Letting Go

by J. M. Witt

  I looked to Cal and Jane as they exchanged a few words I couldn’t make out. He kissed her and my heart heated a little for my brother. I’d never seen him like this with a woman. Cal and James traded bags as I hopped in Cal’s truck and Jane climbed into James’s.

  Cal and I drove in silence for the first thirty minutes of the hour long drive to Dad and Lisa’s. There was a light snow falling, but it wasn’t quite sticking yet. Spotting a few houses donning their Christmas lights and others still putting them on, I couldn’t help but want to be with James.

  “Do you think she’s alright?” I asked as I stared out my window.

  I heard him sigh, “I don’t know. Jane is under the impression she’ll be gone soon.”

  I dropped my head back to my seat and closed my eyes. This time of year had always been magical for my family, even after mom was gone. I had a hard time wrapping my mind around how horrible this time of year must be for James.

  “Cal, this is the worst time of year for this. With the holidays, his birthday, Jason’s death, and all at this same time of year. It’s a cruel joke.” I wanted to get to know Eva better and made a promise with myself that I would spend some time with her, if she made it. I shook the morbid thought from my brain.

  “He knows you want to be there with him and how much you love him.”

  “Does he?” I rubbed my hands over my face.

  “Cassidy, he loves you, too. It’s written all over the two of you.”

  I just looked at him, positive that the uncertainty was plastered all over my face.

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “He’s told you, right?”

  I laughed, “Nope, nada, zilch.” I stared back out the window as a solitary tear ran down my cheek, scorching my skin.

  “Have you told him?”

  “Are you out of your mind? Girls don’t say it first. It’s like signing your death warrant.”

  He laughed boisterously before saying, “Well, I guess maybe. He seems to speak with his actions and not words.”

  “You have no idea.”

  He looked at me and shook his head. “I don’t want to know; I might have to hurt him.”

  “Ha, you didn’t hurt Paul.”

  “Well, that was an extenuating circumstance.” He gave me a knowing glance.

  “What about you and Jane? Do you love her? Have you told her?” He simply nodded. “Well, which is it?” He just shrugged his shoulders. “You’re an ass.”

  “Give him time. If he’s worth it, you’ll wait for him to say it.”

  I reflected on our conversation and it wasn’t long before we got to Dad’s and told them about Eva. They were very sympathetic.

  We dove right into final preparation mode for tomorrow. The lights were up and had been tested in the barn, along with the heat. Dad had bought his place shortly after Mom died, needing to get us out of the old house and the ghosts that lingered there. He’d found an old farmhouse on a few acres with a barn and had spent the last fifteen years or so fixing the place up.

  When we were sure everything was ready in the barn we headed back inside. Lisa threw some pizzas in the oven while I checked my phone. No word from James. I wanted to call him, but decided against it. Checking with Cal, he hadn’t heard anything, either. We spent the rest of the night reminiscing and playing board games like we used to.

  I went to bed still not having heard from James. I shot him a text to let him know I was thinking of him.

  Thinking of you and your mom.

  Hope all is well. Miss you.

  Love, Cass

  I fell asleep waiting for his reply.

  

  The morning was a blur of flowers, caterers, and everything wedding related. Somehow, I managed to run into town to get my nails done. I still hadn’t heard from James, though Cal said that Jane called him and said Eva should be headed home later that day and Jane was on her way up for the wedding. She, not we, she. I didn’t have time to dissect why James hadn’t called me yet. If I did I would break, and the day was about Dad and Lisa.

  “You ready?” I smiled at Lisa in the mirror. She looked amazing. Her hair was pinned up with crystal snowflakes speckled throughout it.

  “I think so.” She turned to me with a huge smile on her face. “I can’t thank you enough, Cassidy. You’ve worked so hard putting this wedding together for your dad and me.”

  I waved her off, “It was my pleasure. I’m glad you two are finally making it official.”

  “Soon I hope to return the favor.” She hugged me tightly.

