You Will Remember Me

by Hannah Mary McKinnon

  “Ash,” Maya said, “we’re not the enemy.”

  I exhaled, apologized, and with some gentle prodding from Maya, explained about the new flashbacks, the general state of my memory and, most importantly, Lily arriving in Newdale.

  “Well, the confusion you’re experiencing sounds completely normal given the circumstances,” Dr. Adler said. “But if you’re concerned, we can run some more blood tests to be sure.”

  “I’m fine,” I said, waving a hand. “You already did some.”

  “Do you think we should, Dr. Adler?” Maya said, ignoring me, and I suppressed a sigh. “Can we make sure no underlying issue has cropped up since last time? I really think we should, just in case. I can pay, it’s no problem.”

  “Absolutely, we can, if you’re in agreement, Ash?”

  I was about to protest again when I took in the dark circles under Maya’s eyes and reminded myself how difficult this situation was for her. She’d become a glorified babysitter since she’d been called to the petrol station. Whether she was working in the garage, running errands or at the restaurant, she always worried what I was doing, where I was and if I’d still be there when she came back. With no job and no money, I’d put a financial burden on her, too. The least I could do was let them run some more tests to make sure I really wasn’t sick. I rolled up my sleeve.

  “Have at it,” I said.

  As Maya excused herself and went to the bathroom, Dr. Adler set about half emptying me as he filled multiple vials with blood. “Try to relax,” he said quietly.

  “Maybe you could tell Maya to relax,” I said before holding up my hand. “Sorry. I think my, uh, girlfriend turning up spooked her.”

  Dr. Adler swapped out a full vial for another. “I’d imagine you’re a little spooked, too.”

  I listened for Maya’s footsteps, and when I heard none, said, “Not exactly. I’m more excited. Anxious. Bewildered. I don’t remember Lily, at least I don’t think so.” I pressed my eyes shut and recalled the bracelet with a heart-shaped charm on her wrist, almost certain I’d seen it before. “I can’t figure out if the bits I remember are real or if it’s because I’m desperate.”

  As he withdrew the needle and pressed a cotton ball into the crease of my arm, he said, “I saw in the notes Dr. Soares talked to you about confabulation.”

  “The false memory thing? Yeah, she did, and the way I see it, whatever I remember might be my brain making its own epic blockbuster movie.”

  He chuckled. “Not necessarily, and again, as a family doctor this isn’t my area of expertise, but from what I’ve read, I suspect Lily being here is an opportunity. She may be able to help you reconstruct your more recent history and be instrumental in unlocking your past. I’d advise you to spend time with her, if you feel comfortable doing so, and if it doesn’t cause you stress. It could be of great benefit.”

  I nodded, more excitement building in my chest. “I think I’d like that,” I said, and as I pictured Lily, a sense of calm seemed to gradually wrap itself around me, making my heart rate slow. “And I’ve been thinking about working, too, doing some projects around the house.”

  “I can imagine boredom is beginning to set in, but you have to take your time and listen to your body. Your accident wasn’t long ago, and you still need plenty of rest. You can do the odd job here or there, but build up slowly, and if any of your symptoms get worse, ease off immediately.”

  I was about to argue I’d be fine when I heard a creak outside the door. I closed my mouth, didn’t want Maya to hear Dr. Adler repeat the fact he thought I should take it easy. She was protective...and a little intense if I was being completely honest. Sometimes I’d find her standing in the doorway observing me, and more than once her doing so had weirded me out. I knew it was strange for her, having me—most of me—back here, and it couldn’t be easy for her. One moment I was vulnerable yet angry, the next apologetic yet ungrateful, and consistently argumentative when she told me my recollections were off. Not a fantastic combination for her to put up with. Plus, I was her older brother. As far as I was concerned, and old-fashioned as it sounded, I was supposed to look after her, not the other way around, even if Maya was perfectly capable of taking care of the both of us.

  I looked up as she stepped into the room. She smiled and pointed at the neatly aligned row of blood-filled vials. “Jeez, Ash, you’re completely hollow.”

