You Will Remember Me

by Hannah Mary McKinnon

  I didn’t dare reply as she leaned in, lowering her voice to a whisper.

  “For the record, I never believed any of the rumors. I know some people were glad Ash left, including my brother. I’m sure Ash told you all about him, but in his defense, Keenan really was a mess when Celine left, and when Kate had the accident...” She shook her head as my mouth dropped open, and before I could ask her who all these people were and what she meant, she added, “I don’t blame Ash for wanting to get away. No wonder you two never visited—”

  A bell rang at the front desk. “Shoot, that’s my cue.” She pushed her chair back and stood up. “Feeling better?”

  “Yes...yes, thank you,” I lied, wishing I had the courage to ask her to sit down and explain everything she’d said, but I couldn’t get my brain or my mouth to work properly.

  “Great. Come and chat anytime, and don’t forget to stop in for breakfast in the morning. Our bacon’s divine. You’ll never want to leave.” She took a step before turning back. “Tell Ash I said hello when you see him. I hope things work out for you. He’s a good guy. After everything he’s been through, he deserves to be happy.”

  Before I could answer, she turned and left, and after I finished my water, I walked to my room, head spinning. Who were Celine and Kate? Why had Fiona’s brother been happy to see Ash leave? What the hell had happened here? I sank onto the bed, grabbed my phone and ran more searches. There was nothing about a Celine, but a little over two years ago, a young woman called Kate Jansen had accidentally fallen off some local cliffs while out running and had died. I wanted to go back to reception, demand Fiona tell me if this was the Kate she’d mentioned, but I didn’t have the nerve in case she said yes.

  Still, I needed someone to talk to, someone who could help me figure stuff out. I flicked through my contacts and dialed Sam’s number, hoping he’d forgiven me for swearing at him.

  “Lily,” he said, answering right away. “How are things?”

  “I found him,” I said, still unable to believe what I was saying. My words tumbled out as I told him everything. The library book, locating Maya and my trip to Maine.

  Sam couldn’t believe it, and after asking a million times if I was sure this man called Ash really was Jack, he let out a long whistle. “This is unbelievable. You’ve called Heron, right?” I hesitated a beat too long. “Lily? What’s going on?”

  “Before I left Brookmount they told me they thought Jack, I mean, Ash, might have been involved with some shady guy. Something to do with illegal gambling.”

  “What? That’s impossible.”

  “That’s what I told them. I mean, we both know he liked playing cards and was super competitive at it. But gambling? It’s nuts.”

  “I agree, he’s not the type,” Sam said. “He’s always been timely with his rent, never asked for an extension of any kind. Maybe they were mistaken?”

  “I’m sure,” I replied, trying to believe it as I pictured the cookie-tin cash tucked away in my duffel. “But I’m not calling them. Not before I see Ash again. Don’t mention any of this to them, please. If he did owe someone money, or stole from them, they can’t know he’s alive and living in Maine.”

  Sam went quiet for a while, before saying, “All right, but be careful, please?”

  “There’s nothing to worry about,” I said, ignoring the whispers in my head saying Sam had a point, I had to be wary, not because of the guy who’d been at the apartment, or the break-in, but because, although he was alive, the Jack Smith I knew and loved might no longer exist.

  20

  MAYA

  After working in the garage for a while I wondered if Ash might be asleep on the sofa following today’s events, but when I peered through the kitchen window, I saw he was still wide awake. Frowning, I walked to the front door, not daring to open it until my pulse settled. I’d forced myself to the garage earlier, feared if I didn’t, I’d give in to my frustrations, shout at Ash, demanding to know all about Lily. Who she was, how they’d met, if she’d been the real reason he hadn’t come home. I knew he wouldn’t have been able to answer, and so I’d retreated, left him alone with my laptop, his brow furrowed, fingers darting over the keys as he tried to uncover the last two years of his history.

