My Favorite Senior Moments

by Karen O'Connor

  81

  What a Crab!

  Curt and Mame were invited to join some friends for Crab Fest at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. Curt was especially excited about the event because he loved seafood. His wife? Not so much. She preferred food that grew on land. Still, she agreed to go. The event celebrated crab season by bringing together chefs from some of the best Fisherman’s Wharf restaurants. They’d share bites of their favorite crab dishes and serve local beverages. Recipe ideas and a free commemorative cup would top off the evening nicely.

  The couples strolled the wharf and browsed the gift shops before indulging in the delicious spread on the huge table under a canopy overlooking the ocean. Curt socialized with old friends and made some new ones. They talked shop and enjoyed bantering about golf, fishing, and the latest sports updates. Meanwhile, Mame found an open bench and seated herself there with a plate of salad. She’d never really liked seafood, so she was reluctant to try it again. But maybe she should, she decided, after watching people return to the table again and again and hearing remarks about how yummy the food was.

  Mame got up and made her way to an empty spot in front of the array of crabmeat dishes and placed a few sample items on her plate. She returned to the bench and took a bite of two special recipes. Hmmm. Some of the concoctions, as she referred to the various blends, were actually very tasty. She went back for second and third helpings of her favorites.

  Eventually Curt caught up with her. “I thought I’d lost you,” he said with a scowl. “Where did you disappear to?”

  “I didn’t disappear,” she said. “I was right here all along, hanging out with a bunch of crabs. And they are very nice—and tasty too,” she said and winked.

  Today’s Thoughts

  Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.

  GENESIS 9:3

  Thank you, God, for providing what I need to keep physically fit. But even more important, you gave me the Bread of Life—Jesus Christ.

  82

  Questionable Company

  Lloyd joined his new wife, Emma Jean, on her annual autumn visit to her son and his family in Alabama. It was his first time in the Deep South, and everything about it—from the food to the way people talked—fascinated him. He ate grits, collard and mustard greens, hushpuppies, pecan pie, finger-lickin’ fried chicken, country ham, fried green tomatoes, and biscuits and gravy.

  When the family ate out, Lloyd, a city man, let his wife order for him. He just couldn’t make heads or tails out of the way folks spoke. They cut short some words and dragged out others. Trying to understand through their accent was driving him nuts.

  After the visit was over, he finally felt the freedom to tell Emma Jean his thoughts about the trip.

  “What did you think of my family?” she asked.

  “Nice folks,” he said.

  “And the food?”

  “Surprisingly delicious.”

  “And Alabamans in general?”

  “Hospitable and friendly,” he remarked. “But there is one thing I couldn’t get the hang of.”

  “What’s that?”

  “So many derelicts to contend with.”

  Emma Jean scrunched her face in irritation. “What on earth are you talking about? Why, you’ll not find on the face of the earth a nicer bunch of folks than Alabamans! I’m hurt by such a blunt evaluation of the people I love.”

  Lloyd scratched his temple. “Hold on, will you? I’m not talking about your family. I could understand them pretty well after a day or so. But when we went to the diner and to the grocery store and gas station, well, everyone talked just a little different, and I was racing to keep up with them. Good thing you were with me.”

  Emma Jean stopped for a moment and then laughed out loud. “Oh, you mean dialect—the way people talk.”

  “Isn’t that what I said?”

  “Darling, a derelict is someone without a home or possessions who has abandoned his or her responsibilities. I think you meant dialect. That word refers to a particular way of speaking that is specific to a region, such as the East Coast or the Deep South.”

  Now it was Lloyd’s turn to laugh. “Oops! Sorry. I’d better get my wording straightened out or I may end up a derelict with a dialect in the Deep South.”

  Emma Jean nodded. “Sure thang,” she drawled.

  Today’s Thoughts

  [The LORD says,] “Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.”

  ISAIAH 65:24

  Lord, I have a lot to learn in every way. Thank you for giving me so many experiences and opportunities.

  83

  You’ve Got Mail

  Harry sipped the strong brew in his favorite cup while he was wondering what was taking so long for his computer to warm up. It was old, for sure, but this was crazy. Suddenly the screen came to life, and Harry could finally look at the mountain of email he was sure to have after a long weekend out of town. One in particular caught his attention. It was a response to a request he’d made of the president of the book club to chair the team that would select books to present to the members for reading and discussing the next quarter.

  He’d been reluctant to speak up before since the best that could be said about his relationship with Nick was that it was tolerable. Nick was always the one to have something to say about every book selected. Harry hoped Nick had finally recognized that he was as capable as anyone and would do an admirable job.

  Harry read the message Nick left:

  “It seems to me you’re idle.”

  What? Henry flushed and his hands perspired. Idle? He thinks I’m lazy? Well, I’ll show him! Then Harry read the closing sentence of Nick’s email. “Get back to me right away, please.” That’s strange to say after insulting me. Harry called his wife to his side. He was boiling over by the time Patsy joined him. Quickly he summarized what he’d sent and what he’d just read. He admitted he was upset and asked her what he should do.

