely not my deal.

  Then I searched eastern philosophy. I found parts that I liked. In Freshman year I joined a Wiccan group that I found was better than anything else I’d tried. I liked the idea that we were all connected. That the earth, the planets, the universe, touched us all in some way. It made me feel not so alone like there were others just like me. Reaching out to each other through the darkness. That as long as I had grass under my feet and leaves over my head, I had a place in this world.”

  Rain reached across the table and placed his hand palm up on the table. Her small hand appeared from her lap and pressed into his. She didn’t consciously will her hand to go there. It slid into the heat of his strong grip willingly. Like she was searching for an anchor to keep her steady.

  “I feel the same way. We are all connected, some more than others. I think we all have so much more inside us than just what shows on the outside.”

  “Your inner
self? My inner self is buried so deep, I don’t know that I’d recognize her anymore.” She didn’t say this jokingly. It was true, Quinnlynn Sutter was two dimensional. Purposely so, avoiding contact and connection to protect the cocoon she had built for herself. It was easier to blend when you didn’t take up too much space.

  “Who is she? If you had to describe her to someone?”

  “She’s everything I keep hidden. Everything I’ve had to hide to maintain my armor.”

  “Armor?”

  “The shields that kept people from getting too close. The ones that kept me from getting hurt. If you don’t let anyone in, you don’t lose a part of yourself when that person eventually leaves you. Because they always leave. I know it’s what my mom believes. It’s hard to reject what you were raised with, especially when you’ve seen it happen over and over. Before my mom stopped falling in love with every drunk she picked up at the bar, life was chaotic. Our home was not our own. Things would go missing.

  When she accused them, things usually went sideways, and the cops would show up. Plans got ruined when you were relying on someone else. Normal childhood events were dangled over me like a toy I couldn’t reach. Men would come into my life, be nice to me to get into my mom’s pants then they would either turn out to be jerks, or worse. When she stopped letting those men in, things didn’t get simpler, but they did get more stable. It was still hard and a struggle. But it was our struggle.

  Mom missed school events because she had to work, not because some guy sold our bus tickets for dope. There weren’t any outside influences that determined our success or failures anymore. Letting someone in gives someone else control over your happiness, and is usually the cause of your misery.”

  Quinn watched a muscle in his jaw twitch. It was obvious that he didn’t like the life she’d lived. He was angry for her and frustrated that he couldn’t change the past. She knew that without a doubt. If Rain Rochon could hit the reset button on her life, she probably wouldn’t be able to recognize it.