Flying Free

by Abigail Davies

  I’ve managed to convince myself that it’s because he didn’t come and say goodbye to me, at least, that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

  All I seemed to have done over the last week is replay that day, over and over again in my mind, and each time I would remember something different or something that he had done.

  My favorite is remembering the way I woke up next to him; I can’t stop thinking about my head laid on his chest, the feel of his arms around me and the pads of his fingers stroking the bottom of my back.

  Just thinking about it now makes me shiver.

  I’ve never been touched in that way before, so sure and gentle but firm at the same time. Nobody has had this reaction out of me and if I’m honest, I never thought I’d feel like this, not after...

  “Ahh... that feels nice,” I murmur when a cold hands lands on my forehead.

  “Ava?” I frown at Jackson’s voice.

  Wait... he isn’t meant to be in my dream. Where did Corey go?

  “Jackson?” I ask, cracking open an eye. “I think I’m sick.” I pout. “I need ice cream, lots and lots of ice cream.”

  I bring my hand to my mouth as I cough, the impact making my head pound. Yep, definitely getting sick.

  “Ah shit.” He chuckles. “You’re so cute when you’re sick.”

  I shake my head, the motion making me feel even worse, and try to lift it but it feels too heavy. “Ugh, my whole body hurts.”

  “I think you’re getting the flu,” Jamie says to me, a soft smile on her face.

  “Yeah,” I reply, moving onto my side and pushing up slowly into a sitting position. “I need to go home.”

  “I’ll take you,” a deep voice rumbles out of nowhere.

  I close my eyes, relishing in that voice.

  I’m definitely sick because there’s no way he’s here right now. I think I need to add hallucinations to my list of symptoms.

  I try to open my eyes but quickly shut them to shield them from the bright lights. “I don’t feel too good,” I grumble.

  I stand, using the back of the booth to help me, the room spinning when I get to my feet.

  “Birdie?” This isn’t real. I really have to stop thinking about him all the time, I’m becoming obsessed. “Ava...”

  “Can you guys hear that? I swear I’m imagining things.”

  A round of chuckles has me grabbing my head, the thumping getting worse. “Guys... please stop,” I groan.

  “Ava, it’s me, Corey.”

  “Corey?” I gasp, my eyes popping open. “What... how... ugh.” I lean against the booth as my body starts to give out on me.

  “Come on, let’s get you home.”

  I nod in reply, the movement taking all the energy that I have.

  I feel his arm wrap around my waist and I lean my head on his shoulder, practically letting him carry me out of there.

  “You know where you’re going?” Jackson asks, following us to the door and reeling off my address.

  He kisses my head as Corey places me in the car and I manage to stay awake long enough to see him get into the drivers’ side. I turn my head, moaning when the cold leather on the seat touches my cheek.

  “Fuck me,” I hear Corey breathe.

  “Huh?” I ask, swallowing against my scratchy throat and starting to drift off to sleep when he roars the engine to life.

  “Nothing,” he says, clearing his throat. “Rest your eyes, you’ll be home soon.”

  How did I not know that Jackson and Ava would be here?

  Now that I’ve had time to think about it, it all makes sense but I don’t know how to feel about it.

  On one hand, I’m happy that I’ll be close to her for the next few weeks but on the other, I want to stay away from her.

  She evokes emotions and feelings that I don’t want, or need.

  I don’t have time for them and I can’t bring myself to admit that I see her in a way that I shouldn’t. She doesn’t need someone like me.

  It wasn’t meant to be like this. I was meant to come home, check on the bar and wait to be called back in, that’s it.

  I take a look at her sleeping face and sigh, I wasn’t meant to be here feeling all fuckin’ flowery, butterflies and shit, but she brings it out in me.

  After taking Ava home, I sat and waited until Jackson turned up the next morning.

  He comes in and I tell him that she’s still sleeping and that I have to go. There’s no way that I can be around the both of them, not when I think there’s something more going on than them just being friends... or siblings... whatever the hell they are.

  I’m going around in a never ending loop and it’s starting to wear me down. I need to get out of here, clear my head and forget about her but it’s really not that simple.

  Even if she’s not with Jackson, that doesn’t mean she can ever be mine. Not only am I way too old for her but I just can’t do to her what I know will inevitably happen. I’ll have to leave to do my job and I’ll be away too long, she’ll find someone else, or she’ll wait, and we’ll only be able to see each other for a couple of weeks a year. I can’t do that to her.

  She needs someone who will be there all the time, to love and cherish her, to be her other half and most importantly, be there to protect her.

  Not someone like me, who’s only here every now and again.

  I’m the type of guy who enjoys one night of fun and likes the fact that I can walk away the next morning. I don’t do hearts and I certainly don’t do flowers.

  After watching my mom die of cancer and seeing what it did to my dad, how it destroyed him as a man, as a father, I vowed never to fall in love.

  It ripped him apart when we lost her and there’s no way that I’ll put anyone through that and with my line of work, it’s a very strong possibility that something could happen to me.

