Still Surviving

by A. M. Johnson

  Tiffany gave Scott’s full name and address to the officer. The information singed onto my brain. “I need to take a minute.”

  “You going to be okay?” Todd’s hard brown eyes pinned me to the wall. The question was filled with doubt.

  “I need some air.” I leaned down and brushed my lips across Tiff’s lips. “I love you.” I had to tell her. I had to let her know one last time. She had to know that I was going to do this for her. I was going to snuff out that fear in her eyes, take its last breath, and bury it deep into the ground.

  IT WOULDN’T BE LONG before Todd figured out that I had left and where I had gone. The cops had a name and would be here soon as well. My time with him would be limited. I shifted my car into neutral and turned off my headlights. The snow had leveled off to just flurries, making my ride here fast. The car rolled to a stop, I put it in Park and I pulled the keys from the ignition. I unlocked my glove box and took out the 9mm I’d used earlier today at the firing range with my brother. I released the used clip and checked the rounds. I had six and one in the chamber… that should be enough. I snapped the clip into place and opened the car door. Lifting my sweater, I shoved the gun into the waistband of my jeans in the small of my back.

  The apartment was on the first floor and his lights shone through the front window. There was no fear, no hesitation, this fucker was dead the minute he walked into Magnolia tonight. Each step closer to his front door sealed my fate. The consequence of this choice was the last thing I was worried about.

  The thing was, I saw it all… in my head. The scene. I could picture him throwing her across the table and when she fought, he fought back — taking her blood as his… Well, his blood was mine now.

  Fortune was in my favor… as I approached, his front door swung open. He stood with a duffle bag in his hand and a smug ass look on his face as he took in my appearance.

  “Leaving?” I asked. My tone was eerily quiet.

  He didn’t answer. He stood tall in his doorway and rolled his shoulders. The fight feeding his hunger, the heat in my eyes adding to the fuel.

  “You being here… is a fucking problem.” He dropped his bag and cracked his knuckles. The motion drew my eyes to the broken flesh on his hands. The muscles in my arms contracted, those cuts were from Tiff.

  I spread my arms out wide, egging him on. “I’m fucking here though… so, tell me something?” I asked as I brought my arms to my side and rolled my hands into fists.

  “What’s that, asshole?” He stepped forward and shut his apartment door.

  Scott was bigger than me; he was fabricated with pills and powdered power. But I had something he didn’t… I had her. She was what was driving me right now. My love for Tiff was greater than any force, and right now, all I wanted… all I cared about was ending this man, this man who tried to take away her light, her love… her last breath. “What’s it feel like to know you’re going to die?”

  He stepped closer… just an arm’s length away. I could almost taste this retribution.

  His eyes narrowed just enough to show his cards, his fear — his cowardice. The silence hung in the air with our frozen breaths before he finally spoke. “I’ll give you this… she’s a lucky little slut. If you hadn’t called, I’d have fucked her so hard she wouldn’t have walked for a week. She wanted it… they always do, they always—“

  He didn’t get to finish; his bait was taken. The skin of my fist tore across his face. He caught himself before he stumbled. His cheek was split open, and, once he gathered his balance, he charged me. Scott landed a powerful punch to my nose. There was a resounding crack, and the immediate taste of copper flooded my mouth. The sting made my eyes water, blurring my vision and giving him the opportunity to wrap his arms around my waist. The smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath as he tried to tackle me to the ground. I kept my balance and kneed him in the groin. He growled out in pain as he lost his footing and fell to his knees.

  A dog started barking somewhere close by and another light came on. My time was growing short. The blood stuck to my fingers as I wiped it away from my mouth.

  “This is where you belong… on your knees.” I pulled the gun from behind my back and pointed it directly at his forehead, pressing the barrel into the skin. I grabbed a fistful of his hair with my free hand. “If I had more time… I’d stretch this out… show you what it feels like to be broken down, to feel weak.” My throat started to constrict as I thought of her in that hospital bed, as I thought of her sprawled out on her stomach, knowing she would be violated, knowing she was going to die.

