Letting Go

by J. M. Witt

  “Yup, we’re good.” I seized the opportunity to walk inside, leaving her on the porch with Cal.

  I heard her ask, “Cal, what’s going on?”

  

  A couple hours later, Cal and Jane were heading out the door and Cal gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, “You should tell him.” I glared at him when he pulled away and took Jane’s hand heading down the stairs.

  “Night.” I waved to both of them before shutting the door.

  James was lounging on the couch with his arms outstretched to me when I walked back into the living room. I smiled and sat down between his legs, resting my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me as he kissed my temple. It was only ten p.m. on a Friday and I just wanted to go to bed. I couldn’t suppress the yawn that followed.

  “You alright?”

  “I’ll be fine when everyone stops asking me that.” Remaining quiet, I immediately felt guilty for snapping at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t understand why this is being dragged through the papers again. What did I do?”

  Sighing he said, “You did me, so to speak. This is my fault. If we weren’t together this wouldn’t have happened.”

  I repositioned myself so that I could see his face. “I don’t understand. What’s the fascination with my dead mother? Why can’t this stay dead and buried?”

  “I have a feeling whoever’s behind this is out to deliberately hurt you or me.”

  That got my attention. “What? Why?”

  “I have Annie and Smith working on it.”

  “Who’s Annie?”

  “She’s my attorney.” He looked at me like there was more, “The same attorney who helped me out when I was in college.”

  “Ok, wait, you mean the Domme?” I groaned, “This just gets better and better.” I stood up and began pacing the floor.

  “Cassidy, I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to take you to bed and hold you. We need to talk about all this. The more details you can give me the more Annie, Smith and I can help. Okay?”

  Taking a moment to process everything he said and asked of me, my head began to spin. He was right; we should just go to bed. “I don’t want to fight, either. We can talk about it later. Let’s go to bed.”

  Once we were upstairs, I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I reemerged, he was standing in front of me wearing a skin tight tank and boxer briefs. Fucking hell. He smirked at me and walked into the bathroom. Did I just say that out loud? I climbed into bed, naked, and flopped onto my stomach while hugging my pillow under my head.

  He wasn’t in the bathroom long before climbing in next to me. Propping his head up on his hand looking down at me he said, “You’re exhausted.” He started running his fingers through my hair as I closed my eyes and savored his touch. His hand started lazily caressing my back and then he started gently scratching my back.

  “Mm,” he stopped and I opened my eyes, “Don’t stop, that feels wonderful.”

  He smiled, picking up where he left off. Soon he was lying down next to me and I turned my head away from him as he pulled me into my James cocoon that was fast becoming my happy place.

  “Closer.”

  I heard him groan in response as he tucked me under him; the right side of his body covering my left. The weight of him on me was glorious. I was aware of his arousal as he wedged his leg between my two, drifting off as the warmth of his body became a fog around me.

  I whispered, “This, this is my heaven.”

  

  I was aware of hot, large hands kneading the flesh of my thighs and ass. My eyes flickered open and it was almost entirely dark as I felt hot moisture gliding up my spine to my neck and then he started sucking on my neck. I turned slightly to give him better access and he bit down.

  “Feels good.” I was not coherent enough to speak properly, I could only feel. Oh God could I feel.

  I was still on my stomach as he hovered over my back. His hands were positioned on both sides of my head, keeping his weight from pinning me entirely, and I realized that I wanted his entire weight pinning me. Reading my thoughts, he gently laid on top of me and I spread my legs, moaning at the feel of his hard cock pressed against my ass. He was not dressed anymore, wholly naked.

  “I want you, Cassidy,” he whispered in my ear and I shivered from head to toe.

  “I need you, James.” He growled in my ear before pulling my lobe between his teeth. “Please, I need to feel you and nothing else. Make it all go away.”

