Still Surviving

by A. M. Johnson

  “Good. Don’t fucking come into my shop, think you can flaunt your whore ass in front of me, fuck me, and then turn around and let some other punk take what was supposed to me mine. You’re lucky, Tiff. You’re lucky I didn’t—“

  “I was just a worthless lay, so why do you give a shit.” The words poured from me like venom.

  I was so focused on cutting him down, like he had done to me that I wasn’t prepared… I wasn’t prepared for what would happen next.

  He pulled back, dropping my face from his hold. Swiftly, just quick enough that I wasn’t able to dodge it, he backhanded me. The sting of fire along my cheekbone seared. My eyes watered from the pain. “Don’t fucking talk to me like that!”

  The throbbing in my ear started to make me nauseated as he pulled me back toward my booth. He shoved me against the mirror and wrapped his hands around my throat. I clawed at his arms and kicked with everything I had. This wasn’t happening, this couldn’t happen. The lights of the room started to burst into black dots. Scott’s hold was unyielding. His immense strength lifted me up off the ground, and my tiptoes dusted the shop floor as he dragged me over to the padded table. He turned me over onto my stomach. His grip lessened as he flung me across the vinyl surface.

  The air hit my throat like razor blades, but I drank it down. I sucked in every bit of my last chance. This was only going to end in one way, and I’d rather fight until I was fucking dead then ever be taken by force again.

  I rolled onto my side, and the giant breath of air I gulped made me cough. Scott laughed, and, for a minute, I thought maybe he was done. Maybe he’d gotten his anger out. I attempted to sit up, but before I had the chance, he backhanded me again… this time he had his full strength behind it, and the knuckles of his fingers tore the flesh off my cheekbone. Everything started to spin.

  He was shouting at me, telling me how I deserved this, how I’d asked for it as he started to choke me again. I felt his skin rip under my nails as I fought to breathe. I felt my legs and feet make purchase on his body, but still, the light… that flawless light faded. The black specks in my vision multiplied as he lifted his right hand from my neck, his left like a vice still, stealing my life. He reached over my body, and I kicked. I tried to scream. He wouldn’t have me… he wouldn’t take that from me.

  “Goddammit.” He hollered at me like I was just an errant child as I fought. My vision was blurry, so I didn’t see his right hand in time. I didn’t see that he had grabbed something from my station. All I felt was blunt pressure… pain, before everything started to really fade. I heard his deep growl as the last illumination around my eyes started to shatter.

  I STOPPED FIGHTING AND let the warmth cover me. I stopped crying and closed my eyes. I focused on his voice. How it sounded, how only his words, his tenor mattered to me in this moment. “Hey there,” I said with a smile.

  “Hey Angel.” His smile so brilliant. His face so divine. I laughed quietly as he took my hand in his.

  “You know… I always thought you were more like an angel than me.” It felt good as he pulled me into his arms. His lips soft on my forehead.

  “How so?” he asked.

  “You brought me heaven.”

  Seth’s smile was so vibrant it made everything in my body go numb. I couldn’t feel agony anymore. Even in death he was healing me, making me feel strong, and relieving all that pain.

  I felt the weight building in my stomach, the gray, dim light almost gone.

  “Come on, Tiffany.” Her voice it was clear as day.

  “Hold on, Sissy.”

  “There’s no time.” Anna pulled at my hand. “Please, please hurry, you can’t stay here.”

  “I’m not ready to go yet. He’ll be here soon, Sis.” I smiled at her worried expression.”

  She shook her head.

  “I’ve missed you.” My words were faint.

  Anna looked down at the ground; her hair obscured her face. “I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered before everything disappeared.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Seth

  IT WAS A COMPLETE whiteout on the freeway. By the time I finally got to Magnolia, I was forty-five minutes late. The lights were off in the shop, so I pulled around the back to park. I had called Tiff about fifteen minutes ago to tell her I was almost there, but she hadn't answered. The lot was empty except for her car, my smile widened. Tiff’s piece of junk wouldn’t have made it two miles in this snow. I parked and checked my phone; she still hadn’t replied. I dialed her number and waited for an answer, still nothing.