  “Seth, Don’t!” Todd’s deep voice boomed. “Don’t do this, man. Let the cops handle him, throw his ass in jail.”

  I released my grip in his hair and stepped back, my weapon still trained directly between his eyes. “I can’t let this go, he’ll get out too soon, and he should rot for what he’s done.” My hand started to shake and Scott noticed. His eyes never left the gun.

  “Seth, listen to me. What’s Tiffany going to do with you in jail? You love her? Stay with her, don’t throw away your chance at a life with her over this asshole.” Sawyer’s voice was calm, like he was talking to someone about to jump off a ledge. I could hear him approaching me, his boots crunching in the snow. Each step was taken with a quiet ease. “Come on, brother, think about it. I get it, trust me, I get it more than you’ll ever know. But if you put a bullet in this piece of shit, it’s premeditated… that’s life… or worse, death row.”

  “Did you see her?” I yelled. I cocked the gun, and Scott put his hands up. “Did you fucking see her, Sawyer?” The gun started to tremble as I fell apart.

  “Seth, come on, please, man.” Todd pleaded. The sounds of sirens started to ebb closer.

  Sawyer’s hand enclosed around my shoulder. “I did, and she was asking for you, she needs you now… she needs you in that fucking hospital room. She needs you to heal her wounds, to see her through this shit. Trust me, brother, those wounds on her face will get better, but she needs you to heal her from the inside out. If you do this… she’ll die with him.” I didn’t want him to be right… but my hand fell anyway. “Give me the gun.”

  The red and blue lights reflected off the snow. They were getting close.

  “You’re a pussy.” Scott’s eyes locked on mine. He didn’t have a second to breathe before I brought the butt of my gun across his face. He fell backward with the force of the blow, and I turned to walk away.

  Tiffany was my best… my only fucking best and, right now, she was the only thing keeping this fucker alive, because living without her wasn’t an option.

  “Seth!” Todd yelled in warning.

  “Tell your bitch I said hi.”

  His voice was too close, and as I turned, I felt a sharp pain across my stomach. That small quick squeeze of the trigger, it was instinct… it was self-preservation. Scott’s arrogant smirk fell as the bullet entered his body. His hands held tight over his right side just before his heavy frame fell to the frozen earth. The brash sound of my 9mm still coursing through my body.

  “Hands behind your head! Drop your fucking weapon! One, Two…”

  My gun landed on the ground, blood turning the snow a brilliant red under Scott’s body. The warmth of my own blood soaked through the heavy fabric of my sweater. My hands behind my head, I slowly turned. Sawyer and Todd were standing just like me.

  “I-I’ve been stabbed.” I shouted.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Tiffany

  THE STEADY MURMUR OF voices soaked through the fog that hung heavy above my body. I tried to do more than crack open my left eye, but it was to no avail. The light seared into my right eye as the incessant beep, beep, beep — a stark rhythm — continued to pang noisily in my head. My lips felt swollen and my tongue was like sandpaper. I moved my gaze to the right side of the room slightly so I could see where the voices were coming from. The sunlight was too bright and, just as I shifted, the weight on my stomach moved distracting me.

  “Good mo
rning.” Seth’s deep voice was coated in gravel and sleep. His lopsided smile was on display, but his eyes showed how tired he really was. His face was pale, and I noticed dark black and blue circles around his eyes.

  “Seth?” My hand reached for his face. He obliged by letting his cheek rest in my palm. I swallowed and cleared my throat. “W-what happened to your face?”

  He pulled his eyes from mine, staring off to where the voices had now quieted — his smile gone. My gaze followed his and I realized we had a room full of people. Lily and Elizabeth were both sitting in chairs by the large open window. Todd stood nearby, his eyes locked on Seth, his jaw a firm line.

  “You’ve been in and out for two days since you first woke up. Do you remember much?” Lily asked, tears filling her eyes. My chest hurt with the memories. It was like déjà vu waking up here. With my eyes firmly shut, I could see everything again. A flash and I’d see his face, hear his voice… smell his breath against my neck.

  “The l-last thing I remember was the pain. The sharp pressure through my head. He hit me with one of my machines, didn’t he?” I opened my eyes again, my left letting in just a bit more light this time. Seth sat up and took my hand in his.

