Hate to Love Him

by Jody Holford

  “You weren’t,” he said out loud as he tossed his pen on the desk that sat in the corner of his bedroom. “You were completely right the first time, but then she conned you into thinking she was different.”

  Brady sighed and pushed away from the desk. There’d been no faking the way her voice shook the night before. And it hadn’t been a con when she’d told him she had a plan. Her words were so genuine, he could still hear them ringing in his ears. His own came back to him as well, making him cringe.

  Looking around his room, he opened his closet and decided it was time to stop thinking and start acting. He could only control himself, which meant that he needed to stop thinking about how Mia’s face had crumpled just before he walked out on her. Someone knocked as Brady yanked clothes off their hangers, making a pile for donations and one for packing.

  When he opened the door, Wyatt and Owen stood in the hall. He didn’t want to see them, but they didn’t seem to care if he wanted them there or not.

  “What’s the matter with you?” Owen asked, as both he and Wyatt came in uninvited.

  Brady stalked back to his room, knowing they’d follow. Maybe when he moved, he’d have the freedom to be pissed off without anyone checking on him. Right. You really think Owen wouldn’t drive across town to see if you were okay? The thought slowed his step.

  “Nothing. Who said anything was wrong?”

  “Well, there’s either a stick up your—”

  Wyatt’s sentence ended on an oomph. Brady turned and saw Owen had smacked the much larger man in the stomach. Wyatt was staring down at Owen in surprise.

  “Did you just hit me?”

  Owen cringed. “It was instinct. You were going to say something rude. We’re here to be supportive. You’re big, you can handle it, please don’t hit me back.”

  Though he wouldn’t have thought he could, Brady laughed. Owen looked worried that Wyatt might actually hit him, but the usually sullen cop just smiled. “Brave. And correct. I was going to tell Brady to quit moping or tell us what’s wrong.”

  Owen’s shoulders relaxed. “That is definitely not what you were going to say.”

  Wyatt shrugged. “It’s what I meant.”

  Looking back and forth between them, emotion lodged in Brady’s throat. This. He wouldn’t have this when he moved. But it was too late. He hated that he’d let himself believe Mia was different and that she could truly care for him. Maybe she did—a little—but she cared about her business more. Wouldn’t she have found some way to stop it if she was falling for him like he had for her? Doesn’t matter. It’s done.

  “You two finished? I have things to do,” Brady said. He walked into his room and started folding the clothes on his bed.

  “Pout?” Wyatt asked at the same time Owen said, “What?”

  Brady glanced at him. “Packing, for one.”

  He’d left brunch right after telling them he’d given notice. He kept his eyes on the shirt he was folding, but heard Owen’s sharp intake of air. When he glanced up, both of his friends were staring at him.

  “You were serious? That’s what you do? You run from your problems?” Wyatt said.

  “Screw you, Wyatt. Beats hiding in my apartment being all dark and moody.”

  “Right, because your little fight with your hot girlfriend is the same as me being undercover with the scum of the earth.”

  “Stop,” Owen said. “Brady, what are you talking about? You are not moving. Why would you?”

  “I have my reasons.” He kept folding.

  “They have anything to do with you and Mia leaving the party like a couple of teens from a high school dance? Or the fact that despite coming home together, you ended up back here alone less than a half hour later? Or are they connected to the lawyer that dropped off notices this morning?” Wyatt sat in the chair beside Brady’s desk and put his feet on the bed. Fortunately, he wasn’t wearing shoes.

  “Did you follow me?”

  Wyatt folded his hands over his stomach and leaned back in the chair. “I’m a detective, remember?”

  “With nothing better to do than follow me?”

  Owen—being Owen—grabbed some hangers and started to put his clothes back in the closet.

  “Hey!” Brady said. “I’m trying to pack.”

  “You’re not going anywhere,” Owen said.

  Frustration nearly choked him. “You’re wrong. We all are.”

  “What are you talking about?” Wyatt asked, setting all four legs of the chair back on the floor.

