Butterfly Boys

by Cameron James

  I took a deep breath as I zipped my jeans then walked away from the noise, down the dirt path. There was mostly grass with some flowers scattered until I reached a lavender patch. The smell almost overwhelming as I searched amongst the flowers. Walking along the man-made path until I reached a clearing and I sat down.

  "Hey." I whispered, reaching my hands out to his dirty knees. I pulled on the bottoms of his shorts as he looked up at me.

  "Hey." He whispered,

  "Too loud?" I asked, he nodded heavily.

  "A bit of a sensory overload." He said then wobbled his head, "or what was going to become one, so I removed myself. Why are you here?"

  "Why use a plastic urinal when you can use a tree?" I said, he laughed softly.

  "Great whites like lavender, and greylings." He said nodding,

  "You sat here because you know butterflies like lavender." I said, he nodded. "That, that Olly makes perfect sense." I said, he smiled. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah." He said in a deep breath, "there’s just so much going on. I would've come back to camp, in the end."

  "In the end." I repeated, he laughed.

  "At least I didn't have a meltdown." He said nodding,

  "Did you nearly?"

  "Yes." He whispered, "there were so many people, and they were all talking, the speaker was doing that buzzing thing it does, that Chandler can probably explain to a science. There was a lot of different smells and the space just kept getting smaller and smaller and I wanted to just stop and sit and pull myself into a ball and wait for it to past, but I knew, I knew that'd be worse." He shrugged, "I could've been trampled to death, and deaths a bit more long-term than a meltdown, so I left. And I kept walking until the sound had died down, then I saw the lavender, so..."

  "You came and sat in the lavender."

  "Yeah." He said sighing, then smiled as a white butterfly fluttered around us.

  "I'm glad you're okay." I said then pulled his head towards me, kissing the top of it.

  "I'm glad you found me." He said then he smiled as a half grey, half white butterfly landed next to us. "Look, it's you." He said softly, I laughed as he grinned at the butterfly. "I mean, technically is has gynandromorphy, but I like the term nonbinary butterfly a bit more."

  "Nonbinary butterfly?" I repeated, he nodded.

  "Like you, like Frankie. I guess that makes you butterfly boys."

  "Did you just create a metaphor?" I asked, he laughed then he sighed.

  “Let’s go and find Chandler.”

  “Are you sure? We can stay here a little longer, if you want?”

  “No.” he said softly, “no thank you. Let’s go find Chandler, and Frankie.”

  “I think Frankie found someone to have sex with.” I said, Olly laughed as he stood, wiping the mud off his knees although it really didn’t do anything to remove the mud.

  “We’ve only been here a day and he’s already got someone. I’m impressed.”

  “I’m not.” I said as Olly linked my arm, “Frankie’s attractive.” I said, then looked at him and shrugged, “I guess to other people.”

  “Sure.” Olly whispered, I narrowed my eyes at him as he smiled and began to walk with me out of the forested area, the bass getting louder and becoming words as we got closer to the stage. “How are we even going to find Chandler?” he said softly, as he turned on the spot examining the nearest people to us.

  “Usually where there’s a computer, there’s a Chandler.”

  “This is very true, I think a tent over there has retro games in it, like Pac Man.”

  “I think we’ve found a Chandler.” I said amused as I turned us together and began in the direction of the retro game tent. Chandler was as predicted in the tent, playing space invaders, and not doing too badly at it either.

  “Hey.” He said once GAME OVER came across the screen, his arm circling around Olly’s shoulders and cuddling him. “Are you okay? You just disappeared; I didn’t know if you were…”

  “I’m good.” He said nodding, “it was a close call, but I promise I’m good.”

  “Good.” He said nodding, “it’s also good that you weren’t off having sex. I’m pleased.” He said, Olly laughed resting his head into Chandler’s chest as Chandler looked at me, “honestly, I thought you were off having sex.”

  “How I wish.” I said, he laughed, “I do have a question for you.” I added, Chandler frowned at me as Olly laughed, “Why, Chandler, why do speakers buzz?”

