Revive

by Nina Levine

  Her forehead crinkled in confusion. “You slept with him because you were mad at him?”

  Sighing, I explained, “No, I was mad at James for coming back into my life and screwing with me so I went out and got drunk, and then Nash turned up and I couldn’t resist him any longer.”

  “Yeah, Mum told me that James was back. What a prick.”

  “I’m so stupid for letting him get to me, but for some reason, I can’t help it. He starts talking and it’s like I’m right back there, you know?”

  Concern was clear in her eyes. “Oh, honey, you should have called me.” She placed her hand on mine and squeezed it.

  I smiled at her. “Yes, I should have, and I will in future because going out and getting trashed and sleeping with Nash was definitely not the best way to handle it.”

  She grinned. “Was the sex hot, though?”

  I blew out the breath I’d been holding in all day. “Hell, yes. It was the best damn sex I’ve ever had. I can only imagine how good it would be if I was sober. Nash has some talents, that’s for sure.”

  “God, I knew he’d fuck like a champion,” she declared. “You only have to look at him to know he was made for sex.”

  Remembering the pleasure he’d given me last night sent me into my own little world and Anna had to click her fingers in my face to get my attention back. “Sorry, did you say something?” I asked.

  Shaking her head, she muttered, “You like him, don’t you?”

  “I honestly don’t know.” My feelings towards Nash were a mess. I loved his friendship, but I couldn’t deny the sensations that just thinking about him gave me. Sex with him had been amazing; we’d connected physically in a way that not many people did. Well, I certainly hadn’t experienced that kind of instant connection with many men.

  “Damn, Velvet. I think you’ve gotten yourself into some shit here.”

  “Understatement of the century, Anna,” I said. I could do sex with a guy but I didn’t want an emotional attachment. Usually this wasn’t a problem with the guys I chose, but caution was screaming at me where Nash was concerned. We already had an emotional bond so I wasn’t convinced we’d be able to handle a sexual relationship without complications.

  Anna’s voice took on a gentle lilt. “Maybe it’s time for you to consider opening yourself up to love again, sis.”

  Fear gripped me. No. I didn’t want to head down that path again; I couldn’t do it. There was too much chance of pain catching you in it’s claws. I’d run so far from it; I wouldn’t give it a chance to chase me down again.

  “No.” I was emphatic.

  “It’s been five years since James, and you’ve come a long way, Velvet. I want to see you happy again.”

  “I’m really fucking happy without a man in my life, Anna.”

  “No, you’re hiding yourself away. I understand why you’re doing it, especially after having my own heart torn to shreds, but you need to move on and find a man who will give you the love you deserve.”

  My chest tightened at the thought of opening myself up to love and pain again. “I’ve never told you half the stuff that James did to me, and I don’t want to get into it now, but I can’t put myself through that again. I don’t think I’d survive another round of that,” I whispered the last sentence as my voice cracked.

  “Oh babe,” she said, and pulled me close for a hug.

  I fought back the tears that threatened to fall, and clung to her. When I finally pulled away, I apologised, “I’m supposed to be here checking up on you and you’re the one looking after me.”

  “It’s what sisters do.”

  She was right, and I thanked the universe for blessing me with a sister like her.

  ***

  Hours later, I was half way through my shift at Indigo when I caught sight of Nash. He’d never replied to my message. He’d also not come and said hello to me, so it annoyed me to see him sitting in his usual spot with two chicks fawning all over him. So many emotions hit me at once; anger, disappointment and jealousy.

  Shit. Jealousy of all bloody things to feel. It was the last thing I wanted to feel where Nash was concerned.

  He saw me watching him, but he ignored me and carried on with his women. I exited the room as fast as my feet would allow me, and made my way to the staff room. It had been so long since I’d experienced a rush of feelings like this and I didn’t know what to do with them. I had the urge to confront him; shit, I wanted to physically attack him he’d upset me so much.

