Death's Queen (The Complete Series)

by Janeal Falor

  She opens her mouth, and I expect a litany of complaints. Instead, she snaps it shut again.

  “What is it?” If she’s to be at my side more often, I have to know what she’s thinking. My last Head Advisor before Nash tried to kill me, after all. Not that I expect that from her, but the more I know, the safer I’ll feel.

  “I’m certain Your Majesty doesn’t wish to hear it,” Jem says.

  Ouch. “Tell me anyway.”

  Her gaze drifts first to Nash and then to Julina. “It’s not my place.”

  “I’m making it your place. Now, what is it?”

  Still, she hesitates.

  This isn’t like her at all. “I would excuse Nash and Julina, but you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t. Due to recent developments, it’s prudent to have a couple guards around me at all times.”

  “I understand about the circumstances.”

  “They will keep your confidence. I can promise you.”

  “It’s not that.” Her stoic expression breaks into a rage of hurt and anger. “Why didn’t you have Daros executed? Why did you let him go free, back to his life? He tried to kill you, he outed you as the Shadow Wraith, and he’s killed countless people, including Wilric.” Her voice breaks on his name.

  I soften my voice as much as I can, like Inkga taught me. “I’m sorry, Jem. I promise you I would like nothing more than his execution, but there are reasons I can’t disclose as to why this can’t be.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “There’s nothing I can say that will help make sense of it. I’m sorry.”

  She purses her lips, looking much more like the Jem I knew when I first arrived at the palace. “Does he get to know?” She motions to Nash.

  Not the question I expected. I thought she would fight more. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, then. Why can’t you tell me?”

  Because you’ll think I’m insane, for having another person in my head. “It’s a secret. I’m sorry.”

  “Stop saying that. If you were really sorry, you’d tell me. I’d convince you otherwise, and we would execute the evildoer.”

  “I wish it was that simple.” More than words can ever express. The man has a black heart with a need for power that can never be cured.

  “Fine.”

  “Fine, what?” I ask.

  “If you won’t tell me, that’s your prerogative, but don’t expect me to go along with it.”

  Chills wash through me. “You can’t hurt him.”

  “There’s more than one way to deal with him.” She plays with her dress, where I know she hides a dagger.

  “You can’t use your dagger on him.”

  “Never said I would.” Her eyes are dark.

  This isn’t a battle I can win, mostly because I want to join her side. I can tell her this, though— “His time will come, but for now, we need something only he can give us.”

  Her lips thin, but she doesn’t argue further.

  “Let’s talk about some situations that need dealing with.”

  “Excuse me, Ryn,” Nash says.

  “Yes?”

  “If you don’t need me, I’d like permission to interview your attacker.”

  “Certainly.” I may join him after I’m done with Jem. I want to know more about Nurf.

  “I’ll send Eldim in,” he says.

  “Thank you.”

  I pretend not to pay attention to him as he leaves. It’s hard, when all my thoughts are attuned to him. As Eldim switches with Nash, I tell Jem, “Please have a seat.”

  She sits nearby and faces me. “What would you like to discuss?”

  “The Kurah have me worried. Do you know all that’s happened with them?”

  “I’m caught up to speed. Were they the ones behind Nurf attacking you?”

  That’d be easier to deal with. “Not this time, but they’ve tried on several other occasions, and the last word I have is that a few released their goods to be sold, but some are still hoarding them.”

  “It’s a conundrum.”

  “Indeed. I need to know who their leader is.”

  “A Kurah in a cloak, right?”

  “Yes, and by all accounts, a man. I need to find out who it is and get this country back on track.” And hope I can get the First Queen out of my head, so it makes a difference.

  “What do you suggest?”

  “I want you to know so we can be on the lookout for things.” If I had full control of my body, I would be out searching for the problem. With a limited body, there are limited things I’m able accomplish.

  “I’ll see what I can do about getting people on finding more information.”

  “That’d be good. Someone out there knows who it is. We need to find them.” Puneah bumps against my hand, making me give her some attention. Can’t believe I was ever scared of her. “The other thing we’re dealing with is the purchase of the mine. We have the couple who owns it coming in sometime in the next couple of weeks to finalize the details.” I’m looking forward to seeing the woman who taught me to read.

  “I heard you found a mine to purchase. I admit I wasn’t expecting that.”

  “Why not?”

  She glances down. “The Kurah are so angry I didn’t think any of them would relent to sell to you. Do you know why they’re angry?”

  “Over taxes.” I changed the taxes almost as much as I changed my Head Advisors.

  “I believe you’ll be able to fix it better than you think. Your heart is in the right place. It’s time to let the people know.”

  Her words give me a spark of hope. “Any idea how to do that?”

  Her fingers tap on her leg. “Let me think about it.”

  “Very well.” I’ll be thinking about it too—when I can, with everything else going on. There’s so much, it’s hard to keep track of it all. No wonder I have an entire council to help. “How is your training going? I know I haven’t been much help since…” I’m too weak to move.

  She ignores my breaking off. “I’m still training, but it’s hard without Wilric.” Her voice cracks.

  “I miss him too.”