  It’s one of the reasons why I enlisted in the first place. I didn’t want to leave Kay behind but I knew that if I didn’t get out of there as soon as I could then I’d end up just like my dad and there was no way I was letting that happen.

  People see me as this protective guy and I am for the most part, especially when it comes to my family.

  For the last eighteen months, I’ve replayed over and over again what happened that day with Ava. What I should have done differently. How I should have probably handed her over to someone else but when I remember her eyes, the eyes that pulled me in to the point of never being able to look away again, I knew I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

  Maybe I should have distanced myself from her after we were back at the compound but once I was in, that was it. Being the only person who she would go near made things even more difficult and at the time, I didn’t have a clue where things would end up.

  I had no idea I’d end up not being able to get her out of my head every second of the day and no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t shake her.

  After driving to my new apartment, I banish the thoughts from my head, grab my bag out of the car and walk into the building that I’ll now call home.

  I only need a small place so renting an apartment, not far from the bar, is ideal.

  Living out of one bag is getting old and even if I only have a TV and a couch to my name, at least they’re mine.

  Taking the stairs two at a time, I climb the three flights before I come to the door marked 6B and push my key in the lock. That would need to be changed, there’s no way I’m having a flimsy thing like that on my door. I haven’t even viewed the place yet, deciding to take it just from the photos I saw online.

  I’ll only be sleeping here anyway so I don’t care what it looks like or how many square feet it is.

  I step straight into the living space and look left then right. To the right is a kitchen, off to the side and completely open planned. A hallway veers off to the left and I walk down it, opening all three doors. Bedroom... bathroom... bedroom.

  It all looks pretty new and modern. Looks like I lucked out with this place.
/>
  Throwing my keys up in the air, I catch them and go back out the door.

  Now it’s time for me to kit the place out.

  Rolling over, I groan and smack my lips together; my mouth feeling like cotton. It takes me a couple of minutes to focus on anything and when I do, I just stare out the window.

  You know that feeling that you get when you haven’t got a clue how you got somewhere and don’t know what’s going on?

  Yeah... I feel like that.

  “Ahh... she rises from the dead.” I roll my head on the pillow to look at Jackson and squint at him.

  “I need-” I swallow, my throat cracking. “I-”

  “Water?” He smirks, handing over a bottle.

  I sit up, leaning against the pillows and take the cold bottle from him, swallowing it greedily. It feels like I haven’t drunk for weeks.

  “Slow down there.” He chuckles, pulling it back out of my hand and placing the top back on it.

  “Ugh... what happened?” I sniff the air and squirm in my bed.

  I need a shower and this room needs to be aired.

  “You came down with the flu,” Jackson tells me. “You’ve been asleep for daaaays,” he groans, dragging out the last word.

  “I did? I have?” I push the covers aside, standing on wobbly legs and pick up my cell. “Shit! It’s Tuesday. How the hell have I lost four days?”

  “I just-”

  Waving him away, I step over all the stuff on the floor and open the window wide then pull my bedroom door open. I don’t have time for idle chit chat, I have to clean this place up and clean myself and then go to class.

  Jumping straight into the shower, I let the water wash over me and scrub my skin clean, needing to get rid of that stench you get when you’ve been sick.

  Squirting some coconut shampoo into my hands, I wash my hair three times and then step out, grabbing my toothbrush and cleaning my teeth three times too.

  I wipe away the condensation that’s built up on the mirror and take a good look at myself. The bags that are normally under my eyes have disappeared and my skin looks flawless. How does that even happen after being sick?

  Not bothering to think about it too much, I grab a small towel and pull the door open, drying my hair as I walk into the kitchen, my stomach rumbling at the thought of food.

  “Hey! I’m starving, do we have any food in?” I shout out to no one in particular.

  When no one answers me, I huff and pull the fridge open, hoping that there’s something in there but nope, just a block of cheese and a bottle of half and half. Looks like pancakes and syrup from the pancake house is on the menu today.

  I flip my head down and dry the underside of my hair with the towel and then flip it back and walk out of the kitchen.

  “Ow!” I squeal at the brick wall I just walked into, my hand flying to my face as I step back. Swallowing when I look up, my eyes widen. “Corey?”

  I’m sure I had dreamed Corey being in town but now that he stands in front of me with that smile on his face, all I can think about it how his stubble would feel against my face.

  Dammit, why can’t I stop thinking about that stubble?

  “Jackson said you woke up.” He shrugs, as if that explains why he’s here. “He’s just left.”

  “Oh.” My hand grips onto my towel and holds on tight and it’s then that I realize I’m standing here practically naked. “I need to erm...” I look back at him, expecting to see him looking down but he isn’t, he’s staring straight ahead; not even looking at me.

  “Yeah, err... get ready and I’ll take you to get something to eat.”

  “Right.” I clear my throat and walk past him, then lean against my bedroom door after I’ve closed it. My stomach flutters with the idea of him taking me out for something to eat and even though my brain is telling me that it’s not a date, in any way shape or form, my heart won’t listen.

  I take stock of my room as my stomach moans with hunger and decide to clean it later, instead, I go in search of something to wear. Grabbing a pair of leggings and a long jumper, I throw them on and pull a brush through my hair while trying to not think too much into things.

