The Secrets of Life

by K. L. Humphreys

  “I honestly didn’t think much about it when he told me he was coming home, but now, every time I leave the house I wonder if he’s gone back to his old ways. I can’t help it and I don’t want him to think that I’m keeping tabs on him because that’s one thing I wouldn’t do. I asked him the other day if he had plans for this morning and he jumped down my throat, accusing me of keeping tabs on him. I just felt like he was trying to hide something. ” I hate the thought of having to keep tabs on him as that would mean I don’t trust him and that’s something I never want to happen.

  “He wouldn’t do that, he’s lost so much already. Enough about Owen, I need a drink.” She gets up of the chair and walks towards the kitchen. “Shall I bring you a drink too?” she shouts.

  “Yeah and keep your voice down.” If she wakes Emme up I swear the dopey cow will be the one to put her back to bed.

  “Jess, I’m going to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.” Si tells me standing in the doorway.

  “You okay?” I ask him, he and Owen seem to be better. I’m just worried that he will always think of me as a whore.

  “Yeah, just tired.” I don’t believe him, but I won’t push it.

  “How have things been with Lewis since?”

  He smiles, “Better, he hasn’t said anything to Tony since the fight.”

  “Take that smile of your face. Fighting isn’t the answer! I’m glad he’s backed off, let’s hope it stays that way.”

  “Yeah, me too. Jess, I’m really sorry for what I said to you. I don’t really think that about you.” He looks so young right now and I get that it’s hard for him, everyone knows what my job is. He takes the brunt of what people say, he lets it affect him the most. Si, well, he just buries his head in his books and studies hard.

  “It’s okay. I hate what I do, but I have to do it and I’m so sorry that you have to hear all the shit people say about it.” He goes to say something but I don’t let him, he doesn’t need to try and justify himself to anyone. He’s had so much to deal with and he’s only fifteen. “Go on, go get some sleep.”

  He looks relieved, “Night Jess, see you in the morning.”

  “Night Si, I love you.”

  “Love you too Jess. Try not to get too drunk.” The cheeky git winks at me, I reach for the cushion beside me and throw it at him, he easily dodges it and starts to laugh as he walks out of the room.

  “Aww, you off to bed Si?” Stef asks as she walks back into the living room.

  “Yeah, night.” And with that little rat walks off still laughing.

  “Did I hear that correctly? Our Tony got into a fight” Stef asks looking shocked.

  “Both he and Si got into a fight on Thursday.” She has a huge grin on her face, “Don’t! It’s not funny, so I don’t know why you’re smiling?” She gives me a look which I ignore, “I’ll order the Chinese, if you pick something to watch.”

  “Yes, and hurry, I’m starved and you know what I’m like when I’m hungry.”

  “Yep, you’re a moody cow.” I say laughing and watch as her mouth falls open in shock.

  “That was yummy. I haven’t had a Chinese in a while.” Stef says while licking her fingers, like eating the food wasn’t enough she has to lick the remains off her fingers. “Opps, we’ve also ran out of the wine I bought.”

  I can’t believe it, she’s only been here an hour and a half, how the hell have we been through two bottles of wine already. “It’s okay, I’ve got vodka, and if all else fails, there’s a bottle of Whiskey hidden in the kitchen.” I tell her with a smile.

  “Good, I’m getting the vodka,” she gets up but stumbles as she walks, she’s tipsy, I’m not sure if the vodka is a good idea. “Found it!” She shouts and then giggles.

  I check my phone and nothing from Owen, it’s half ten and I haven’t seen him since about five and I’m starting to worry. He has Tony’s phone until Owen can get one. I fire of a text to him, hoping that I get some reply.

  “What are you looking all serious about?” She says as she hands me one of the glasses in her hand. “I got vodka and I got the lemonade.” She slumps down onto the sofa beside me.

  “Thanks, now I’ve been patient. What the hell happened with the client?” I’m dying to know, this is something so out of character for her.

  “I don’t know, I was stupid. I actually thought that he liked me.” She has tears in her eyes.