  I forced a laugh that sounded false even to me, and after finishing up with Dr. Adler, who promised he’d call me with the results in a few days despite his going to Mexico on holiday, we thanked him and left. It was almost three by the time we’d stopped off at the grocery store and got back home, but ever since we’d left the doctor’s office, Maya had hardly said a word.

  “Are you all right?” I said as we finished unpacking the groceries.

  “I’ve been thinking,” she said. “I was a bit shocked when Lily turned up. I don’t trust people at the best of times, and certainly not someone you don’t recall. A person I’ve never met, and who claims she’s your girlfriend, but to whom you gave a fake name.” She sighed. “I don’t like it. Maybe you lied because you never trusted her to begin with. We invited her to our home. What if she’s a psycho?”

  I threw my hands in the air. “I’ve no idea, but it seems unlikely, doesn’t it? Going to all that effort to find me? Coming all this way? I need to see her. She has information about me, information I badly need. It’s a huge breakthrough.”

  Maya stared at me. “Did Dr. Adler say anything else about her being here?”

  I knew she wouldn’t approve of him suggesting I spend time with Lily, so I said, “He was too busy playing vampire, the bloodthirsty bastard.” When Maya didn’t laugh, I added, “I’m going to do some research online before Lily comes over. And before you say I shouldn’t be on a screen—”

  “I won’t.”

  I frowned. “I thought you were adamant about me staying off them?”

  She shrugged and grabbed a pen and piece of paper, writing down a sequence of letters and numbers. “Here’s my password. Want me to help you?”

  I shook my head. “This is something I need to do alone.”

  Maya looked at me for a second before giving me a nod. After she’d left the kitchen and headed upstairs, I reached for the laptop. Taking a deep breath, I took my time as I opened the lid and typed in Maya’s password, all the while trying to convince myself I was ready to find out the truth about who Jack Smith really was.

  19

  LILY

  I’m not entirely sure how I made it back to my car, or when I realized I had to find a place to stay for the night. It was as if the logical part of my brain was still functioning somehow, and it took over, forcing me to drive through town. The choice of accommodation was between a hotel, which looked way out of my price range, and two more budget-friendly motels. After I’d gone past both twice, I pulled up in front of the Harbor Inn, which wasn’t anywhere close to the harbor, but was the only place with a vacancy sign. I parked the car and sat in the lot for a while, trying to come to terms with what had happened.

  Jack—Ash, he said he was Ash—was alive. Finding him had been something I’d barely dared dream of, something I’d played out only in my wildest imagination. The discovery had also brought home how much I’d given up on him, and while I hadn’t wanted to admit it, I’d resigned myself to the fact that Jack—damn it, Ash—was gone. Regardless of his name, it made me feel like a traitor, and I wondered if he’d sensed my abandonment somehow. Was that why he hadn’t come home? It was a stupid theory. He had amnesia. He’d had no idea who I was, had looked at me as if I were a complete stranger. A tightness wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed hard.

  Sitting in my car I put my head back and closed my eyes, trying to untangle my emotions, but every way I turned, a new, stronger and more confusing one jumped out. I was overjoyed Jack was alive. Pissed he’d come to M
aine (how ridiculous, he’d lost his memory, for God’s sake). Frustrated he hadn’t recognized me. Frightened of the answers I’d come here for. Terrified that I might lose him all over again, but...he’d lied to me. Perhaps cutting him loose was the best thing for both of us. I took a deep breath. I hadn’t thought it possible for me to have so much going on inside my head without it exploding.

  “Imagine how he’s feeling,” I whispered. “Imagine what it’s like for him.”

  I needed to share the news about Jack being alive with someone, and reached for my phone, about to call Sam, deciding to alert Heron afterward. Before pressing Sam’s number, I played out the calls in my mind. Any relief and elation would soon switch to bewilderment and doubt as soon as I explained Jack Smith was really Asher Bennett, and he was suffering from retrograde amnesia. How could I tell them anything when I didn’t know the full story? Besides, what if Heron arranged for someone from the local police department to interview him? He’d been so confused when I found him, I didn’t have the right to put him through more.

