Lucky

by J. M. Dabney

  Lucky turned and slid down the door to sit on the floor. Leigh-Lou quickly joined him.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell her?”

  “Because Priest hasn’t even told me yet, I just put things together.”

  “Quiet, we won’t be able to hear them.”

  He nodded at Leigh-Lou and they pressed their ears to the crack. He’d always assumed what made Priest so jumpy or attributed to his night terrors. Saying the words, voicing his thoughts just talking to Leigh-Lou had caused his chest to hurt.

  “She barricaded the door,” Linus slid down the wall on his opposite side and leaned his head back.

  “Yep.”

  “Shh, she’s talking,” Leigh-Lou hushed them, and they all three focused on what was happening in the room.

  “Do you know why I practice radical honesty with my kids?”

  “No, I assumed that’s how you grew up.”

  “No, when I was growing up I lived in a house of lies. My parents hid who they were; they were very much like Damon and myself, unconditional love, but for many years I thought they simply cheated on each other. Until I confronted them when I was seventeen about their affairs and they told me they preferred an open relationship. But years of living with half-truths—”

  “Disillusioned you?”

  “Definitely. You live a daily lie and Lucky has told me you spend more nights in his bed than in your own. Comfort is all well and good, but soon that support becomes a—”

  “Ma, back the fuck off—”

  “Don’t make me air horn your ass again,” She hollered from the other side of the door.

  Lucky sighed when his twin leaned towards him to rest her head on his shoulder and he leaned his cheek against her soft hair. She gripped his hand, and just like most their life, they didn’t need to open their mouths to communicate. Even Linus scooted over until his brother’s hip pressed against his and they were kids again, the three weird kids against the world. The ones with the hippie clothes and protest tees, the ones who spent weekends and summers at communes and music fests.

  “Please don’t do this, Ma,” Lucky wasn’t above begging to save Priest from remembering pain and fear that still haunted him years later. He’d fallen in love with the man much too quickly, and each night Priest slept soundly curled up to him it was a sweet agony that existed between contentment and torture.

  “Speaking about the pain makes sure it doesn’t fester. You’re a handsome and sweet man, my son adores you and couldn’t live without you.”

  “He’d do fine without me. He’s perfect.”

  Priest was wrong; Lucky couldn’t exist without him. He never wanted to know what it would be like not to have Priest in his life.

  “Son, I swear you’re higher than I fucking am.”

  “Lily, I get you want to help, but there’s nothing that can be done for me. I’m a lost cause and Lucky is my best friend.”

  “Don’t you want more than friends?”

  Lucky held his breath and waited for Priest’s answer. He’s waited three years to find out if the man felt even half of what Lucky felt for Priest. Fuck, he seemed to get more pathetic every day.

  “He’s my friend, nothing more.”

  Those five words broke Lucky’s heart, assuming something isn’t like knowing it, and now he knew.

  “Can I have my man back now?”

  “I’m getting tired of you, Lucky.”

  “Now you know how I feel.”

  “Why do you think you can only have friends and I’m not talking just about Lucky.”

  What he heard next he struggled to make out the words because Priest was practically whispering. “I’m used and broken.”

  “Bullshit. Just because some man—”

  “Men, there were several of them.”

  “Everyone has bad relationships. That’s what makes the right one so much better.”

  Priest voice rose and broke a bit. “Five men held me down and took everything from me. Took my first while my boyfriend stood by letting them—participating. Took my confidence. Took what I was and ruined me, I put a razor to my wrists, and I even fucked that up. My mother was disappointed I failed.”

  “Oh, Priest,” Lily’s voice broke and faded.

  “What, not what you thought? Just thought some man did me wrong, maybe knocked me around. He sure as fuck did that too. Did it make your radical honesty complete?”

  “Priest, baby,” Lucky stood up and with the help of his brother and sister they pushed the door until the legs of the dresser scraped across the floor. He ran into the room and took Priest into his arms. He spared his mother a glance and saw the tears in her eyes.

