Loving, Living, Party Going

by Henry Green

  'Would you like me to come down with you to see if we can do anything about your things?'

  This seemed to Julia the sweetest thing she had ever heard, to offer to brave those frantic drinking hordes of awful people all because someone was upset about their charms and all the more because this angelic angel could not know about them or what they meant to her or about her and how miserable she got. She was made better at once for, like delicate plants must be watered every so often so Julia must have sympathy every now and then, as Alex must have someone to listen to him, and once she had it was all right for another little while. So Julia refused but so warmly Miss Crevy was surprised into thinking she could only be engaged to Max who, she now realized, must be upstairs with Amabel.

  It was at this moment that Max came in with Amabel, so that Julia knew she would almost at once forget about her charms now he was back, and all her worries.

  When he was in the room she could even stand apart and watch herself, she grew so confident. She thought he looked terrific, but when she had taken in Amabel's new looks and her brilliant eyes, she thought she was most like a cat that has just had its mouse coming among other cats who had only had the smell.

  He was why she changed so she would forget what she had been six minutes back, he it was who nagged at her feelings when he was not there, and when he came in again worked her up so she had soon to go out though not for long, it was his fault, but then she knew it to be hers for being like she was about him, oh, who would be this kind of a girl, she thought.

  Before anyone had spoken the telephone rang and while Max said 'what's this,' and went to answer it, Amabel arranged herself where she had been sitting before.

  'Yes,' he said into it, 'yes, she's here. No, shall I take a message?' and he turned to look at Julia, so that she knew they were ringing her up. She went across to be at hand. 'You mean now?' he asked. 'I see. You understand this is my party, mind,' he said, 'it is Mr Adey speaking. Yes, we'll be ready,' and he rang off.

  He put his arm through Julia's and pressed his elbow tight against it and this to her was as though he knew everything and that he was sorry for anything he might have done and that anyway it was all right. It was like sugar and water fed to plants in a last emergency and was what she had been ordered. 'Well,' he said, as though it was as easy as anything, 'we've got to get ready to go, they've just rung me up.'

  I can't bear it, Julia said to herself, it's too wonderful, it's too much. If we go now everything will come right, but if only we go now this instant minute, it must be at once, oh, please.

  Angela said 'goody' and Julia thought of a difficulty. 'But how on earth?' she cried and he said gently, 'by the lift.' Amabel sat on as though she had not heard as people do who know it will all be the same wherever they may be and who have maids to look after them.

  'Oh, you don't understand,' said Julia off her balance and wildly excited, 'you can't, no one can go, they've broken in below you see, d'you mean they really want us to be off?'

  'I say,' Angela said, 'my luggage is in the cloakroom.'

  Max said he would see to that and Julia began. She rambled, not pronouncing what she was saying very well and looking sideways at the carpet while she now pressed his arm hard with hers. She wanted to know what she was to do about Thomson and when their train would go, did she have time to get ready, and again how would they get out as Max had not heard about the crowds that had broken in and hadn't they better ring her uncle up to find out if it was safe? Max took no notice of her except he said once he would look after it and gradually Julia began to run down and as she did so happiness came back to her, budding out of her fingers and her cheeks and hair like new landscapes open with a change of season after frost. She felt she was living again and with that feeling she wondered if she had not been rather ridiculous perhaps. She said Evelyn and Claire ought to be told and with that she suddenly left them and ran out, and looking back in through the door she said, 'but we haven't to go just at once, have we?' and then was gone again.

  Radiantly happy she rushed into that room Miss Fellowes lay in and thinking that she would be unconscious, burst out saying, 'children we are to go, they've telephoned to say it's all over, isn't it wonderful and we're to get ready, darlings, just think.'

  But Miss Fellowes, who was sitting up in bed, took this to mean that they were at last ready to remove her.

  'My dear,' she said, 'I'm very glad to hear it, I feel I've been here long enough, though Claire will insist on saying I ought to stay the night.'