  “We’ll see.” My tone gave me away.

  “Honey, I’m sorry he hasn’t called. Don’t think the worst. It’ll all work out.”

  I willed myself not to cry. I swallowed down the tears that cut like razors in my throat as I nodded at her. “Alright, let’s do this!”

  I couldn’t help but look for him as I walked down the aisle, spotting Jane my heart leapt with hope. I took my place across from Dad and Cal as all eyes fell to Lisa.

  She began her walk toward my father and I glanced at him, catching him swipe at a tear. I was so happy for him, he deserved to be happy. The music was swelling as Lisa finally joined my father. She placed her hand in his and the ceremony got under way.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight – Done…

  ~ JAMES ~

  Cassidy was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Her hair was pulled to the side in an elegant ponytail that was draped over her shoulder. She was killing another blue dress, but this one wasn’t long like the one she wore for the auction. I wanted to take her out back and fuck her in the snow the first chance I got.

  She had spotted Jane and I could tell that she was looking for me. I wanted her to be mine, forever. Whoa dude, relax. It hit me that I had never said that about anyone before; my playboy ways and my heart warred with one another. Everyone was right. I was in love with her. I don’t know why I kept denying it. I moved out from the shadows as the ceremony continued and her gaze was focused on the happy couple. I remained standing in the back of the barn just watching her. The vows were a mere whisper compared to the beating of my heart.

  Pulled from my reverie as the crowd cheered the kissing couple, I joined in the applause as her eyes turned and found mine. I hated that look of insecurity on her face, looking at me wondering if I still wanted her. Didn’t she know that I would always want her?

  Dave and Lisa made their way back down the aisle with Cal and Cassidy following behind. She was pulled into greeting guests and then pictures almost immediately. I tried to object when her Dad and Lisa insisted that I join in the photographs, but the pleading in her eyes and Jane dragging me behind her convinced me. The photographer took some of just Cassidy and me, too.

  “You look ravishing.” I whispered in her ear as the photographer posed us.

  “Right back at ya!” She gave my arm a reassuring squeeze.

  “If you’re not careful, I’m going to take you up in the hay loft and have my way with you.” The beautiful flush that I loved so much took over her cheeks.

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” She winked at me before copping a feel with her behind as she stood in front of me.

  “I think you know me better than that.”

  “Do I?”

  She was pushing me intentionally, wanting me to throttle her with my cock the first chance I got. After the pictures were over I gave the photographer my card so I could purchase my own copies. I then dragged her to a dark corner while everyone seized the opportunity to congratulate Dave and Lisa.

  Pushing her up against the barn wall with a little more force than necessary, pressing into her while stealing a kiss. She responded with a groan and dug her fingers into my arms. I looked to see that she’d had a manicure done and added fake nails.

  I pulled her hand to my lips, “What are these?”

  Shrugging her shoulders, “I wanted to look nice for the pictures since I chewed all my nails off last night waiting to hear from you.” She looked uneasy and I k
new my blunder. “I ran into town early this morning and had them done.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It was so late by the time I checked my phone, I didn’t want to wake you.” She tried to talk and I put my finger on her lips. “I figured you’d be swamped with wedding stuff this morning. I’m sorry. I should’ve at least texted you. Forgive me.”

  “Of course I forgive you. I just hated being away from you with everything that was happening.” She stroked my cheek and I turned into her touch. “How’s your mom?”

  “They let her go home this morning. She’s fine, for now.” Releasing a deep sigh, she threw her arms around my shoulders. I lifted her to me and inhaled her intoxicating citrus scent.

  “I’d like to spend some time with her,” she pulled back to glance at me as if asking for permission. “If that’s okay with you.”

  “Of course it’s okay.” Pulling her arms down, I held her hands in mine. “I’m glad you said it. Listen, I was thinking about tomorrow.” She looked at me intently. “I know the fetish party is tomorrow night, but I’d like us to spend the day with Mom putting up the tree. It’s our family tradition.”

