by Lannah Smith
"Oh, come on," Hannah wheedled. "Tell us what you think about his rotten moods these days."
My anger on the rise, the bitterness didn't allow itself to be shoved back. It reared its ugly head.
I slammed my fork down. "Will you stop talking about him?" I snapped. "All you yap about is Leon, Leon, Leon." I slid my glare to Sophia. "Just break up with him if you can't handle his fucked up moods anymore. I don't see why that's so damn hard to do."
"I don't want to break up with him, Terry," she said quietly.
"Then stop complaining! You wanted him. You wanted this."
Hannah placed her hand on my shoulder. "That's what love does to people, Terry."
"Love?" I scoffed, shrugging her hand off. "Fuck love." To Sophia, I went on, "Can't you see he's abusing you? He may not be hurting you physically but emotionally, he is. He's playing you by being distant. He doesn't care for your feelings. If he did, he wouldn't make you worry like this. I told you people don't change. They need to want to change before they do. But he doesn't want to change, Sophia. He doesn't want to and you're stupid if you're hoping he would."
Tears began to well in her eyes but I was on a roll. I knew I was overreacting, I knew I was hurting her but I was hurting too and I was thoroughly fed up with her victim complex.
"He's just making you dance to his tune. Making you cater to his every fucking whim." My gaze slid the side, my eyes blinking furiously as the tears too welled in them. "Why does everyone's world need to revolve around him?" I muttered angrily. "Why does he need to drag everyone into his shitty life? Why?"
Before I could do more damage and hurt Sophia, it was killing me knowing that I had hurt her, I pushed off the table and strode away.
"Terry!" Hannah shouted. "Terry, wait up!"
I halted when I made to turn the corner of the building and she was blocking my way. My hands closed into fists as I looked at her.
"Go away, Hannah."
"No," she stubbornly said. "We need to talk about your behavior."
My fists tightened, my nails bit into my palms and I walked around her. She followed me with a groan.
"You were so kind to Sophia," she burst when we went up the stairs. "You started to treat her as a real friend. What's wrong with her now?"
"Nothing."
I made it to the student council room and thought she'd stop following me. She didn't like the office and the constricting atmosphere here. But she still followed me in.
"Don't tell me it's nothing," she said in a frustrated tone. The two of us were the only people in the office. Everyone had gone to lunch. "It's obviously not nothing."
"I can tell you anything I want to tell and you'll have no choice on the matter," I replied icily.
"Then I'll tell you what I know."
Leaning in, I hissed, "You know nothing."
Pain slashed into her eyes. But she held her head eye, held my eyes when she said the following words.
"I know about John."
My head jerked back and I snapped my mouth shut.
"I know about him, Terry," she said, her face and voice going gentle. "I've always known."
"How?" I stammered. "When?"
She gave me a trembling smile. "He told me to make friends with you back in middle school. He told me that you'd help me."
I stared up at her, speechless, entirely unable to wrap my mind around what she was saying.
"He also warned me not to hurt you because then, he'd destroy me."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, my voice hurt.
Hannah shrugged. "The same reason why you didn't. I thought he hurt you. You were so angry whenever I mentioned his name that I began to dislike him and thought of him as the enemy. But then, your reaction changed." Hannah leaned into me, her expression serious and sincere. "Remember last year when Mary and Cecil was talking about John? I was about to tell them off but then I saw your face. You looked hurt. And sometimes, whenever we talk about him, you'd look sad. Melancholic, even. Like you missed him. And I knew something had happened between the both of you."
"You should have told me."
"I'm not sorry."
I stared at her. Then I turned my head to the side, a numbing sensation sweeping all over my skin.
She kept going, "And I'm not blind, Terry. He couldn't even take his eyes off you during Sophia's birthday party. When you're not looking at him, he was. And when he wasn't, you were. Why do you think I didn't ask about what happened?"
I still didn't speak. How could I when I didn't know what to say?
Hannah grabbed my arms and shook me. "I know that you love him. And I know that he does too. But why aren't you together?"
I didn't want to lie to her. But I wasn't ready to tell her.
So I said, "My family doesn't want him for me. He's not a good match."
"For once, Terry. For once. Stop being afraid of your parents and do what you want. You think I'm weak since I allowed those girls to beat me up? I'm strong, Terry. Stronger than you think. I stood up for myself and in what I believed in. I didn't yield. Even if I was miserable, I didn't yield. I found a way to survive. But what you're doing isn't surviving, Terry. You're barely even living. Stop living in fear of their disapproval because it's becoming painful to watch you so pathetic like this!" she ended in a near-shout.