  “Oh Steffy! It’ll be okay, and you’re not stupid. Everyone makes mistakes, so don’t beat yourself up about it.” I try and make her see that what she did isn’t the end of the world.

  “I know, look, he hired me every week, I was foolish thinking they were dates. This went on for ages, Jess. I mean, he’d hold my hand and bring me flowers. I felt like a normal girl, that wasn’t doing a job.” She takes a big gulp of Vodka and shrugs but I can see the tears in her eyes.

  “Okay, so where did you go when he’d hire you?” I’m being so nosey, but I don’t care.

  “At the beginning, we’d go to functions and galas and then he started bringing me to restaurants, just the two of us.” She’s looking at me like I have the answers for her. “So, after months of being taken out by him, I was naïve. I mean I should have known that he was married.”

  “Stef, you had no way of knowing that he was married, hell he fucking dated you like it was natural.” She looks at me and I realize that came out wrong. “What I meant was him having a wife and dating you at the same time. So you slept with him. What happened next?”

  “So we went to a hotel, and he left first thing in the morning. Anyway a few days later I was at Camden Market and got chatting to this woman at one of the stalls.” She takes another gulp of her drink and she has only a mouthful left.

  “Please don’t say that the woman you was talking to was his wife?” But I already know that it was by the devastated look that enters her eyes. “Oh fuck, how did you find out?”

  “She was asking me if I live around here and I said I did and she wanted to know where the best place to eat was. So I started rattling off a few nice places to eat, when she said ‘oh hold on, my husband’s just there, let me get him and see what he fancies.”

  I can just imagine the heartbreak she got when she saw this James bastard walk up to her. “How did you react?” I honestly don’t know how I would have reacted if I were in her shoes.

  “What could I do? She called him over and the shock on his face was so obvious, I don’t know how the wife didn’t cop that something was wrong. Anyway, I continued rambling about the restaurants that were good, then I said goodbye. That was the last time that I saw him.” The tears are now falling fast and I reach over and give her a hug. “He’s called me every day, I haven’t answered him.”

  Jesus, he’s persistent. “What the hell does he want?”

  “I’ve listened to one, the day after it happened. You know, I thought I owed him a chance to explain, but it turns out that he’s been married for fourteen years and his wife hasn’t long given birth.” She downs the rest of her drink and then takes whatever was left in mine and downs that too.

  “Are you shitting me? The dirty bastard.” What fucking bastard does that to someone, actually to two people?

  “Yeah, apparently his wife had a hard time during the pregnancy and she hadn’t been paying him attention, so he sought it elsewhere, from me.” She leaves the room and I hear her in the toilet and I honestly wouldn’t blame her if she was bawling her eyes out right about now, I would be if it were me. She returns about ten minutes later and I’m right, her eyes are red and puffy and I see her tear stained cheeks. I don’t acknowledge them as if she wanted me to know she would have cried in front of me.

  “So he’s been ringing Penelope every few days trying to get me to be his escort again, Penelope who knows what happened, tries her hardest to make him use a different woman, but he’s not having it.” She’s back and this time she’s bought another bottle of vodka with her..

  “Why didn’t you tell me Stef, and none o
f this 'I thought you'd think I was a fool' crap? I’ve never and would never think that, just like you wouldn’t think that about me.” It’s true; we’ve got each other’s backs always.

  “Honestly, I was heartbroken, then I found out I was pregnant.” She tells me taking yet another swig of her Vodka. “I had a miscarriage.” And now we’re down to the real reason she’s been so distant and sad.

  I pull her to me and the both of us cry, we cry for her loss, the loss of her beautiful baby that got it’s angel wings. We cry for the loss of her never having that magical moment of meeting her beautiful baby.

  “Thanks Jess, I needed that, I hadn’t cried.” She wipes the tears from her face and I do the same with mine. “I didn’t know how to tell you, I know that you would have been there for me, hell you would have been with me every step of the way.”

  “I would have, I would have held your hand and cried with you, just as I’m doing now.” I tell her, kind of upset that she didn’t tell me, I’m her best friend.

