Revive

by Nina Levine

  “And I might not be.”

  He put down his pen and gave me his full attention. “You got something going on with him?”

  I hesitated for a moment, but then threw caution to the wind. “No. We slept together once, but that’s all.”

  He scowled. “Hell of a way to fuck with a friendship.”

  “Thanks, Griff. I can always count on you to state the bloody obvious,” I grumbled.

  “Shit, Velvet, I thought you had your head screwed on better than that. You’re a tough bitch on the outside but I know that under all that bullshit, you’re just like every other woman.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  He leant closer to me. “It means that sex isn’t always just sex. For you to give that to a friend, to Nash... fuck, it tells me you want more from him.”

  Conflicting emotions assaulted me; my stomach was a knot of anxiety at the thought of what he’d said being true. Before I could form a reply, we were interrupted by a voice at the door. “Griff, Cody needs you out the front, brother.”

  Nash.

  I looked up into his eyes. He was talking to Griff but his full concentration was on me. I squirmed under his fierce gaze.

  Griff pushed his chair back, and gave me one last piece of advice before leaving, “Keep your fucking legs closed until you work out what the hell you want.”

  He exited the room, leaving me in a state of inner turmoil. I continued to watch Nash, waiting for him to say something. He didn’t take his eyes off me, but he eventually spun around and left without uttering a word.

  What the hell?

  I jumped up and immediately stalked after him. We were sorting this shit out right now even if I had to tie him to the spot and force him to talk.

  He’d made for the front door of the club and I followed him outside before finally catching up to him as he rounded the corner of the building into the carpark.

  “Nash!”

  He promptly stopped and turned to face me. “Not getting into this with you tonight, Velvet.” His voice was savage, and I recoiled.

  “When will you get into it with me?” I demanded.

  “Do we even have to get into it?”

  “You did not just fucking say that, Nash!”

  “Yes, I fuckin’ did,” he threw back at me, hacking into my heart a little more.

  He’d knocked the wind out of me and I struggled with where to go from here. “I thought you were different.”

  “No, Velvet, I’m not. I’m your standard bastard who likes to fuck without further complications. If you thought there was more to this, you were wrong.”

  My heart ached for my friend; the one I thought was inside him somewhere. I just wanted him back. Instead, he’d disappeared and in his place was this asshole who I didn’t want a bar of. “No, I thought you were different because I thought I was your friend. That’s all I wanted from you, and you couldn’t even give me that.”

  His eyes flashed with ferocity. “You done?”

  “Yes, I’m done. We’re done,” I spat.

  His chest heaved, and he blew out a long breath before saying, “Good.”

  I watched him turn and leave with the heaviest heart I’d ever had. Not even my ex husband had caused this amount of pain.

  Chapter 11

  Do I Wanna Know ~ Arctic Monkeys

  Nash

  I woke after a restless night. A night where I’d wrestled with some motherfucking demons. They’d chased me down and knocked my ass flat on the ground, strangling the life out of me. I’d almost hit the point of no return last night. The bottle was begging me to make her my mistress again, and it was taking every fucking ounce of restraint I had not to succumb to her charms.

  The one thing that could help me, the release I craved, was the one thing I couldn’t make myself do. Sex. Usually I fucked my way out of this black hole, but Velvet had changed all of that. She’d changed everything, and the suffocating pressure I experienced when I thought about her told me that I needed to stay as far from her as I could. The fucking problem was that a need like I’d never known consumed my every waking moment; a need that only she could fill.

  Fuck.

  My phone buzzed with a text as I was getting ready for the day.

  Erika: Thanks very much for assaulting my neighbour.

  Me: You’re fucking welcome.

  Erika: Not what I was aiming for, asshole.

  Me: He deserved it.

  Erika: I give up.

  I shoved my phone in my pocket, choosing to ignore any further messages from her. I’d see her tonight anyway, and had no doubt she’d continue her tirade then. Until then, I had club business that needed taking care of. Griff was meeting me at the clubhouse in half an hour to go over some of it so I pushed everything else to the back of my mind and concentrated on the one part of my life I still felt some control over.

  ***

  After dealing with morning traffic I’d finally arrived at the clubhouse only to cop shit off Griff after we finished going over club business.

  “You talk to Velvet?” He was giving me the look he reserved for men he wanted to use as his personal punching bag.

  “It’s none of your business, but yes I did.”

  “And?”

  “What the fuck, Griff? I don’t stick my nose in your business.”