  I spent fifteen minutes out the back trying to get my shit together. When I got myself under control, I went back out the front; I had a show to put on in a minute and I was going to give them one hell of a show tonight.

  The club pulsed with life as I entered it again, and I took a deep breath and centred myself. The beat of the music washed over me and flowed through my veins, the smell of anticipation hit me and the atmosphere overwhelmed me. This was where I thrived, and I stepped into my skin as I made my way to the stage.

  I’d been working on a new pole dance the last few weeks. Nash usually helped me with these; I always showed him first to get this thoughts on it. He’d made me promise that he would always be the first one to see a new dance and was quite territorial about it. Scott had been the first to see one once and Nash had been pissed. He hadn’t seen this particular one and the bitch in me couldn’t wait to perform it with him in attendance. I knew it was a catty move but I couldn’t help myself; he’d hurt me and now I wanted to hurt him.

  I took my place at the pole and nodded at the DJ to start the music. My heart pounded in my chest as I began my routine. I looked in Nash’s direction and saw he still had the two chicks all over him. They were doing their best to gain his full attention but his eyes were riveted on me. I stared at him for a moment before performing the hell out of my dance. It was the sexiest dance I’d come up with so far and the men loved it; they whistled and yelled out their approval. Little did they know they were in for a treat tonight; I’d decided to end the dance by interacting with the patrons in a way I never did. Scott would be pissed at me, as would Cody. The other strippers were allowed to do whatever the hell they wanted, but I was supposed to remain somewhat of a mystery. I wasn’t to encourage touching on stage and if someone wanted to tip me, I was to take it with my hand rather than allowing them access to my g-string. If a patron wanted an up-close-and-personal interaction with me they had to pay well for it, and this policy worked well for the club; they made a lot of money off me.

  Tonight, I finished up on the pole and then made my way to the edge of the stage. Making eye contact with one of the men at the front of the stage, I pointed at him and beckoned him closer. I dropped to my knees and thrust my pelvis in his direction, and indicated that he could tip me if he wanted. He greedily laid his hand on my leg and then slid it up my body to place a twenty in my g-string. I smiled at him and then pointed at another guy who did the same. Moving along the stage, I let numerous guys tip me in this manner. They were going wild, and the atmosphere in the club intensified to a point of frenzied excitement. Finally, I stood and seductively walked back to my pole before taking a bow and exiting the stage.

  The security guy met me at the back of the stage and escorted me out to the staff room where I grabbed a water and collapsed into a chair. The performance had taken it out of me; perhaps because I’d been so worked up about Nash and had thrown that into the dance.

  Just as I was thinking about him, Nash barrelled through the door, a wild look on his face. “What the fuck was that, Velvet?” he roared.

  He was exuding anger to an intensity I’d never encountered with him. It should have scared the hell out of me, but instead it turned me on. Fuck, it turned me on to the point where all rational thought flew out the window and all I could think about was his cock inside me.

  While I was struggling to push thoughts of his dick aside, he yelled at me again, “Are you going to fuckin’ answer me?”

  I snapped out of my trance and got back
in the conversation. “That was my new dance. Did you like it?” I knew I was playing with fire, and that turned me on too.

  “Whether I liked it or not is beside the point. What I want to know is why the hell you broke the rules and let those assholes touch you?”

  “It’s my job, Nash. I’m a stripper, and strippers get touched. Did you forget that?”

  He scowled. “I fuckin’ know that, but you don’t get touched on the stage.”

  I pushed my face closer to his. “You mean, I don’t get touched where you can see it. If it’s away from your eyes and you don’t have to deal with it, then you’re okay with it.”

  Shit, where had that come from?

  His eyes blazed and he blew out some heavy breaths before saying, “I’m your boss and I say no fuckin’ touching on the stage. Are we clear?”

  “You can’t be serious. You’re going to pull the boss card?” I challenged him.

  “I am the boss and you will do what I say,” he laid down the law.