  Julia had not seen Miss Fellowes when she came in so that it was a shock to hear her voice and more than a shock to see her propped up in bed exhausted. She looked as if she had been travelling.

  Julia had never thought of her as being old. She had been brought up with Claire and so had always known Miss Fellowes who had in consequence seemed ageless to her in that her appearance had not altered much in all those years. And now she saw her all at once as very old and for the last time that day she heard the authentic threatening knock of doom she listened for so much when things were not going right. But it was impossible for anything to upset her now they were really going.

  'Why, Auntie Fellowes,' she said, 'I never saw you and there you are sitting up in bed. Why you see,' she rushed on, 'it's for us, our train is going to run after all, isn't it wonderful?'

  'Darling,' said Claire, 'I was telling Auntie May she really must be good and stay here for a while, at least until she gets her strength.'

  'But I feel quite well now, Claire, quite well.'

  'You must be careful, darling, really.'

  'Now, darling Aunt Fellowes,' Julia said, 'you mustn't get in a fuss.'

  She was about to say she was in no fuss and that all she asked, and it was reasonable enough, was to be allowed to get better in the comforts of her home, when she realized it would be better to let them think they were having their own way like Daisy had when they put her in that asylum. She had kept on telling them how glad she was to be there until they had pronounced her sane and let her go. She could remember now Daisy saying they would have put her in the strait-jacket if she had resisted, so she determined to say nothing but unfortunately she was so weak she began to cry. She began to shake also. Claire kissed her and said she was to rest and not to worry and took those other two girls out with her again.

  They stood outside in the corridor and Julia, who was unaffected, she was so excited at their going away, said she was sorry, she had no idea she would be able to hear anything, she had thought she would still be unconscious.

  'Well, it was rather a pity, darling,' Claire said, 'and just when I was telling her we could not move her out or get her doctor in.'

  'She's ill,' Julia said, 'and she'll just have to get used to the idea. When one's ill one's ill and there's an end of it, one has to stay there till one gets better.'

  'I was thinking,' Claire said, 'you know I don't think I can come, not now anyway, I can't leave her like that. I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to her.'

  'Darling, you can't speak like that,' said Julia quite serene. 'If you don't come then I won't either, I couldn't go without you when our party's in the state it's in.' She spoke gaily, certain that Claire did not mean what she said.

  'But, my dear, Max would never forgive me if I was the cause of your not going just because I had an aunt who was taken ill on the platform. My dear, he'd never speak to me again. She's been enough nuisance to him already, you can't mean to say you'd let her break the whole thing up.'

  'Well, if you don't go, I won't.'

  'But look, I shall be coming on in a few days, to-morrow probably.'

  'No, Claire my dear, no Claire no Julia. Besides,' she said, more serious, 'you know what the doctor said, there's nothing really the matter with her, is there? Why don't you let her go home if that is what she really wants?'

  'Why here's that idiotic Robert,' Claire said. As he came up to them foolishly smiling, she said:

  'Have you been drinking
?'

  'Yes.'

  'Are you drunk?'

  'No, of course I'm not.'

  'There's no of course about it as I know you,' she said, examining him.

  Julia explained. 'It's too awful, Robert dear,' she said. 'I've gone and upset your aunt. You see the great news is that we've been told to get ready to go at last and I rushed into her room and told them and she thought it was meant for her and was so disappointed when Claire told her she couldn't be moved yet, poor darling,' she said cheerfully.

  'What are we to do about her?' Claire said to Robert.

  'I don't know.'

  'Then why don't you know?' Claire was always much harder on him when others were present. When they were alone she was another person and knowing this made her easier for him to bear.

  'She's not my aunt,' he said and laughed.

  'She is, aren't we married? Oh, now my darlings, you see what I have to put up with.'

  'Well, what do you want to do?' he said shrewdly.