  “Look at me, baby,” He placed his hands on Priest’s cheeks and lifted his teary eyes to his. “You’re not used or ruined; you’re fucking perfect. From the top of your shaggy head to the tips of your ugly toes. Nothing about you is broken.” He kissed Priest’s forehead, his eyes and tasted the salty tears, and then each cheek. “You are perfect, handsome, and talented. If you’d succeeded in taking your life, even if I had never met you some part of me would have always wondered why a piece of me was missing. You were meant to be my best friend, supposed to be here. I love you, Priest.” He pressed the lightest kiss on Priest’s plump lips.

  “I’m not per—”

  “Yes, you are. I’m like the hippie George Washington, I can’t tell a lie. You didn’t offer those fuckers your first time, as far as I’m concerned, your first time is up for offer. And the man who gets you will be fucking lucky to have you. You fucking understand me?” The crying man nodded his head the best he could because Lucky held tighter to his cheeks, stroking the surprising softness of his beard.

  “Give me my boy,” Lily pushed between them and wrapped her arms tight around Priests shoulders. “That woman isn’t your mother, no more. You were mine the moment you walked through that door with Lucky. We ain’t much, but we love you, even that douche bag Linus. He’s adopted anyway.”

  Lucky felt a bit lighter when he heard a soft, watery laugh coming from Priest. What happened to Priest was worse than what his imagination conjured. He’s thought a past abusive boyfriend had made his man skittish. The idea that men held Priest down and took, he shook his head. No one else was having Priest. The man was created for him alone. He wasn’t any prize, but he loved Priest and not as just a friend. Soon enough Priest would learn that, but for now his baby needed some TLC and Lucky would give him everything he needed.

  “Now, let’s go out back, have a few hits before the Evil One arrives, it’ll be soon, I felt a shift in my Chakras. She approaches, I bet she’s leaving a trail of charred footsteps and dead animals in her wake. Until then we can make fun of that harpy Linus brought home. If he just admits he was gay and find a sweet boyfriend, we wouldn’t have to deal with this shit. I mean, really, Lucky’s so gay his aura is a rainbow and Leigh-Lou’s slip-in-slide has had so many riders I’m sure it’s so dry it would take skin off now, I pity my future son-in-law. We still love them.”

  “We love you too, Ma,” Leigh-Lou and Linus muttered and exited the room

  “Now, that the adopted ones left,” Lily sat sideways on Priest’s lap. “So, do you want to be a Trenton?”

  “The normal one doesn’t seem to survive with y’all.”

  “Bullshit, I’ve let Lucky live besides you’d be my favorite.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yes,” Lily fist-pumped the air, “I’ll go let Damon know he can’t lust after you anymore. You being our son that would just be creepy unless you have a Daddy thing.”

  “No,” Priest squeaked.

  “Good, now, don’t have sex in my bed.” Lily smacked a kiss on Priest’s cheek and left.

  “I’m sorry if I’d fucking known she’d pull this shit I’d never brought you here.”

  “I know you wouldn’t. You won’t tell—”

  “What happened here is between us, it isn’t their business. Want to catch one before the Gram monster shows up?”
r />   “No, but I could use a beer.”

  “You got it, come on, baby,” Lucky slipped his arm around Priest’s waist, stood and brought Priest with him.

  Soon Priest would be his in every way. The man just didn’t know it yet.

  4 PRIEST’S CUDDLE THERAPY

  He settled deeper into the thick cushions of the lounger and propped his bare feet on the deck railing. The book he’d attempted to read for the last hour laid open on his thigh. Priest couldn’t put out of his mind what happened at the Trenton’s days before. He hadn’t spoken of what his ex had done to him outside his therapist’s office since the night he’d tried to kill himself.

  Three years he’d lived with his ex-boyfriend every day seemed like hell until that last night when he’d learned how much of a psycho the man was when he’d refused to be a toy for his friends again. The first time had been evil enough and he barely survived it—the second time would’ve broken what was left of him. His ex and friends had taken his first time in the most brutal way possible. To want to repeat it proved he’d lived with a monster, but no matter how sick it made Priest seem he’d been young and just wanted to be loved.

