Still Surviving

by A. M. Johnson

Colby

  THE FOOD WAS TAKING nine damn years to get to the table, and the loud din of voices started to grate on my nerves. Don’t get me wrong; it was a sideshow watching fucking Seth Montgomery smile more than a goddamn pageant queen. His chick was cool though; Tiffany seemed to be the right fit for him, so who was I to judge. He got married. When Todd said we were all meeting up at Rooster’s to celebrate Seth and Tiffany’s marriage, I had to admit, I thought he was messing with me.

  Cammie’s hand snaked around my upper thigh, demanding my full attention. The feel of her lips against my ear as she spoke, even after all these years, still got me hard. “Next August, baby, this better be you and me.” She pulled away and gave me a sugary smile. Fuck. I was in trouble.

  “I promise, sweets.” I leaned in, and her scent was everywhere. Peaches. That smell, no matter if we were fighting or fucking, it made me crazy. My nose trailed along her exposed neckline, and my uneven breath made her smile — this time it was for real. She was wearing my favorite little black dress; it was sleeveless and her full tits were jacking me up. She did this to torture me. “You’ll be my wife… next year… I promise.” My thumb brushed along her jawline, my fingers at the back of her neck, her hair up in a high ponytail, the strawberry blonde waves cascaded down to just between her shoulders. I was such a piece of shit for not claiming this girl sooner.

  “So next August?” Sawyer’s deep voice was skeptical; his smile was lopsided and filled with mirth. He knew me too well. Working with him was the best thing I’d ever chosen to do, but this motherfucker was always giving me a hard time.

  “Yeah, brother, next August. Be my best man?” I laughed and took a swig of my beer.

  “I’d be honored.” Sawyer smirked as Todd rolled his eyes.

  “Nice… you guys are dicks.” Todd laughed and shook his head. His girl looked really good tonight. Todd and Lily were finally starting to get some rest. Lyric was sleeping through the night according to Lily, so my brother wasn’t such a shit to be around.

  “Well, if it’s okay, Cammie, I’d love to help plan it. When is the exact date?” Elizabeth was always the planner. She was like the matriarch. Her “been there done that attitude” was my favorite thing about her.

  “We haven’t decided a date yet, just… August.” Cammie poked at her salad with her fork, and I felt like a complete asshole.

  You see, the thing was, I loved this girl. She was perfect; she didn’t take my shit and served up a good dish of her own sass as well. We completed each other. As cheesy as it sounded, this chick was made for me. But… in reality, I was fucking terrified. I watched her go through so many guys before we got together; I’d seen all the shit Todd and Seth had gone through. When Sawyer got hurt, Elizabeth almost shattered. It scared the fuck out of me to depend on another person like that. I’d always just been on my own. Cammie was my first real girl, and I was scared shitless that I could lose her, and being married to her… having her legally be my other half, was something I was looking forward to and dreading at the same time. Because then… it was done, that anticipation was gone, and she lived for that high, that feeling… if it was gone, what would keep her with me?

  “What about the thirteenth?” Tiffany’s smile had matched Seth’s all night, and I noticed they only let go of one another’s hand if absolutely necessary. “Thirteen worked for us.”

  Seth whispered something in her ear, and her cheeks turned pink. Her long, black lashes fanned down, and Seth’s smile… I knew that smile. That kid was odd, and I could only imagine what he just said to her. His eyes met mine. “August thirteenth could work. It’s about time you set a date, bro.”

  I swallowed down the irritation that was Seth Montgomery telling me about relationship shit. “What do you think, sweets? August thirteenth?”

  Cammie’s blue eyes searched my face, her lips spread slowly into a breathtaking smile. She had my number the day I pinned her to the floor and kissed her. “Really?” Her voice was small. How had I made her wait this long? I didn’t deserve her.

  “Really, baby.” Her long delicate fingers rested against her shaking lips, the diamond that sat on her ring finger was a reminder to do the right thing, to make this woman mine already for Christ’s sake. I spoke in a whisper so only she could hear. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a shit.”

  She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “You have been.” Her laugh was watered down, but her smile was everything — it was big, so full of hope — my goddamn heart started to sprint.

  I glanced around the table and noticed everyone was lost with their own conversations. Elizabeth and Lily were talking kids. Todd and Sawyer were laughing about something, and Seth and Tiff were privately speaking in murmurs. Foreheads close, eyes on each other, hands… still linked. It was then I realized what a fucking idiot I was. My friends, my family, they were all moving on, doing their own thing, and I was just treading water. “Fuck it, sweets. Let’s get married next month. Let’s do what you wanted to do in the first place.”

  “Vegas?” Cammie’s blue eyes were wide, her full, pink bottom lip between her teeth.

  I nodded, and she squealed. She actually squealed, and I narrowed my eyes as the table went quiet.

  “Did I hear Vegas?” Todd asked giving me a smug smirk.

  “Hell yes.” Cammie’s tone was victorious.

  “Thank God.” Todd laughed. His remark pissed me off.