  She dabs at the corner of her eyes.

  “Were you—” I almost ask her about her relationship with him. If she cared for him as more than a friend. But I hold myself back. Though I trust Julina and think Eldim is pretty trustworthy as well, it’s not my place to out Jem’s feelings.

  “Was I what?” Her mask is back on, clouding her feelings.

  “Are you ready to be finished with our meeting for today?” It’s the best cover I can come up with.

  Her eyebrows twitch. “Certainly.” She stands.

  “Jem, if you ever want to talk… about anything, you can come to me. I’d be happy to—you know—speak with someone about… well, anything.” That was awkward.

  “Thank for the offer, Ryn.” She gives an almost smile.

  As she leaves, Inkga enters the room. “Would you like some lunch?”

  “No, thank you. Would you please wheel me down to the room Nash is interrogating Nurf in?”

  “Of course.”

  When we arrive at the room with my entourage, I hear a muffled noise, almost like a grunt. It sends a chill through me. Eldim opens the door, and Inkga rolls me in after him. He stops, and Inkga rolls me past him but halts as well.

  Nurf, my attacker, is dangling by his arms in Nash's grip, bruises already forming and blood dripping from his lip and nose. His breathing comes in gasps.

  What has Nash done?

  Chapter 11

  “Nash?” The word comes out more uncertain than I mean it to.

  He meets my gaze before he quickly drops his—and Nurf, who falls to the floor with an oompf.

  “Eldim, see to it that Nurf is returned to the dungeon and taken to a healer. Everyone else, leave us.” I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this, but I have to. Somehow.

  If Nash did what I think, if he really beat this man, I have to make sure it won’t happen again. If I
do have feelings for Nash. I can’t let my love for Nash get in the way of doing what’s right.

  No one moves.

  “Get to it now.” My voice is stern.

  “Your Majesty, we can’t leave you when…” Eldim doesn’t continue, but I know he means when Nash has just beaten a man. He should know Nash would never hurt me, though.

  “I’ll be fine. Leave,” I say.

  Slowly, everyone moves out. I keep an eye on Nash the entire time, though he won’t look at me. I give it a minute once the door is closed, and then I use my softest voice. “Nash, what happened?”

  He looks at his fist. “I—I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”

  “You can’t hurt people like that, even if they are bad.”

  His response is so low, I almost miss it. “I know.”

  “Is this because of your torture?” I don’t want to ask, but I have to.

  His shoulders crumple in on themselves as he makes a sound so anguished I want to rush to him. To comfort him. To tell him we all make mistakes.

  But I can’t.

  I’ll have him do the next best thing. “Come here.”

  He closes his eyes, the muscles in his jaw working.

  “Nash? Would you come here, please?”

  “Leave me alone.” He rushes from the room, shoving the door open and sending it slam against the wall with a bang, and then there’s nothing I can do to help.

  I’m left in silence, trying to decide what to do. The weight on me is so heavy; my shoulders want to slouch. Maybe that’s why I can’t move—not Daros’s poison, but having so much going on.

  As much as I want to go after Nash—as much as I love him—I have to do what’s best for my country. I can love him, but it will have to be from far away. That was a hard lesson learned. It also means I can’t have him running loose around the palace; I need him to heal. To come to terms with what he went through. He’ll never be the same again, but dealing with his anger this way only makes things worse.

  “Ryn?” Inkga’s voice is small, coming from behind me.

  “Sorry. Please take me back to my sitting room and send someone for Jaku. I need to speak with him.”

  “Of course.” She sounds a little more certain, as if direction is all she needed.

  I wish someone would give that to me. I don’t know what to do or how to fix this. I want to call everyone in and tell them not to speak of what happened, but it’s futile. At least Nash was only my guard and not my Head Advisor when this happened.

  As Inkga pushes my chair down the hall, with my guards sticking close, I wish there was something all these people could do to heal me inside. To heal Nash. My heart hurts, but there’s no time to dwell on it. I have to fix the situation with Nash, the Kurah, and the First Queen, and decide what would be best for my country.

  Once we’re in my sitting room, and it’s me, Julina, Eldim, and Inkga, I let myself sigh, releasing some of my pent-up emotions. It would be easier to let the First Queen take over. Easier, but not right.

  Jaku storms in without his sling on. “I heard what happened. Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine. Nash didn’t hurt me. He would never.” I force my words to be confident, even if I’m broken, emotionally.

  “Before, he would never have hurt a man without it being in defense.”

  True, but— “He was doing it because the man tried to kill me. I don’t think we need to worry about what’s going to happen to me when Nash is around. But that’s something I’d like to speak to you about.” I take a deep, grounding breath. “I want Nash relieved from the guard and sent home. I’d also like it if you would find someone who can talk to him about what he’s been through. Someone who can help him.”

  My eyes burn, and my throat is tight. I love this man so much. I can’t imagine what he must be feeling—the shame and embarrassment and anger. He must feel so alone, which I can relate to, but clearly he doesn’t want to talk to me.

  “I know who,” Jaku says. “I’ll get to it as soon as I leave here.”

  “Thank you. It means more than words can say.”

