My Favorite Senior Moments
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“Well, I’ll be!” Bill said. “I’m going to report him the minute I finish my iced water!”
“I guess this memory thing is contagious,” said Daniel. “Jason’s been hanging around us old folks so long, he’s becoming one of us—a member of the Senior Moments Club—even if he is only 21.”
Daniel’s friends all laughed and agreed.
Today’s Thoughts
The LORD is the stronghold of my life.
PSALM 27:1
Lord, when situations and people annoy me, please help me say what I mean… but not say it meanly. Patience and compassion are always in order regardless of the circumstances.
57
Half Full?
Sheila had a ritual, and she liked to follow it without fail. When sitting at a dining table, whether at home or at a restaurant, she always ordered two glasses of liquid—to be served half full. Never up to the top. If a waiter made that mistake and served a full glass or showed a generous spirit by pouring just above the halfway mark, Sheila would ask him to start over and do exactly what she wanted. She simply didn’t get why servers couldn’t do it right the first time. (They probably wondered about her too.)
When asked one day why she preferred her orange juice, or milk, or soda to be served in half-glass portions, she said without missing a beat, “I look at life as a ‘glass half full,’ and I’m married to a man who has a ‘glass half empty’ point of view. This custom of mine is a reminder to me to always see life, no matter how old I get, as half full. That means there is more life to live, and it’s my choice how I fill the rest of it.”
“What about your husband? He’d look at your half-full glass and consider it half empty. Is that true for his life?”
“Yes! He sees his life as almost over, and he feels powerless to do anything to change it. Poor dear! But that’s his problem, not mine.”
With that comment, Sheila drank up and asked for a refill—a half refill, that is.
Today’s Thoughts
A heart at peace gives life to the body.
PROVERBS 14:30
Lord, thank you for giving me life in all its fullness—no matter what the circumstances are and no matter who is in my life.
58
A Good Suggestion
Linda picked up a knife and tried to cut into the grilled chicken breast in front of her at Bob’s Barbecue. “Must be a tough old bird like me,” she commented with a chuckle. “It didn’t even make a dent.” She thought it was rude to pick up chicken and eat it, so she once again took the table knife to the chicken. It made a dent but didn’t cut.
Her friend Harvey, sitting on the opposite side of the table, gawked. “Ask for another knife. That one must need a good sharpening. Or you can use mine, if you want.” He handed his to her even as he licked barbecue sauce off his fingers on his other hand.
Linda waved it away. “No thanks. Your knife is gooey.” She moved on to the buttermilk biscuit, eager to slit it open and smear it with butter and jam. The biscuit crumbled from the pressure of the knife—it didn’t slice either. “Oh for pity’s sake!” she murmured. “This is too much work. I should have ordered a bowl of clam chowder.”
Harvey picked up Linda’s knife to try it on his chicken. “Works perfectly for me,” he noted. “Why don’t you give it another try—this time with the cutting edge facing down?”
Linda’s face flushed. Leave it to Harvey, a retired butcher, to figure out her mistake. She threw him a kiss and exclaimed, “My hero!”
Today’s Thoughts
There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.
PROVERBS 23:18
Lord, how wonderful to have people close by who will help me even when I pull a silly stunt like trying to cut meat with the knife upside down. But it’s even more wonderful that you are with me and in me. I’m never at a loss for your comfort and guidance.
59
A Little Service, Please
Frank and his wife, Katherine, moved to Brentwood Senior Homes for one specific reason: meals. Katherine would no longer have to cook, and Frank could have his choice of food at every sitting instead of having to eat his wife’s cooking. He was ready for some variety after 50 years of marriage.
The first week they made friends with other residents and enjoyed sitting with them in the dining room. Frank especially liked being able to raise his hand and get immediate attention from the waitresses. A young woman would appear at his table and ask what she could do for him. What fun it was to say “iced tea,” “apple pie,” or “crackers and cheese,” and voila! before he knew it his request was granted. He could get used to this excellent treatment.
One morning during a holiday weekend, traffic in the dining room was heavier than usual. The regulars were entertaining visiting family members, so the wait staff was particularly stressed. Half the waiters needed for such a crowd were serving double the usual number of people.
Frank raised his hand but no one rushed to his table. Annoyed, he raised two hands and still no response. Then he whistled.
Katherine tugged on his sleeve. “Knock it off, Frank. Can’t you see how busy it is in here?”
“Yes, but I live here! And I’m paying big bucks for the privilege,” he snapped. “Residents should have priority. What does it take to get a little service around here? All I want is a glass of ice water.”
Finally, a young waitress with a nametag that read GINA stopped at Frank and Katherine’s table. “Sir?”
“Ice water. Ice water,” Frank said pointing at their glasses. “Our glasses are empty.”
“Right away.” Gina scampered off, and Frank settled down.
Gina returned with a bucket of ice cubes and plopped several into the empty glasses. Then she disappeared, never to return during the buffet meal.
Frank looked at his glass and sighed. “Guess this is the new way of conserving water. Give each guest a couple of ice cubes. When they melt they’ll have the ice water they ordered.”