  “Ready,” I announce when I walk into the living room. I watch as he lifts up from the couch and rakes his eyes over me, my skin heating wherever he looks; it almost feels like he’s touching me.

  He nods, not saying a word and follows me out of the apartment.

  “So...” I say, when we’re walking to the diner. “What are you doing here?”

  He moves his eyes to mine, and looks away. “The bar?”

  I furrow my brows and ask, “The one Jackson works at?”

  “Yeah,” he says, walking a little faster. “I own it.”

  “You own a bar?” I raise a brow, looking over at him as scrunches his face up.

  “Yeah.” Raking his hands down his face, he turns to me. “I didn’t know this is where you went to college, I would have said something sooner.”

  I frown at him, not understanding how he couldn’t know. The whole family knew everything that was going on in each other’s lives. How did they not tell him that I went here?

  “They didn’t tell you where-”

  “None of them know,” he cuts me off and waits at the edge of the crossing. “Only J knew.”

  “J? Jamie?” I jog to keep up with him as he crosses the road. “Is she your...” I close my mouth before I say anything else.

  It’s none of my business if they’re together. It’s not like I stand a chance anyway, he still sees me as the girl who needed saving but I’m far from that now.

  “J?” He chuckles. “God no, I worked with her husband.”

  “Oh,” I say, walking through the diner door as he holds it open for me. “I didn’t know she was married.”

  We find a table and sit down as Corey pulls out a menu from behind a salt and pepper pot. I don’t bother because I know exactly what I’m having, the same that I have every time I come here. I can already smell the fresh coffee and I’m on the edge of my seat, waiting for someone to come over and pour me a cup.

  “Was being the operative word,” he says, lifting his eyes up to mine. “He died while we were deployed.”

  I swallow at the intense look in his eyes. His whole body language changes at that statement and I feel awkward sitting here.

  Why did I have to go and open up my big mouth? I have to bring the conversation back around.

  “Well... I like your bar,” I blurt out.

  Out of all the things I could have said, that’s the lameness that comes out of my mouth?

  “Yeah?” He chuckles and flags a waitress down. “You been going there often?”

  “Well, only the last few weeks. I don’t drink or anything-”

  “Good,” he interrupts me, looking up to the waitress as she pulls a pad out and smiles at us. “Coffee and a stack of blueberry pancakes.”

  She nods, writing it down on her pad and turns to me. “The usual, sweets?”

  “Yes please.” I smile.

  “Be back with coffee,” she tells us and walks away, tearing the piece of paper from her small notepad.

  “You come here often?” Corey asks, leaning back in his seat.

  “Is that a genuine question or a lame pick up line?” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood some more.

  He chuckles and winks and I swear my insides turn to goo. “I dunno.” He shrugs and before I can think too much into it, he says. “You like it here at college?”

  “Mostly, yeah.” I swallow and thank the waitress as she pours our coffees. “It was hard at first, after, you know...” His eyes flare with anger and I know exactly what he’s thinking about; it’s the same thing that I think about almost every day.

  Although I don’t think about it for long now, not like before when I’d spend hours dwelling on what happened and the scars I was left with. “But lately, I’ve been doing better.” I smile, my eyes lighting up as I see two stacks of pancakes being bought out.
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br />   “I’m here if you ever want to talk,” he says, shifting forward when the food is placed in front of us.

  I smile at the waitress and pick up my fork, looking at Corey from under my lashes.

  “Yeah, but how long are you staying for this time?” I immediately regret it as soon as I’ve said it. “Sorry.”

  He shakes his head and picks his fork up. “Nah, you’re right. I don’t know to be honest.”

  I can tell he wants to say more but he’s holding back, I open my mouth to say something but think better of it and shove a forkful of the fluffy pancake into my mouth.

  I shouldn’t have gone straight over there but when Jackson called to tell me she was awake; I couldn’t stop my feet from moving. I’d told myself that once I saw that she was okay, I’d leave.

  Then she came walking out in nothing but that towel. Fuck me, I couldn’t look away.

  I thought it was a one off when we went to the lake, all these... feelings. But seeing her like that made it clear that this wasn’t just a fleeting thing.

  Don’t go there, is on a constant loop in my mind, right up until I drop her back off at the apartment.

  Now, as I sit here and watch her walk back into her apartment building, I can’t help but want to go after her. I’m feeling things I shouldn’t be feeling, she’s still that kid; the one I helped get out of a really bad situation.

  She isn’t ready for anything and to tell the truth, neither am I.

  So why the hell can’t I get her out of my head?

  Huffing, I pull away from the sidewalk and start to drive back to my apartment. My head is so messed up, I can’t think straight and I don’t like not being able to see clearly.

  It’s something I’ve always been able to do.

  The ringing of my cell comes over my speakers so I click the answer call button on the steering wheel. “Yeah?”

  “Corey?” J’s voice comes through the speakers of my car. “There’s someone at the bar to see you, says he won’t go away until you’ve spoken to him.”