You Will Remember Me

by Hannah Mary McKinnon

  In less than a day the news spread. People rallied around me—making calls, bringing casseroles, stopping by for visits I made sure got cut short. This phase, too, did pass. Before long they got back to their lives, no doubt grateful theirs wasn’t filled with as much tragedy. People have stopped coming to see the girl who lives alone in the quirky old house on the cliffs. With all the heartbreak, I think they believe its occupants are cursed.

  Patrick offered me some time off, but I wouldn’t take it. There’s a rumor going around about me officially becoming the manager of the Cliff’s Head in the near future. Apparently, the owner wants to open a new restaurant in Portland and have Patrick run it while I take his place here. I know I’d enjoy the role. It’s more money, and I’d be good at it, but I have to be sure I still have plenty of time to work on my pieces in the garage, and be with Ash.

  I’ve decided to be completely honest with him, about everything. It’s what I should’ve done from the start. If I’d told him how I felt about him when we met, none of this would’ve happened. He’d have seen we were made for each other, so now I’m making up for that. He remembers what happened to Celine, and today’s the day I’m telling him about Kate.

  “She came looking for me at the house that night,” I say as I shave his beard after securing his hands and feet to the chair. “She pretended she was out for one of her runs, which was a total lie. I knew she’d waited until she saw you leave, I’d spotted her jacket beyond the tree line. She wanted to convince me not to tell you about her sleeping with Keenan and when I refused she stomped off. I followed her along the cliffs, told her the only way I wouldn’t say anything was if she broke things off with you.”

  “You...pushed...her,” Ash says, the effort of talking making his voice faint and raspy. I wish I could ease up on the benzos, but when I tried cutting down, he became agitated and aggressive, something he thinks I bring out in him, which really pisses me off.

  “I didn’t mean for her to fall, I didn’t think we were that close to the edge, but it served her right. You said you might forgive her for cheating on you.” I shake my head. “I couldn’t let you marry her, but when she died you blamed yourself. You said it was penance for what we’d done to Celine. You thought you didn’t have the right to be happy, and it broke my heart. But when I told you the truth, when I explained what happened to take away your guilt and your pain, I woke up the next day and you’d left Newdale. You’d left me.”

  “Because...you’re...a...monster,” he whispers. “We both...are.”

  I smile, and as I stroke his cheek he tries to move his head away, so I put my thumb and index finger under his chin, forcing him to look at me. “We belong together,” I say. “And I understand now. You could’ve told the police about what I did to Kate, but you didn’t, not even after you left, because you knew I could tell them about Celine. You protected us, just like you promised, because you love me. Tell me you love me, Ash. Help make all this better.”

  He closes his eyes, tries to move away again, and I sigh. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him about Kate, he wasn’t ready after all, but eventually he’ll come around. He’ll see what I’m doing—what I’ve always done—is the best thing for him. For us. I’ve known since I was twelve years old that we’re destined to be together. For now, it might not be the fairy tale I’d imagined, but I’ve been patient for sixteen years and I’ll do the same for another sixteen if I must. Because it will happen. And when it does, I already know he’ll be worth the wait.

  * * *

  ACKNOWLEGMENTS

  The acknowledgments section has quickly become one of my favorite parts of novel writing. Not because it means I’ve finished another book, although that’s a stellar feeling, too, but because it’s an immense pleasure and privilege to put together a list of wonderful people to whom my infinite gratitude extends.

  Let’s start with you, the reader. Whether you deal with books in a professional capacity, review them for fun, or simply enjoy novels during your commute or while curled up on your sofa, thank you for picking this one up, and for letting me take you into my fictional world. I hope you enjoyed the ride. Huge shout-outs to the amazing social media and #bookstagram communities who spread book love with infectious enthusiasm and boundless originality. Your friendship and support are precious gifts.

  To Carolyn Forde, my savvy, all-round kick-ass agent—thank you for your support and for being in my corner. I wonder what our next adventure might be. To Emily Ohanjanians, my incredible editor, whose insight and knack for making manuscripts shine is astonishing—I couldn’t be more grateful to you, or proud of what we’ve accomplished thus far.

  To the wonderful Harlequin, HarperCollins and MIRA teams, including Cory Beatty, Peter Borcsok, Nicole Brebner, Audrey Bresar, Randy Chan, Jennifer Choi, Heather Connor, Lia Ferrone, Emer Flounders, Heather Foy, Olivia Gissing, Miranda Indrigo, Amy Jones, Roxanne Jones, Sean Kapitain, Linette Kim, Karen Ma, Ashley MacDonald, Leo MacDonald, Margaret Marbury, Lucille Miranda, Leah Mol, Lauren Morocco, Lindsey Reeder, Loriana Sacilotto, Elita Sidiropoulou, Alice Tibbetts, Kaitlyn Vincent and colleagues: you are incredible. Thank you for everything you do.