  I glared at him for a moment before saying, “Fuck you, asshole.” I turned my back and covered the distance to my locker to grab my bag. After I’d retrieved it, I turned back to him and spat, “And thanks for being a great friend and running off after you screwed me.”

  Without giving him time to say anything more, I left the club. I hadn’t even finished my shift but there was no way I was sticking around to cop more of his crap.

  Chapter 10

  Broken-Hearted Girl ~ Beyonce

  Nash

  “Nash,” the chick whined, “I want your hands on my tits.”

  Christ, she was a needy bitch. “You’ll get my hands when I’m finished with your friend.”

  She pouted. “Well hurry up because I’m not going to wait all night for you.”

  It crossed my mind that I could care less if she left.

  It also crossed my mind that all I was thinking about while her friend gave me a hand job was Velvet.

  Fuck.

  I pushed the other girl’s hand off my dick and stood. Doing up my jeans, I muttered, “Sorry, girls, but this isn’t going to happen tonight.”

  They started complaining but I wasn’t listening anymore. I was going home to try and talk some sense into myself.

  It had been four hours since Velvet had walked out on our argument and I hadn’t been able to get her out of my head since. She’d pissed me off and turned me on all in one go. When she’d performed her new dance, the one she hadn’t shown me yet, I’d been surprised, but when she’d let those assholes touch her, I’d been fucking ropable. And then when she accused me of not wanting to see other men touch her, I’d started sprouting some shit about being her boss. We both knew I wasn’t her damn boss but I’d pushed the point, and for the second time this week I’d had no control over what came out of my mouth.

  I had good intentions of going home, but some other force took over on the way and fifteen minutes later, I found myself knocking on Velvet’s door.

  She took her time, but she eventually answered it. When she realised it was me, she frowned. Her shoulders sagged, and she said, “I don’t have it in me to argue with you anymore tonight, Nash.”

  All the fight left me at the sight of her and the sound of defeat in her voice. Fuck, I’d been a bastard to her, and needed to make this right between us. “I’m not here to fight. I need to apologise.”

  Defeat gave way to surprise and she stood back, and held the door open for me. I stepped inside and walked down her hallway into her kitchen. I’d been to Velvet’s house a couple of times and was always struck by how similar her taste was to mine. We both liked the minimalist look and white walls. She had some colour splashed throughout but it was fairly simple and I liked that too.

  I hit the kitchen and spun around to face her. She was watching me warily and I couldn’t blame her. “I’m sorry for how I treated you tonight. That shit I said about being your boss was a load of crap so just forget I said it, okay?”

  “And?”

  “And I shouldn’t have said anything about the guys not touching you. That’s totally your call.” I didn’t want them touching her, but I was sorry that I’d had a shot at her about it.

  “And?”

  Christ, she knew how to push me. And she was pushing me into unsafe territory. Who knew where this would end up now. I hesitated for a moment. “And I should have returned your message today.”

  “Yes, you should have.”

  I sensed her anger returning and felt the need to douse it before it ignited completely. “Velvet, I shouldn’t have slept with you last night when you were drunk. I took advantage and that wasn’t fair to you.”

  The anger that I’d tried to douse, flared at my words. “Oh, for fuck’s sake! You didn’t take advantage; I wanted that as much as you did. So don’t try and get out of this mess by making some bullshit apology.”

  Her anger fed mine. “It wasn’t a bullshit apology,” I snapped.

  “Why didn’t you return my message?”

  She asked the one question I didn’t want to answer, and my skin crawled with unease. “I was busy.”

  She threw her hands up and wildly shook her head. “Now, that’s bullshit and you know it.”

  “What are you trying to get me to say here, Velvet?” I thundered, “Because I sure as fuck don’t think we should be going down this path. Why can’t we just leave it where it is and move on?”

  Her silence filled the room and she stared at me. “You’re right. We fucked and got it out of our system. Let’s just move on from that and not look back.”