  He moved down lower between my legs and I lifted my hips to give him access. His hand traveled between my legs, moving down to cup my mound. He pressed his fingers to my pubic bone then ran them across my labia, easily slipping a finger inside.

  “You’re already wet for me.” He pulled his hand away and a second later I felt his head at my entrance. I couldn’t wait any longer.

  “James!” It was a plea for him to take me.

  He crashed into me at that moment and we were both left pulsing and panting before he began thrusting over and over again. I tossed my pillow to the side and grabbed the headboard in front of me. After several minutes of him hammering into me, he stilled and resumed biting and sucking on my shoulders. His hand moved over and down my side until it slid between me and the bed. Finding my clit, he started circling it.

  “Cassidy…”

  He started moving in and out again while applying pressure to my clit. “Please, James.”

  “What is it? Tell me what you want.” He continued stroking me inside and out.

  “Harder, I need you harder.” Ramming into my backside over and over again I panted, “Oh, yes. Like that.”

  He placed his free hand between my shoulder blades and now I truly felt the weight of him on me. My breasts were pressed against the sheets, almost painfully so, and I couldn’t move. My hips jumped and my clit pressed harder into his hand.

  “You’re so close, baby.”

  He was as out of breath as I felt. My knuckles were white as I gripped the headboard tighter and the spiral began. My toes were tingling and my belly was tensing.

  I was aware that I was holding my breath when he bellowed, “Dammit, Cassidy, breathe!”

  I took in a massive breath trying to get my breathing back under control, “James I’m going…”

  “Me, too.”

  His thrusts become jerkier and soon I felt him shooting his seed into me as he changed direction against my clit. It was the final straw and my orgasm took over. My eyes saw white as the reverberations of my orgasm shot through my limbs, my grip on the headboard slackened and my hips relaxed.

  He started to move out and off of me when I begged, “Please stay. I want to feel you like this just a little longer.” Dropping down onto his forearms, his breath was hot and heavy on my neck, and I smiled. “You, I just want to feel you.”

  “Anything for you, Blackbird.”

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I felt myself drifting off. “What time is it?”

  “Who cares? Got somewhere to be?” We both chuckled as he rolled to his side and pulled me to his chest while kissing me. Kissing slowly and deeply for a long time, we explored each other’s mouths before going back to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Five – Wounds…

  ~ CASSIDY ~

  I woke in the morning to the familiar whir thump whir thump of the treadmill. I rolled over and grabbed his pillow, drowning my senses in his smell. I remembered our lovemaking from the middle of the night and smiled. I never thought sex could be so good and I loved what he did to me and with so little direction. I love everything about him. I love him.

  I love him?

  No, it was too soon. This was crazy. It was just sex. Fucking hot, amazeballs sex. Nothing more. Now I know that’s not true. I love him? I pondered that and recounted every single memory with him, the good and the bad. I didn’t know if I could process this. I had only felt this way about one other person and that was so long ago.
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  “Morning, beautiful. What are you thinking about?”

  My eyes darted to the doorway where he was standing—no, where he was posing. He was wiping his face with a towel only wearing his shorts and running shoes.

  “You.”

  “What about me?” He crossed his arms and stared at me intently.

  “That’s for me to know and you to wonder.” I got up on my elbows grinning from ear to ear. I love him. I do. Fucking hell.

  He sauntered over to the bed only like he could. He was considering his next move and so was I. He pounced first and started tickling me.

  “You’re going to tell me right now what you’re thinking about, lady.”

  “James, agh. Stop.” I was laughing uncontrollably and I knew I was a shit liar. “Please, I have to pee!”

  Stopping his attack, he kissed my nose before releasing me. I scampered off the bed and he smacked my ass before I ran to the bathroom. After I was finished, I cranked on the shower as he walked in. I stepped into the shower once the water was warm enough and he followed behind me. He gathered my hair, pulling it over my shoulder and I felt him freeze. He spun me around to face him and started examining me.