  Now, balling my fists by my sides, I forced my nails deeper into my palms. Lily arriving in town was unexpected. I thought I’d thrown her with my cover story, most definitely hadn’t expected her to show up in Newdale. Her arrival was something I’d have to handle swiftly, before she wheedled her way back into Ash’s life. Before he remembered her or she could contradict any of the fibs I’d told him already.

  I’d overheard Ash’s conversation with Dr. Adler about Lily. Maybe “deliberately eavesdropped” was a more accurate description. Finding out what Ash really thought about his supposed girlfriend being here had been my entire reason for pretending to go to the bathroom, but Dr. Adler suggesting Ash spend time with her hadn’t been something I’d bargained on. Ash was conflicted, yes, and by the sound of it considering my feelings, but I had to make sure it stayed that way. I didn’t have much time. In a little over two hours Lily would show up here, at the house, and I hadn’t yet come up with a proper plan of how to get rid of her. I pushed the front door open, let an innocent look settle over my face and headed to the kitchen.

  “Hey,” Ash said, as soon as I walked in.

  I gestured to the pages of scrunched-up paper strewn across the table, the laptop he’d pushed to one side and the empty soda bottle. “Did you find anything?”

  “Jack Smith from Brookmount, Maryland,” he said, almost in a daze, his left leg bouncing up and down, fingers drumming the table. I tried not to blanch as I wondered if his nerves weren’t because of what he’d found, but because I hadn’t performed a good enough purge of my search history and he’d realized he was telling me something I’d known for days.

  “Come and read this,” he said, waving me over, and when I looked at the screen, saw the same article I’d found on OceanCityToday over a week before.

  HOPE FADING FOR MISSING BRITISH SWIMMER

  The U.S. Coast Guard’s search for British man Jack Smith is unofficially being called a recovery operation. 32-year-old Smith went missing while swimming off the coast of Brookmount (MD) Friday evening. His partner, Lily Reid, raised the alarm the next morning. Efforts to locate Smith have remained unsuccessful. Owing to violent storms and heavy rainfall, the search efforts have been postponed. A source from the Coast Guard said if Smith was in distress, they had to give him the best possible chance for rescue, but the weather conditions meant the likelihood of finding Smith alive at sea was now “basically nil.”

  “What’s on the video?” I said, as if I hadn’t watched it multiple times. Ash clicked on the link titled Girlfriend of Missing Swimmer’s DESPERATE Plea and I watched the screen fill with the already familiar image of two women. The one on the right, the reporter, had immaculate hair and makeup, her ruby-red lips poised to ask a question, the creases in her crisp white shirt sharp as a knife’s edge. The woman on the left was Lily. The first time I’d watched the clip, I’d immediately identified her as a “surfer chick,” with her slight but muscular frame and long, blond, windswept hair. Her features were perfectly proportioned, and although her delicate nose, cat eyes and pink lips didn’t have a trace of foundation, blush or mascara, she was undeniably and effortlessly beautiful, on camera, and even more so in real life. When Ash pressed Play, Lily’s expression turned from helpless to terrified.

  “Lily, thank you for talking to us,” the reporter said, her voice gentle and coaxing, the exact mix to get anyone to spill their guts. “I understand your boyfriend, Jack Smith, went missing yesterday evening while swimming at this very beach.”

  Lily nodded, swallowing hard before quietly saying, “He was supposed to come to my place, but I assumed he was working late.” Her voice was soft as a lullaby, and she swallowed again, he
r lips trembling. “When he didn’t show up this morning, I knew...I knew...”

  “What did you know, Lily?” the reporter nudged. “Can you share with our viewers?”

  “I knew he was in trouble.” Lily put a fist to her mouth and bowed her head, pressing her eyes shut, trying to contain her sobs.

  “You told me earlier Jack’s a strong swimmer?”

  Lily’s voice filled with hope. “Yes, very. He swims almost every day.”

  The reporter leaned in, a pained and no doubt meticulously rehearsed expression on her face. “What would you like to say to everybody who’s watching? How can they help?”

  “If you’re out on the water, please, please look for him. Help me bring Jack home.”

