It's Always the Duke: Historical Regency Romance

by Lisa Campell

  “A lovely morning to you too, Miss Caroline. Please, do not apologize. Thankfully, we both stopped just in time.”

  Caroline spared him a smile before looking past him to the door of the music room. This close, she could hear the music even more clearly, feel it dearly.

  “I see you’re curious about who the player is,” Mr. Giraud observed.

  She nodded, still looking past him. “And the instrument. I do not think I have ever heard anything quite like it. It almost sounds like the violin, but not quite.”

  “It’s the harp,” Mr. Giraud explained.

  “Oh?” she asked, returning her gaze to him. “Fascinating! I truly have never heard one played before. Pray tell me, who is it that has decided to bless our ears this wonderful morning?”

  Mr. Giraud smiled. “Why, the master, of course. It is his music room, after all.”

  “Edward?” she breathed.

  Mr. Giraud nodded. “He’s been playing since the fourth hour. It appears once again he has had one of his sleepless nights. I heard him shuffling about hours before he finally came down.”

  It wasn’t something Caroline had experienced since they moved into the manor, but it appeared it was a common experience for the household.

  “This happens often?”

  Again, Mr. Giraud nodded. “Some nights, sleep eludes him. Others, the troublesome dreams keep him awake. He walks around the house, trying to be quiet but failing woefully at it. Eventually, he gives up altogether and goes into the music room. He’s gifted with music, it seems. He plays the pianoforte and violin very beautifully as well, but the harp is his favorite.”

  Caroline did not know what to do with this news. The Edward she had known had only played the pianoforte fairly well and very reluctantly. He had always claimed music was not for him.

  To hear this news was quite surprising.

  Beyond that, she worried about his sleepless nights and those strange dreams. What could they be about? She always used to laugh at him for sleeping like a log of wood.

  Sleep would come easily to him and when he slept, he was dead to the world.

  Just how much had the war changed the man she loved? How many unseen scars had it left behind?

  “Has he had anything to eat?” she asked, finding her voice again.

  Mr. Giraud shook his head. “He will eat only when he is ready. He isn’t to be disturbed at times like this. I was only checking on him.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Giraud. You’re a kind man and you serve him well.”

  Mr. Giraud smiled. “In all honesty, he makes it easy for me and everyone who works in this household. If you would excuse me, there are things I must see to.”

  “Of course. Good day.”

  With those words, they parted.

  Knowing what she now did, Caroline walked towards the music room with slow steps and a better understanding of the sad music he played.

  It was a mirror of his heart. It had to be. What made him so sad? Why wouldn’t he let her in?

  They used to be so good at making one another happy.

  She reached the doors soon enough and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that they had been left slightly open. As quietly as she could manage, she stepped in and remained at the door.

  There he was, at the other end of the room, seated with the harp, making a beautiful melody with his fingers.

  She watched as they moved delicately, striking the long chords. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be far away. So far away.

  Her heart went out to him. Standing there, she could see his pain, feel it.

  How could she have been so blind? Of course he was hurting. Perhaps it was why he had been pushing her away, afraid to show her this part of him.

  It was now eight. It meant he had been playing for four hours.

  His fingers had to hurt, and his shoulders.

  Why wouldn’t he let me in?

  Caroline didn’t realize she was crying until she felt the wetness on her cheeks. Quickly, she swiped at the tears, drying them. It would not do for him to see her crying.

  She didn’t think it would do for him to see her here, watching him with all the heavy emotions bare in her eyes.

  Deciding she had seen enough, she turned to leave. Just then, the song ended.

  “Don’t go,” he called out.

  Caroline stopped in her tracks, her eyes widening as she realized he must have been aware of her presence.

  “Please,” he said again.

  That was all it took. One word and she crumbled.

  Slowly, she turned around. “You want me to stay?” she asked, her voice soft.

  He nodded. “You already came all the way here. It would be a shame to leave so soon.”

  She couldn’t help smiling. It was sad and happy at the same time.

  Nodding, she replied. “I suppose.”

  She walked all the way across to where he was, stopping a few feet away from him.

  “I didn’t mean to intrude. I awoke to the music and I was curious to see who was playing.”

  He shook his head. “You weren’t intruding. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

  This time, she shook her head. “You didn’t. I only heard the music after I had awakened.” She looked at the harp. It was the biggest musical instrument she had ever set sights upon, and it was as beautiful as the music it made.

