The thought of it was terrifying. It was the same terror that had me clinging to my relationship with Ted and trying so hard to make sure I was on the right path. Because if I left it…if I veered off course…I might never find my way back.
I inhaled sharply as fear shot through me like a knife. That same fear had me reaching out to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I met his gaze. “What you did, going rogue like that…” I gave my head a little shake.
His eyes met mine and for a second there I thought I might tear up at the sheer intimacy of this moment. It was like, for the first time in my life, I was seeing straight into someone else’s soul and he was doing the same in return.
We might’ve been polar opposites in just about every way possible, but in that moment we understood each other in a way that no one else could.
He broke the tension with a rueful smile as he wrapped his arms tighter around my waist. “I see these kids who are graduating and going off to college and it makes me wonder if I’ll ever figure it out.” His gaze met mine and didn’t let go. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ll still be catering to high school brats and cranky chefs twenty years from now.”
“You won’t,” I said.
He arched one brow. “You seem awfully sure about that.”
I smiled with all the confidence I felt. “I am sure. What you did…it was brave. It was admirable.”
“Admirable,” he repeated the word softly as if mulling it over. Meanwhile his arms around me tightened and he let out a sexy little growl as he leaned down to kiss my neck. “I like the sound of that.”
I laughed and gasped at the same time and he pulled back to tug my hand so we were once again traipsing toward his apartment, breathless with laughter and anticipation.
We were laughing right up until we threw open the door to Jax’s apartment and found complete and utter chaos.
Bob turned to us with wide panicked eyed. “Oh, thank God you’re here.”
But it was the sight of Beth and Ashley in their living room that had me standing there in stunned silence until they both whipped around to face me.
“Catherine!” Ashley shouted.
Beth planted her hands on her hips and glared at me as Ashley rushed forward to hug me.
Chapter Five
Ashley pulled back to look at my face, her short red hair swinging around her face. “Are you okay?”
“I-I’m fine,” I said.
Beth stalked over to Jax, jabbing a finger in his chest, not seeming to mind that she was at least a foot shorter, her black curly hair barely reaching his chin as she accosted him. “What did you do to her?”
Jax had his hands up in innocence and started backing away.
“Beth,” I said, finally coming to my senses and to his aid. “He didn’t do anything. I’m fine.”
She whirled around to face me. “Then why haven’t you been answering your phone?”
“Or any of our texts?” Ashley said.
My stomach sank as guilt flooded my veins. “Oh my gosh, you guys, I am so sorry.”
Some of their panic and anger seemed to ebb slightly as they too realized what was going on here. Namely, that I was totally fine and just a moron. “I turned off my phone,” I said with a helpless shrug. “I didn’t want to face reality,” I babbled. “Just for tonight, but I totally forgot to tell you that I was fine and—”
Beth’s head dropped back with a sigh. “We were so worried, C.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, quietly this time and with a world of feeling.
Ashley was shaking her head. “We didn’t want you to be here alone and upset.” Her gaze cut to Jax quickly as if just realizing now that I hadn’t been alone. Her mouth turned down in a disapproving scowl. “And then when we got to the Sunshine Inn and they told us you’d never checked in—”
“I am a jerk,” I said, reaching out to give her another hug as I put myself in their position. If I’d been in their shoes I would have been just as worried, if not more so. I would have torn this town apart looking for them.
“At least we had this guy’s address,” Beth said, shooting ‘this guy’ a withering glare.
“I told you we didn’t kidnap your friend,” Bob said.
Both of my friends turned their glares to Bob who quickly backed away toward the kitchen. “And I’m out of here.” He turned to me and Jax as he headed toward their back door. “Good luck.”
I didn’t need luck. These were my best friends and they were only pissed because I was an inconsiderate jerk. I gave Jax a quick apologetic grimace before taking each of my friends by the hand and tugging them into one of the bedrooms before they could do something we’d all regret—like try to tackle Jax to the ground or something.
They filed in behind me, still talking and with an occasional shout of anger back in Jax’s direction.
The room we were in was Jax’s. I knew it before I even flipped on the light. It had his warm, comforting scent and when the light was on, I saw that it totally fit him. Sparse and clean, the bed had a dark comforter and one framed poster graced the walls.
The Beatles in their Sergeant Pepper days.
Of course. He had quoted John Lennon, hadn’t he? Not the death metal fan one might expect from looking at him, but then, I was starting to realize that Jax was full of surprises.
Just when you thought he was a Grade-A jerk he went and saved you from the rain. And that was just the start.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Beth demanded.
I whipped around to face her, wiping my face of any stupid dreamy grins in the process. “Like what?”
She and Ashley were not fooled. “What is going on with you?” Beth demanded.
Ashley narrowed her eyes. “Are you on drugs?”
“What? No! Of course not.” I let out an exasperated huff. “I am not on drugs.”
“Then what is going on with you?” Beth said.
What was going on with me? I paused with my mouth hanging open.
Excellent question.
Ashley widened her eyes and her voice came out as a hiss. “Are you hooking up with that guy?”