  “Yes. That's what the detectives thought.” His voice cracked. “I’m so sorry I was late.” His Adam’s apple moved in slow motion as he gulped down his unwarranted guilt.

  “Please, you weren’t late. You were with me the whole time. Your voice… it was the last thing I heard before everything faded.” But that wasn’t the whole truth. My sister was there — she was there for me… with me, but I couldn’t talk about that now, not with everyone here.

  A tear spilled over Seth’s cheek, and I gasped. “I thought I lost you, Tiff. I thought I fucking lost you.” He brought his head to my chest. My fingers moved easily through his hair.

  “We’ll be back tonight, bro.” Todd nodded at the girls, and they gave me small, sad smiles.

  “See you in a few, Tiff.” Lily blew me a kiss, and Lizzie waved goodbye. I tried to smile, but it hurt too much to spread my lips that far without them cracking.

  The door to the hospital room shut with a loud click. “What happened Seth? Why does it look like you got hit by a freaking bus?” My voice a touch stronger than it was just a few minutes ago.

  He lifted his head and sat up. The red rim around his eyes more apparent with his gaze trained on mine. He winced and grabbed his stomach making my panic level rise. “Would you believe me if I said I had gotten hit by a bus?” His tone was sarcastic as he smirked through his grimace.

  “Will you help me sit up?” I wanted a better look at my surroundings. He was trying to hide something from me. He nodded and pushed the button on the side of the bed, and I moved slowly into a sitting position. I felt instant relief when I was able to see everything. The caged feeling of lying still, stuck in a hospital bed, gone. He held up a cup of water for me, and I drew deeply at the straw. The cold fluid coated my throat, my lips, and my tongue, curing that ever present thirst.

  “Tell me what happened.” I whispered. “All of it, Seth. I need to know what’s real and what’s not… everything is a jumbled mess in my head. I need to know.” My lips began to tremble as I watched his eyes fill with tears again. Seeing a man who probably barely ever cries, break down into tiny little pieces in front of you — it was heart wrenching.

  He placed the water cup on the bedside tray table. Seth’s eyes dusted across my body, his hand now tight in mine. “How do I tell you this shit, Tiff? How can I sit here and tell you how you were ruined, how you could have died, how you could have been—” He choked down the words. “How can I tell you about the night I almost lost the love of my fucking life?” He shook his head. “When I found you… when I saw you laying there on the floor… for a split second I knew that if you were gone… I’d be following you.”

  “Don’t say that.” A sob wracked through my body. All of it came crashing back. Every hit, every word that Scott uttered had cut me open. Scott could have killed us both. Anger seeped into my veins. I wanted him to pay for everything he’d done. “It was Scott.”

  Seth nodded, “I know, you told us the night it happened, remember? That was two days ago, Tiff. I’ve been so worried.”

  I’d lost two days, but I was starting to remember. “He threw me against the mirror. He was drunk. He-he shoved me down on my stomach…” My words fell from my lips in a rush. “I-I… fought… with everything, but he still won, he still tried to ra—“ I couldn’t say it.

  “He didn’t. He didn’t take that from you, Tiff. He’ll never take that from anyone ever again.” Seth grit his teeth, the muscle visibly taut in his jaw as he scooted his chair closer to the bed. “It’s done.” He shifted his eyes down and then back up again, meeting mine with a fierce icy glare.

  “It’s done?” The question was a whispered prayer. “They found him, then? He’s in jail?” The lump in my throat grew as I tried to hold back the fear.

  Seth brought his hand to my face. The heat of his skin against my bruises shouldn’t feel this good. Seth’s touch healed, it brought me back to life, each breath with him here made it easier to survive this. “He’s dead.”

  My breath hitched making him jump. He hissed with pain and brought his palm down to his abdomen. “Are you hurt?” My heart started an unsteady climb. “W-why is he dead?” The air in the room wasn’t enough to fill my lungs and the dizzy feeling of claustrophobia began to close in.

