My Tattered Bonds

by Courtney Cole

  “But you will,” she sighed. “Particularly now that you are living here with us. Resist it as much as you would like, but I am sure it is bound to happen. Unless Hades loses interest. That could always happen.”

  I shook my head. “Just remember… I don’t want your husband. I only want my own.”

  “But your own is not here. And you will be here a very long time, away from Cadmus. You can remember that.”

  She rose from her seat and took two steps to stand next to me. Bending, she kissed a cool kiss on my cheek. She smelled vaguely of oriental spices.

  “It will be nice to have female company,” she murmured. “I’m sorry that this has happened to you, Harmonia. You are a sweet girl. But take comfort knowing this: I didn’t like the Underworld at first, either. But it has become my home and I am happy here. So you shall be, too.”

  Her long skirts rustled as she glided from the room and I found myself staring at the fire in the same exact way she had been doing when I had found her. The flames were warm and mesmerizing, a good way to allow my overwhelmed mind to rest. I stared into them until the warmth lulled me to sleep.

  Immediately, Cadmus faced me, his face drawn and anxious. He was clearly beside himself, as I knew he would be.

  “Where are you?” he demanded. “I’ll come to you, just tell me where.”

  My heart automatically lurched hopefully, but I tampered it back down. He couldn’t help me. No matter how strong of a warrior he was, he couldn’t help me now.

  “You can’t,” I answered sadly. “I am with Hades and you can’t come here. You can’t help me. I’m sorry, Cadmus. I had to come. Hades threatened everyone that I know and love. He brought my mother here, and Jess and Jenn… I had to exchange myself for them. And if I refused, he would’ve come for you and Raquel. This was the only way.”

  “There is never only one way,” he admonished me painfully. “You should have come to me and we would have figured something out. Something feasible. Your parents are beside themselves and Raquel…” his voice trailed off. I nodded sadly.

  “I know. Please tell her that I love her and I’ll always love her. Everything that I do is for the two of you. Please believe that.”

  “I do,” he said. “I believe you, of course I do. I just know there has to be another way.”

  His handsome bronzed face was tormented and he paced to and fro as he spoke. With each step, his taut muscles flexed and he reminded me of a caged lion.

  “I will think of something, wife. I will not leave you there.”

  “You have to,” I whispered, leaning up to kiss him. His lips were warm and soft and I wanted to stay in his arms forever, even if it was only in a dream. “I love you, Cadmus.”

  I forced myself awake. I couldn’t stand the pain on my husband’s face for one more second. It was killing me. I stood from the chair and retreated back to my rooms, lying on my side in the giant soft bed. It was strange, sleeping alone again without Cadmus at my side. I gritted my teeth and stayed awake as long as I could. I wanted to make sure that Cadmus wouldn’t be waiting for me in my dreams again. As much as I wanted to see him, seeing him this way was unbearable.

  Chapter Fourteen

  No one could say that I didn’t go through the motions. I went to sleep, I ate with Persephone and Hades, I went for walks in the gardens, I read books in the library. But my heart was dead. Day by day, I forced myself to become number and number, until finally I felt like a living, breathing, piece of wood.

  It was the only way I could survive it.

  Being away from those that I loved was torturous, an existence that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I could even forgive Eris for defecting to Hades’ side, because he had given her back Alexi. I knew the feeling now- I would do anything to get my family back. I thought about begging Hades, to see if there was anything at all that I could do to pay for my own freedom. It was a long shot, though, so I mulled on it for quite a while. I didn’t want to ask, only to be shot down. It would be a crushing blow.

  One evening, as Hades and I sat by the fire in the crushed velvet armchairs, I looked up from the book that I was reading.

  “Hades,” I began uncertainly. “Is there anything at all that I can do to persuade you to let me go? It is killing me inside to be away from my family. I feel as though I am dying slowly.”

  He looked up from his own book and studied me thoughtfully. With his dark gaze glued to mine, he closed his book slowly and rose from his chair, kneeling in front of me. Taking my hands, he whispered.

  “There is one thing.”

  “What is it?” I cried. “I’ll do anything. Please. I promise you, I’ll do anything.”

  He smiled and brushed the hair away from my face gently. “Anything?”

  I nodded silently although the expression on his handsome face caused my stomach to sink.

  “I want you,” he murmured, leaning up to kiss the side of my neck. His lips grazed my skin ever so softly, enough to leave a trail of goose bumps. “And not just once. That would never be enough. I want you for one night a year for the rest of eternity.”

  I fell silent as I listened to the beat of my own heart. It throbbed against my ribcage loudly, echoing in the room.

  “What do you think of my terms?” he asked, sliding his thumb along my bottom lip. I wavered. I had never felt so desperate in my life. But to expect Cadmus to live with that—to return here to the palace for one night a year… and heaven only knew what perverted things Hades might do to me. I would almost rather die.

