Rainier

by Moxie North

  “What if you found that one person that you let in and he didn’t take control, but gave you the support to feel more in control of your own life and choices?”

  She gave a skeptical laugh. “That’s still opening the door to be let down. Why let anyone in and risk disappointment?”

  “Sometimes being let down is how we learn to build ourselves back up. It’s the pain sometimes that builds the best armor. It also lets us know just what we can bear and what we can’t.”

  “I’ve been let down plenty. My armor is pretty sturdy,” she snarked.

  “What if I told you I could tell you that I could take the burden, wear the armor, and you still get all of the support and protection you needed?”

  “Rain, you can’t promise things like that. It isn’t real. People are flawed, they fail all the time. It’s human nature.”

  Rain let out a frustrated sigh. “What if you can bypass human nature and go straight towards the base animal instincts of pack or clan with loyalty and protection?”

  “We aren’t hyenas, Rain.”

  “Hyenas aren’t exactly team players. What about wolves. Have you seen how a pack works? The old are protected, the young are nurtured. Mates pair off and community stays together. Humans have forgotten that we are hard-wired to be in packs. We think we are so independent and free because we are at the top of the food chain. If we all took a moment and thought about what we were missing without our packs, it would be pretty damn depressing.”

  “You want to be part of my pack?”

  “More than anything. What I actually want to be is your mate.”

  “My mate? What does that even mean? Are we penguins? Don’t penguins mate for life?”

  “A partner for life. That’s all I’ve ever been looking for. The one to love, to live with, to build a family with. I don’t need one-night stands. That’s just mechanical satisfaction, a way for the body to relieve tension. I want so much more. I have never met anyone that I could mentally put into my perfect mate. You fit me like a key. You’re my hope. I’ve never felt it before. I was sure it was going to take me decades to find the one that was meant for me. I’m sure you want to call campus security right about now. I just ask that you give me a chance.”

  “Rain, you want me to decide my future partner at the age of twenty-one? I’ve never even lived alone. I’ve always had roommates. You’re asking way too much from me. I’m not saying that you aren’t feeling what you are, but I’m not there. I don’t think I’ll ever be there. I think marriage and long-term commitments are destined to fail. People are inherently broken and generally horrible and out for their own needs.”

  “How can you be so pessimistic?”

  “Proudly. I don’t get blindsided by shitty people. I assume they are shitty to start with and they almost never let me down. I think that if you start to hope, you actually become more pessimistic. I manage mine. I have it finely tuned and whittled down to a simple life expectation.”

  “I have never met somebody so cynical yet someone that doesn’t treat the world that way. You still try, Quinn. You still put yourself out there. You TA, you do rallies and volunteer. Your actions don’t mirror what you’re saying. I think you are so used to believing that what you say is how you feel, but you haven’t realized that your opinions might have changed.”

  Quinn wanted to throw her oatmeal and coffee in his face and storm off in a huff. How dare he tell her that she doesn’t know her own thoughts? Her immediate response was to tell him that she didn’t need a man to explain how she felt. It was an almost physical reaction to any male that spoke to her in a tone that she considered condescending or patronizing. Yet, he wasn’t being either of those things.

  It was her knee-jerk response that was clouding her judgment. He was kind of right. Maybe. Her world view wasn’t as negative or hopeless as she made it out to be. She talked big, but the little Quinn inside her desperately wanted the world to be full of shiny, happy people that took care of their neighbors and loaned cups of sugar.

  There was a chance to do good if only people would look around and take a chance. There were people out there that were good and kind and selfless. They were rare in her opinion, but they did exist. It should infuriate her that he had called her out on it over breakfast. She didn’t hate people; she truly liked most of the people she knew. They were funny, smart, and valued members of her little world. Maybe her words were her armor and she’d actually shed the iron and steel that she’d worn around her heart without knowing it.

  Yet, this wasn’t a man just trying to tell her she was wrong, though he was trying to change her. But it was in an attempt to give her something instead of taking something away from her. Rain was offering her a break, not saying she needed one, just offering to give her a chance to relax a little. What would that feel like to not have to lug around that shield all the time?

  She was at a crossroads. She could do what she had always done to protect her heart and her future, or she could risk everything. She wasn’t a gambler, never had been. Life was too tough on its own to throw the dice and risk derailing your life for a handsome face, and a nice ass, or a man that was going to leave you when a newer, younger piece of ass came along. Hell, it could just be the wrong day of the week and you were no longer the right flavor for some guys.

  “Say I do agree that some of my ideas about things have changed. Does that mean I just throw myself to the wolves?”

  “Why does it have to be something so dramatic? Or wolves? What if you just looked at me and said, Rain, you’re handsome, probably the most handsome man I’ve ever met and I’d love to spend more time with you, date you, move in with you, make love to you, and spend the rest of our lives together?”

  Quinn let out a loud scoffing noise. “Oh just that, huh? Nothing too big or too much commitment?”

  “It’s only a risk to you because you don’t know what is going to happen in the future. I, on the other hand, know that there is no risk, no worry, and no doubt that we will end up happily together.”