  Huge thanks to HarperAudio, BeeAudio and the brilliant performers who bring my words to life with such grace and enthusiasm, making them their own. Special thanks to Lauren Ezzo and Alex Wyndham, my go-to narrating gurus who blow my mind each time I listen to their work, and to Melissa Moran for completing the brilliant trio. To Brad and Britney at AudioShelf—you know how you crack me up. Keep on doing your fab videos!

  The generosity of those who take time out of their busy lives to answer my (weird and wicked) questions always astounds me, and I’m surprised none of you have turned me in to the cops yet. Special thanks to cool A.F. Brady and Sharon Guger for their medical expertise (and to A.F. for reading the first dodgy version of this book), Mary Randall for her library insights and local knowledge of Maine, and fellow author Bruce Robert Coffin for helping me get away with fictional murder...again.

  I’m so fortunate to be surrounded by such a fantastic bunch of supportive GTA gal-pal authors, including Sam Bailey (thanks for your plot input!), Karma Brown, Amy Dixon, Molly Fader, Jennifer Hillier, Natalie Jenner, Lydia Laceby, Jennifer Robson, Marissa Stapley and K.A. Tucker. Love, hugs and thank-yous all round. Huge hugs to Sonica, too—thank you for everything, dear friend.

  Farther afield, the immensely talented Mary Kubica and Kimberly Belle were the first to accept to blurb a book for me, an unknown British/Swiss/Canadian combo. Not only that, but they also introduced me to so many other writers, it’s become near impossible to name you all without doubling the length of this book. Please know I appreciate every single one of you. Your friendship, help, knowledge, ongoing encouragement, sweet messages of support and strict kicks up the backside whenever I’m throwing a wobbly...you really are the best, and you make the writing community better than I could have ever imagined.

  To Wendy Heard—thank you for the early input on the plot for this novel! To Hank Phillippi Ryan, my First Chapter Fun partner in crime, and to Candice Sawchuk—thank you for reading a late version of the manuscript and helping me shape it further. You’re amazing!

  To my lovely mum, who I miss so very much, and my brilliant dad, my amazing sister Joely, and Simon, Michael and Oli, lots o’ love to you all. I wish we could be together more often. To my in-laws, Gilbert and Jeanette, and my extended family all over the world—thank you for reading my books, sharing pictures of them and “making” your friends read them, too. Lots of love to Becki, who continues to champion everything I do from afar. BFFs forever is an understatement.

  And last but never, ever least: to Rob and our boys, Leo, Matt and Lex. Thank you for putting up with me as I went through the usual love/hate relationship with this manuscript. Thanks also for holding down the fort and keeping me fed and watered while I disappeared into my book. I promise I’ll make it up to you with your weight in
blueberry muffins, carrot cake and raclette (not necessarily in that order, although after a year like 2020...what the hell).

  YOU

  WILL

  REMEMBER

  ME

  HANNAH MARY McKINNON

  Reader’s Guide

  Questions for Discussion

  What do you make of Lily and Ash lying to each other about their past from the moment they met? Should we disclose our entire history to our partner, or are some things better left unsaid?

  What do you think was behind Maya’s obsession for Ash? What was she hoping for? Did you see signs of her obsession early on, and if so, what were they?

  How do you think the story would have unfolded if Ash hadn’t been attacked on the beach? Would he have ever gone back to Maine, or told Lily the truth about who he was? If he had told her, what do you think Lily might have done?

  What do you think Maya, Ash and Lily were the most terrified of?

  Maya, Ash and Lily all suffered tragic losses within their families, be it death or being cast aside. How do you think this shaped them, and what might have happened to them if their pasts had been different?

  Did your allegiances shift at any point during the story? Toward whom, why, and when?

  What scene was the most pivotal in the story for you? How would the novel have changed if it had been different, or hadn’t taken place? What did you expect to happen?

  What surprised or shocked you the most? What didn’t you see coming? What was obvious?

  How do you feel about stories where evil wins, at least temporarily?

  What do you expect might happen next to Ash and Maya? Will either of them get what they want?

  A Conversation with

  Hannah Mary McKinnon

  This is your fifth novel. What was your inspiration for You Will Remember Me?

  A few years ago, a man from Toronto vanished from a ski hill in Lake Placid while there on vacation and showed up six days later in Sacramento. He had amnesia and couldn’t remember much, including the cross-country trip he’d made as he’d hitchhiked across the US. Everything worked out for the man in the end and he found his way home, but it made me wonder—what could have gone wrong? That was the genesis for You Will Remember Me. A while later I had a vivid image in my head—a man waking up on a deserted beach without any recollection of who he was, or what he was doing there. I kept coming back to his story, how he’d arrived on that beach, what he’d do, and how much danger he was in. As I noodled the plot around, I wondered what might happen if he found his way home but had no idea he’d actually left the town years before, and unknowingly walked back into the dragon’s den. That was it. I needed to know what happened next, and if he’d survive.

  You have three point-of-view characters. Which one did you have the most fun writing?