  “Like you have room to talk. When the fuck are you going to make an honest woman outta of Lily?” I raised my eyebrow, and Todd’s jaw tightened.

  “Okay, settle down, Dixon.” Sawyer’s tone begged me to shut the fuck up.

  Elizabeth laughed. “Which one, sweetheart?”

  “Both of them.” He shook his head with a smartass grin before taking a long pull of his beer.

  Lily gave me a scowl. “We’re just fine, thank you very much.” Lily threw her fork at me, and it made a loud clang as it hit the floor. Shit, that girl had terrible aim.

  I chuckled. “Holy shit, bro, teach your girl how to throw.”

  Todd’s frown twitched as he fought his smile. “That was pretty bad, baby.”

  Lily swatted at his chest, and Cammie laughed.

  “I love you, sweets.” My hands framed her face, and I brought my lips to hers. The vanilla flavor of her lips mixed with her peach scent made me think of summer days and peach cobbler. Fuck, this girl got me going.

  She smiled, her lips still touching mine. “I love you, too…” She pulled away enough to give me a wicked smirk and then leaned forward, speaking quietly in my ear. “…will you show me how a ‘real Dixon man’ does it?” Her hot breath on my neck, her hand at my waist, her thumb dipping dangerously low below my belt. I hissed.

  “Don’t temp me, Cammie. You lose this game every time.” My hand skated up her thigh pushing the fabric of her dress higher as my finger slipped under the hem of her panties. I had to bite my cheek to suppress my groan. “Fuck, sweets.” She was wet, and I suddenly couldn’t give a shit if our food ever got here. Hell, I was ready to leave.

  “Not today. Today I won.” She nipped my earlobe quickly and pulled away. Cammie took my hand from between her legs and licked my finger — my eyes widened. The rest of the group was oblivious as they argued over which casino would be best. “Hungry, baby?” she asked sweetly as if she hadn’t just done the hottest damn thing.

  My nostrils flared. This brazen female — this hot as fuck chick — in one month was going to finally be my wife… what on earth had I been waiting for?

  Coming Soon a Forever Still Series Novella

  Now and Forever Still

  by A.M. JOHNSON

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  AMANDA MARIE JOHNSON was born and raised in Valrico, Florida. She’s now surrounded by mountains with her husband and three children in Ogden, Utah. She attended Weber State University and graduated with her A.S.N. She is a full-time registered nurse. Reading and writing have always been something she is passionate about. She loves to write
about the human experience, love and happily ever afters.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Dear Reader,

  This has been an amazing journey. I can’t even begin to explain how grateful I am for each and every one of you! When I started this series, I never thought I’d end up with anyone reading it. Each one of these characters is a small piece of me. Thank you for loving them and giving them life through the talent of media and design.

  Thank you to my dear family, you endure so much in my absence. Mr. Johnson… thank you for keeping our fire going. Even on our darkest days, you’re always there.

  My friends, I swear I’ll take the hoodie and Harry Potter PJ bottoms off and get dressed now… maybe. But really, thank you so much, especially Elizabeth and Lindsay. Even after all these years, your continued love is felt all these miles away.

  My beta readers and best book bitches ever: Beth (I want my vamps); “Gio”vanna, Anna, Lisa, Michelle, Jo, MG, Narine, Lacey, Jellie, Analia (AJ’s Crew Whaaaaat); Teri Renee (Selene’s BFF); Heather and Yvette (Head Cheerleaders); Lucy T.(my own personal hobbit); Lucy C.(Stephen’s Angel); Laurie B.(find me a house two doors down); Maria, Sarah, Sasha, Christy D., Brittany S. (Chase your dreams, write those books); Cynthia, Martha, and last but not least, Cornelia (My life coaches). Mary Ruth, you have a spectacular talent. Thank you for loving my characters and making them more real. You ladies, without our daily chats, encouragements, and friendship I’d be lost. Your talent never ceases to amaze me. Your REAL love for books and authors is why we write. My heart is your heart — love you to the moon and back, with every moment, every second, and every breath, I trust you.

  Amy and Kathleen, my dynamic duo! Your edits and comments make me laugh, cry, and build my skill. Thank you. Your friendship means the world.

  Nathan and Rachel Van Dyken, thank you for continuing to bet on me!

  Tracey-Lee, thank you for holding my hand in the cave and always being there for me. Thank you so much for all you do, and no matter what you say… signed books, swag, and treats for life =)

  Kay and Kim, you are my Aussie family and I can’t wait to hug you for reals!

  Tiffany Ly, I never can thank you enough. I hope you like your namesake.

  A. Mari, I dedicate this book to you… you’re always there for me no matter what, no matter how down, sick, tired, or overworked you are, I know you will answer my call. You help me feel better about the voices in my head and make sure I listen to them full stop. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do. I’m blessed to have you in my life.

  Thank you to Stephen James for inspiring Seth… Best. Muse. Ever.

  To all my indie author girls and bloggers!!! Thank you for all the reposts, help, and love!!