  'You wouldn't think it very awful if I left her now, would you?' Claire began. 'You see she has Nanny and her friend to look after her and she does seem so much better at last. Of course she is awfully weak and it was rather naughty of Julia to come in like that and upset her, but really when all's said and done I think she is getting to the age,' Miss Fellowes was fifty-one, 'when it's better for them to do what they want when they are ill. D'you remember what the doctor said when your father died, but of course she's not as bad as that, only she does worry me so, I'm afraid she's not so well really. Robert, think now, what d'you say about it? You don't think it would be very awful of me, really?'

  'Of course not,' he said and he had only been waiting to agree with whatever it was she wanted. 'Of course not,' he said.

  Now it was settled they should go and that Claire would come with them in spite of Miss Fellowes, Julia went back to Max expecting to find them getting ready. Amabel had gone to dress but those others had opened the windows and were leaning out. She went behind Max and said, 'Don't move, it's me,' and willed her leg where it touched his to tell him she was glad.

  Looking down they could see which platforms had already been opened, for at the gates a thin line of people were being extruded through in twos and threes to spread out on those emptier platforms. Separated there they became people again and were no longer menaces as they had been in one mass when singing or all of their faces turning one way to a laugh or a scream. She could even smile at them, they were so like sheep herded to be fold-driven, for they were safe now, they could be shepherded into pens and journey back to food, home, warmth and sleep. Again, if they had broken in below, which she was ready now to disbelieve, they would slowly begin to drain away again, their tide had turned and when they raised one last cheer as the first train went out she swallowed she was so afraid she was going to cry. Dear good English people, she thought, who never make trouble no matter how bad it is, come what may no matter.

  Max turned away when he had seen enough, and probably because she had given up watching and had been looking at the back of his head and had been loving him, so because she had been feeling for him when he should have been loving her without her having to do one thing about it, then she began to try and worry at him again.

  'Well,' she said, 'here we all are, why don't we go?'

  'Am's not ready yet,' he said.

  'Then hadn't you better tell her to hurry up. They won't keep our train back for us while we dress, you know.' He said they had told him there was not that much hurry and put his arm through Julia's once more.

  'But how,' she said, 'how on earth when we do go do we get through all those people there are still down there, can you tell me that?'

  'They said they would take us along this floor through the hotel and then the office till we can get down by a lift on to the place they keep for visiting big noises, where they receive them you see.'

  'Oh, Max, as though they held receptions for noises,' she said, but he did not laugh, he never laughed at himself. Besides he had just surprised himself regretting that Amabel was coming with them.

  When she had first come in it was guilt had made him so worked up about her but this feeling had gone when he saw how she was working on him until he had begun to feel his influence over her and had become indifferent, so that he did not care if she went or stayed. Finally, back to Julia as he was now and with Angela Crevy in reserve he would much rather Amabel stayed behind. Besides there was Embassy Richard. He could not stand him.

  'Where's Embassy Richard?' he said. 'Has anyone seen the man?'

  They all exclaimed at this and Alex, who had come back when he found Robert Hignam, turned round from his window where he had been leaning out.

  'Richard?' he said, 'where?'

  'Someone said so. I haven't seen him.'

  'Why then,' said Alex, 'we can ask him straight out if he did write that letter.'

  'And d'you suppose he'd really tell you?' said Miss Crevy.

  'No, I know,' he said because he now wanted to be amiable, he thought he had gone rather far before, 'I suppose he wouldn't.'

  And so everything now hung on Amabel, as it had done earlier when she was not there for even then she had remote control over Max so that he might have been some sort of a Queen Bee. At first he had hidden himself from them because he could not but feel guilty about her and then when they had found him he had still been hiding; his fun such as it was at that time had been stolen as he had known she would find him out. Now that she bad found him he wanted fun and no longer cared how he got it, but one cannot break into houses when in the station cell and she had the key. So he wondered if he could get Richard to come along with them to keep her occupied. And now she came back in again.