  “Sam right?” he asked, I turned to look at him, laughing as I nodded and refastened my belt.

  “Sam.” I said, “easy, one syllable, Adam.” I said amused, he winked at me.

  “Here all weekend?”

  “Yeah, we’re camping up in that top field.” I said nodding in the vague direction, Adam gasped.

  “The fancy tents. I might need to pay you a visit.” He said, I shook my head tutting at him as I tapped my lips, he bit his in response.

  “We have a rule, no boys…” I said as I ran my finger down his chest, “in the tent.” I finished, he smirked leaning towards me, hesitating slightly then kissing me. “Come find me.” I whispered, he nodded quickly, as I took a few steps back then turned and walked away from him, I got to the path before I turned back smiling as he was still watching me. I waved to him, getting a wave back before his hand ran through his hair then I continued up the hill towards the tents.

  I passed Chandler and Olly as I did.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Where have you been?” Chandler teased, I laughed shaking my head.

  “You don’t want to know.” I said, he smirked as Olly laughed.

  “Toilet.” Olly said nodding, “And the bar.”

  “For something soft, of course.”

  “Of course.” I said amused, Chandler winked at me so I nodded back as I passed them continuing into our campsite, I stopped just in front of our tent, smiling at Frankie as he sat on the patio, scrolling through his phone. I chose to sat opposite him.

  “Where have you been?” he asked tapping his doc martens against my trainers, I did it back.

  “A boy.” I whispered, he gasped happily,

  “Tell me more.” He said, his docs knocking against my trainer over and over. I watched them sway as I thought.

  “We just bumped into each other. Literally, in fact.” I said thoughtfully, “he was attractive, we decided to walk for a little bit, until, oops we were in a more secluded area of the forest and well…”

  “Up against a tree, of course.” He said laughing gleefully, “I had a boy this afternoon.” He added his eyes glittering so I nodded to him. “It was naughty. It felt it at least, board daylight up against a tree.” He shivered, “I had to refrain from screaming.” He said, I brought my knees closer to my body as my stomach tingled.

  “Did you learn his name at least?” I asked, he nodded.

  “I did, I took a lesson from you.” He said cheerfully,

  “Adam.” He added, I laughed out in shock.

  “Adam?” I said, “shit, Frankie I think we had sex with the same person today.” I said, Frankie laughed shaking his head,

  “There must be loads of them, Adam’s a common name.” he said nodding quickly, I nodded with him.

  “Tall.”

  “Very. That, or I’m very short.” He said, I laughed tapping my toe against his.

  “You are short.”

  “You’re weirdly tall.” He said, I laughed. “Brown hair, blue eyes.”

  “Freckles.” I said, he smirked as he nodded.

  “You like freckles.”

  “You like blue eyes.” I whispered,

  “Dominant.”

  “Oh, I think you’ll find I dominated him.” I said, he shivered so I laughed as he crossed his legs.

  “I think we fucked the same guy.” He said raising his eyebrow at me, I did it back. “We might as well have just fucked each other.” He added amused, then looked at me, his eyes searching around mine as I examined him, bi
ting my lip with just enough pressure that I wouldn’t make it bleed.

  “We couldn’t.” I said in a breath, he laughed softly,

  “Couldn’t we?” he asked, I licked my lips as I was sure he moved towards me. I was sure, certain even, his head tilted and he moved in towards me, so I went to move towards him, then moved back, as Frankie did, looking up towards Chandler and Olly as they came back holding two diet cokes to us.

  “I think we interrupted a moment here.” Olly whispered, as I stood, Frankie also did walking down the patio step.

  “The bathroom is where I’m going.” He declared, I nodded as I went into the tent. I could hear as Chandler and Olly laughed before coming into the tent themselves, both smirking at me as I sat on the bed, opening the can then raising it to them.

  “Thanks.” I whispered,

  “Where you and Frankie about to have sex?” Olly asked, I looked up at him shaking my head so quickly I choked on the slurp of coke I’d taken.