  Patsy read the message and then broke out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” Harry demanded. He wasn’t feeling one bit amused.

  “I think it’s a typo or Nick doesn’t know how to spell. I’m sure he means ideal, not idle.”

  “You think?” Harry’s face lit up.

  “Yes, I’m sure that’s what he meant. Who could be more ideal than you, dear heart? So get to it. You’re in charge.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  If we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

  1 JOHN 1:9

  Lord, I feel bad when I jump to conclusions about other people and turn out to be wrong. Help me stay calm and patient even when people do insult me.

  84

  Con… conso… consol…

  Sunny wished for all the world that she’d studied for her driver’s license when she’d had the chance so many years ago. She also wished she’d taken computer lessons and had learned to use a smart phone. She felt hopelessly behind the times, especially now that her grandchildren were teenagers and had all the latest tech gadgets. How would she ever catch up with them, much less keep up? Was she the only senior who felt so left behind?

  She sank into the old sofa that had held her aging body and eased her pain over the years since Herbie had died. What would her husband think of all this progress? He’d probably shake his head and then start talking about the “good old days” when people actually came to visit in person and sat on the porch and talked or played a game of cards while enjoying a bottle of Orange Crush.

  Well, those days are over. Sunny tried to soothe herself out loud. “You’ll just have to suck it up and carry on as best you can. Wasn’t it President Teddy Roosevelt who said, ‘Do what you can, with what you have, where you are’? Good advice!”

  Just then her next-door-neighbor Greg stopped by. She invited him in.

  “Sunny, I’ve been thinking
you and I ought to grab a bite to eat and a movie tonight. What do you say? I could use a little company, and it seems you could use a little consolidation.”

  Sunny looked at Greg and let out a small smile.

  Just then Greg caught his mistake of using the word consolidation. “Oops! I meant to say you could use a little consolation since you live alone and all…since your husband passed. I hope I didn’t offend you.”

  Sunny patted Greg on the shoulder. “No offense taken. And actually you’re correct. I could use a little consolidation and some consolation too. I need all the strength and comfort you can offer. I’d love to join you for a bite to eat and a movie.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  If you devote your heart to [God]… you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear.

  JOB 11:13,15

  Lord, some senior moments really are pretty funny. It seems more often than not we seniors are mixing up our words these days. Good thing we have your love to help us older folks forgive each other since we’re all in this muddle together.

  Slip-Ups

  85

  Far Enough

  “Hon!” Beth called to her husband Rex. “Have you seen my glasses?”

  “Doggone it, Beth, when are you going to be responsible for your own specs? I have a hard enough time remembering where I put mine. I think I’ll start strapping yours to your head so they’ll always be where they need to be—in front of your eyes.”

  “Very funny. Come on. I need your help. I’m running late, and I have to wash my hair.” Beth was shouting over the pelting shower water as she massaged her scalp with shampoo.

  “Seriously, babe!” he shouted from the bedroom, “This has gone far enough. You’re on your own this time.”

  “Oh, yeah? Well how about you and your car keys? Who do you turn to every time you misplace them—which is just about every day? Me, that’s who. Then I run all over the house like a maid checking this place and that, hoping I’ll find them before you explode with frustration.”

  “Oh, pul-eeze! That’s not the same thing at all. I do most of the driving, so it stands to reason that you share half the responsibility for the keys that operate the car. If I’m such a burden to you, then how about you becoming the keeper of the keys and doing more of the driving. Hmm? What do you think of that?”

  Beth rinsed her hair, combing out the last of the tangles before stepping out of the shower. Her comb caught on something, and she tugged at it. Her glasses fell onto the shower floor. She burst out laughing. “I found my glasses!” she shouted. “No wonder I could see so well. I was wearing them in the shower.”

  Rex walked into the bathroom holding up his keys. “I’m sorry I got so upset. I found my keys. At least both of our lost items were where they should be—your glasses in front of your eyes and my keys in the bowl on my dresser.

  Today’s Thoughts

  [God,] you guide me with your counsel.

  PSALM 73:24

  Thank you, dear God, for reminding me that humility is in order when I’ve had a senior moment.

  86

  Oh, Baby!

  Rachel had given up driving. It was just too much at age 86. But it created a problem. When she ran out of things she needed, she had to ask her neighbor Debra to take her to the pharmacy or department store, as was the case one Friday morning. And Rachel didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. On the other hand, she didn’t want to be responsible for a bad accident… or, worse, a fatality.

  “I don’t understand why these teen grandchildren of mine—still babies, really––are so eager to drive,” Rachel shared as her friend drove around a corner on the way to the store. “These youngsters are as much a menace to pedestrians as we old folks are—maybe more so. In fact, it’s kind of nice to get old. I don’t have to be responsible for so many things anymore. I can sit back and relax—read, nap if I want, and just take it easy.”

  Debra pulled into a parking space in front of the local drugstore. “I agree with you there. But personally I like driving. It gives me a feeling of independence. I guess I’m still a safe driver. No accidents in 50 years.”