  The camera zoomed in on the reporter’s face. “Such a devastating story of this missing man, Jack Smith. We’ll, of course, bring you the latest developments, and...” Her voice trailed off as I stopped listening, because a picture of Ash appeared on the screen, the one that had made me gasp. I’d never seen this particular photo before, and while he looked the same—his grin, the way his hair fell to one side—he also appeared different. Relaxed and happy. Free.

  Ash paused the video and looked up at me. “Lily’s telling the truth. I was living under the name Jack Smith in Maryland. And guess what? There’s a more recent update. Apparently, there was a boat out on the water around the time I went missing.” He gave his head a shake, tapped his temple with an index finger. “This whole amnesia thing might be because someone ran into me. Oh, and I’m presumed dead, by the way. Can you believe it?” He didn’t wait for my answer and continued, “You should’ve told me about her calling you—”

  “I didn’t make the connection.”

  “Fine, but I need to contact the police down there, tell them I’m okay.”

  “What? You can’t.”

  “I have to. They think I’m dead.”

  “Have they arrested anyone?”

  “Not that I’m aware of, but—”

  “Then leave it.” I held up a hand as he opened his mouth to respond, and my mind sped up. “You were living there under a fake name. They’ll have figured that out by now. What if they want to bring you in for questioning? Or worse, get the local police involved? With your history surrounding Celine and Kate, what if they think it’s suspicious?”

  “Why would anything be suspicious?” He raised his voice, the veins in his neck pulsating. “You said I was cleared. When I left Newdale, nobody suspected me of anything.”

  “Officially, no,” I said, which was the truth. “But who knows what some idiot cop might be thinking, especially with Keenan shooting his mouth off. Him and Ricky—”

  “Ricky?”

  “The local cop. He’s good friends with Keenan.”

  “For crying out loud,” Ash shouted, his face turning red. “What the hell am I supposed to do with all this? How am I supposed to live? And what about Lily? What if she told the cops about finding me already?”

  “She’s coming over soon, we’ll ask her then.”

  “Providing it’s not too late and they’re not on their way already.”

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  He let out a half laugh, his teeth clenched. “How can I if I don’t remember anything, and the little I do is mostly a pile of crap? Doesn’t it freak you out, sharing a house with me? I’m clearly a liar, Maya, and an angry one at that. Doesn’t that worry you, at all?”

  I stared at him. “No. Not in the least. I know you. You’re angry because of the situation, because of your memory. That’s all. This isn’t who you are.”

  “Isn’t it?” he snapped. “Then why do I feel like it is?” He shook his head, his shoulders falling. “I need to get out for a bit before Lily arrives. Get my head straight so I can figure out what to say to her, and what she might say to me. I can’t believe I didn’t ask her to come with us to see Dr. Adler. I can’t believe I left her there in the middle of the street. What was I thinking?”

  “You probably weren’t. We were all in shock.”

  “Yeah, no kidding,” he said, and after putting on his shoes he came over and stood in front of me, looking uncertain about what to do next. I pulled him in for a hug, felt him hesitate before he tentatively put his arms around me, making me want to hug him harder, and when I rested my cheek on his chest, I could hear the beating of his heart.

  “Stay away from the cliffs,” I murmured.

  Ash took a step back and nodded. “I’ll be home in an hour.”

  Once he’d gone, it took me all of ninety seconds to figure out Lily was staying at the Harbor Inn. The girl at the front desk, thankfully not Fiona, offered to connect me to her room, but I declined because I didn’t want to talk to Lily, I just wanted to know what she was up to. Seemed she had a similar idea, because as I hung up, the doorbell rang. It was her.

  “Maya,” Lily said, and I noticed how her hands trembled by her sides, her smile tight, her gaze darting behind me and into the house. “Can I come in? Is...uh, is Ash here?”

  “He stepped out,” I said. “I’m not quite sure when he’ll be back.”

  Her face fell and she bit her lip for a second. “Oh. I know I’m early but I...I couldn’t wait, I...” She covered her mouth with a hand as tears leaked down her perfect cheeks.

