A Flicker of Light

by Roberta Kagan

  One morning as Lil left the cabin to go outside and relieve herself, someone grabbed her around the neck from behind. The German soldier, a blond man with a scruffy, unshaved face, held her close. The smell of an unwashed body permeated the air. He threw Lil to the ground. Caught unawares, and held too tightly to move, she tried to scream, but he stifled her voice as he forced his hand over her mouth. She tried to bite him, but he shoved his hand deep between her teeth, immobilizing her mouth. Then, holding a knife to her throat, he pulled her pants down. He could not remember the last time he’d had a woman, and his body trembled with need as he looked at this young girl. With one hand he pulled down his zipper. As he did, for just a moment, his hand let the knife fall away from her skin. In a split second, she jumped to her feet. The soldier reached up, pulling her leg and forced her back down. She let out a scream for help. Then, to silence her, he placed the knife under her chin, “The next time you scream will be the last. I will kill you. Shut up!”

  Lil tasted bile rising in her throat. She tried to turn to the side and heave, but he held her head tightly. She swallowed hard as the vomit slid back down. Once again the vomit rose stronger than before. She tried to swallow, but more shot up into her throat.

  The soldier ripped off her pants and shoved himself between her legs, his hot breath heavy with excitement. He entered her with a violent thrust. She felt as if her body would split in two. A rush of warm, wet liquid soaked her thighs as the blood stained the soldier’s manhood and the grass beneath them. She closed her eyes so she could not see the cruel face above her. But she could not avoid the stink of his breath. Choking on her own vomit, she gagged. The liquid kept coming up from her stomach. She could not swallow it fast enough and it flowed into her windpipe. She gasped for breath, coughing as she tried to clear her airway. Lights sparked behind her eyelids. Then she could not see or feel him anymore. The coughing ceased. A peace came over Lilly. Her mother stood before her. Then her father joined her mother. They reached out their hands, and she grasped them. She heard her father say, “Lilly, it has been so long. We have missed you so much.” Then her mother’s hand moved in a gentle motion upon her brow, soothing her. Lilly had come home at last.

  Chapter 54

  Berlin

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  o everyone’s surprise, the Allies showed respect and kindness to the hospital personnel. They also helped Petra and Siegland return to the farm. The women rode together in an open army jeep with Hope wrapped in a blanket in Siegland’s arms.

  “Mama, I am so glad we are going home. I just wish Papa and Aaron were here with us.”

  “Now that the war is over, you will stay with me. Please?” Siegland asked.

  “Of course, Mama. You are my mother, and this is my home. I will at some time go to see my family, to tell my parents and brothers what happened. But of course, you will come with me. I will not leave you.”

  “Do you think Klaus will be at the farm waiting for us?’

  “I hope so Mama.”

  Chapter 55

  The Forest Outside Munich

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  ne of the Gypsy women took a basket from the hook on the wall of the cabin and went out to gather mushrooms. Just a few yards away, she came upon Lilly’s body. She screamed for the others when she saw the girl naked from the waist down, and covered in blood. Aaron came with the rest of the group. When he saw what had occurred, he fell to his knees on the hard ground. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he looked down at the child who lay dead. She would never live to see the love he had promised she would find. Instead, she had met a tragic end at the hands of a monster. Why had he not heard her cries?

  “Don’t blame yourself, Aaron. It’s not your fault. None of us heard her. None of us knew.” Karl said as he patted Aaron’s back.

  “That son of a bitch. I’m going to find him and kill him if it’s the last thing I do.”

  “Why go hunting for trouble? The Allies are coming any day now. If you go and find this man, you will probably find he is armed. You are risking death.”

  “I don’t care. I must do this.” Aaron said.

  Aaron took a small pistol and set out, following the tracks that the soldier’s boots had left in the dirt.