  “What are you doing?” He was touching a spot on my hip, and as I followed his gaze I noticed a faint bruise on my hip.

  “Does it hurt?” I shook my head and he stood back up and turned me away from him again. “What about here?”

  I felt his fingers caressing the spot on my upper back, where he held me down last night. “No.” He kissed the spot before I turned to face him.

  “I’m too rough with you.”

  “We’ve discussed this, I’m fine. I’ll let you know if you’re too rough.” He smiled down at me. “I really enjoyed last night, especially when you were holding me down. I love the weight of your body on mine. Makes me feel safe, free, loved.”

  I realized what I had said and abruptly turned to grab the shampoo. I started lathering my hair as he did the same to his. “So, you like being immobile while I’m having my way with you?”

  Blushing I confessed, “I do. Don’t tell anyone, they might get the wrong idea.”

  “I don’t kiss and tell, Miss Charles.” He winked at me and we finished our shower.

  We went down to the kitchen and I pulled out two cereal bowls and spoons. He was grinning from ear to ear with one eyebrow raised as I moved to the pantry and pulled out my favorite cereal.

  “Cocoa Puffs? Really?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Guilty pleasure. You want some or not?”

  We finished our bowls of cereal and I put our dishes in the sink, and then sat back down at the table next to him.

  “We need to talk.” His tone was foreboding. “I have a meeting with Annie and Smith this afternoon if you’d like to come. I’d like to be honest with them about everything. I need you to fill in the gaps and what really happened.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his.

  I felt my throat getting tight, “I haven’t talked about this in so long. Holly didn’t even know the details.” Pulling me to my feet, he guided me to the couch.

  “What can I do to make it easier? I’m trying to protect you, but I need to know what I’m up against.”

  “I know. Umm, I’m not sure where to start.”

  “Wherever you want. Take your time.”

  “Alright.”

  With a deep breath and a heavy heart, I began my story.

  “It was the summer before eighth grade. I was taller than most and awkward, so awkward. I played sports and had lots of friends. Mom wasn’t around much that summer. We didn’t know why back then, but we do now. It was a Saturday night and school was starting in just over a week. Dad, Cal and I were sitting around the living room coffee table eating pizza and playing board games.

  “Mom got home early that night. I should’ve known something was wrong because she was drunk. She started arguing with Dad, so Cal and I went to our rooms like we normally did. I fell asleep listening to my radio.

  “Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke to voices. I opened my door and peered down the hall. Mom and Dad were screaming at each other, again. Normally I would’ve gone back to my room, but I’d had enough of my mother’s drunken tirades.

  “Mom was shouting at Dad about how she was done and she was leaving him for someone else. Cal was standing a few feet away looking shell shocked and Dad didn’t seem to care. I think he knew their marriage was over long before we did. Something inside me broke. I grabbed the closest thing to me, an encyclopedia, and launched it at my mom.

  “Before Cal and Dad could react, she lunged at me and started smacking and clawing at me repeatedly. She said cruel and hateful things to me while Dad pulled her off of me and Cal was holding me back; I returned her fire.

  “I started screaming at her, ‘I hate you. I want you to leave. We don’t need you. This is all your fault.’ I was sobbing as I hurled my anger at her.

  “Everything grew silent, and in the distance you could hear the sound of police sirens. Mom heard them before we did and she grabbed her keys and ran out the door. Cal started to go after her but Dad stopped him.

  “Two squad cars pulled up right after Mom pulled out. One car followed her while the officer in the first car came to the door. He said that one of the neighbors reported a disturbance. My dad gave him a rundown and then I noticed the cop looking at me.

  ‘What happened to her?’

  “Cal and Dad both looked at me and Dad rushed to me, pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed at my face. I was unaware at the time, but I had a bloody nose, split lip and a few scratches on my chest and upper arms.