  “Breathe.” Seth’s lips met mine. The plush feel of his mouth calmed me. This was the most gentle he’d ever kissed me. I felt like thin blown glass as he kissed me with a reverential touch. Seth pulled from my lips and inhaled deeply. “After I knew you were okay, after you told us who… who hurt you… I couldn’t just sit here, Tiff. I couldn’t just let him get away with it. He needed to pay for what he did.” My hands started to shake. I didn’t care that Scott was dead; I didn’t care that he’d never see another dawn. I should care… but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything other than fear for Seth.

  “Did you make him pay?” The whispered question hovered in the tense air between us. I shuddered an exhale as Seth nodded.

  “I wanted to kill him. I wanted to beat him into the ground. I needed to fucking own his blood, Tiff. My gun was still in the car after I’d gone to the firing range with Jeff… I’d made my choice the minute I saw you laying in your own blood. The man that had done that to you… would die.” He clenched his teeth again. “But, Todd and Soy showed up, and Sawyer told me that if I killed him… I killed us, and I couldn’t live without you, Tiff. In the end, I was a fucking coward. Being without you, not having you in my life, not seeing your face, or hearing your laugh, not being able to taste your lips or touch your skin — I had no choice but to back down. It’s you, Tiff. Every choice, it’s always going to be you.”

  The salty water brimmed along my lashes. My hand linked with his again. My words escaped me as he used his free hand to lift the hem of his shirt. I scanned his body and panicked as the thick white bandage appeared from under his shirt. “Oh my God!”

  “It’s okay, Angel. Don’t get upset. It’s nothing… I was turning to leave, Tiff, I was fucking leaving, and Scott charged me. He had a small pocketknife, and when the blade hit my skin, I pulled the trigger. I fucking shot him. I hadn’t even tried. It was just automatic. The bullet hit his liver, and he bled out into the snow.” Seth dipped his chin, his eyes cast down, no longer on mine. “He stabbed me… but I was lucky, it was more of a gash than a stab really. The cops were the worst part. Thank God my dad has good lawyers. The charges are mostly dropped. There were three eyewitnesses that saw him stab me first. Fortunately, one of the first cops on the scene saw it all go down. It should be okay, I think.”

  Scott was dead. But all I cared about was Seth. “Are you… are you okay?”

  His stare flipped up to mine. “It’s weird. I wanted his blood, and I got it. I feel like I should be happy, or feel something, but I’m numb to it. All
I care about is you. He can rot in the dirt as far as I’m concerned. God, I want to lie next to you right now. I’m so disconnected. I need to feel again, Tiff.” Seth’s weary eyes pleaded with me.

  “Come on then.” I gradually started to ease myself to the other side of the bed.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’d never hurt me, Seth.” It was the truth. He basically threw himself on the blade for me. My IV was on the other arm, and he was able to lower his body down next to mine.

  His eyes squinted with pain as he situated himself on his side. “Shit, that hurts.” He was almost nose-to-nose with me as he reached over me to hit the button that lowered the head of the bed. His smell pulled me in, and I instantly felt like I was at home. If I closed my eyes I could picture being with him in his bed, the morning light streaming across his face as he smiled at me. My eyes tired with sleep, drinking in his grin. The best way to wake up. “Why are you smiling like that? Does my discomfort amuse you?” He chuckled softly.

  “No, it’s just nice to have you this close. I needed to feel again, too, Seth.”

  His fingertips traced the line of my left brow. “I hate that this happened to you.” My eyes began to close at the soothing touch. “If I’d just let Rand take you home.”

  My eyes popped open. “I can’t think like that. I can’t imagine ‘what-ifs.’ It’s not going to help either of us heal. You’re here now, and I’m scared. I’m terrified that the road from here on out will be hard. This isn’t something I’m going to just be able to sweep away. This time… I’m going to need help.”

  “We’ll get you help. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. We’ll do this together.” He pushed my hair behind my right ear.

  “What if your dad’s lawyers don’t work? You went after Scott… what if I lose you anyway?” I didn’t want to sound weak, but right now, with his eyes on me, his warm body aligned with mine, the thought this all could be taken away, horrified me.