  “No.” I coughed, “no, no, course not, no. Never. What?” I coughed some more, the cough becoming a choke as the slightest drip of coke obviously filled my entire windpipe. “I mean, would it be a lie to say it hadn’t crossed my mind? Yes.” I said nodding as Olly smirked at me, and Chandler laughed sitting on the other bed just nodding to me.

  “Shut up.” I said simply then drank more coke being thankful it seemed to shift the singular drop out to destroy me. I cleared my throat as I stood walking around the bed so I could change into something to sleep in. Frankie came back as I stepped into my joggers and sat on the bed. He smiled at me almost coyly as he walked around the bed and began to change himself. Pulling his shirt off over his head then looking at me as I examined him.

  “What?” he asked amused as he folded his shirt and put it at the end of the bed,

  “You’re not binding.” I said, he ran his hand over his chest.

  “Yeah I am.” He said then put a bed shirt on. “Trans tape. Revolutionary.” He said his eyes widening at me as he sat with his back to me so he could take his docs and jeans off. “Stays on for a few weeks, doesn’t cause all the icky summer sweat and I can sleep in it. Winning.” He said then turned to look at me, drawing his knees into his body, so I smiled “I’ve been wearing it since Pride. I figured I’d be too drunk to negotiate a binder.”

  “You weren’t wrong.”

  “Exactly.” He said amused as he looked behind me so I turned to look at Olly and Chandler as they got into their sleeping bags.

  “Goodnight.” Olly said cheerfully as he lay down, cuddling into Chandler’s side, making Chandler laugh then turn to us.

  “Night.” He said, we nodded back.

  “Goodnight.” We said together, watching as Chandler turned their light out. I picked ours off the table, lying it between our sleeping bags as we both wrestled with our own.

  “I have an idea.” He whispered, I frowned at him as he passed me the torch, telling me to stand so I did, watching as he unzipped both of our sleeping bags. He lay mine on top of the mattress, then looked up at me as he sat on the side he was sleeping. “Get in.” he whispered so I did, sitting on the other side then taking the half of his sleeping bag he flung over me. I lay down as he did, lying nose to nose with him, laughing as he rubbed his nose against mine, before kissing my cheek.

  “Good idea.” I whispered, he nodded, “goodnight.” I added, he smiled.

  “Sweet dreams.”

  ❋

  Chapter Four

  “Sam?” whispered. I groaned, closing my eyes tighter, wiggling my head away from the noise. “Sam, come on Sam.”

  Whispered again, I sighed as I tried to bury myself further into the bed that somehow was far, far more comfortable now than it ever had been before. I felt as fingers ran down my cheek, then began to stroke through my hair. “Come on pretty boy, wake up.” Whispered, followed by a laugh as I rubbed my eyes, turning my head to look as Frankie sighed.

  “What time is it?” I asked, he shrugged softly as he searched around our bed until he found my phone, lifting it then sighing.

  “Two.” He said, I frowned. “I need the toilet.” He whispered, I shook my head, obviously clearly displaying I didn’t get it. “I’m not going out there in the dark alone, can you come with me, please?” he pleaded, I nodded. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” I said although I don’t think I sounded too sure of myself, “of course.” I added, as he smiled then got out of the bed, pulling his docs on, but not tying his laces. I followed, slipping my trainers on then tugging my hoodie out of my bag. His arm linked around mine quite quickly, cuddling me closer to him as he held the torch out in front, walking us out of the campsite and down one of the many paths.

  “We’re so going to get lost.” I whispered, Frankie laughed,

  “Put that Duke of Edinburgh head on Sam.” He whispered, I looked at him, “I know you did it, Olly told me as he did it with you…” he smiled, “Olly said you practically carried half of his stuff for him.” he added, I laughed watching my feet as they navigated the grassy path. “Do you know where these toilets are? Did you ever find them?”

  “Wait, what?” I whispered stopping us and turning him towards me, he frowned as he held the torch between us so it was pointing upright.

  “What?”

  “You don’t know where they are?”

  “No, do you?”

  “No.” I said, he frowned, “we’ve been using the trees Frankie.” I almost hissed, he laughed covering his mouth instantly so the sound didn’t escape. “We gave up trying to find it ages ago.” I shook my head, “what have you been doing?”