  “May I?” she asked, reaching for it. He nodded.

  Filled with awe, she began to feel it. The strings, the frame.

  “It’s exquisite,” she gushed. “I have never seen one before.”

  “I felt the same way when I first saw one. I knew I had to learn to play it.”

  She could hear the smile in his voice. She was happy to know he wasn’t as sad anymore.

  “Last I remember, you weren’t such a lover of music.”

  “Correction—I have always been a lover of music. I simply never fancied playing.”

  “Looks like that has changed. Mr. Giraud says you play often, and very beautifully. The pianoforte and violin as well.”

  “I learned the violin in camp. I suppose it was seeing all the death and destruction. It helped me find a new sense of appreciation for the art. Then I fell in love with the harp. When we returned from battle, we would play and sing along. To honor the fallen, to mend our broken souls.”

  “Did it help? For the latter, I mean?”

  “Somewhat. It is true what they say—music does heal the soul. Maybe not entirely, but it does lessen the pain.”

  Caroline wanted to ask him what pain he was hoping to heal from, but she knew she stood at risk of ruining the moment.

  This was the most he had shared of himself since their reunion, and she wanted to cherish every second, make the moment last forever. She would tuck the memory in a safe place where she would always cherish it.

  So, her curiosity could wait. For that moment, she was happy to have what little she had been given.

  “I see. I suppose the song you were playing had to do with war as well? I do not think I have ever heard it.”

  Edward nodded. He stood up from his seat, coming behind her. She held her breath when he covered her finger with his, guiding them as he struck the chords to make small sounds.

  The intensity of that moment—the conversation, his nearness, the raw male heat that he exuded, the way his woody scent filled her nostrils, his soft voice—it was all too much.

  It reminded her of the Edward she had known, and showed her the wonderful man he had grown into at the same time.

  She realized that the combination was one she could never resist.

  Heavens help her but she was hopeless, helplessly so, and she felt herself fall deeper in love with him.

  “It is a song about love and war. About a young soldier who leaves home, ready to battle with hopes of returning after bringing his country glory. He leaves a young maiden behind, a woman whom he has always loved but has never told. He plans to confess his love and wed her when he returns, if s
he would have him.”

  Caroline swallowed hard. She wondered if he was making it up. It sounded too much like their story.

  “Does he return?” she asks.

  “No,” he answered, his breath fanning against her neck. “Only one battle left to fight, he writes a letter to her saying he would be coming home soon. He asks if she waited for him. He says he hopes she did. Unfortunately, he dies in battle saving a comrade. In a way, he did return—but in a coffin.” His other hand settled on her waist, causing Caroline to take another sharp intake of breath.

  Seemingly oblivious to what he was doing to her, Edward continued, almost whispering into her ears.

  “His maiden’s heart shatters when she sees him lying there, cold and pale. She breaks down in tears and grieves, his letter in her hand. She had waited for him. You see, she loved him too. Overcome with regrets, she wishes they had confessed their feelings before he left.”

  His hand moved again, stroking a light caress against her skin.

  “At the very least, they would have shared a few moments together, cherishing them. To honor their love, she swears never to love another and goes on to live a sad, lonely life, until one day death takes her to meet him. The song encourages soldiers to live for love when they can, for no one knows which moment will be their last.”

  As he finished, Caroline released a ragged breath.

  Overwhelmed with emotions she could not begin to fathom, she let the tears that had filled her eyes as he spoke flow free.

  “That’s a really sad story. Did it truly happen?”

  He turned her around then so she would face him.

  He searched her eyes. “Would it change anything if it did not? Well, no one knows. Whenever we asked that question, our commander would smile a sad smile and continue to play. There are rumors that the tale is of his sister, but we cannot entirely say.”

  She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

  “You’re crying,” he observed, his voice filled with awe.

  Before she would deny it, he wiped her tears with his fingers.

  Caroline’s heart ached so much.

  Why was he being so gentle with her? Why did he make this so difficult for her?

  She forced a chuckle. “Something must have gotten into my ey—”

  “Liar,” he cut in before she finished. “You never could hold your tears.”

  This time when she chuckled, it was genuine. “And you never could resist wiping them.”

  He lifted his shoulder in a small shrug. “I suppose I hated to see you cry too much. I still do. Except when they are tears of joy.”

  “Almost sounds like you still care…”

  “I told you I did, did I not?”