  “What the hell?” Why wasn’t she answering? I couldn’t really see the back door through the sheets of white. Maybe she left it open for me. I quickly turned the ignition off. Trudging through this snow to a locked back door wasn’t something I was looking forward to, but it was worth it. She was worth everything.

  Moving fast through the icy wind; I found fresh tire marks that I could walk through and not be calf deep in a drift. Once I was under the awning, I noticed the back door was slightly open. My eyes narrowed. She wouldn’t have left it open like this. My hand gently pushed against the heavy metal, opening it enough to walk in.

  Stepping into the shop I called her name. “Tiff? You in here?”

  It was quiet.

  My stomach filled with a hollow sensation, and my heart began to sprint. Why the fuck wasn’t she answering me. “Tiff?”

  The back offices weren’t lit, but my legs knew where to go. I’d been here a hundred times. It was automatic. I pushed through the last door and called her name again; the dim light of her workstation illuminated her booth. My heart shuddered and that undeniable fear threatened to drown me.

  Her station was trashed. My eyes scanned the room rapidly. Ink was everywhere, all her shit was scattered; her table was… my gaze darted to the floor and my world fell out from under me.

  “Tiff!”

  Two steps. Two heartbeats. Two breaths.

  “Oh fuck. Oh God, Tiff. Hold on… hold on.” I dropped to the floor and my knee slid in a small pool of blood and vomit. She was lying on her stomach, her face against the cold concrete floor. Her pants… were shoved down and my stomach turned with fury.

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. Oh god, Oh fucking god. “Talk to me, Tiff. Talk to me, Angel.” My fingers shook as I pushed the hair away from her face. I could see she was breathing, but it was labored. My hands trembled as I eased them under her, scooping and rolling her into my lap. She moaned, and I immediately looked down at her face. Her left eye was swollen shut; blood oozed and trickled down into her lashes, drying into a crust along her cheekbone. I gasped. Her fucking face — her skin was torn, angry, and purpled.

  I couldn’t stop her pain… tears started to spill from my eyes. “Help!” My throat burned with strain as I screamed. “Tiff, hold on… hold on, sweetheart.” I tried desperately to calm the fuck down. My breathing was erratic as I held her tight with one arm and tried to pull my cell from my pocket with the other. The bile in my throat felt like acid as I surveyed the surroundings. This couldn’t be happening. Why, why the fuck would this happen to her… again.

  I dialed 911. The operator listened to my terrified pleas and kept me on the line. I had to suck in each breath in order to speak.

  “No, I don’t know… No, please… just fucking get here. She’s hurting… please… she’s hurting…” My tears were falling faster as my panic choked me. “She can’t feel this… she can’t go through this again.” My body rocked gently, trying to sooth her. I answered their questions, but I was barely hanging on… hanging on to the one thread I had left. She was breathing, she was goddamn breathing.

  THE SOUND OF THE sirens still rang in my head. The crisp static of the two-way radio still reverberating in my bones. Possible rape victim in route, severe head trauma… assaulted.

  They wouldn’t let me go back with her; they wouldn’t let me see her. They threatened to have me arrested if I didn’t “settle down.” I’d called Todd an
d Lily when I first got here and now I was sitting in the ER consultation room waiting for answers, waiting to know if she would be okay. She wouldn’t. There was no way she could come back from this… not again. My body, my limbs, felt numb as I sank back into the chair.

  “Seth!” Lily’s high pitch echoed against the tiny consultation room walls. “Oh my God, what happened?” She flung her arms around my neck and started to cry. I wanted to feel her embrace, let the warmth of it soak through the cold layer of fear. I wanted to be able to look her in the eyes. But, instead, I let myself stare at all the nothingness — the pale gray walls — while my arms lay still in my lap. My dead eyes wouldn’t meet Todd. I swallowed deeply as Lily pulled away. I didn’t have answers, and I didn’t have it in me to discuss what I’d seen. The image of Tiff broken… ruined… laying half naked in vomit and blood would never leave me, if I ever found out who did this… nothing… not Christ himself could keep me from killing the motherfucker.