  “There’s toilets down there.” He pointed in a vague direction of the hill. “And I brought my STP, but…”

  “But?” I repeated, he sighed.

  “But I’m not negotiating that when it’s dark, do you know how unpredictable the stream can be?”

  “No.” I squeaked, he laughed. “What are you going to do?”

  “I just need somewhere to sit.” He whispered, then tilted his head at me, “or you to hold my hands.” He said thoughtfully,

  “Hold your hands?”

  “Yeah, I’m not so good on the balance.” He said shrugging, I laughed shaking my head as he smiled at me.

  “I’ll hold your hands.” I said softly, he looked surprised, “can you be bothered trekking around to find somewhere for you to… sit?”

  “No.” he said nodding as he passed the torch over. I rose the light to his face watching as he took in a deep breath then he looked around where we were, he sighed as he stood directly in front of me, then pushed down his joggers and boxers, crouching as he did, then grabbing hold of my hands, so I held his tight,

  “Why are you this bad at balancing?” I asked, he laughed, headbutting my hand.

  “Let’s not make small talk Sam.” He whispered, I smiled. “It’s hard enough to do this as it is.” He shook his head as he sighed,

  “Are you going?”

  “Sam.” He stated, I smiled,

  “But, are you going?”

  “Sam.” He hissed as he laughed, looking up at me so I pulled my tongue at him, he did it back, then pulled on my arms, so I tugged back, as he tried to stand up. Feeling as my trainers began to slip until I fell, on top of him, making him laugh almost instantly as his arms wrapped around me. “Oh my god, Sam.” He said laughing straight into my ear, so I looked at him as he shook his head. “Get off.” He said simply, smiling at me in such a way that he didn’t mean it harshly, so I rolled off him, laughing as he lifted his hips, pulling his joggers back up then spinning himself on the hill so he could stand.

  He was still laughing as he offered me his hand, helping me stand then grinned at me as I shook my head and held the torch upright.

  “It’s starting to rain.” I whispered; I watched the drops through the stream of light. He looked up as I did. “Come on.” I added turning on the spot until I was facing what I thought was the right direction. “Might even be able to get some
more sleep.”

  “We can only hope.” He whispered as he took big steps to catch up with me, until he was walking alongside me, his arms wrapped around his body as he tried to keep up. We walked straight, fighting against the gravity of the hill, which I’m sure, if the rain came down would be a mud slide by the morning. I turned to look back at Frankie when I reached the top of the hill, pointing the torch at his feet, the purple of his doc martens shining against the light as he reached me.

  “Hey.” I whispered, he looked up at me his teeth chattering as his entire body shook. “Hold this.” I whispered passing the torch to him, he frowned as he took it, aiming it at me as I pulled my hoodie off over my head. “Here.” I whispered as I held the bottom, folding up the hoodie so I could put it over his head, he shook his head at me as I pulled it down, until it was so low he had to put his arms through it. “You’ll be cold.”

  “No.” I said shaking my head, “I’ll be fine.” I whispered as I rubbed his arms, “better?”

  “Thank you.” He whispered, I nodded pulling him back into me and walking with him back to our campsite.

  I stood beside Chandler, the rain battering down onto the hood of my windbreaker, and dropped off the peak of his cap. We used the rain to wet our toothbrushes, then shared the Colgate between us.

  “You were well going to sleep with him last night.” He stated as he held his toothbrush in his mouth, I looked at him narrowing my eyes as I continued to brush my teeth. “You were obviously devastated that we came back, have you told him yet?” he said, I frowned, “that you like him.” he said, I spat out my toothpaste.

  “Fuck off.” I said, he laughed as he brushed his own teeth. I shook my head. “We’re friends.”

  “No, Sam.” He said then held his toothbrush to me, “we’re friends.” He said pointing his toothbrush at me, then back at him. “You and Frankie… I’m sorry to break it too you, but you’re not friends.” He said then spat out his toothpaste so I sighed, as I finished brushing my teeth.