  “I know, I just wasn’t ready to deal with it. I didn’t want to break down. I lost everything, the man I loved and my beautiful baby. He or she would have been beautiful.”

  I’m going to cry again, I understand why she didn’t tell me, I can’t imagine the pain she’s going through. “Absolutely no doubt about it, with you as a mum, they would have been so beautiful. I’m so sorry chick.”

  “Thanks Babe, it took me a while to process it. I dream of what his or her face would look like every night.” I can’t even begin to comprehend the pain she’s in right now. “I hope that one day I find someone I can love and we can have kids, because I never knew I wanted one until I found out I was pregnant.” She starts to drink again.

  “I understand that feeling, when you find out, your whole perspective changes.” I don’t know what to say to her, what can I say? Nothing is going to bring back her baby.

  “So why were the boys fighting on Thursday?” I thought she had forgotten about that and I really don’t want to get into it right now, especially after what she’s told me, what I’m going through just seems trivial. “I know that look, don’t. I’m fine and I want to know what’s going on with you.”

  “Okay, so apparently, some little fucker has been calling me a whore and talking shit to the boys, so Thursday when he called me a whore, poor Tony had enough and went after him. He got punched and a blooded nose for his efforts which pushed Si over the edge, hence the two of them fighting.” Now it’s my turn to take a big gulp, I wince as I do, it’s strong, there’s a lot of Vodka in it.

  “Oh what a bastard, so were you called into the school?” I can see where she’s going with this, so I nod. “Was that dickhead Hendry there?”

  “Oh yeah, he gave them detention.” I roll my eyes. “He started of ready to suspend the boys. He hasn’t changed at all. He’s still a fucker.” I’m not the only one who hates him, Stef does too.

  “Ugh, how is he even still allowed to be a head teacher? He’s a sleazy prick.” She scrunches her nose up as she says it.

  “Right, anyway, he wasn’t going to suspend Lewis, until I mentioned going to the Governor, then he soon changed his tune, especially when I pointed out that my boys weren’t as rich as Lewis is. How my boys are straight A students whereas he’s not even a fucking B. So he gave them all detention.” I’m fuming again and I’ve decided that I’m still going to contact the school Governor, and if nothing is done. I’m contacting the newspapers.

  “Fucking hell Jess. He’s still a dickhead then. So who is this Lewis fucker and do I need to kick his arse?” she’s being deadly serious.

  “Lewis O’Shea. He’s in the same year as Si, they’re doing their GCSE’s this year.” I say his name really quickly hoping she doesn’t remember the name.

  “O’Shea? Please for the love of all that’s holy, tell me that the little shit isn’t related to that piece of shit Hunter?” So she made the connection and now she looks as if she’s going to kill someone.

  “Lewis is Hunter’s younger brother.” I can’t lie to her.

  “That cheeky fucker, calling you a whore. When his brother is raking it in, playing fucking football while you provide for his child. Oh that family, they have no decency.” She’s almost shouting and I know that if I try and calm her down, she’ll just get angrier. “Oh god, did you see that witch?”

  I know exactly who she’s talking about and thankfully I didn’t. “No and I’m glad that I didn’t, I’m not sure I would have kept my cool.”

  “Good, so who was it that was there? Was it their dad? I don’t really know him.” She’s not going to let this lie.

  “No, the dad wasn’t there.” She looks at me expectantly, and I take a deep breath and tell her “It was Hunter that was there.”

  She’s on her feet, “That bastard was there? What did he say? Did he talk to you?” She’s visibly shaking with her temper.

  “Yes, he called me a conniving piece of work. Look Stef, he’ll be on his way back to Devon soon and we can all forget about him.” Even though I want it to sound convincing, I fail and I know I do.

  “Cut the shit Jess, I know that you still love him, and I know that he absolutely destroyed you when he left. As for that bitch of a mother of his, oh I’d love to get my hands on her.” She’s making fists and if Hunter’s mum was here, Stef would go for her.