  “Absolutely, I’d love to partake in your family tradition.”

  “If we finish in time we can decide about going to the party then. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind at all. I just want to be with you, and whether that’s at a fetish party or decorating the tree, I’m happy.”

  “Thank you. Cassidy, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

  “Miss Charles, when do you want the appetizers to be served?”

  For fuck sakes, could she not see that we were in the middle of a conversation? I glared at the girl in the catering outfit as she scurried away from us.

  “I’ll be right there.” She looked back at me, “You were saying?”

  “Nothing. It can wait. You did a great job. This looks amazing.”

  “Thank you. Save me a dance.” She pecked my cheek before gliding away.

  “You can have them all,” I called after her. She flashed her beautiful grin back at me.

  Later on, I followed her to the house so she could use the bathroom. She headed up the stairs and into a bedroom with an attached bathroom. She closed the door and I took in my surroundings. We were in a generic room, no evidence that it was Cassidy’s childhood room or someone else’s. It was then I spotted her bags near the closet as she told me this was the room we would stay in that night. I peeked into the hall and didn’t see anyone so I closed the bedroom door and locked it.

  When she exited the bathroom I threw her over my shoulder before dropping her to the bed.

  “Oh.” She was giggling, “James, they’ll wonder where we are.”

  “I’ll be quick.” I dropped my jacket and opened my pants as she propped up on her elbows, watching me undress. I dropped to my knees, yanked her to the edge of the bed pushing her dress to her hips, and buried my face in her panties. “I love your smell, taste, how slick you get for me. Are you slick for me?”

  She blushed and I laughed as she dropped to her back. I pulled her panties down and unleashed everything I had on her, showing no mercy. Her clit was already hard and she wrapped her fingers into my hair, digging those new nails into my scalp as she swiveled her hips into me. She started twitching and I knew she was close.

  “James, oh, I’m close.”

  Pulling away, I pushed her further up the bed as I drove my cock into her. We were both moaning when there was a knock at the door. She stiffened and I murmured to her that the door was locked. “Shah,” I whispered as I began massaging her clit with my thumb.

  She smiled and threw her head back. I pulled out and begin rubbing her clit with the head of my throbbing cock, knowing she couldn’t resist it. Soon she was silently coming and I slammed back into her, resuming my pounding. My release quickly followed and she pulled my mouth down to hers to subdue my groans.

  There was another knock at the door. “Just a minute.” Cassidy giggled as I pulled myself off of her.

  I went to the bathroom and washed my face before wetting a rag. Kneeling down, I wiped away any evidence of our fucking from her and when I was done I threw the rag in a hamper and pulled my pants back on. We exited her room hand in hand snickering to ourselves and avoiding the eyes of the old ladies in the hall.

  “Do you know who they were?”

  “Friends of Dad’s from work? No clue!” She pulled me down the stairs and outside to rejoin the reception.

  After dinner, the music initiated and so began the routine dances. Before I knew it, I was being pulled to the floor with Cassidy as part of the wedding party. I was thankful to have her in my arms again, her temple rested on my jaw as her body relaxed into mine.

  “Did you just sniff me?” I whispered in her ear.

  “You smell good. I can’t help it. I never want to forget your smell.” She chirped in my ear, “Stop smelling so fucking edible if you don’t like me sniffing you.”

  I let out a laugh and squeezed her tighter. “Be careful. That potty mouth of yours does things to me. Things not appropriate for prying eyes.”

  The rest of the night continued with drinking, food, and lots of dancing. I even allowed myself to relax and enjoy a few beers. It was late and almost everyone had left due to the impending snow storm. The only people left were Cal, Jane, Cassidy and I. Even Dave and Lisa had left to go to a bed and breakfast down the road.

  Slipping the DJ some money to stay late, I gave him my song requests. Cassidy was sitting at a table by the dance floor and I watched her remove her shoes.