  'Where is he?' he said. 'I'd better find him,' and he left Julia to telephone.

  'But, darling,' she said, following, 'I thought you hated him.'

  'No, good chap, Richard.'

  He made enquries and was told which room he was in. He asked to be put through.

  'What on earth are you up to now?' Amabel said, and Julia knew at once by her voice there had been trouble. She moved away from him slightly, hoping they would have a row and so as not to distract his attention from how tiresome she hoped Amabel would be.

  'I'm going to get him along.'

  'But have you thought at all? I mean does anyone want him?' she said.

  'Oh, rather, lots of questions for him, ask Alex.'

  'Is that you, Richard?' he said, 'I say, come along and have a drink. Come on,' and he gave their room number.

  'You aren't really going to ask him about that letter are you?' Miss Crevy said to Alex. 'It may embarrass him terribly, you know.'

  'It may,' Alex said, 'but he'd rather we did, I think.'

  'But it's not something to be proud of, is it? I'd have said he would hate it. Isn't it rather hitting a man when he's down?' and she said this in such a way, stressing the word 'man', that made it sound as though everyone kicked, bit, and hit women when they were down.

  'Oh, I agree with you, it is,' Alex said, 'but you see he'll enjoy it, he'd be sorry if we didn't, but if you like we won't say anything, we'll let him start it on his own. He enjoys it you see. I'll bet you he'll bring it up himself within five minutes.'

  'Then I think it's revolting.'

  'Darling,' Julia said to her, still hoping Max and Amabel would quarrel about him, 'it's because like when one is shy about something one simply can't stop talking about it. And besides he wants everyone he meets to tell him it's all right.'

  'Well,' Max said to Amabel, as though she had been speaking for Angela Crevy, 'here he is now, we'll see,' and at that he came in.

  Mr Richard Cumberland was not unlike Alex and when he spoke his manner was much the same. He said, 'Why, hullo, my old dears,' and shook hands all round. If he could he took each hand in one of his, if only one was offered, then he took hold with both hands. He did not shake, he pressed as though to make secrets he would never keep, as thoug
h to embrace each private thought you had and to let you know he shared it with you and would share it again with anyone he met. As against this, when he spoke it was never to less than three people. It may have been tact, or that he was circumspect, but he paid no attention to Amabel.

  'You've all heard about my little bit of trouble,' he said, 'well the town's too hot to hold me now. You know I put that thing in all the papers about my not being able to come to something or other, well they all made such a fuss you'd never believe so I thought it was time for little Richard to say good-bye for now and here I am.'

  'What a pity,' Alex said, 'what a pity.'

  'You don't sound very glad all of you to see me.'

  'My dear, I couldn't be more pleased in every way, you must know that, only we had such arguments about who did send that announcement to the papers and I said all through it had been you so...'

  'Oh no Alex, excuse me you never did,' Miss Crevy said, 'just the opposite really, you know. You always said someone else had sent it.'

  'There you are,' Alex said to him, 'it's been like this the whole time and there you've been not three minutes away, my dear, and we never know.'

  'I say, Richard,' said Max, 'where are you aiming for?'

  'Why?' he said, smiling round at all of them.

  'Why don't you come with us?'

  'D'you all really mean it?' he said, 'well, yes, I might.'

  'That's fixed then,' said Max and fixed it was.

  So for anything in the world, it seemed to Julia, it was most like that afternoon when Miss Fellowes had said let's take the child to a matinee, when she had never yet gone to the theatre, it was so wonderful to see Max planning as he must be doing, to keep Amabel occupied with someone for herself. So like when you were small and they brought children over to play with you and you wanted to play on your own then someone, as they hardly ever did, came along and took them off so you could do what you wanted. And as she hoped this party would be, if she could get a hold of Max, it would be as though she could take him back into her life from where it had started and show it to him for them to share in a much more exciting thing of their own, artichokes, pigeons and all, she thought and laughed aloud.