  “What the fuck happened, Seth?” Todd’s low growl caught my attention. He stood tall, stiff, his hands balled into fists, his jaw tight.

  I shook my head. “I-I can’t man. I just—“

  “Mr. Montgomery?” a petite voice spoke from the doorway.

  Todd took a seat, and Lily followed suit sitting next to me. “Yes,” I answered, waiting for the blow.

  “I’m Dr. Osborn.” She nodded then looked around the room. “I’m sorry, but I need to find Miss Webster’s family. Her mother? Her father?”

  My heart sank. “She doesn’t have… she doesn’t… I’m her fucking family.” I exhaled harshly, and the doctor’s already small frame shrunk.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

  “Tiffany doesn’t speak to her parents. We’re her family… for the most part.” Lily interrupted her apology and wrapped her hand around mine. The heat of her skin should have made me feel something other than pain… but it didn’t. She was trying to help, but I was beyond saving. I was destroyed. The one person I ever loved… died tonight. Regardless of what this doctor was about to tell me, Tiffany had been injured beyond repair… I couldn’t see a way around it, and it was suffocating me from the inside out.

  The doctor shut the door and took a seat. My pulse thundered behind my ears and roared with panic.

  “So the preliminary tests look good.” Dr. Osborn’s smile was small. She gave me direct eye contact. “There was no depressed skull fracture. The scan showed no swelling, no damage to the brain. The bone around her left eye is fractured, but there isn’t really anything we can do for an orbital fracture. It will heal on its own. She has suffered a concussion though. Depending on how she does, she will need to be observed here for at least twenty-four to forty-eight hours. After tonight, she’ll need a lot of rest.”

  The air was a heavy strenuous pull through my lungs as I tried to hold back all of my emotion. My throat felt as if it was closing off and my hand gripped the armrest waiting for the one thing I didn’t want to know, the one thing I knew would take Tiffany from me forever.

  “What the hell happened to her, doc?” Todd’s tone was short, and Lily scowled at him silently.

  The doctor’s eyes fell to the table. Her fingers tightened around the pen she was holding. “It appears she was hit forcefully a few times. I’ve given my report to the police, but I wanted to tell you… there was no evidence of rape.”

  My head snapped up and I locked my eyes on hers. “What? I know what I fucking saw, her pants… she was laid out…” my voice broke, and I couldn’t continue.

  “I understand. I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I think you scared off her attacker. Well, that’s what the police think. There was no trauma, no semen…” Lily inhaled sharply, and I grit my teeth, “… I apologize. It seems your arrival stopped him.”

  My arrival… I closed my eyes and silently thanked whoever was listening that Tiff hadn’t been raped. “When can I see her?” The words trembled across my lips. She was breathing, she was alive… whoever he was… he hadn’t taken her spirit.

  “She’s been moved upstairs and is a bit sedated. She is in room 3201. The police are outside her door, so as soon as she is awake they will want a statement when she is ready.”

  I stood from my chair; my need to be with her was growing, and that ever-present pull was drawing me to her. “Thank you.”

  Without really knowing what I was doing, I was out the door and down the hall. I pressed the elevator button several times, and once the door opened, I stepped in. I vaguely heard someone call my name, but when I turned I noticed it was Sawyer. Todd and Sawyer watched as the doors to the elevator started to shut. Todd’s still brown eyes met mine. He nodded just as the door to the elevator closed. He knew… he saw that need in my eyes. With the doors firmly in place, I was alone, and, for the first time tonight, I let myself truly break down.

  My hands scrubbed down my face, and my legs started to buckle. I grabbed the rail inside the elevator and pressed my forehead against the cool metal surface of the wall. I let my sobs out, I screamed silently, I thanked God for making her okay, for letting her live, for not taking her from me. She could heal from this, she could… and I’d be there for her, every fucking step of the way.

  There was a quiet ding just as the elevator doors opened onto the third floor. My fingers running nervously through my hair as I stepped out into the hall. The sterile smell of the ER was no longer present as the smell of someone’s late night dinner permeated the air, sifting down the hall with the soft beeping of the vitals machines.