  “I know he destroyed me, and I know that no matter what happens, he chose this not me. Seeing him again not only brought back all those feelings, it brought up the anger I have at him abandoning his child. Not that he even had the balls to tell me himself, he got the she-bitch to do it for him. The coward.” I pick up my half full glass and down it, talking about Hunter makes me emotional and I don’t like it.

  “He did what?” I hear and look towards the door and see Owen standing there looking furious. “Tell me I heard you wrong.”

  “No, you heard right, Hunter is a coward who got his mother to break up with his pregnant girlfriend. Hell, he told her to get an abortion because he doesn’t want a child with scum.” Stef informs Owen and I pour myself vodka, there isn’t much left and this was almost a full bottle when we started.

  “I’m going to kill him, who the fuck does he think he’s talking to?” Owen walks over to the coffee table, picks up the bottle of vodka and drinks it straight from the bottle. “So he told you to get rid, does he know that Emme was born?”

  “Yes, I told him. The day that she was born I called him, like I did every day of my pregnancy to tell him that I didn’t do as he asked and kept the baby. Anyway, he didn’t answer so I left a voicemail and I also texted him, but I got no reply.” I drink again, I know I shouldn’t drink this much, but it’s numbing the pain and right now that’s all I care about.

  “He’s a coward alright. Why on earth you wouldn’t want to know your child is beyond me. I hope that I don’t meet him, I don’t want to end up back in prison.” Owen tells me taking another swig out of the bottle.

  “Right, I’ll happily do the time if I get to punch his mother in the face.” Stef says and I don’t want to be a part of this conversation anymore.

  “Why, what did the mother do?” Owen asks just like I knew he would.

  Stef doesn’t disappoint me when she gives him all the details. “Well that cow, slapped Jess calling her a whore.” She turns to look at me, “The apple doesn’t fall far from that tree now does it.” She shakes her head and turns back to Owen, all fired up, “Anyway, after calling her a whore, she tells her never to contact her family again, otherwise she’d call the police and have her done for harassment.”

  “Jess, what did you say to her? Surely you set her straight?” Owen says to me and I know that he wants me to say yes, “Jess?”

  “No I didn’t, I walked away.” I tell him as I get up and snatch the bottle out of his hands and take a large swig.

  “Why on earth would you do that? You stay and stand your ground.” He tells me like he knows everything.

  “Yeah, and wha
t was going to happen to the boys? Hmm, because she’s a bitch, she would have gone through with calling the police, then they would have got the social involved and then we would have been split up.” I explain to him.

  “I never thought of it that way.” That’s all the response I get.

  “Yes, I think things through before I do anything.” It comes across snidely and that’s not what I intended but at this point in time I couldn’t give a flying fuck.

  “Doubt you thought through sleeping with Hunter, if you had you would have used a condom.” Owen shots back.

  He hits his mark. That hurts. “Yes, I should have thought about that and it was the one thing that I should regret that I don’t, because I don’t regret Emme and anyone who thinks differently can take a long run off a short plank, including you.” I tell him, yes I may have pissed him off with my snide comment but he should think of what he says.

  “Enough, the two of you. Neither of you mean anything bad by what you say, you two are just sensitive little creatures and you need to get a grip. Owen, Jess didn’t mean it about you, and you jumped to conclusions and Jess, Owen didn’t mention Emme.” Stef says trying to set us straight, “Now, we’ve polished off two bottles of wine and nearly a full bottle of Vodka, this kids is where I say goodnight.” She’s drunk and she tries to stand up, but falls back into the sofa, giggling to herself.

  “Stef, stay here tonight and go home in the morning. You’re absolutely pissed.” I tell her, she can sleep on the sofa.

  “Thanks, but tonight’s been rough and all I want to do is sleep in my bed. I’m going to call a cab and go home.” She wants to be in her sanctuary.

  “I’ll call you a cab. You’ll probably forget your own address.” Owen says and calls them, I’m shocked as to how he knows her address.

  “I told him this morning that if he needed me, that he could drop in.” Stef tries to whisper to me but fails.