  He glances at my escorts and presses his lips together. I won’t push him on it, but there is one thing I want to know. “Who do you have in mind?”

  “Me.”

  Him? I didn't expect that.

  “Don’t look so surprised. I’m the Head of the Guard. Lots of guards see things that are tough. I’ve been through hardship myself. I’ve helped good men and women heal from this sort of thing before. I’ve tried a little with Nash already, but he wouldn’t let me. Now I can tell him it’s at the mandate of the queen if he doesn’t listen, but I have a feeling that, after today’s episode, he’ll be more willing to talk.”

  “You think so?”

  “I believe so. Yes. From what I heard, he had quite a shock.”

  That I can agree with.

  “Is there anything else you need of me?” he asks.

  “That will be all.”

  “Then I will go see Nash personally and get things moving.”

  “Thank you, Jaku.”

  He nods before leaving the room.

  I’m grateful to have him on my side, helping with what he can. He’s more useful than I would think a Head of Guard would be. I should find some sort of way to reward him for a job well done. The only thing I can think of is money, but I’m not sure that’s what he wants or needs. His loyalty seems to run deeper than what I can pay him. I wish there was something I could do that would have a deeper meaning.

  But for now, I need to focus on getting my country back under my control. To do that, I’ll need some help. Now that Nash is no longer under my service and Jaku is busy, can I convince the others to leave me alone so I can practice magic? I’ll have to try because the alternative is telling them.

  While I don’t know Eldim that well, other than he’s helped save my life, I know Julina. Part of me still worries what she’ll think of me and what she’ll do if she finds out I’m hearing a voice in my head that sometimes takes me over. No, I’ll have to convince them to let me do this without them.

  “Inkga, would you please get Venda?” I ask.

  “Of course.”

  While she’s gone, my mind is busy worrying about everything I need to do and take care of. As soon as Inkga and Venda return, I ask Eldim and Julina to leave.

  “No.” Julina’s voice is firm.

  “I agree,” Eldim says. “It’s not safe. There could be a secret tunnel we don’t know about.”

  I want to roll my eyes, except I’ve been attacked in this very room. “I know things seem dangerous, but there are some confidential matters I need to discuss with Inkga and Venda. Puneah will protect me, though I hardly think it’ll be necessary.”

  “We can keep confidences,” Julina says. “It’s part of our job.”

  “That may be”—and I do really want to tell her, but I can’t have her thinking I’m crazy, practicing magic—“but this really needs keeping under wraps for now. If it works out, you will learn about it in time.”

  “And who will protect you while we’re not here?” Eldim asks.

  “Like I said, Puneah will. She’s proven her worth, and you’ll be right outside.”

  Julina shakes her head. “Unless this is a ploy by Faner to get you comfortable before they murder you.”

  “Glad you put that so bluntly.”

  She has the grace to look down, cheeks reddening.

  I continue. “Faner has no reason to attack me.”

  “That we know of,” Julina mutters.

  “I promise I’ll be safe.” I put as much emphasis as I can on the last word.

  Julina looks at the ceiling, like it holds all the answers. “Fine. But we’ll be right by the door. Call out if you need assistance.”

  “I will, and thank you.”

  They huff as they leave the room.

  Once they’re gone, Venda says, “You needn’t defend me.”

  “I had to get them out. Besides, I�
�d like to think it’s true that your people don’t wish me harm.”

  She simply looks at me, making me wonder if I’m mistaken.

  “We should get started,” Inkga says.

  Venda speaks as if Inkga said nothing. “Why do you not wish it to be known that you are doing magic?”

  “My reasons are my own.”

  “They will be more accepting than you think, once they get over their initial shock. Look at Inkga. She’s done well.”

  How can a woman so entirely different from me read my fears when I keep them closed up? Either I don’t keep them locked up as tight as I think, or we aren’t so different after all. “May I ask you a question?”

  “You may ask.” The implied, but I might not answer stands out.

  I’m not sure it’s something I should say. My ladies in waiting would be shocked if they heard me ask such a thing, but I’m so curious. “Why does your skin almost shimmer? Are all the people in Faner like that?”

  “That is two questions.” She goes so quiet I don’t think she’s going to say anything further, but before I can nudge her to continue, she says, “Most people in Faner have skin that almost shimmers, as you say, unless they are from another country or have bred with those of another country too much. We retain our essence. That is all I can say.”

  Their essence, huh? Interesting. I wish she could say more, but we all have our secrets. “Very well. What spells are we learning today?”

  We work through several spells together, practicing enchanting objects. My movements are stronger than before, inching closer to what I thought I’d never be again, but still oh-so-far away from it. I force the issue to the back of my mind and work on feeling the magic. Inkga holds the mirror and my wrist while I work my fingers to smash the ingredients together.

  I chant, focusing on that feeling inside me that hums with life. I need to use it. Believe it can do the job.

  It moves through me, and I want to pull back in shock, but I force myself to continue. To know this will work.

  The thing moving through me grows stronger, heading toward the ring I’m trying to enchant. I push it forward, believing it can work. Believing the information Venda has given us will do the job. I’ve seen it work, after all. It has to work this time.