  I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone, but as always, you know if you’re in my life, I’m grateful for you.

  PLAYLIST

  “Tear You Apart” by She Wants Revenge

  “Stand by Me” by Ki: Theory

  “Numba 1” by Kardinal Offishall

  “If You Were Here” by The Cary Brothers

  “Maps” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

  “Passenger” by Deftones

  “Angel” by Massive Attack

  “Head Like A Hole” by NIN

  “The Funeral” by Band of Horses

  “How Come You Don’t Want Me” by Tegan and Sara

  “All Mixed Up” by Red House Painters

  “White Blank Page” by Mumford and Sons

  “Arsonist’s Lullabye” by Hozier

  “3 Libras” by A Perfect Circle

  “Wicked Game” by James Vincent McMorrow

  “I Need My Girl” by The National

  “Litost” by X Ambassadors

  “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star

  “Sweet Jane” by Cowboy Junkies

  “Poison” by Rita Ora

  “The Hollow” by A Perfect Circle

  “Crucify” by Tori Amos

  “Precious Things” by Tori Amos

  “Slow and Steady” By Of Monsters and Men

  “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” by Fall Out Boy

  “Last Song” by Clogs

  “99 Problems” by Hugo

  “Seven Devils” by Florence + The Machine

  “Ace Of Hearts” by Zella Day

  “Born To Die” by Lana Del Ray

  “In Circles” by Sunny Day Real Estate

  “Overjoyed” by Bastille

  “Letting Go” by Saint Raymond

  “Young Blood” by The Naked and Famous

  “Undisclosed Desires” by Muse

  “What You Wanted” OneRepublic

  “Lake Michigan” by Rogue Wave

  “Somebody To You” by The Vamps

  “Work Song” by Hozier

  “This Light” by Rose Cousins

  “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri and Steve Kazee

  “Breathe” by Angels and Airwaves

  “Just Like Honey” by The Jesus and Mary Chain

  “Sometimes Always” by The Jesus and Mary Chain

  Playlist Available on Spotify

  ALSO FROM BLUE TULIP PUBLISHING

  BY MEGAN BAILEY

  There Are No Vampires in this Book

  BY J.M. CHALKER

  Bound

  BY ELISE FABER

  Phoenix Rising

  Dark Phoenix

  From Ashes

  BY STEPHANIE FOURNET

  Butterfly Ginger

  BY MARK FREDERICKSON & MELORA PINEDA

  The Emerald Key

  BY JENNIFER RAE GRAVELY

  Drown

  Rivers

  BY E.L. IRWIN

  Out of the Blue

  BY J.F. JENKINS

  The Dark Hour

  BY AM JOHNSON

  Still Life

  Still Water

  Still Surviving

  BY A.M. KURYLAK

  Just a Bump

  BY KRISTEN LUCIANI

  Nothing Ventured

  BY KELLY MARTIN

  Betraying Ever After

  The Beast of Ravenston

  BY NADINE MILLARD

  An Unlikely Duchess

  Seeking Scandal

  The Mysterious Miss Channing

  Highway Revenge

  BY MYA O’MALLEY

  Wasted Time

  BY LINDA OAKS

  Chasing Rainbows

  Finding Forever

  BY C.C. RAVANERA

  Dreamweavers

  BY GINA SEVANI

  Beautifully Damaged

  BY ANGELA SCHROEDER

  The Second Life of Magnolia Mae

  Jade

  BY K.S. SMITH & MEGAN C. SMITH

  Hourglass

  Hourglass Squared

  Hourglass Cubed

  BY MEGAN C. SMITH

  Expired Regrets

  Secret Regrets

  BY CARRIE THOMAS

  Hooked

  BY RACHEL VAN DYKEN

  Upon a Midnight Dream

  Whispered Music

  The Wolf's Pursuit

  When Ash Falls

  The Ugly Duckling Debutante

  The Seduction of Sebastian St. James

  An Unlikely Alliance

  The Redemption of Lord Rawlings

  The Devil Duke Takes a Bride

  Savage Winter

  Every Girl Does It

  Divine Uprising

  BY KRISTIN VAYDEN

  To Refuse a Rake

  Surviving Scotland

  Living London

  Redeeming the Deception of Grace

  Knight of the Highlander

  The Only Reason for the London Season

  What the Duke Wants

  To Tempt an Earl

  The Forsaken Love of a Lord

  A Tempting Ruin

  A Night Like No Other

  BY JOE WALKER

  Blood Bonds

  BY KELLIE WALLACE

  Her Sweetest Downfall

  BY C. MERCEDES
WILSON

  Hawthorne Cole

  Secret Dreams

  BY K.D. WOOD

  Unwilling

  Unloved

  BOX SET — MULTIPLE AUTHORS

  Forbidden

  Hurt

  Frost: A Rendezvous Collection

  www.bluetulippublishing.com

  Table of Contents

  DEDICATION

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  EPILOGUE

  NOW AND FOREVER STILL

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  PLAYLIST

  ALSO FROM BLUE TULIP PUBLISHING