"So you think I'm pathetic?"
I watched her draw in breath but she didn't respond.
"What do you know, Hannah?" I gave her a sad smile. "What do you know about living like this? What do you know about having a family like mine? You're loved. Cherished. You can do whatever you want and you'll have their full support. What do you know about being me?"
It was at that she whispered, "I know you're stronger than you give yourself credit for, Terry."
"Can't you tell?" I whispered back, my voice cracking. "It's just a show. Everything you see, everything all of you see, all of it is just a fucking show. The first thing I learned quickly when I was just a child is that you have to be an actress, to pick a role you intend to play to survive in this family. I may be strong but I'm not. I just picked a role and that... that is what you see."
"What happened to you, Terry?" Hannah asked, her eyes tearing up. "What did they do to you?"
I didn't answer. I was concentrating on unclenching my fists because even though the pain would have calmed me down and prevent me from breaking down in front of her, I didn't want the injuries. I didn't want more scars. I didn't want to be weak.
God, I should stop being weak.
Hannah started to cry.
She wrapped her arms around my body, whispering in my ear, "No matter what happens, Terry, I will always be your best friend. So please. Even if I'm useless, please count on me too."
"I know, Hannah. I know," I whispered, giving her a tight embrace.
"And I'm sorry for pushing you. It's your birthday tomorrow. I shouldn't be driving you against the wall. I really am the worst best friend."
"You're not. The fact that you said those things means you care for me."
She chuckled tearfully. "It's not enough though. I'm afraid it won't be enough."
I pulled away and looked at her. "You're not going to lose me, Hannah."
She stared at me for a moment. Then she nodded.
But she didn't look like she believed me.
Terry's birthday, John learned, was a quiet affair every year.
She admitted to him that she never liked having a party ever since her 12th birthday.
John didn't have time to be filled with remorse because Terry immediately told him that she liked it that way. She never liked her birthday parties, saying that it was just her parents showing either her or Haru off to relatives and to business partners. She preferred having a quiet dinner with her family because it made her birthday feel special. Her mother and Haru were even considerate of her. They let her have her day without a single demeaning remark
It pissed John off whenever he heard her stories about her family. She seldo
m talked about them but when she did, it was mostly shitty stories about the way they treated her and never appreciated her.
This year, Haru had come from Japan to celebrate her birthday with her. Her mother's condition didn't permit her to come with him so she stayed back in Japan. They had a family dinner, her, Haru and her father. And from what he could discern from Terry's text messages to him, Haru was behaving well tonight and her father was, as always, loving and doting on her.
They'd already made up yesterday evening. He'd called her and even before he could say anything, she was already apologizing to him. And even though he wanted so badly to see her at that moment, to be with her when the clock struck midnight to be the first person to greet her, he couldn't because he received a call from Sophia.
John laid on her bed, looking around her pristine room, his mind still on her.
He was making sure his mind was on her because he didn't want to think about anything but her.
He was also making sure his mind was on her because if it weren't, he'd damn well break apart.
Pressing his palms to his eyes, he let out a shaky sigh.
He couldn't break apart.
Not now.
John came out of his tormenting thoughts when the door opened and he sat up on the bed. Terry entered the dark room, the light outside casting a glow around her. She was so beautiful, wearing a white dress, her black hair falling down her shoulders in curls , and her cheeks were flushed with happiness.
That happiness didn't dim even a bit when she spotted him. In fact, it only amplified. She closed the door behind her quickly. She didn't flip the lights on; the moon outside her open windows gave sufficient light for them to see each other perfectly clear.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come," she said. She hadn't moved an inch from the door. "I didn't see you all day."
"I'm sorry," he replied as he rose to his feet. "Something came up."
Her head jerked back. She didn't miss the shattered tone in his voice. John felt like all kinds of fool for not masking it well.
"Happy birthday, baby," he whispered, spreading his arms wide open.
She didn't hesitate. She rushed into his arms and the impact made him tumble back on the bed. He half-groaned and half-laughed, snaking his arms around her waist.
"Thank you," she murmured against his neck. "And thanks for being here. I thought you were still angry at me."
"You can never piss me off too much that I'd not see you again."
"I know. It's been tested and proven way too many times."
"And I was a dick. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm sorry."
"I was a bitch to you too." Her head came up to look at him. In a hesitant voice, she told him, "If you really want to know about my... my secrets I'm willing to tell you now."