  The nightmares were worse and he resisted sleeping in Lucky’s bed. Like the pathetic man he was he’d paced outside the door. He laid his head back and closed his eyes.

  Out of everything Lucky said to him when he and his siblings pushed into Lily’s room, the one thing he couldn’t forget or process was Lucky said he loved him. He knew it was in a friend’s only capacity, but he wanted so much more.

  “Don’t you have a therapy appointment today,” Lucky’s voice sounded seconds before a hand gripped his ankle and Lucky was between his legs with his back to his chest.

  “Yea, in a few hours.”

  “No time for a nap then, I’m going with.” Lucky absently wrapped Priest’s arms around him.

  Gentle fingertips turned one of his wrists up to trace scars covered with black ink. Equally, tender lips brushed against them—the hesitation marks and then the final long cut.

  “Wha—What do you mean you’re going with me?” He rested his chin on the surprisingly soft texture of Lucky’s dreadlocks. He inhaled deeply of comfortingly familiar scents of Lemon shampoo and Lucky’s favorite incense.

  “We’re going to a Cuddle Therapy thing. Ma suggested gotta ask that head shrinker of yours if that’s okay.”

  “Cuddle Therapy,” His voice squeaked in an entirely unmanly fashion.

  “It’s a workshop thing. Touch. Cuddling. Exploring intimacy and communication. There’s a bunch of activities or some shit. Ma, said it worked for a friend she met at yoga.”

  “I can’t cuddle with strange people.”

  “People pay money to cuddle and get cuddled. I could get a second job, man, I’d cuddle the fuck outta someone.”

  Priest felt his lips twitch. “I already like cuddling with you.”

  “Not the last few nights. Hurt my fucking feelings. Because Lily fucked up doesn’t mean I gotta get punished for it.”

  Lucky sounded hurt. He’d always thought his friend humored him about Priest slipping into his room at night. Lucky was his best friend, of course, he was going to help, but did the man need it as much as him?

  “It’s no one’s fault. Lily didn’t know what happened and neither did you. I’ve been a bit raw lately.”

  “I get that, man, I do, but pushing the guys and me away is a dumb ass move.”

  “That wasn’t my intention. There was just some shit I had to get straight in my head first.”

  “No excuse.”

  “Um, I don’t know if it’s a good idea you in the same room as a psychiatrist and a script pad.”

  “Naw, man, it was only a 72-hour hold last time. As soon as they got a look at my family, I was out. It was kinda cool actually. I met this dude inside. Awesome as fuck stories.”

  Priest couldn’t help it he started laughing and tightened his arms around Lucky. “Only you’d see the bright side of a psych hold.”

  “There’s worst shit in the world.”

  “Agreed, but you really want to go to my appointment?”

  “Yea, why?”

  “I talk about—stuff.”

  “Of course, you do. It’s a shrink.”

  “Are you going to behave?”

  “I can’t make a promise unless I know I can follow through. Gotta keep the Karma clean.”

  “Your Karma?”

  “Yea, I won’t even kill a bug. I don’t wanna go totally Kafka in my next life.”

  “So, you think you’ll come back as a huge bug?”

  “You know aliens are out there, they could come down to Earth and bump some alien uglies with some human chicks, hell, they’re E.T.s so might even go after the dudes. I ain’t gonna be some alien spawn’s host.”

  “You think about this a lot.”

  “Nope, just thoughts that pop into my head.”

  “About insect aliens coming down to Earth to mate with human males and females to breed an insect race?”

  Lucky shrugged and settled deeper in the V of his legs.

  “You’re weird.”

  “It’s one of my best qualities.”

  “Maybe.”

  He sighed heavily and again leaned his head back. Closing his eyes right now wouldn’t be a good idea. Priest would fall asleep in seconds. He didn’t understand how quick Lucky could put him at ease. Most people who met Lucky believed him to be crazy. To be honest, it was one of the reasons he didn’t want Lucky to go with him, but it wasn’t the main reason. His best friend didn’t know all the details of what happened, and he didn’t want him to hear.