  Can I say all of them? Lily was great because she was determined to be a good person and put her past behind her. All she wanted was happiness and stability. Maya was deliciously evil, probably my darkest character yet, and it was incredibly interesting to spend so much time thinking about why she’d become the way she was, and how she could so easily rationalize her despicable actions. Honestly, she gave me the shivers. Ash was the most challenging character because I didn’t appreciate how difficult it is to write someone with amnesia. They can’t have memories or flashbacks, yet you don’t want scene after scene of them being told their history because it would make for tedious reading. That in itself was a great challenge and really stretched me as an author.

  Do you have a favorite chapter or scene?

  Oh, my goodness, the ending with the final scene between Ash and Maya, when we discover just how far off the rails she’s gone. It’s twisted and creepy, and I’ll admit to cackling a little as I wrote it (also creepy). This novel allowed me to go even further to the dark side, and explore what people might do, and how they’d justify it to themselves, all in the name of love.

  About those dark themes... What draws you to them?

  I’ve identified a few reasons. Ironically, my first book, Time After Time, is a rom-com. When I wrote it, I’d recently moved to Canada, my start-up company had failed and I was miserable. Looking back, I think I was trying to write my own happy ending. Once things got back on track I shifted to suspense. People might not believe this because of what I write, but I’m a very happy, jokey person. Actually, it seems the happier I am, the darker my stories become.

  Writing suspense also allows me to dig into my fears from the safety of my keyboard. It enables me to think about difficult, dangerous situations, see what my characters do once they’re in them, and how they’re changed at the end of that experience.

  And finally, I’ve always been a rule follower, so my books are very much an exploration of what it’s like not to be the “good girl.” Best of all, none of it is real so I can go as dark and malicious as I please (or my editor will allow).

  What research did you do for this novel?

  That’s such a great question and I’ll bet my dubious search history has got me flagged on a few databases somewhere! I think the most unique bits of research were how allergy medication can jumble your memory, and how a person can die while working under a car. Like I said: dubious! I also had to research geographical locations, sought help from medical professionals, poison control and a librarian, to name a few.

  I’m continually astounded by how people are so generous with their time, knowledge and expertise when I call on them for help. For example, fellow suspense author A.F. Brady read the entire novel and advised me with the psychological aspects, and Bruce Robert Coffin (a former detective sergeant, and bestselling author) has helped me get away with fictional murder multiple times. Their input was incredible!

  Is there a particular author or book that influenced or inspired your writing or decision to write?

  I’ve had a long-standing love affair with both Lisa Jewell’s and David Nicholls’s books. I discovered Lisa Jewell’s first novel, Ralph’s Party, at the airport back in 1999 and have read and loved all her books ever since. She has a shelf to herself in my house. I adore how she expertly shifted from rom-com to family drama to domestic suspense throughout her career, and her storytelling always pulls me in.

  A friend gave me David Nicholls’s One Day when it was published. I devoured it in a matter of days and bought all his other books so I could do the same. His characters are so rich, his dialogue perfect, his stories funny yet poignant, he’s an auto-buy author for me.

  And then there’s Jennifer Hillier... While waiting for my son at our local library I spotted her debut, Creep, on a shelf. Intrigued by the cover, I picked it up, read the blurb, took it home and couldn’t put it down. It was a turning point in my writing career. When I was younger, I mainly read thrillers, but after a personal tragedy in my early 20s, I could only stomach lighthearted reads. Creep reminded me of my love of thrillers, and I realized the second book I was working on, The Neighbors, was far grittier than my debut. Jennifer’s book gave me that final push I needed to cross over to the dark side. Fun fact: we live in the same town and have become great friends. Jennifer is an inspiration to me and fiercely talented, and I have all her books. I’ll read anything she writes!

  Tell us about your writing process. Any quirks?

  I’m a very structured plotter. I’ll start off with an idea—something I read, saw, overheard, or a “what if” situation that pops into my brain. I’ll build my main character(s) around that to figure out whose story it is, and I’ll ask myself where those people are at the beginning of the story, and at the end. Next come major plot points, and those large stepping stones get further developed into about thirty smaller ones. Each smaller point gets broken down into scenes. I dig deeper into my cast by interviewing my main characters and building a photo gallery...and then, finally, I write. I admire people who don’t plot. I like to have a road map
of where I think I’m going although my characters don’t always let me take them where I’d initially imagined.

  What can you tell us about your next novel?

  Oh, it’s another wicked story, of course. It’s the tale of Lucas, who’s set to inherit not only the fortune of his kidnapped and presumed dead wife, but also that of his ailing mother-in-law. When he receives a potentially more recent photograph of his spouse, the race to find her is on. Question is, does he want her alive...or would he prefer her dead? I’m having so much fun writing this novel, and I can’t wait for you to meet my characters.

  ISBN-13: 9780369701022

  You Will Remember Me

  Copyright © 2021 by Hannah McKinnon

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

  For questions and comments about the quality of this book, please contact us at CustomerService@Harlequin.com.

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