  She stared into his eyes, searching. It must have truly been a vulnerable moment for him as well, as for the first time in a long time, he left himself unguarded. She was shaken by the sheer intensity of the emotions she found in his gaze.

  “Edward,” she breathed.

  “What?” he asked.

  “You could have had me fooled,” she answered.

  He smiled then. “I suppose I could have. It’s wonderful to see you again, Caroline. I missed you. Very much.”

  She had to be dreaming. It was the only explanation for it.

  There was no other way Edward would have truly said those words. Surely not?

  “Did I just hear right, or are my ears deceiving me?”

  He chuckled, finally pulling away. “I’m not going to repeat myself.”

  She immediately mourned having him near. She had hoped he would end up kissing her, but she supposed the morning was already too perfect.

  She wouldn’t be greedy. They had made more progress that morning that they had in days. It would have to be enough. If only for that moment.

  “Come, I suppose you haven’t had breakfast. It appears I’m starving as well.”

  He held out a hand to her and Caroline looked at it.

  She was taken back to a hundred moments in memories. How many times had he held out his hand to her like that before, and how many times had she taken it without hesitating, knowing she could trust him with her life?

  Grinning, she did just that once again.

  His smile widened and, hands entwined, he led the way out of the music room.

  As they walked to the dining hall, Caroline admitted that something had changed that morning. It was as though they had called a truce.

  She didn’t know if this was the beginning of the end she wanted and hoped for with all her heart. Nevertheless, it seemed like a continuation of the beautiful friendship they’d once shared.

  For someone who was tired of fighting, it was more than everything.

  Chapter Sixteen

  In the days that followed, Caroline floated on the clouds.

  Just like she had thought, Edward and her seemed to have reached an understanding. Day by day, she continued to see more glimpses of the boy she had loved even as she grew to accept the man he had become.

  The ambience in the manor grew lighter, so much so that even her aunt spoke about it.

  “It seems things have finally become wonderful between you and the duke again.”

  Caroline had smiled sweetly as she answered simply, “It seems.”

  She continued to bask in the joy that this peace brought to her heart, but even as she did, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was only a matter of time before things would return to how they were.

  Try as she did to ignore those fears, they only kept getting stronger.

  Finally, the day came when they were realized.

  Once again, Lord Whittaker called upon her, and this time, with a request to go to Hyde Park. She was going to refuse when Edward appeared out of nowhere.

  “You should go, Miss Caroline. It’s such lovely weather for a walk today, and Lady Trudy could do with some leg stretching. She said so to me just last night.”

  Aunt Trudy was quick to answer, smiling shyly. “Oh well, I did say so, but I was hoping we could all go for a walk together. Your grace, our dear Caroline, and myself.”

  “I would have loved to accompany the two of you but I fear I cannot. There are many business matters to attend to. I simply do not have the time. It is a good thing Whittaker decided to come today.”

  He turned to Caroline then. “You must be looking forward to spending time with him again. By all means, do have a wonderful afternoon.”

  With those words, he walked away.

  Caroline watched him go, unable to believe her ears. Just like that, the days of happiness vanished and her hope shattered again.

  She had thought they were fine. It appeared that once again, she had been wrong, a fool.

  Edward had mentioned nothing of love. It was clear now that he wanted nothing of the sort with her. He would only ever see her as friend, no more.

  She turned to Aunt Trudy. Her aunt simply lifted her shoulder in a shrug, her eyes filled with sad empathy.

  Caroline blinked furiously, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. If that was how it was, then she supposed it was high time she stopped wishing wistfully for a dream that would never come true.

  Perhaps she could grow to love Whittaker. After all, marrying him would ensure her father never had to worry about his debts any longer.

  “Well then, seeing as it is settled. Shall we get going, my ladies?” Whittaker asked, breaking the silence.

  Pulling herself out of her thoughts and into some semblance of togetherness, Caroline turned to him.

  “Yes. Let’s.”

  All three of them left the manor then. Whittaker’s carriage was waiting just outside and as they got on, they started for Hyde Park.

  They arrived about an hour later, and Whittaker helped them down.

  As they found a good spot to begin their walk, Aunt Trudy remained a few paces behind, leaving Caroline and the earl to walk side by side in front.

  “The weather truly is wonderful today, do you not agree?”
Whittaker asked after a small moment of silence.

  Caroline looked up at the sky. It was indeed beautiful. Clear blue skies and clouds as white as snow. The sun shone in all its glory, making the cool spring breeze just the perfect kind of warm.