  Doing his best not to paint Mia with an unflattering brush, Brady told them both what he knew. When he finished, they were silent. You won’t lose your friends because they aren’t down the hall. Maybe if he told himself that enough times, he’d believe it. The longer they were quiet, the harder it seemed to convince himself.

  “I think you need to take a breath and think things through,” Owen said, resuming his task of rehanging Brady’s clothes.

  “Sounds like you don’t have the whole story. You need the rest of the pieces before you decide to bail,” Wyatt said.

  “I’m not bailing. I’m being proactive.”

  Owen froze and looked at him. “You’re leaving first so you don’t get left behind.”

  The room turned into a vacuum and breathing became almost impossible. Was he running?

  “Dude, breathe,” Wyatt said, standing.

  Brady inhaled a painful breath. “I’m fine. You guys should go.”

  “We’re not going anywhere. Even if you’re right and we all have to move. We’re not going anywhere, man,” Owen said.

  Wyatt sighed and set both hands on his hips. “Jesus. You guys want to make friendship bracelets when we’re done with the heart-to-heart?”

  Brady narrowed his eyes, trying to cover the impact Owen’s words had on him. He’d needed to hear them.

  “Why are you such an ass?” Brady asked.

  Wyatt looked at Owen. “You remember what a jerk he was to me when Shay and I broke up?”

  Owen nodded. “I do. That was…not his best moment. You shouldn’t use that against him.”

  Wyatt’s eyebrows rose. “Why the hell not?”

  Brady couldn’t believe Wyatt was bringing that up now. Shay had grown to be like a sister to him, so of course, when Wyatt had almost messed things up with her, Brady had been a little protective. He’d given Wyatt a hard time, but it was just to make sure the guy didn’t screw up again. They looked out for one another. That’s what family did.

  That’s what they’re doing right now. They’re standing by you. No matter what.

  Owen’s gaze shifted from Wyatt to Brady and answered quietly, “Because we both know how it feels to almost lose the one.”

  Brady stopped in his tracks and pointed a finger in their direction. “She’s not the one. You two found women who accepted you for everything you are and aren’t. Women who will love you and stand by you. That is not what I have with Mia.”

  Even though he could admit to himself he wanted it. So freaking bad it felt like a hole was burning through his center.

  “Mia doesn’t seem like the snob you make her out to be,” Owen said.

  No. She wasn’t. Was she? “I don’t know who she is.”

  “Really?” Owen asked.

  “Seemed like you knew her pretty well last night,” Wyatt remarked.

  Brady thought about what he did know. When she’d made a mistake with the Waverlys, she’d owned up. She’d apologized for her part in the conflict between them. She’d been sweet and funny when they were all hanging out in a group and she’d been shyly vulnerable when he’d been alone with her. She loved to win and wasn’t afraid to trash-talk. She had a family that didn’t appreciate her and didn’t believe in her. And he’d walked out on her because he was scared to do just that: believe in her. In them. In himself.

  He sank to the bed and dropped his head into his palms.

  Wyatt stood. “Sucks when you realize you’re wrong, doesn’t it?”

&
nbsp; Brady ignored him. It did suck. Hard. But it also didn’t change anything. He’d given his notice, he’d turned his back on her, and if that wasn’t enough, he’d completely insulted her…again.

  It wasn’t her he didn’t believe in. It was him.

  Owen stood and clapped him on the shoulder. “Not every woman is Bethany.”

  “I know.” She didn’t even hold a candle to Mia.

  When they left, Brady grabbed a beer and collapsed into his couch, resting his head on the cushions. He was a self-fulfilling prophecy. He hadn’t believed he was good enough for her and he’d turned out to be right.

  She definitely deserved more than he’d given.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Mia finished responding to an email and fought the urge to check her phone again. It seemed like a lifetime since she’d seen Brady and really, it had barely been two days. The only thing she’d wanted out of any of the people in her life was for them to believe in her. When she’d opened up to Shay and Gabby, she’d realized, it hurt that her family didn’t. But it wrecked a piece of her knowing that Brady didn’t either. What reason did you give him?