  I dropped my phone into my bag. I’d wait until after I’d spoken to him, and no doubt Maya could help with more information.

  Maya. Why hadn’t he told me about her? Shared the fact he had a sister—stepsister—with me? He’d led me to believe he was an only child, that his mother had committed suicide and he and his father had moved to the US shortly after because they needed a fresh start. He’d never mentioned Brad remarrying, never talked about having a stepsister, not even after I’d told him about Quentin and my childhood. Why had he left out such a significant part of his life?

  As I pictured Maya standing on the sidewalk, observing me, unease slithered around my feet, crawled up my legs and settled along with all the other emotions in my stomach. Had I made a mistake with the Facebook photo after all? It was possible. I’d been so desperate to find clues. Maybe I’d seen what I wanted to see. The guy in the picture had worn sunglasses. Perhaps Gordon was Ash’s doppelgänger or something, and somehow Ash had ended up with Maya’s library book when she thought it was Gordon. It would mean my coming here was a lucky coincidence, and sometimes things worked out for a reason...or fate.

  I grabbed my duffel from the trunk and headed inside. While the outside of the motel seemed lackluster and windswept, somebody had taken great care and obvious joy while decorating the reception area. A wood-paneled desk with a sparkling, white quartz counter, and soft recessed lighting gave it an inviting cozy feel. Black-and-white photographs of the ocean and awe-inspiring cliffs adorned the pale walls. A mobile, the kind I’d seen on Drift’s website, with shiny pieces of polished wood cut into stars and hearts, and engraved with inspirational words such as Peace, Trust and Happiness hung in a corner, turning gently midair.

  Kitchen noises and the smell of gravy wafted through the saloon doors on the right, but as nobody was behind the desk, I put my duffel down, letting my eyes wander. They settled on the rows of flyers to the left of the counter, all arranged by color, advertising an array of attractions in the area. Before I could learn more about zip-lining, local breweries or whale-watching tours, a young woman in ripped jeans and a sailor-style shirt strolled in through the saloon doors, her face bursting into a smile when she saw me. She’d pinned her curly red hair into an elaborate swirl on top of her head, turning it into a ginormous cinnamon bun, and her green eyes had the longest natural lashes I’d ever seen. Her name tag said Fiona.

  “Hello and welcome.” Her smile broadened further. “How can I help you?”

  “Do you have any rooms available?”

  “We sure do,” Fiona said. “How many nights are you looking to stay?”

  “I’m not exactly sure...two or three, maybe more?”

  “No problem. Why don’t I put you down for four and I’ll ask you the day after tomorrow if you want to extend. That way you’ll be sure to have a room. What do you think?”

  I sighed. “Sounds great.”

  “Perfect. It’s seventy-nine a night, which includes breakfast, served from six thirty until ten in the dining room through there.” She pointed to the doors. “I’m Fiona. Ask for me if you need anything.” She took my information and credit card, and handed me a key, which was attached to another piece of polished wood like the ones on the mobile, except instead of an inspiring word engraved in it, it was the number 12. I thanked Fiona, and once she’d given me directions, parked my car around the left side of the L-shaped building.

  My room was small, but fresh and clean, with soft gray walls and a queen-size bed, which had two thick pillows on either side. More black-and-white photographs hung on the walls, as dramatic as those at reception, and a large flat-screen TV covered most of the opposite side.

  While I was exhausted from getting up early, traveling and the day’s events, there was no way I could rest. I grabbed my phone, and after trying to talk myself out of it for fear of what I might find, ran a search for Asher Bennett, Newdale.