  I watched her closely; she wasn’t buying what she was saying, but I’d wanted the words she said, so I ran with them. “Good. Agreed.”

  “Good,” she huffed.

  Having sorted that, I had the overwhelming desire to escape the tension that was crowding us. “I’ll see you around,” I muttered, and headed in the direction of her front door. She didn’t say anything, but I didn’t want her to. I just needed to get the fuck out of here before either of us said something that would send the walls we’d built up crashing down around us.

  ***

  Velvet

  “He said what?” Roxie exclaimed, clearly flabbergasted.

  I loved my hairdresser; not only did she look after my hair expertly, she was great to talk to. “He said he’d see me around, like we were hardly even friends.”

  “How long ago was that?”

  “Five days, and I haven’t seen him since.” I paused, and thought about it. “Actually that’s not completely true; I saw him last night at the club. He was there but he didn’t come and say hello.”

  “Well maybe you should go and say hi the next time you see him there. Shove yourself in front of him, you know. What the fuck’s his problem anyway? It was just sex, wasn’t it?”

  “Yeah, it was supposed to be just sex. I don’t know why he’s avoiding me now but it really hurts. I’ve seen him be nice to other women he sleeps with so I feel like shit that he’s cut our friendship again. And I could kick myself for going there with him because we had just gotten it back on track.”

  Roxie assessed me in the way that only she did. She seemed to have a way of knowing what was going on in people’s heads, or at least she did with me. “You miss him, don’t you?”

  The sadness I’d fought for the last couple of days hitched itself to my heart, and I nodded. “Yeah,” I whispered.

  “What do you want from him?”

  “I want him to step up and be my friend. Big deal, we slept together; let’s get over it and go back to being friends.”

  She gave me that look that said ‘don’t bullshit me’. “You don’t really mean that, do you?”

  My heart rate picked up with the apprehension that seized me. “I just want our friendship back.”

  “Yeah, but you want more too, don’t you?”

  “Nash doesn’t do more and neither do I.”

  Roxie hit me with her trademark directness. “I think you want more from
him, and I think you’re scared to admit it to yourself, let alone to him.”

  It was exactly what I’d been thinking about all week. I hadn’t been able to figure it out though. “I’m so confused about it all,” I admitted, “I don’t want to want him, and I’m not sure if I just want sex from him or if I actually do want more. But if I do work out that I’m after a relationship with him, then I’m screwed because he doesn’t do them.”

  She nodded thoughtfully. “No, he doesn’t, does he? But maybe it’s why he’s avoiding you, girl. Maybe he does want something with you and is confused about it too. I think you need to go and talk to him.”

  I sighed. “Trying to talk to Nash about this is hard work.”

  “Well shit, girl, the potential sex has to make it worth it, right?” She winked at me.

  My body tingled just thinking about that. Hell, she had a point.

  ***

  “Can’t get enough of the place?” Griff quizzed me, looking up from the paperwork he was doing.

  I dumped my bag on the table and sagged into the chair in front of him. Ignoring his question, I asked, “Why are you doing paperwork? You hate that stuff.”

  “Cody’s busy with staffing problems and Scott asked me to take care of it.”

  I studied him. Griff was ruggedly sexy and had a commanding presence that you just knew not to fuck with. But if you didn’t fuck with him, he was the kind of man who would always be on your side, and I had a deep respect for him. I’d had some of the most amazing and deep conversations with him over the years when he’d let me in; he was a scary guy but he was proof that there was beauty in everyone if you looked hard enough.

  Griff was good with silence, and we sat quietly for awhile before he looked up at me and asked, “You after Nash?”

  “Huh?” I wasn’t sure if he meant tonight or in general.

  “Figured you’d come in to see him seems it’s your day off and there’s no other reason for you to be here. He’s out the front somewhere.”

  “Probably with some skank,” I muttered under my breath, jealousy stabbing me with a sharp knife.

  “You might be surprised,” he murmured, thoughtfully.