  Rachel was secretly envious. Maybe she’d given up too quickly. If she hadn’t turned in her license and sold her car, she could be driving to her sister’s house, to the store, to church, and even to a movie once in a while. Oh, well. Too late now.

  The two women slid out of the car and walked inside to pick up a few supplies. Rachel raised her hand. “I’ll meet you at the checkout counter in a few minutes, okay?”

  “Sounds good.”

  The two women went their own way, up one aisle and down another.

  At aisle 12 they nearly careened as each reached for a box of Depends.

  “Speaking of ‘babies’ driving!” chirped Debra. “I suppose those youngsters could accuse us of being unsafe drivers since we’re clearly in our second babyhood. I depend on Depends, how about you?”

  Both women had a good laugh and proceeded to the checkout counter.

  Today’s Thoughts

  In Joppa there was a disciple named Tabitha… ; she was always doing good.

  ACTS 9:36

  Oh, God, how I thank you for caring for me whether I’m walking, driving, shopping, sitting, praying, eating, or sleeping. No matter what I’m doing, you are with me. What a comfort!

  87

  Savin’ a Buck

  Lottie and her cat, Pokey, had a love affair. Lottie, just like the pet food commercials say, would do anything for her pet. But she’d also do anything to save a buck. She traveled all over town, stopping at this pet store and that food mart, to be sure she was getting the most cat food for her well-earned dollar. She also clipped pet food coupons from the daily and Sunday newspapers for additional savings.

  One Sunday she saw an ad for a 50-pound bag of cat chow. It made sense to Lottie to get in on this deal right away before the store ran out. She could get more meals per bag and, therefore, cut back on driving to the store so often. What a good idea! So she drove to the pet store in the next town to take advantage of the special. One of the clerks helped her load the heavy bag into the trunk of her car and off she went.

  When she arrived home she realized something she hadn’t thought of before. How would she get the hefty bag out of the car? In fact, how would she get it out of the car and up the three steps to her kitchen door? Oh dear! A real dilemma.

  Lottie decided to compromise. She went to the kitchen and got Pokey’s bowl. Carrying it out to the car, she opened the trunk, opened the cat food bags, ladled out a cupful, and poured it into Pokey’s bowl. Then she sealed the bag shut and closed the trunk. She’d be hauling cat food into the house by the bowlful and around in her car until the contents shrank to an amount she could carry into the house. It might seem a bit odd, but at the same time she figured she was being pretty clever. After all, she’d do almost anything to save a buck and this way of doing things fit that category.

  Today’s Thoughts

  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

  PSALM 73:26

  God, thank you for supplying me with good ideas, with plans, with solutions to problems that always seem much bigger than I can handle by myself. Your ways are not my ways—and what a good thing that is!

  88

  Out on a Limb

  Matthew was feeling the aches and pains that frequently occur with old age and illness. The day came when he could no longer trim the trees or even change a light bulb.

  His wife Lydia cracked a joke, hoping to cheer him up. “How many people does it take to trim a tree or change a light bulb?” she asked.

  “More than I care to admit.” Matthew tried to smile, but he was too upset to find any humor in the situation.

  As the months wore on, the tree limbs were growing so long they touched the roof of the couple’s carport. “I called a tree trimmer,” said Lydia, “but he wanted too much money.”

  A day or so later, Lydia
received a phone call from a young man and woman who wanted to get married right away. Although she was retired, Lydia occasionally performed pastoral work.

  “Pastor, would you be able to perform the ceremony this afternoon?” the groom-to-be asked. “We’re moving overseas for my job, and we want to be husband and wife before we take off.”

  Lydia didn’t usually invite strangers into her house, but that day she felt a nudge to say yes. Lydia shared, “The couple arrived a few hours later with their rings, license, and other forms in order. Within minutes I joined them in marriage right there in our dining room.”

  Not long after, Lydia discovered the reason why the Holy Spirit had prompted her to say yes to the couple. John, the groom, was a tree trimmer by profession.

  “When he heard our dilemma, he climbed onto the roof and trimmed the limbs. You can image our delight!” said Lydia. “Then he came back into the house and changed three light bulbs.”

  Now it was Lydia’s husband who beamed. Two tasks taken care of in the same day, and two young people joined happily in marriage!

  “I know God loves me,” said Lydia, with tears in her eyes. “And I know he lives within my soul. But when he demonstrates his love in such a practical way, he is more real to me than at any other time. He is more than worthy of my praise.”

  Today’s Thoughts

  In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.

  PROVERBS 16:9

  Lord, how amazing are your ways! You often guide my steps in ways I seldom expect.

  89

  A Tale of Two Earrings

  “Have you seen my earring?” Phyllis asked her sister Irene in an email after a weekend visit. “I wore them at your house, but when I emptied my suitcase and all the little zipper pockets I had only one. The mate isn’t in my purse either.”

  Irene promised to give the guest room and closet a good going-over, which she did after changing the sheets and towels and looking through the dresser drawers. She also checked the bathroom counter. “No luck,” she wrote in an email. “So sorry for the loss.”