  I shook my head slowly. “I can’t,” I whispered.

  He was disappointed, I could see it on his face. But he didn’t say so. Instead, he simply stood and returned to his chair, re-opening his book.

  “The offer stands,” he said as he casually went back to reading. I squeezed my eyes closed and forced away the pain. I would do anything. But that.

  * * *

  Days turned into weeks.

  I could never say that that either Persephone or Hades were cruel to me or even unpleasant. It wasn’t true. In fact, it was the opposite. They were kind and welcoming. But each day was more painful for me than the last because nothing changed the fact that I was a prisoner.

  I realized more than ever that I was a person who thrived on loving relationships. I needed them. I overheard Hades and Persephone whispering in the hall one day.

  “She is wilting,” Persephone said anxiously. “I can see it more and more every day. She eats, she drinks nectar, yet she grows weaker. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Being away from her family seems to drain her,” Hades observed. “Let us give her time. Surely she will grow accustomed to being here and she will rally.”

  “But her light grows faint,” Persephone replied. “I can sense it around her and the energy around the palace that she brought with her is fading. Surely you can see that.”

  “I can,” Hades admitted. “But she is strong. She has always recovered, no matter what life has thrown at her. I am certain this will be no different.”

  Don’t be so certain, I thought.

  At dinner that evening, Hades casually asked me if I had seen my family through the mirror recently.

  “No,” I admitted limply, shoving my food around on my plate. “I cannot bring myself to do it.”

  “But you should,” Hades encouraged me. “If you but see them, you will feel much better. I am certain.”

  “Don’t be,” I answered sharply. “You’ve taken them from me. Don’t feel that you can force me to watch them from here. It is too heartbreaking. It will only make things worse.”

  “Well, I’ll leave that to you,” he replied quickly. “You know what you need more than anyone.”

  “I need my family,” I answered quietly.

  “Well, you can’t have them!” he thundered, pushing away from the table and throwing his chair across the room. It smashed into a shelf of crystal vases, shattering them. “You know the price!”

  He stormed from the room with
out looking back. I was left staring after him. It was the first time I had ever seen him lose his temper. He was always carefully composed.

  “You must recover,” Persephone told me quietly. “You will fade away, Harmonia.”

  “No, I will not,” I snapped. “No one dies of a broken heart. Those are just romantic stories. But trust me, it isn’t romantic at all if it is happening to you.”

  “Take him up on his bargain,” she suggested. “It will end this. You will be returned to them and Hades will be happy.”

  I looked at her, appalled. “This, coming from his wife?”

  She shook her head. “I will always be the most important to him. That is what matters. I wish to see him happy and I hate seeing you wasting away. Pay his price.”

  She looked at me sadly before she continued eating and we finished our meal in silence.

  After I returned to my rooms, I sat limply on my bed for what seemed like hours before I finally uncovered the mirror.

  “Show me my family,” I whispered hesitantly. Immediately, I saw Raquel and Aphrodite on a beach. Raquel was flying a bright red kite with yellow bows on the string and she left little footprints in the sand as she ran. Aphrodite followed behind her, as beautiful and perfect as always. But her face was sad as she watched my daughter.

  I kept watching as Raquel splashed into the surf, but was surprised to see Aphrodite look around warily. Confusion was etched on her face and she appeared to search for someone. And then she met my gaze through the mirror. She sensed my presence, I realized with a start.

  “Be patient, Harmonia,” she whispered. “We love you and we are doing all that we can. Your sadness is affecting the mortal world, unhappiness has descended upon it like a fog. We are trying to reason with Zeus, to show him that he is truly needed to right these wrongs or everyone will suffer. Hang on, my sweet. We are coming.”

  I knew she couldn’t see me, but I nodded anyway as tears filled my eyes. My sadness was affecting the mortal world? I guessed it made sense. I was the goddess of peace and contentment. If my positive energy faded, then it made sense that the world would suffer. If that was the case… then what would happen if I gave up trying? What if I gave in to my depression? Would it affect the mortal world in a way that would truly make Zeus see that he needed to return? Because if he returned, perhaps he could save us all.

  It was worth a try.

  And honestly, it wasn’t difficult. I was so very tired. The weight of the world had rested upon my shoulders for more times than I could count. It was time to set that weight down. I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, closing my eyes.

  The darkness was comforting. Soft and warm like a favorite blanket, it closed around me and lingered. I drifted down, down, down, until I felt as though I were floating. Either in a body of water or midair—I floated away from reality. My pain and sorrow came with me and I didn’t fight it. I dwelled in it.

  At some point, maybe hours or maybe days later, I heard vague voices around me, distant and quiet, as though someone was speaking through a veil.

  “Her despair is turning the world black,” a voice whispered. “We must do something, Hades.”

  “There is nothing to do,” he answered. “She must return to herself. That is the only way.”

  “Return her to her family,” a voice suggested. Persephone? “That is a way.”