Today’s Thoughts
Be patient and stand firm… Don’t grumble against one another.
JAMES 5:8-9
Lord, every opportunity I get to extend grace to others who annoy me reminds me of your patience with me when I annoy you. May I look to you for the patience I need.
60
Peace at Any Price
Burt and Babs love Chinese food. In fact, whenever they go out to eat they inevitably choose an Oriental restaurant, and once or twice a month they order Chinese take-out. Noodles, fried rice, chow mein, and wonton soup are among their favorite dishes. Then comes the fun part at the end of the meal—breaking open the fortune cookies. Babs doesn’t care much for the taste of the cookie, but the message inside is a fun surprise.
One Wednesday evening Burt walked in the front door from work hungry and ready to relax. “How about dinner at the Rickshaw and then a movie?” he suggested.
“Great idea. I have some things I want to talk to you about regarding the kids and grands. I think the family situation is getting out of hand.”
Babs got Burt’s attention with that statement. He’d hoped for a quiet, peaceful evening without any stress, but from what Babs just shared, this wasn’t going to be the night for that.
They arrived at the Rickshaw, and Burt could feel the tension building. Babs seemed to sit on the edge of her seat through the entire meal. “What’s eating at you?” he asked. “What have the kids done now? It’s always something with that family.”
“Today was the last straw. I called Melanie and invited her out for coffee. She agreed to meet with me for 40 minutes. Can you imagine? Not even one hour! How many people make dates with their mothers for an exact number of minutes? That’s bizarre, if you ask me.”
“Hey, Babs, aren’t you being a little harsh? I mean she and Ben have pretty full lives with four kids, two dogs, two careers, and a big house to manage. I figure we’re lucky to see them at all. Forty minutes is better than no minutes.”
Babs blew o
ut a breath. “I knew you’d take their side because Ben’s your son and Melanie’s not a blood relative.”
“Don’t start that again.”
Babs lowered her head and pushed around the remaining rice on her plate. “But, Burt, not only did I get only 40 minutes of her precious time, but she played with her smart phone, cutting me off to take calls or respond to texts. What kind of visit is that? I’ve had it! You know how hard I’ve tried to be her friend. Well, I’m running out of patience and endurance.” Babs dabbed her mouth with a napkin and reached for her fortune cookie. “Maybe there’ll be some encouraging words in here.” She split open the cookie and pulled out the slip of paper and read it aloud: “If you want to have peaceful communication with your loved ones, get a phoneless cord!”
Burt burst out laughing.
Babs cracked a smile. “I think I’ll pass this on to Melanie.”
Today’s Thoughts
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
PSALM 27:14
Dear God, you always have just the right words for me no matter what I face. I thank you that I can trust you in all things and in all ways.
61
An Unusual Tea
Crash! The china teapot hit the kitchen tile floor and sent Trudy into a tizzy. Everywhere she stepped shards crunched under her feet. How could she have been so clumsy—and with Janice dropping by any minute for tea and scones? What a mess!
Trudy carefully picked her way through the pieces of ceramic to avoid getting cut or spreading them further. She went to the closet and returned to the kitchen with a broom and dustpan. She swept up the debris and ran the vacuum to make sure not the slightest speck of broken teapot remained.
She glanced at the clock, let out a deep sigh, and then remedied the situation the best way she could think of. She filled her glass coffeepot with water and set it on the stove to boil. This would have to do until she could replace the teapot.
Within minutes the doorbell rang. Trudy opened the door to greet her neighbor. She invited Janice into the living room, where’d she’d set out two place settings on the coffee table, using her best china and delicate, lace-edged napkins. She decided not to say a word about the mishap in the kitchen. It was just too embarrassing. Plus she didn’t want to hear any comments about clumsiness from her friend.
The women made small talk about their grown children, grandchildren, and hobbies. After a short while it was time to serve the tea and put out the scones. Trudy decided she’d pour the tea in the kitchen so Janice wouldn’t see the container. She got up, excused herself, and went into the kitchen. “Milk and sugar?” she called to Janice over the divider between the kitchen and living room.
Janice nodded and said, “Yes, as usual. Two cubes of sugar and a dollop of milk.”
Trudy returned with the cups and scones on a lovely blue tray, which she gently placed on the table in front of her guest.
Janice took one sip of tea as Trudy held her breath. Would her English neighbor detect that the tea had been brewed in a coffeepot?
Janice wrinkled her nose and squinted at her cup. “Mmmm. What an interesting flavor. I’m picking up just a hint of coffee in my tea.” She paused. “I like it. I like it a lot. You must tell me where you bought such an unusual tea. I’d like to brew some myself.”
Trudy stifled her gasp of relief. “It’s my little secret concoction,” she joked. “But I’m so glad you like it. How about a strawberry scone?”
Today’s Thoughts
From six calamities he will rescue you; in seven no harm will touch you.
JOB 5:19
Lord, what a Savior you are! You not only rescue me from my sins but also from myself and my often-clumsy behavior. Thank you.