  It quickly became clear he didn’t have a social media profile I could work my way through, and I reframed the parameters. There was a small article about an Asher Bennett winning a high-school wrestling championship, but it was years ago and didn’t have any photos, so I couldn’t be sure it was him. A few swipes later an obituary for Brad Bennett caught my eye, and I skimmed through the piece. Brad had died in a freak workplace accident, and was survived by his son, Asher, and his stepdaughter, Maya Scott. This was definitely my Jack, but while he’d told me his father’s name, he’d said Brad had died in a car crash. As I sat there staring at my phone, I realized if Heron and Stevens had followed up on the information I’d given them about Jack Smith living in Maine, it would surely have been near impossible to put things together and identify him as Asher Bennett. What had made him lie about his father’s death, never mention Maya or his stepmother, and give himself a fake name? What had happened to him? I shuddered. Maybe the real question was: What did he do?

  After a few more unsuccessful searches, I set my phone down and watched TV, hoping to find something I could concentrate on long enough until it was time to meet Ash, but I couldn’t focus, I was too wired, so I gave up and headed to the tiny white bathroom, cursing as I unpacked my toiletries and discovered I’d left my toothpaste at home.

  “Hi, Fiona, it’s Lily in room twelve,” I said when I dialed reception. “I forgot my toothpaste. Do you have some?”

  “Of course, I’ll be right over.”

  “No, don’t worry. I’ll stop by now.”

  I hung up and walked back to the front entrance, grateful for the distraction my forgotten toothpaste was offering. Fiona stood talking on the phone, and as I waited, my eyes were drawn back to the photographs on the wall. I couldn’t help it. There was something so majestic and foreboding about the way the rugged cliffs plunged deep into the ocean below.

  “Impressive, aren’t they?” Fiona said as she put the phone down and set two miniature tubes of toothpaste on the counter. “Dangerous, too.”

  “Are they the Newdale Bluffs?”

  “Yes. If you go for a walk along them, make sure you have proper footwear, and stick to the marked paths. Even the locals have been known to get into trouble.” A shadow crossed her face, but it quickly disappeared, replaced with a smile. “Need anything else? How’s the room?”

  “It’s perfect, the bed’s super comfortable.”

  “Fabulous, glad to hear it. We replaced them last fall and the guests seem to approve.”

  She looked like she was about to wish me a pleasant evening, but I couldn’t stand being alone in my room again. “Have you worked here long?”

  “You could say that,” she said with a grin. “Born and raised in town, and this place belongs to my aunt, but I run it now. My brother helps out a bit, too. Where are you from?”

  “Buffalo, originally.”

  “Do you have family here or are you just visiting?”

  He
r question made my face crumble. I thought I’d done well, almost congratulated myself on how I’d held it together since I’d arrived in town, but the mere kindness in her voice made my eyes well up. Before I could stop them, hot tears spilled over my face.

  “Oh, no,” she said, rushing from the counter and putting an arm around me. “Oh, crap.”

  “I’m s-sorry...”

  “No, I am, poking my nose into your business. Come with me, let’s get you a drink.” She guided me into a dining area, with pastel beach paintings on the dark blue walls, whitewashed tables and sky blue chairs. There were a few other guests at the far end of the room, and Fiona got us settled at the table farthest away.

  “What can I get you?” she said. “On the house.”

  “A water, please.”

  “Are you sure?” When I said yes, she hurried off to get my drink. Upon her return, she waited until I’d taken a few large gulps before saying, “I feel terrible for upsetting you.”

  “It’s not your fault. It’s been a weird day and...I just found out my boyfriend lives in town and has amnesia.”

  “Wow, wait. You’re not Ash’s girlfriend, are you?” she gasped, eyebrows shooting up, and mine did the same.

  “You know him?”

  “Oh, we go way back,” she said. “But why are you staying at the motel? No, wait, that’s none of my business, either, so don’t—”

  “He can’t remember me.” My lips wobbled and I pressed them together.

  “I’m so sorry, that’s awful.” She reached forward and patted my hand. “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. The first time I ran into Ash after he got back, he kept insisting his name was Brad. He was so confused.”

  “Did he recognize you?”

  “Not even slightly. Not Maya, either, when she arrived.” She shook her head. “I was surprised to see him at all, to be honest. I mean, he’d been gone two years, and nobody had heard a peep. I don’t blame him for leaving, considering what happened.”