  Chapter 56

  Near Munich

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  hen Klaus did not come home, Siegland and Petra knew that he must be dead. They continued asking, but there was no information about him. Mercifully, Siegland never found out how he died. At one point, Petra left baby Hope with Siegland and traveled alone to Munich to see if any information had become available on either Klaus or Aaron. She went to the courthouse looking for records, but the entire town hung suspended in a state of disarray. Displaced persons from Dachau wandered the streets. Petra knew them instantly by their thin bodies and jutting cheekbones. Many were still dressed in the striped uniforms they had worn in the concentration camp.

  The Red Cross set up an office in an attempt to reunite families. People crowded the office, and the line stretched around the corner just to see an assistant, but Petra waited. After an entire morning, and half the afternoon, at long last, she sat before one of the aides. Together, they scanned through all of the names looking for Klaus or Aaron, but found nothing. There was no record of them at Dachau or any of the other camps. Neither had registered as a displaced person in search of family. The men had quite simply vanished. After several days of fruitless probing, Petra returned to the farm.

  Petra held Siegland as the older woman sobbed. She felt as if her heart had been ripped from her body. Little Hope heard the sounds and wailed from her tiny crib that Klaus had so lovingly built for little Hans. They did not want to accept the fact, but both Petra and Siegland knew in their hearts that it was unlikely that either Klaus or Aaron would ever return.

  Siegland found joy in Hope. The baby would grip her gnarled old finger with her own tiny fist, and Siegland’s heavy heart would feel lighter. The baby gave the old woman a reason to go on.

  The two women worked the farm together, milking the cow and caring for the horse. Both of the animals had survived, thanks to the help of a neighbor. They found the cellar empty and wiped clean of all of their stored rations, but the food Petra and Aaron had buried was still there. The neighbors shared what little food they could spare. One couple who lived down the road gave them a few chickens and a rooster, so they would have eggs. For now, they got by, but when planting season came it would be difficult for a young mother and an old woman to lay seed and work the land. Now that the reichsmarks had lost all their value, they were without currency. But thanks to the eggs, milk and what little they had left of the supplies, they managed.

  Often Petra thought of Aaron. She felt sure he had perished in the forest. She was glad that his name had not appeared on the list from Dachau. Although the Red Cross volunteer had told her the list was probably incomplete, she preferred to believe he had never been there. At night, as the baby and Siegland lay fast asleep, she spoke to him.

  “Aaron Where are you? If you are dead, I pray that you hear me. I love you. I will go to my grave loving you. No other man will ever own my heart. As a girl, when I thought I loved Hans, I didn’t know what it meant to love another person. But with you, Aaron, it was real; our relationship held everything love should offer. I wish you could see our child. She is beautiful. She looks like you. Can you believe it? A half-Jewish baby, born in a German hospital, right in Berlin, at the same time as Hitler died? Mama and I named her Hope, because she is our hope for the future. She came into this world just as the Allies invaded. Her birth brought with it a new world. Imagine, Aaron, a place without the hatred and evil of the Nazis. I will raise her to know her Jewish heritage, and I will never stop telling her about her father. I will tell her how you loved me, about your kind and compassionate nature. Most importantly, I will tell her how much you would have loved her.” The tears poured from her eyes, filling her face. Emotion closed her throat, and she could not speak anymore.

  Chapter 57 />
  The Forest Outside Munich

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  hen Aaron came upon the soldier, he sat in a field, eating a block of cheese from his knapsack.

  Aaron drew his gun, but when he fired, the bullets did not discharge. He tried again, but once again, the gun failed to shoot.

  The soldier drew a long, sharp knife, and at once, he threw himself upon Aaron. He placed his left forearm over Aaron’s throat, disabling him. Then the soldier raised his knife in an attempt to stab Aaron in the chest. The knife came down but Aaron struggled away. With all of his strength, the soldier grabbed Aaron’s foot and pulled him back. Then, taking the knife, he plunged it again.

  Chapter 58

  Near Munich

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  iegland held baby Hope and rocked her as the infant’s eyes gently closed. Petra reached for the white wicker basket above the kitchen table.