62
Steak-Frites
“Mark, I know what I’m doing, all right?” Monica was determined to show her husband he could trust that she knew enough French to get them around France for a few days without starving. “For Pete’s sake,” she argued, “I took French for three years in high school. I ought to be able to order a decent meal. Relax!” She picked up the café menu.
Mark asked her to keep her voice down, and then said, “Well, keep it simple. I don’t want you making a scene in this public place.”
The two were quiet as they surveyed the options. Mark was at a loss as to what most of the words meant. Monica was firm in her opinion that she could order both of them delicious meals without any problems.
Mark whispered that he’d like a plain cheese omelet with a side of French fries. He slapped his knee and chuckled. “Can’t come to France and not try French fries!”
The waiter appeared at their table. “Madame, monsieur? Vous voudriez?”
This was Monica’s moment to shine. She pointed to the word omelette and then to her husband, making sure the waiter knew it was for Mark. Then she ordered coq au vin for herself. While the waiter went to put in their order, Monica explained to her husband what she’d ordered was a French braise of chicken cooked with wine, lardons, mushrooms, and garlic. She further explained that lardons are pieces of bacon used to baste the chicken.
“What about the fries?” asked Mark. “I didn’t hear you say anything about them. I’d like the big kind—you know, steak fries. The kind I get at Julio’s back home.”
“I’m sorry,” Monica said. “I forgot, but it’s not a problem.” She glanced at the menu again and noticed steak-frites. They have them. Good! thought Monica. She flagged the garçon and added to their order. “Je voudrais des steak-frites.”
“Oui, Madame.” The waiter hurried away.
“Pretty impressive,” said Mark, patting Monica on the arm. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”
Monica was feeling quite proud of herself… until the meal arrived.
Mark’s omelet was fine, and the chicken dish looked wonderful. But why the big steak with the fries?
Monica did her best to ask the waiter why he’d brought the steak. By that time she was doubting her French.
“Steak-frites, Madame,” He pointed to the meat and potatoes.
Then it dawned on Monica. Steak-frites must mean steak and fries! “Merci, garçon.”
After the garçon left, Monica and Mark quietly laughed at the miscommunication and decided they’d need a take-home bag for sure with all the food in front of them. Monica doubted she’d be able to communicate that to the waiter, so she quietly wrapped the leftovers in her napkin and shoved the packet into her purse. Tomorrow they’d look for a McDonald’s and hope it had a menu written in English. But before that, she’d call on God to dampen her pride and increase her humility.
Today’s Thoughts
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
PSALM 145:18
Oh, Lord, I sure can get myself into fixes when I venture out on my own without first asking you to guide my steps and my words.
63
Give Credit When Credit Is Due
“My treat,” I said to my daughter, grandson, and sister as we paced back and forth in front of the food display at our favorite deli.
“I’ll have the Blue Plate Special for kids.” Miles was clear about what he wanted.
My daughter Erin browsed the selections and then chose polenta.
My sister chose a chicken wrap.
I selected three small salads.
We waited in line to check out. When it was our turn, the server piled trays with our food and slid them across the counter. My daughter picked up one, and I reached for the other after handing the cashier my credit card.
We maneuvered through the throng of people who were waiting for their orders or were in line to pay for their purchases. We found a table for four and settled in, each of us hungry and eager to eat.
My sister June slipped me a ten-dollar bill to apply to the total. I thanked her quietly and then dug into my salads.
Suddenly I felt a presence. Startled I looked up at a man who was towering over me.
He smiled as he put the credit card slip for me to sign on the table. I’d walked off without closing the sale!
How embarrassing, I thought. I signed the paper, handed it back, and returned my focus to my delicious salads and the wonderful conversation.
“Excuse me,” the man interrupted. “Here’s a little something you might need later today.” With that he laid my credit card on the table.
Whew! Another moment of embarrassment. I was so grateful he’d been so conscientious and polite, when I hadn’t been paying enough attention.
Today’s Thoughts
The LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.
ISAIAH 30:18
Oh, these senior moments, dear God. They really do catch up with me even when I think I’m paying attention. I’m so grateful you have my back.
64
Shrimp for Two
Lois stood in the kitchen wondering what to fix for dinner. She looked in the pantry, then the fridge, and finally the freezer. Pizza, hot dogs, hamburger, salad fixings, beans, and rice were all there, but none of them appealed to her. Lois realized what she really craved was shrimp. She turned to her mother sitting on the sofa in front of the television watching the evening news. “Mom, I’d like some shrimp for supper. Does that sound good to you too?”
“Yes, it does! Good idea,” Ruby said with a smile.
“That settles it then. I’ll be back shortly, Mom. Go ahead and lay a place for each of us on the coffee table, and we’ll enjoy our meal while we watch TV.”
Lois took a deep breath when she stepped outside. She’d been in the hospital the week before, so it felt good to inhale the fresh air. Within minutes she pulled into the car line winding around the fast-food restaurant till it was her turn to place an order. She called to the man taking orders. “Sir, I’m deaf. I do wear a cochlear implant but still it’s difficult for me to hear over this type of speaker.”