  “Rain, that is ridiculous. No one can know that. You can’t just say it and it magically happens.”

  “I’m not just saying it. I do know it. I know it like my own name that you’re the one for me. The Fates have told me that you’re mine.”

  “Fates? There isn’t any great master plan. Your future is determined by how hard you work, how much you want it, and what you are willing to sacrifice to get it. I have done all those things. I’ve done them my whole life. I can’t throw away all I’ve worked for to be someone’s love bunny.”

  Had this been any other guy, or any other time she would already be walking away while flipping him the bird. He was asking too much, just like every man she’d ever known. It was always about what the woman was willing to sacrifice.

  “Quinn, I don’t want you to sacrifice anything.”

  Shit, now he could read her mind.

  “It’s just that what I’m trying to get you to understand, or even not understand. I just want you to be willing to believe that I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted. All of your hopes and dreams. I want all of those things for you. I’m asking you to let me come along. Let me be there when you succeed. Let me catch you when you fall. Let me love you when you think the world has gone crazy and we’re all doomed. Let me be there. For you.”

  “So now you’re a magic genie that will grant me wishes?”

  “If that’s what you need, that’s what I’ll be. Quinn, there is only one thing I don’t think I’d be able to do for you if you asked. Short of that, I would do anything I could, anything in my power to give you what you wanted.”

  Quinn couldn’t believe him. He was leaning over the table, those stunning eyes begging her to believe him.

  “What’s the one thing you couldn’t do?”

  Without a thought, he said, “Never see you again.”

  Too fucking deep already. That was like a punch in the gut. “Rain, I’ve already told you. I have school, my job
, my future. That’s it. Nothing bigger or better than that. I’m sure to some it might not seem like a grand plan, but in my world it’s enough.”

  “I’m not just asking you to accept something that sounds fantastical. I’m still coming to terms with it myself. I was going to wait until the universe sent me the one I’m supposed to love. I didn’t care how long it took. I was ready to wait because I knew that in the end those days wouldn’t matter because my life would start the moment she stepped into it. I got that moment last week. My entire life started, my heart beat for the first time, and I took my first breath when I saw you.

  I’m scared and happy, with a little nausea thrown in. My family, my… kind. We only love once. We can’t love anyone else once we have found the one for us. So no matter when it happens and where we are in our lives, we have to hand over our heart to someone else and hope that they treat it well. You have my heart, Quinn. You’re running this show and you can crush it or protect it. I feel like I need to show you what I mean. I have to risk everything to be honest with you and show you that you can have all my secrets.”

  Quinn wasn’t used to big romantic gestures. They always seemed fake in the movies. A bouquet of flowers, a boom box over the head. That was just a potentially embarrassing situation. It wasn’t really dangerous in the sense that someone could really destroy you with the turn of a head or an unkind word.

  “What could you possibly tell me that you haven’t already? I could stand up and walk out right now and if what you say is true, I’ll be your only love walking out that door. It’s like you’re testing me and I don’t like it. It’s shitty and manipulative.”

  “It is, but the animal inside me won’t let me keep beating around the bush. He wants to tell you who he is and why you’re the one.”

  “Sure, sure, the beast within. All men think they aren’t responsible for their actions because they are so driven by their animal needs. It’s the twenty-first century, we can’t keep blaming our inner caveman.”

  “Quinn, I don’t have an inner caveman. I have an inner animal that has found its mate. He needs to meet you, see you, and for you to see him.”

  Quinn pulled both of her hands up to the sides of her face. She didn’t like having these conversations with him. That warm place in the middle of her chest whenever he was around wasn’t going away. The more time she spent with him the bigger it seemed to get. So the feelings inside her were warring with her mind. It was an all out battle for control.

  “Why do I feel this way?” she asked him quietly.

  “I feel the same way you know. You just don’t want to say the words because they’re scary. That’s your human side. What does your inner animal say? Close your eyes and imagine that you were in a pack or a herd. You saw another animal that made you happy, made you feel whole. Would you leave your pack? Go off on your own because it was something new and scary, or would you embrace the fact that your place in the pack had just gotten stronger. You’d just found a mate and partner that you could be with. Someone to protect and nurture you. You never have to leave the safety and love of those around you. Your animal knows what it wants.”

  Quinn was pretty sure her animal might just be really horny after a week of thinking about Rain Rochon. If she had to pick one, her animal would be a hissing cat. Only temporarily trusting someone that offered her food, then immediately scratching them when she’d had her fill.

  “My inner animal thinks that if we have sex, I’ll get you out of my system. It’s just lust, Rain. Good old fashioned youthful lust. Bumping uglies will probably make both of us feel better and put it into perspective that lives don’t need to change for us to enjoy ourselves.”

  It was a cheap way out. She knew it. It wasn’t what she wanted, but she couldn’t accept that every time he spoke of the future, she felt her muscles relax. Her blood pressure dropped, her heart rate slowed into a happily content beat just being with him. She could get addicted to that feeling so very easily.