  3201

  The two police officers standing guard outside Tiffany’s door were familiar, and, I realized, they were the first to arrive on the scene tonight. They nodded as I walked past them and into Tiff’s room. The steady beat of her pulse registered on the small screen of the vitals machine next to her bed. She had an IV tube running into her arm. I gulped as I shut the door behind me. My reflection in the mirror above the sink startled me. I had blood on my arms. My sweater sleeves were pushed up, my hair was ratted, and my face was stained with tears.

  The dim light above her bed wasn’t enough; I couldn’t see her and I needed more. I needed to see her face, to kiss her lips, to let her know I was here. I would always be here… for her.

  Two steps. Two heartbeats. Two breaths.

  I sank to my knees at the bedside. Someone, probably a nurse, had cleaned her face, and the damage was… unreal. The lids of my eyes slammed shut as I tried to stop the tears from their free fall again. “Tiff, how — how could I let this happen? I’m sorry, Angel, I’m so fucking s-sorry,” I stuttered and dropped my forehead onto her stomach.

  All my anxiety, anger, and fear soaked through the thin hospital sheet. The air sucked like jagged knives down my throat as the snapshots of the past hour flashed like a fucking horror show behind my eyes. I couldn’t take another minute of this night. I was splitting in two. My shoulders shook as I let the full force of the pain wrack through me.

  “Shh… don’t cry…” Tiffany’s fingers raked through my hair with a gentle tug. Her voice was weak and scratchy. I tilted my head to the side, resting my cheek against her belly, meeting her sorrow filled eyes. This couldn’t be real. Her warm palm splayed across my cheek. “I’m okay. I didn’t let him win. I wouldn’t let him t-take t-hat—“

  I lifted my head completely and placed my thumb against her lips lightly. She closed her eyes and inhaled. A few teardrops dripped down either side of her face. “I know… you fought so hard.” My voice broke. Tiffany’s face was torn apart, her cheek stitched, her left eyelid swollen and almost black. Bringing myself to my feet, I leaned over her and brought my mouth to hers. I closed my eyes as the heat of her lips touched mine. “You fought so hard,” I whispered against her lips.

  There was a quiet knock on the door before it opened. Lily’s face paled as she entered, closing the door behind her. I shook my head.

  “Lily can come in. I need to see familiar faces, I need to see…” She closed her eyes a
gain. “…I need to see something other than him.”

  I clenched my jaw. My need to know who had done this to her was growing, but I didn’t want to push her, I didn’t want to bring her back there too soon. “I’ll tell them to come in then.” I ran my fingers across her arm.

  Lily opened the door. “She’s awake.”

  Todd and Sawyer walked in and so did the two cops. Shit… she didn’t need this right now.

  “I’m sorry, but we have a few questions. Do you think it would be–?”

  “Can’t she do this tomorrow?” I asked in irritation.

  “It’s better to get a statement when everything is still fresh. We have a better chance of getting a description of—“

  “Scott.” Tiff’s voice shuddered, and my spine went rigid.

  “What?” The word was a whisper… a calm before the fucking storm.

  The terror on her face was palpable. “Scott did this… h-he was drunk and angry and I can’t, I mean, I- I…” Her breathing increased, as did the beep of the machine that was counting her pulse. “…he tried to… he tried to… but everything went black.”

  “Who’s Scott?” One of the officers started to write furiously into his notebook. “I need an address.”

  My heart was a fucking sledgehammer. My eyes shut and my nostrils flared as I pictured his hands on her body, his nails ripping at her flesh, her screams, and his force creating the ruined woman in front of me now. Rage wasn’t adequate enough of a word to explain the fire that was pulsating through the chambers of my heart, scorching through my veins.

  Todd’s hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. “Calm down, bro, you’re shaking.” I shrugged away from his touch.

  “Seth, take a breath, man.” Sawyer’s calm voice caged me in. I felt trapped. The four walls of this room couldn’t contain me. I’d tear it the fuck apart if I didn’t get out of here right now.