I turned to her with the same moronic, open-mouthed expression. “Uhh…”
“Oh my God!” Beth let out a weird squealing noise and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out if she was still angry or excited or both.
“Umm…” I added ever so eloquently.
Ashley’s wide-eyed looked fell into one of concern. “Catherine.” Her voice took on that motherly tone that I recognized well. Ashley always had been the most maternal of my friends. She always worried over us and took care of us…one day she would make an excellent mom.
In the meantime, she fussed over me and Beth like a mother hen. She was giving me a sympathetic look but it was filled with judgement. “I know you’re hurting, Catherine,” she started, a “but” sure to follow.
That gave me pause. Was I hurting? She seemed so certain but…I wasn’t. I mean, it hadn’t felt good seeing Ted with someone new, but I also didn’t feel like I was hurting.
In fact, right up until I spotted my friends, I’d been happier than I’d been in a long, long time.
Maybe ever.
“…I don’t want to see you get hurt,” Ashley continued. I missed part of her lecture as I tried to figure out exactly what I was feeling.
“Well, I think it’s great,” Beth said, giving me a little grin that had relief sweeping through me. It wasn’t that I needed her approval, I was just glad to see she wasn’t still pissed at me, even though she had every right to be.
Ashley pursed her lips in annoyance. “Beth, be serious.”
“I am!” Beth gave me a saucy wink. “I think it’s awesome that Catherine is finally having fun for once.”
I crossed my arms over my chest as I battled irritation. Was I really that much of a stick in the mud?
Beth seemed to read my expression. “Sorry, Catherine, it’s just…you’ve been a little more high-strung than usual lately,
especially since the breakup.”
I shrugged. It wasn’t like I could deny that. Also, it seemed like I didn’t need to respond. Ashley did that on my behalf. “Of course she’s been high-strung. The love of her life brutally ditched her.”
Ouch. I winced at hearing her say that aloud.
Had it sucked to be dumped? Yeah, of course it had. One might even say it had been brutal, especially considering the crappy timing of it all. But it was her use of the phrase “love of her life” that had stung. If Ted was the love of my life, then…well, that just sucked, plain and simple.
I mean, I was only eighteen. Was he seriously the one? Was he really my soulmate and the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my long life with?
I shifted uncomfortably, wishing I could have a few minutes to myself to sort through my churning emotions. But my friends were discussing my love life without me and now was not the time to be taking a time out.
“I’m just saying, if she wants to have a little fling to make herself feel better, then good for her.” Beth’s voice was rising like it always did when she was debating an issue. The girl lived for a good debate.
“Under any other circumstance I would agree with you,” Ashley said. “But Catherine literally just saw Ted with another girl. She’s not in her right mind.”
I blinked at that. Wasn’t I?
Maybe I wasn’t…
“Besides,” she continued. “This is Catherine we’re talking about. Can you seriously see her doing anything without overanalyzing it to death?”
They both turned to face me and I felt like I’d been caught pickpocketing, that’s how guilty I felt.
I had been overanalyzing.
Crap.
My neuroses was a sickness.
Beth gnawed on her lower lip as she and Ashley considered me. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
That felt like a final judgement. My friends were judge and jury. I’d been an idiot to get involved with Jax when my emotions were all over the place.
Ashley’s stern lecture stance softened and she reached out to place a hand on my arm. “We just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
I nodded.
Beth was studying me. “You don’t really like this guy, do you?”
I shrugged, but that wasn’t much of an answer. “I—I—”
“She doesn’t even know him,” Ashley said, her voice filled with exasperation.
“I know him,” I said. Ashley’s motherly tone was starting to rub me the wrong way and I bristled at Beth’s knowing, judgmental stare.
“I know him,” I repeated. “And I like him.”
There. I’d said it. What was more, I’d meant it. I’d said it so easily to his face so it shouldn’t have been such a big deal to tell my friends.
But it was different with them. They knew me.
So did Jax, a little voice felt compelled to point out.
But they’d known me forever and under their watchful stares I found myself wavering. Oh, not over the fact that I liked him. Of course I did. The guy was hot and sweet and funny and quirky…who wouldn’t like him?
But in the face of their clear doubt and obvious concern, I found myself looking at my actions these past twenty-four hours with new eyes. I got an objective view of myself and what I saw shocked the heck out of me.
That panicky feeling—the one that I’d been studiously ignoring all night, the one that had been waiting in the wings for Jax to leave my side—it was back with a vengeance.
I gasped for air as it threatened to drown me.
My friends moved closer on either side of me.
“Are you okay?” Beth asked.
“Of course she’s not okay.” Ashley sounded resigned. “She’s clearly a mess.”
Was I?
I looked frantically between the two of them. No, that wasn’t me. I wasn’t the mess. I was never the mess. I was the one who had it all together. I was the one who had her life in order, her ducks in a row, her head on straight… All those stupid idioms applied to me. Every single one.
Well, until recently. But I could rally, dang it. I could still pull my life together.
“I am not a mess,” I said with far more confidence than I felt. “I know exactly what I’m doing.”