  The first time he’d met Lucky, Gib introduced them, and Priest extended his hand to shake instead Lucky pulled him in for a back-breaking hug. He’d waited for the panic and for his lungs to seize up, yet it never happened. All he’d felt was an instant calm and rightness, neither of which he’d ever experienced before. And it had only intensified each day that past.

  “Quit trying to think of ways to get out of taking me. It ain’t fucking happening.”

  “I didn’t think it would. Let me up, so I can go take a shower and get ready.” He pushed at Lucky’s slender yet broad shoulders until he started to grumble.

  “Fine, but I was comfortable.” Lucky rolled to his feet.

  “We can curl up and take a nap when we get home.”

  “You’re just trying to get me into bed.”

  “Would I do that,” Priest asked.

  “No, but a man can fucking hope. Get up. We got shit to do.”

  Before he could respond Lucky already disappeared into the house. What did he mean by a man could hope? No, Lucky didn’t lie or filter what he said. If his friend wanted him he’d blurt it out at the most inopportune moment, wouldn’t he? Yes, Lucky treated him differently—affectionately. He shook his head and swung his legs off the lounger to stand. He’d dissect his fucked-up thoughts later.

  # # #

  Priest’s knee bounced as he stared at Dr. Campbell as she warily watched Lucky. “Matt, you’ve never invited a guest into one of our sessions before. Would you like to tell me why today?”

  “Lucky has a question for you, and he insisted.”

  “Okay, what’s the question?”

  “Oh, yea, my Ma was at Yoga and she was flirting with the chick she knows. They ain't fucked as far as I know, and she tells us everything.”

  For a psychiatrist, the doctor’s eyes were getting wider by the second.

  “And that has something—”

  “Well, the chick has intimacy issues, no problem with fucking because for some that’s just a physical, biological act. An exchanging of fluid and all that shit.”

  “Lucky,” Priest said his name and placed his hand on his thigh.

  “Okay, well, she, the chick, not my Ma, went to one of those workshops. Where people cuddle and touch, explore intimacy, no sex, well, I guess they could fuck if they were so inclined they’re adults and all that
.”

  Priest cleared his throat.

  “I wanted to know if it would fuck up Priest’s—”

  “Priest,” Dr. Campbell asked.

  “Oh, yea, Gib gives us all names when we start. Matt was all proper and shit, rarely heard the man cuss. Kind of unnatural if you ask me—off track. I wanted to take Matt and wanted to make sure it would be okay.”

  “I don’t see why it would be a problem. It’s in some ways it’s a trust exercise. Which I know Matt has an issue with, but what do you think about him cuddling with other—”

  “Oh, fuck no, only me, not that I wouldn’t like to get a job as a professional cuddler because I told Priest I’d cuddle the fuck—”

  “Off track again.”

  Lucky turned to glare at him, “You fucking ruin all my fun, Priest.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “You wouldn’t let me make jokes about the escort Linus brought to Sunday dinner.”

  “She wasn’t an escort; I do think she works with your brother.”

  “Well, what about that dude Leigh-Lou brought,” Lucky demanded.

  “I didn’t stop you from telling him that Leigh-Lou was going to dump him five minutes after dinner.”

  “You know she can’t commit, I was trying to save him from getting too attached, and he was acting like some lovesick puppy. You could see the disgust in her eyes. Besides, he wasn’t good stud stock.”

  “She’s not breeding. She made it perfectly clear.”

  “She’s young.”

  “She’s your twin.”

  “Semantics, she’s ten minutes’ younger than me.”

  “Excuse me,” Dr. Campbell waved her hands to get their attention. “Can I ask you some questions, Lucky?”

  “Sure, I don’t lie so be careful what you ask.”

  “Everyone lies.”

  “Nope raised with radical honesty, good or bad, truth is the only thing my family speaks.”

  “People lie, sometimes for good reasons, but more often it’s bad.”

  “Why lie? I mean what’s the point in it. The truth hurts sometimes, but if in the end it has good intentions then isn’t it worth it?”

  “So, you’ve never lied to your parents, even about something as small as why you missed curfew?”