  If he didn’t want her, couldn’t have faith in her, then he wasn’t the man for her. Even if the way he touched her, kissed her, and made her laugh said otherwise. She didn’t want him to move out, but if he decided to stay after this morning’s announcement, how could she run into him and act casual? Like she hadn’t almost given him her heart.

  Mia avoided the incoming call from her father. One of many. Jaxon knocked on her open office door.

  Mia stood, straightened her pale pink blouse, and pasted on a smile. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning,” he said.

  “I appreciate you doing this.”

  “It’s part of my job, Mia. You’re not alone.”

  Mia’s lips trembled. Dammit. Now that she’d cried, it was as if she’d loosened a valve. The tenants would be arriving in the lobby shortly and the last thing she needed to do was be seen crying. Again.

  Justin knocked on her door. “Hey, Ms. Kendrick. You wanted to see me?”

  She smiled, her heart hurting at how much Justin’s eyes reminded her of Brady’s. “Come on in. I wanted to talk to you about a job opportunity.”

  “Oh. Okay. Cool.” So trusting. He differed from his uncle there.

  “Justin, this is my lawyer, Mr. McMillan.”

  They shook hands and then Jax headed for the door. “I’ll go greet anyone who comes down early.”

  Mia turned to Justin and almost bit her tongue to stop herself from asking about Brady. “I’d like to offer you a full-time position as a handyman for the building. I’m not sure what your plans are, but you’re great with the tenants and have a knack for fixing things. I need someone who can keep up with repairs, upkeep, the grounds, and some general management duties.”

  “For real?” Justin’s eyes lit up. “I’d love that. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be sticking around, but I like it here and I’m not sure what I want to do yet. I was thinking of looking into carpentry school, but I don’t know for sure.”

  Mia leaned a hip on her desk. “You’re young and I understand this probably isn’t your dream job, but it’s yours as long as you want it and the hours can be flexible.”

  “That’s so cool, Ms. Kendrick. Thanks. I mean it. This place is awesome and everyone in it has been so welcoming.”

  Because, as Brady had said, it was more than just a building. It was a community and for some, a family.

  “I agree. Our first priority will be getting the empty units rented out. Anyway, you should talk with your uncle about the job. Run it by him.” It didn’t seem as though Brady had mentioned leaving to Justin.

  “I will.”

  “Is he coming down for the meeting?”

  “I think so. He’s been pretty quiet for a couple of days. Said he might be coming down with something.”

  Probably the same thing she’d come down with—self-induced, stubborn-related heart pain.

  “I’m sure he’s just got a lot going on,” she said.

  She heard voices in the lobby and stood up behind her desk. “I think the tenants are arriving.”

  She let Justin lead the way out and waved to several of the tenants. There was only one more tenant on the second floor, but according to Brady, his unit would be vacant soon. Which was exactly how she felt when she thought about him leaving. Vacant. Empty. It would be a lot easier to fill the apartments than the hole in her chest.

  Her heart actually surged beneath her rib cage when he stepped off the elevator. Their eyes locked and her knees went weak, like they could give out at any second. Putting a hand on the doorframe, she breathed through her nose and told herself it was just chemistry. Without warning, and to her utter mortification, her eyes filled and pain stabbed her chest. What is wrong with you? You’ve literally cried more in two days than you have in your life. She couldn’t fight back the lump in her throat. Her legs wobbled and then Brady was there, standing in front of her, his knees bent so he could see in her eyes.

  “Mia? What’s wrong?”

  For goodness’ sake. She was causing another scene and this time, there was a far bigger audience. This was ridiculous. She didn’t cause scenes—she worked to avoid them. Her hands trembled and she pressed one to her mouth, biting the inside of her cheek in an effort to refocus her tears. Brady stepped in to her, putting his hands to her waist and picking her up, placing her inside her office. He turned to the milling tenants and watchful eyes that she’d be mortified to face in a few minutes when her heart stopped freaking out. She couldn’t get her breath.