Lies, lies, and more lies. But it sounded good. And maybe if I acted like I knew what I was doing it would be true. Or at the very least, maybe my friends would stop looking at me like I’d lost my mind.
No…worse. There was pity in their eyes.
That was so not okay.
“I know what I’m doing,” I said again.
Beth gave me a sympathetic wince. “Hon, you took off on your own and ended up stranded on a stranger’s couch.”
“So? I was impatient to get here and then my battery died.” I shrugged as if it was no big whoop. Like that sort of stuff happened to me all the time.
“You hooked up with a stranger,” Ashley said, her eyes wide with disbelief as she threw that at me like a challenge.
I squared my shoulders. Challenge accepted. “So?” I shrugged again. Look at me, Miss Nonchalance. Miss I Do What I Want. Miss I Totally Have My Act Together.
I nodded toward Beth. “It’s like Beth said, if I want a rebound fling, why shouldn’t I go for it? We’re not kids anymore.” I tossed my ponytail over my shoulder as I lifted my chin. “I can make out with anyone I want.”
It was the truth, wasn’t it? My little speech gave me a surge of confidence. See? Sometimes faking it until you make it really worked. It sounded good and it felt even better to assert myself. I am woman hear me roar.
My friends exchanged a dubious look. “So this thing with you and…this guy,” Ashley started.
“Jax,” I said. “His name is Jax.”
“This thing between you is just some fling?” Ashley looked dubious, and I knew why. She didn’t think I could handle intimacy without commitment. Her doubt made me feel like a child or some sort of immature, emotionally stunted teenager. Neither of which were accurate.
“Yes.” I said it too quickly and with way too much confidence. The truth was, I had no idea what this was between me and Jax. But I’d known from the first moment I kissed him that it couldn’t last, right? We lived in different worlds and were headed in different directions. So then what else could it be?
An unpleasant sensation started in the pit of my stomach and spread outward. Everything was happening so quickly. I mean, seriously. In the last twenty-four hours I’d discovered that I didn’t have a chance with my ex, had the most mind-blowingly epic kisses of my life, had hung out with a guy who made me feel beautiful and loveable and perfect in a way I hadn’t known was possible…Not to mention I’d just seen the ocean for the first time. And swam in it.
I mean, my world had changed a lot in one day. There was no going backwards, but I had no idea how I was supposed to move forward. Which direction or how and with whom…all those questions were waiting for me and with them came that paralyzing fear.
But in this moment I knew one thing for certain. The decision would be mine.
Not my friends’, not Ted’s, not Jax’s, and not my parents’.
My friends were far more subdued now that I seemed to be in control once more. The dynamic of our little trio was once again intact as long as I was playing my role of Student Council Barbie. Still, they had a wariness about them, and they were still clearly concerned about me.
This time I forced a little smile. “Look, I know I’ve been acting weird lately and I’m sorry about that. I’m also really sorry that I worried you.”
They gave each other a quick look before returning my smile so I knew that I was forgiven for the worry I’d caused. Ashley nodded and cast a meaningful look toward the bedroom door, beyond which Jax was waiting. “You barely know this guy, Catherine. You need to be careful.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“We just don’t want to see you get hurt again,” Beth said.
I barely held back my weary sigh. They
meant well and I appreciated that so I restrained myself from showing any irritation.
“You’ve never done a casual hookup before,” Ashley continued, as if this was news to anyone.
That was it. Conversation over. “I know,” I said quickly, my voice taking on the brisk, efficient tone I got when I was in full-blown mission mode. “And I won’t get hurt.”
At their looks of disbelief, I arched my brows. “How could I? Like you said, I barely know this guy. He means nothing to me. How can he hurt me if this is just a meaningless hookup?”
Silence fell and I knew I’d won the argument.
They shared a look and I could see they were sufficiently satisfied that I was once again tried-and-true Catherine, the responsible, mature, type-A friend who made reservations when everyone else forgot.
“Come on,” I said, shepherding them out of the bedroom. “Let’s go get a room at the Sunshine Inn. I’m sure they have a room available and—”
I stopped short at the sight of Jax in the living room. He was lounging on the sofa, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world with his feet up on the coffee table and a Nintendo controller in his hands.
But his gaze met mine and I knew better.
My stomach sank as it became instantly obvious.
He’d heard. He’d heard everything.
His expression was bland and his eyes opaque, but I knew. Or maybe that’s how I knew. There was no laughter dancing in the depths of those dark eyes and no smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.
He looked bored. Utterly apathetic.
And it was total bull.
My heart sank to the floor and a bitter taste filled my mouth as I replayed everything I’d said and how it must have sounded to him.
“Guys…” I cleared my throat and tried again, turning to face my friends who were talking amongst themselves. “Guys, would you give us a minute, please?”
Beth and Ashley looked from me to Jax and back again before nodding and heading out the door. “We’ll go get a room at the Sunshine Inn,” Beth said as she headed toward the door. She turned back quickly before heading out. “Call if you need us.”
Senior Week Kiss Page 10