  “May I?” I stuck my hand out to her and she looked up to me with a grin on her face.

  “I should tell you no. My feet are killing me.” She placed her hand in mine. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

  Yanking her to her feet I said, “You can stand on my feet if you want.”

  “The DJ will be leaving soon.”

  “No worries. It’s taken care of.” I noticed Cal and Jane sitting at a nearby table nose to nose, besides them and the DJ, we were all alone.

  The music started playing as she allowed me lead her to the melody. Love Somebody by Maroon 5 filled the now empty barn. As the tempo picked up, I swung her out from me as she giggled with delight. Cal and Jane joined us and the four of us had our fun. The words of the song spoke true. Since meeting her, I knew I would never be the same and may never recover.

  As the song neared its end we were nose to nose, laughing and kissing. I dramatically dipped her low as the song ended and kissed her with the passion of a wild man. I was aware of the whistling and cheering coming from Cal and Jane.

  Pulling us to an upright position as Cassidy caught her breath I saw her glaring at her brother and Jane. “Grow up, you two!”

  “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see you lovebirds in the morning. We’re crashing.” Cal and Jane walked out of the barn as the next song began.

  It was just the two of us now as the DJ took a smoke break outside. “I picked this song especially for you, Cassidy.” Her face stilled before she tucked her head under my chin and listened to the song. “There was nothing slow about me falling for you, Blackbird. I fell for you the first minute my eyes locked with yours. I know that now.”

  Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova filled the space around us and between us. She gingerly put her bare feet on top of my shoe clad ones, her arms wrapping around my waist as my arms encased her. Rubbing her neck with one hand and the curve of her ass with the other, I thought about how she had grounded me and brought me back to myself. I only hoped she was strong enough to handle all of it, all of me, the things she knew, those that she didn’t that I couldn’t bear to open up about and everything in between. And I prayed I would be smart enough to keep her no matter the cost.

  “I love you, Cassidy.” I felt her still before she pulled back and I looked into her eyes. “I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.” She was still not mov
ing. “Breathe.”

  She took in a breath. “Say it again.” She was grinning like a school girl.

  “Cassidy, I love you, always, only and forever you.”

  She jumped up in my arms squeezing my neck tight and whispering, “I love you too, more than you know.”

  “I know, Cassidy. I know.”

  When the song ended she headed over to the DJ who had just returned from outside. They exchanged some words before she walked back to me.

  “It’s my turn to request a song.” She kissed me deeply as a song I hadn’t heard played overhead.

  “What song is this?”

  “I’m Done by The Pussycat Dolls. Don’t judge.” She smirked at me before burrowing into my chest.

  We were barely moving, just holding on to one another, and she leaned her head back before standing on her tip toes to kiss me. It was a kiss of possession, ownership, passion and love. I loved this woman and she loved me. I didn’t think it was possible until I met her.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?” I looked to her, knowing that I was the one who should be thanking her.

  “For loving me, all of me. I know I don’t make it easy; I may be a little crazy and I have a horrible temper. I tried pushing you away and you didn’t let go. Thank you.”

  I smiled, “You have a lot to learn about me, Cassidy. You can push me away all you want and I’m sure I’ll push back at times. This is all new to me, but I can assure you that when it comes to you, I’m never letting go.”

  Epilogue

  ~ JANE ~

  Summer 2013

  I was frantically packing my bags. I had to hurry before he called the house to check on me. The Greyhound bus was scheduled to leave in forty-five minutes. He wouldn’t expect me to take a bus and leave my BMW behind. My plan was brilliant; at least I thought it was.

  Everything of importance to me was packed in the three bags I carried. Mom had wired me money which I carried in a pouch around my neck. I left my cell phone, having already purchased a ‘pay as you go’ phone so he couldn’t track me. Though, after some time, I’m sure he’d figure out that I had moved back home, across the country. I hoped and prayed he’d just let me go.