  He was staring hard at her, his mind turning. She watched as his eyes flicked back and forth focusing on hers.

  “Fine, let’s go. But, afterwards, no matter what, you let me show you who I am?”

  Shit, she thought he’d bail and not take her up on that offer.

  “Are you saying that we can have consensual sex without all your strings?”

  “I’m saying you can. I can’t tell you that I won’t be devoted to you for the rest of my life, or that I won’t do everything in my power to keep you safe and make you happy. I’m saying that I’m not demanding it from you. I can’t stop the way I feel and if you only want to give me this one time. I’ll take it and be forever grateful.”

  “Rain, you really need to lighten up. But I won’t ignore you after. I don’t think I could if I tried. Come on. My roommate is out today, we can go back to my place.” She only said that because his reverse on his previous stance threw her for a loop. Never did she think he’d agree. Now he was saying yes and she didn’t know if she was glad to get him out of her system or scared to death it was going to be her first taste of Rain Rochon that couldn’t be a one-time deal because it would never be enough.

  “No way, we are going somewhere else. No single dorm beds for you with people running up and down the halls outside.”

  Rain stood and held out his hand. She reached for it and he led her out of the café and towards something that was going to change her life she was sure.

  Chapter 23

  “Rain, Rain…this is ridiculous. We don’t need to come to some place like this!”

  Quinn was standing behind him tugging on the back of his jacket as he slipped the card into the reader on the double doors of the hotel room. He’d pulled her from the café and headed towards the road. His car was sitting there, slick from the last rainstorm. He tucked her into the front seat and strode determinedly around to the driver’s seat. He got in and started the engine before finally saying, “Buckle up.”

  They drove into downtown Seattle and pulled into the valet parking area outside the Four Seasons. The hotel looked over the water and as Rain helped her out of the car, Quinn couldn’t help but gape at the view. She always loved the vastness of the Puget Sound. She had to remind herself that it wasn’t even the ocean, just a huge inlet of water. It was busy with cargo ships and ferries pulling in and out.

  Rain handed his keys to the valet and took a ticket. He grabbed her hand and made a straight line to the hotel desk, never letting go of her hand.

  They didn’t look like the normal guests there, obviously young, obviously not wealthy. Yet, when Rain pulled out his credit card and handed it to the man behind the counter, it took a brief moment for the employee to go from friendly and welcoming to effusive joy at having them there. The Rochon name was not one that was seen often in Seattle, but that didn’t mean they weren’t known amongst the businesses and hotels of the area. Rochons always went big, and judging by the look on the man’s face, he knew the name well.

  Quinn was staring around the lobby, taking in the artistic flower sculptures that almost didn’t look real but could be smelled across the room. Pacific Northwest chic dominated every corner. It was a luxury that you only saw in this corner of the country. It was expensive taste that didn’t allow outside influences to dictate any change to the natural organic feel of all things Seattle loved; dark wood, natural colors, and nature everywhere.

  They had gotten their key and been directed to the elevators. They didn’t have luggage, and that was embarrassing for Quinn. This was not the kind of hotel where you could rent rooms by the hour. She’d lived in those hotels before, she knew exactly how to act in those places.

  At the end of a long hallway, Rain opened the door to their suite and held it open for her to walk in first.

  “Yes, we did.”

  “Rain, I’m no expert on this, but I’m pretty sure every guy’s first time is pretty good. We don’t need thousand-thread-count sheets. The back seat of a Prius would suffice.”

  “Firs
t of all,” he said letting the door close behind him. He reached up and closed the security latch at the top to ensure their privacy. “Our first time, regardless of my previous experience, is going to be amazing. I will make sure of it. And you always deserve thousand thread count sheets. But only if that’s what you want.”

  He stepped into the room and flipped on a light switch, turning on small table lamps across the room.

  Rain heard her gasp and knew that he’d made the right choice. It wasn’t the fanciest room in the hotel; there were ones that were more ridiculously priced than this one, but this one he knew was nice. It overlooked the Puget Sound and you could see the ferries coming in and the Seattle Wheel full of tourists spinning around, the lights pulsing along the spindles holding up the glass carriages.

  It was also more than just a room with a bed and a chair. It had a full sitting area near the windows, and a long cream colored plush couch with a coffee table in front of it. But dominating the room was a massive king sized bed covered in crisp white bedding and expertly stacked pillows that just begged to be jumped on.

  That wasn’t what drew the eye though. It was the wall of windows that looked out into downtown. That was where Quinn had migrated too. Her hands were pressed up against the glass, her nose resting against the cool pane as she stared down to the streets below.

  Rain came up behind her and placed his hands on her hips, his mouth near to her ear. “If you decide to keep me, we will come here for every special occasion, every celebration. It will be our place, our safe haven away from the world, away from our lives and our responsibilities. It will be our place when life gets hectic or we feel the need to just be with each other without the outside world interfering.”

  Quinn gave a quiet laugh. “Does that mean we can live here forever?”