  “I’m going out to pick the strawberries Mama. They are ripe now.”

  “Yes, good idea. I will watch the baby. Tonight maybe we will make a pie and bring it to the neighbors.”

  The strawberry patch now in season appeared as a blanket of green spotted with the succulent ruby-red fruit. Petra knelt as her skirt fanned out around her. She broke the berries from the vine and placed them in the basket. Soon her hands became stained with juice. The warm sun illuminated her hair, giving it the appearance of liquid gold. She looked up at the sky and could not fight off the memory of a time she and Aaron had made love in the hot sunshine. She spoke to him.

  “Aaron, I miss you every day. Hope is getting so big. I wish you could see her, although maybe you can see her from where you are now. She keeps Siegland and me busy. When I look at her face, I see you. Her expressions are so much like yours. So is her smile. Oh Aaron, she has your dimples. And she is kind like you too. Siegland plays a game with her; she pretends to be crying and Hope immediately takes her little hand to dry her grandma’s tears. She is all I have left of you, my darling…”

  From behind her she heard a voice. For a moment she thought she imagined it; then she turned her head.

  “How about a glass of water for a weary traveler?” he said as his face broke into a smile.

  “Oh my God, Aaron, it’s you!”

  Aaron had received a minor wound in his battle with the drifter who had killed Lil. After several blows, Aaron had defeated his attacker, who had tripped and fallen upon his own knife, and died. While walking through the forests on his way back to Munich, Aaron had met up with some Allied troops; they had transported him to a makeshift hospital. Once he was treated and released, the Americans had offered him a ride back home. And now, here he stood, as if in a dream.

  Petra ran thorough the strawberry patch into his arms. Her bare feet were spotted with sticky red juice as he lifted her high in the air.

  “My sweet Petra, my darling; how I have missed you.”

  “I thought of you every day. I talked to you every night. Oh Aaron, I thought you were dead!”

  He touched her hair and her face. “I love you - God, how I love you.”

  Their lips met and their hearts sang in harmony as their souls joined together and became one.

  “Marry me?’

  “Yes, did you really have to ask?” Petra said, tears of joy covering her cheeks.

  He laughed.

  “I have a surprise for you. Come…” she said, taking his hand. It felt big and powerful as it held hers.

  Inside the house, Siegland sat looking out the window rocking the baby.

  “Mama, Aaron is here.”

  “Oh! Oh, my God, Aaron! Thank God, you are alive!”

  His eyes went to the tiny bundle in Siegland’s arms. He looked at Petra.

  “Could it be? Do we have a child?’

  “Yes, a little girl. Her name is Hope.”

  He walked slowly over to the baby, and gently took her into his arms. Holding her he pressed her to his heart. ‘Oh, Petra, we are blessed - truly blessed.”

  Author’s Note

  The Holocaust, also known as the Shoah, which is the Hebrew word for calamity, proved to be one of the darkest periods known to man. The Third Reich claimed the lives of between eleven and seventeen million people. Among those murdered were Jews, Romany, Soviet prisoners of war, Soviet citizens, Poles, civilians from other occupied countries, Jehovah’s Witnesses, homosexuals, those with mental and physical handicaps, and all religious and political opponents of the Nazi regime.

  During Hitler’s reign, fifteen hundred concentration camps were in operation. The children born in the Lebensborn program suffered humiliation and rejection by society after the war. Many spent time in mental hospitals or grew up in orphanages, and many never reconnected with their birth parents.

  Dr. Rascher, well known for his cruel experimentation at Dachau, met his own dire fate when executed there under the direction of Himmler, just a short time before the camp’s liberation. Rascher had deceived the Nazi Party by claiming that his wife had given birth to four children after the age of forty-eight. When Himmler established that the children had not been born to Rasher and his wife, but had been adopted, he became enraged. Rasher’s fraud caused Himmler to have both the doctor and his wife condemned to death.

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