  “The cop started questioning Dad about my cuts and Cal and I immediately told him that it was Mom, not Dad. They believed us. The cop returned outside where Dad and him talked some more. I went to the bathroom and tried to clean up my cuts with Cal’s assistance.

  “We were sitting on the couch almost an hour later when an officer came back into the house and motioned Dad over. Dad walked away from the officer and fell into a chair at the kitchen table and Cal grabbed my hand. Dad told us, with the assistance of the cop, that Mom’s car went off the Reynolds Bridge.

  “I broke the silence, ’’Is she ok?” I didn’t understand why we weren’t heading to the hospital. The cop told us she was gone, that she didn’t make it. I don’t remember anything else from that night. I woke the next morning in my bed and soon realized it wasn’t a nightmare.”

  

  ~ JAMES ~

  She was in a whole other world while the details fell off her tongue like she had told the story over and over again. I didn’t dare interrupt in fear she might have shut down. We were sitting on the couch, her at one end and me in the middle, and she was revealing what had happened over the next couple days.

  Cops, family, the funeral, reporters, the list went on and on. She mentioned that they found out her mother was having an affair with the Mayor, Brent Calhoun, and that apparently the affair had been going on all summer. The papers also made this information public knowledge since Mayor Calhoun was up for reelection and lost.

  “Oh, God. I remembered something else. No, that’s not possible.”

  “What is it, Cassidy?” She started hyperventilating and I pulled her to me, trying to calm her down.

  “Mom and Dad we arguing and I think I remember her saying something about a baby.” Pulling back she looked to me, “Why would she be talking about a baby?”

  This was horrendous. “Cassidy, was your mom pregnant?” She looked utterly confused and started shaking her head.

  “There’s no way, I mean, I don’t know, she was drunk. Why would she drink if she was pregnant?” She bolted off the couch and grabbed her cell before I could stop her.

  “Cal, was Mom pregnant?” She wasn’t waiting long for her answer. She dropped the phone and sank to her knees. I was at her side in a second, picking up the phone.

  “Cal, I’m here with her. Yes, I’ll ke
ep you posted. Alright, later.”

  Setting the phone down on the counter before pulling her into my arms, I carried her to the couch and didn’t press her for any more details. She’d been through enough for one day, for one lifetime.

  She was quiet for a long time, just sitting in my lap like a ragdoll. I began imagining how life must’ve been for her after her mother’s death and the scandal surrounding it all. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she got up and began doing mundane chores around the house.

  “Cassidy?” I wasn’t sure what to say or ask, but I knew she was pulling away from me and shutting herself down. She’d had a shock and needed to talk about it.

  “Hmm?” She wouldn’t look at me and started sorting laundry.

  “Is there anything you need, anything I can do? Please don’t shut me out.”

  “There’s nothing to do. It doesn’t change anything except maybe the image of my mother. I just wish it all had stayed dead and buried.”

  It was all my fault; if she hadn’t been with me she wouldn’t have been in the limelight like she was. I had to get to the bottom of it all, I owed her that much. “I have to run some errands. Are you going to be alright?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  I walked to her and gave her a hug. She hugged me back, but her embrace lacked its usual vigor. Kissing her temple, I gathered my things and headed out the door.

  I felt incredibly guilty leaving her and I stood at the bottom of the porch, pacing the short path for several minutes. My gut was telling me there were more details that dealt with Cassidy directly; Cal wouldn’t be so concerned for her if there weren’t. Maybe he was who I needed to talk to. She would kill me if she found out and I couldn’t go behind her back like that.

  My phone alerted me of a text. Smith and Annie were at my office waiting for me and I couldn’t keep them waiting any longer. I hopped in the Rover and headed back downtown. The office was empty when I arrived, but I recognized the voices of Smith and Annie coming from my office. I closed the door for ultimate privacy.

  Annie was looking over some files at the table and Smith was at the wet bar. I dropped my bag on the couch and removed my jacket before joining Annie at the table as Smith handed me a bottle of water before taking his seat.