John shook his head. Lifting his back off the bed, he shifted her until she was sitting on his lap. His arms locked around her, he said, "Not tonight. I don't want you to push yourself into talking about unpleasant things, baby."
She frowned. "I'm not sure I'll not do unpleasant things to you if you keep calling me baby."
He began to laugh, but even to his ears his laughter sounded damn miserable. Terry's brows furrowed and he kissed her to get her mind off it.
"What did they give you for your birthday?" he asked, pulling away.
Eyes glazed, lips wet and soft from their kiss, she answered, "Dad gave me a brand new car. Haru gave me stocks."
He leaned back. "You're kidding me right?"
She shook her head. "I'm not. My brother actually gave me stock certificates to the company."
He studied her. "You don't seem disappointed."
"Of course I'm not," she burst out happily. "It means he's giving me a part of the company. It means I'm not merely a chattel. I don't care if they won't give me a position; I just want to be part of the company that my father and my grandfather worked hard to built."
"Is that why you want to study business in college?"
"Yes."
He chuckled and dipped his head to kiss her again. But Terry laid a hand on his lips and leaned away. Her teeth worried her lip and they did this for a while.
Then she asked in a concerned tone, "Is there something wrong, John?"
John's gut clenched.
He obviously wasn't masking it well enough.
"Yeah," he answered quietly.
Terry's face darkened. She was silent for a moment then she asked, "Is it about Leon again?"
In response, his hands travelled from her waist, up her back and one cupped her cheek. He needed to touch her. He needed her to tell him it was alright again. But he didn't want to show her he was weak after all the promises he said about protecting her.
"Yeah." His voice turned into a whisper. "He's in the hospital again."
She blinked. "What?"
He closed his eyes and licked his lips. "He suffered another PTSD attack last night."
Fuck, shit, fuck, just saying those words brought burning and slashing pain inside his chest.
"Then why are you here?"
He opened his eyes. Then he braced at the look of a very, very pissed Terry.
"Shouldn't you be by his side right now?" she asked fiercely.
"I want to be with you," was his simple answer.
Her eyes narrowed. "I know I wasn't as understanding as I was before but John, if you need to go I'd understand. He's your best friend."
John felt his teeth clench and he forced them to unclench when he informed her, "And you're my girlfriend."
"I'm not on a hospital bed right now."
And just like that, he stopped acting tough, stopped acting like he wasn't fucking affected by what happened to Leon.
"I know," he whispered wretchedly. "I know. And I'm so fucking glad that you aren't because if something happens to you too I don't know what I'd do."
Terry's eyes glittered. Then she shoved her face in his neck.
"Stay with me tonight?" she murmured.
His eyes went to the door. "What if they find out?"
"I don't care," she said, her voice vibrating with emotion. "I want to make sure you're alright. Please stay. Please let me be by your side tonight."
Those words knocked the breath out of him. And at the same time they completely filled his lungs back up with her air.
He gently lifted her head back and slammed his mouth down on hers. Her arms went tight around his neck.
A few seconds later, he had her on her back with all his weight on her, hand inside her panties, his finger hitting her spot.
A few minutes later, he had her dress, bra and panties off and he too took off his clothes. Then, with his finger still hitting her clit, his dick drove right inside of her, making her mew in intense pleasure.
And a few hours later, after giving it to her and making her come so many times he'd lost count, he had her pressed against the side of his body, her arm around his stomach and her head on his shoulder.
"We're so messed up, aren't we?" Terry whispered to his chest after awhile.
John caressed her hair and kissed her temple. He was thinking he didn't want this night to end, that tomorrow would never come.
Then he told her the words that came directly from his heart.
"Just don't leave me again."
Chapter 35
Five years ago, John and Terry at age twelve
John sat in the car beside his father as they drove to the hospital. His hands were clenched on his knees, his face tight with fear.
He'd just received the news about Leon. About what he had gone through his uncle and about his father saving him and taking him to the hospital. John's father hadn't held anything back from his son. He never treated him as a child and for that John was grateful.
Still, the news tormented the mind of a 12-year old John and he practically begged his father to let him see him. His father acquiesced and even accompanied him. He also wanted to make sure one his close friend's son was alright.
John h
ad expected the worse once he walked through the door of Leon's room.
But he wasn't prepared for the sight of his best friend.
A terribly mistreated and unresponsive Leon was lying on the bed, bandages and bruises covering his face and body. The light was gone from his eyes. The light that had dimmed when his father left, the light that had darkened further when his mother died, now gone after the terrible torture he had went through because of his uncle.