  “Meeting will be delayed a half hour,” Brady shouted to the group.

  She tried to argue, but the words didn’t come out of her mouth properly. She smacked his chest. “Not your call.”

  “Princess, you can barely stand. Look at me. Breathe, Mia. Come on. Breathe. I think you’re having a panic attack.”

  She didn’t have panic attacks. Her chest hurt as she tried to drag in a breath. Not because he said to, but because the lack of oxygen was making her dizzy. Then she was off her feet and in the air when Brady scooped her into his arms and sat down on the small couch she had in her office.

  “What are you doing? Stop it.”

  “Just relax. Breathe.”

  She was trying. God, he was infuriating and bossy. The breaths she tried to take were jagged and sharp. They hurt.

  Her eyes burned and wetness overflowed. Brady pressed his forehead to hers in that way that made her feel grounded and safe. Secure. Loved.

  “Shh. It’s okay. Come on, honey. Don’t cry.” He rubbed a hand up and down her back.

  “I don’t cry,” she said, hiccupping.

  He pulled her close and urged her head to his shoulder. “Okay. Just try to breathe then.”

  “Stop telling me what to do,” she said.

  She thought she felt him chuckle, but he was quiet about it so she said nothing. She absorbed the sensation of his hard body rocking hers back and forth while he continued to whisper that it would be okay. He couldn’t know that. He wasn’t breaking from the inside.

  “I’m an idiot,” he whispered into her hair.

  “I know,” she said, her breathing settling some. She swiped at her eyes and tried to pull away from him. He wouldn’t let her go.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Her heart froze solid in her chest. Surrounded by a thin border of hope. “For what?”

  “For not having faith in you. In us. And in myself.”

  She pulled back to look at him. “Yourself?”

  Brady smoothed her hair back from her face. “I was so sure I wasn’t good enough for you that I made it true. Regardless of what you announce this morning, you asked me for one thing—trust. And I let you down. I turned on you because it was safer than falling all the way and having you see what I already saw.”

  “What?”

  “That you’re more than I deserve.”

&nbs
p; She sniffed. “You are an idiot.”

  “I just said that.”

  “You have more loyalty and empathy than anyone I know. You keep measuring our worth by our bank accounts and that has nothing to do with anything. The man I choose to give my heart to will be one who doesn’t care that I have money and realizes I don’t care if he doesn’t.”

  His hands continued to rub her back. “It’s more than just the money. You’re smooth and I’m rough. You’re classy and I’m…goofy. I like go-karts and you drive a Lexus.”

  Mia shook her head, surprised that he still didn’t see how none of that mattered. Her brother and father both had enough money to last them a couple of lifetimes and it did nothing to make them better men.

  “Some people call that balance. You let your nephew stay with you, no questions asked. You fought for the Waverlys and you don’t even know them that well. I am related to men, with plenty of money, who would not have done either of those things. Because having money doesn’t make someone better. I’d rather be with someone who fought for what he believed in and would do anything for the people he cared for than someone with money. I have money, Brady. It doesn’t equate to happiness.”

  “I know. I know all of that and I still pushed you away because I was scared. I think I’ve been fighting feelings for you for a lot longer than I thought. I’m sorry for that and I’m sorry for the things I said. They were unfair and untrue. You’re a good person, Mia. You’re fun and easy to talk to. You’re scared to show it, but you care about people, too. I know that whatever arrangement you worked out, you were doing what you felt was best.”

  The ache that consumed most of her body began to fade. He still didn’t know the truth and yet, he was giving her his trust. It was the best gift he could give her. Other than himself. Was it too late for that?

  “No one has to move,” she said.

  His eyes widened. “Does your brother know that?”

  She nodded. “He does. He signed over full ownership to me before leaving this morning. Jaxon, my lawyer, handled all the paperwork and is here to tell the tenants they can rest assured that they have a home at Kendrick Place for as long as they want one.”

  “Wait. Your brother signed it over? No way he did that willingly.”