  I opened the door and stood aside, chose my next words carefully, my voice soft and coaxing, like the one the reporter had used. “Are you okay? God, what a stupid question. Why don’t you come in?”

  Her face caved again. “Th-thank you so much.”

  “Not at all.” I led her to the kitchen and gestured for her to sit as I busied myself with getting her a glass of water, which she downed in four gulps.

  “Thank you.” Lily let out a sigh. “Maya, can I please ask you something?”

  “Of course,” I said, smiling and nodding, making sure she felt comfortable.

  “Was it Ash in the Facebook photo?”

  “No.” I shook my head as I wracked my brain to remember what I’d told her on the phone. I’d given her a different name to throw her off. Fuck. What was it again? Gavin? George? Graham? Gordon. I gave her a sympathetic smile, my mind racing ahead. “I can understand why you thought it was Ash, he and Gordon looked so alike it was uncanny. When I first saw him on the beach I thought it was Ash and waved to him. That’s how we met.”

  Her shoulders sagged, her entire body almost collapsing in onto itself. “It wasn’t him.”

  “No, and I feel so bad for not realizing you were talking about my brother, but I had no idea. I was so preoccupied with his condition, I didn’t connect the dots. I feel so guilty.”

  “But then why did you delete the picture?”

  The directness of her question caught me a little off guard, but it didn’t take me long to recover. I shrugged. “It weirded me out, you calling like that. I reacted.”

  At the realization she was to blame, Lily’s shoulders sagged some more, and her voice became soft again. “Why do you think he lied to me about his name?”

  “Oh, wow... I really don’t know.”

  “You have no idea why he left town and pretended to be someone else?” Her left eye began to twitch, and she pressed a finger over it. The dusky circles under her eyes told me she was exhausted, and upon closer inspection I saw she had sallow skin, too. She looked like a once-pretty princess who’d lost her sheen, and I wasn’t about to allow her to get it back.

  “No, I really don’t. I’d tell you otherwise, I promise.”

  “Does it have anything to do with Kate or Celine?” she said, and I felt my eyes widen. “Who are they?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Lily. They’re in the past.”

  “It does matter,” she said, looking me up and down, and I wondered if her tears had been a ploy to get into the house. “It matters a lot and if you don’t tell me, I’m sure
someone else in town will. Fiona, or her brother, Keenan, for example. I hear he and Ash don’t exactly get along.”

  The intensity of her voice and her newly found backbone surprised me. I’d expected neither, had pegged Lily as being a bit of a pushover and a little weak, realized I’d have to be more careful around her than I’d first thought.

  I told her about Fiona, Keenan and Celine being siblings, and that Celine had been Ash’s high-school sweetheart. Once done, I took a dramatic pause before finishing with, “Celine disappeared when she was sixteen.”

  “What do you mean, disappeared?”

  “She left town. Ran away.”

  “And who was Kate?”

  From the way she said it I could already tell she didn’t want the answer. Ash hadn’t told her about either of them, and now that she had the opportunity to find out, Lily didn’t want the truth. She was scared. “Kate was Ash’s girlfriend. She died a little over two years ago.”

  “Did she fall off a cliff?” Lily whispered.

  “Yes, she did, it was horrible.” This time, as I recounted the story of Kate’s death, she let out a little gasp. “God, it was awful,” I said. “He loved her so much. He was going to propose.”

  Lily’s face turned white, all the color sliding from her cheeks. “He never told me about either of them. Why wouldn’t he share something so important?”

  I pretended to consider her question, leaned in and whispered, “Ash is a complicated man with a difficult past. Talking about exes is difficult enough, but with Kate dying... I don’t know, maybe he didn’t want to tell you because the police suspected him of foul play.”

  “What did you say?”

  I sat back, put a hand to my chest, talking fast. “Oh, well...he was a suspect for a while, and that’s a lot to admit to someone, don’t you think? But don’t worry. They couldn’t prove anything.”

  She blinked three times, and I could tell she was working hard to process what I’d implied. That was strike one. “I can’t believe it,” she said. “Why wouldn’t he... Why didn’t he...”