  “My business doesn’t include Velvet. That woman is a friend and I look out for my friends, brother. You included.”

  “You can look out for me by leaving this the hell alone.”

  “Why are you so hell bent on burying this? I thought you and Velvet were good friends.”

  “We were.”

  “Were?”

  Fuck.

  “Screwing her wrecked the friendship if you must know. Just like I knew it would. Women can’t mix the two.”

  “You sure it’s all on her?”

  “What the fuck?”

  “I saw you knock back two chicks last night. Never seen that before, so I’ve gotta wonder why. And I can’t help but think that Velvet’s got something to do with it.”

  “Got a lot of shit going on, brother. Velvet’s the least of my fuckin’ concerns,” I asserted, more than ready for this conversation to be over.

  He contemplated what I’d said and then nodded slowly. “I hope Velvet’s still there when you’re ready to be honest with yourself. You two would be good for each other.”

  I felt the desperate need to argue with him about that, but I saw Velvet enter the clubhouse and needed to escape the building more than I needed to argue. “I’ll catch you later, man,” I muttered as I made my hasty exit.

  ***

  I arrived at Mum’s for family dinner that night and Carla grinned at me, raining some sunshine down into my shitty day. “Glad you could make it, big brother,” she greeted me with a hug.

  I wrapped my arms around her and held on for a little longer than necessary. “Wouldn’t miss Mum’s cooking, babe,” I said as I reluctantly let her go.

  She eyed me suspiciously. “What’s wrong, Nash?”

  “Nothing. I’m good,” I said a little too enthusiastically.

  “You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. I’m not one of your biker friends who doesn’t know you as well as I do; you can’t lie to me, so spill.”

  I rubbed my face. “It’s just been one of those months,” I admitted.

  Her face was a picture of kindness. “I get it,” she said, quietly.

  I smiled at her, and reached out to squeeze her hand. “Thank you.” She knew exactly what was bothering me and I loved her for not forcing me to talk about it.

  “Nash,” she whispered, “Next month is going to be bad, isn’t it?”

  My chest constricted. “Yeah.”

  The worst fucking hell.

  Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked a couple of times and got herself under control. She faltered for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry.”

  I pulled her to me and hugged her again. We clung to ea
ch other for a couple of minutes, neither saying a word, but there was no need for words. Besides, after ten years there were no more words to be said. Words wouldn’t bring him back.

  Carla moved out of my hold. “You should come into the kitchen. I’ve got some news to tell everyone.” She changed the subject and managed to lighten the mood a little.

  “Fuck, I hope you’re not going to tell us you’re getting married or some shit.”

  She smacked me on the chest, and poked her tongue at me. “No, smartass, I’m not getting married.”

  I laughed, and managed to shove some of the shit in my mind to the dark corners again; hidden just enough to be able to function.

  She dragged me into the kitchen where the rest of our family was, and they greeted me with the usual Walker hospitality of ‘hey, asshole’ and ‘bout time you got here, dickhead’. I grumbled some shit back at them but my heart was warmed by the love I found in this room. It was a welcome distraction from everything else in my life at the moment.

  “So,” Carla announced, “I’ve broken up with Jesse. For good this time.”

  Relief laid a huge smile on my face; this was the best news I’d had in days. “Thank Christ for that.”

  “Yeah, well, you were right about him, but don’t let that go to your head.”

  “Shit, never say ‘you were right’ to Nash,” Erika chimed in.

  “That’s the fucking truth,” Jamison agreed, “He’ll never let you forget it now.”

  I raised my hands. “Nope, I promise not to remind you of just how often I’m right,” I winked at Carla, “but let the record show, it happens often.”

  My mother rolled her eyes. “My cocky son. You haven’t changed much over the years.”

  “And yet, you still love me just as much,” I joked with her.

  “Most days. On the other days, I remind myself that there’s a nice guy in there somewhere.”

  Erika chose this moment to bring up her issues with me. “I’m having one of those days with Nash today; reminding myself he’s not all bad.”

  “You still going on about your neighbour?” I asked.

  She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. “Yes, I’m still going on about that. Why did you confront him when I told you not to?”

  “You said you’d call the cops; they’d do nothing for you, so I did.”

  “Well, he came and had a go at me about it last night.”

  “I’ll come and see him again.”

  “God, no! Just stay out of it, okay? I think we’ve come to an understanding.”

  I grinned. “Hate to break it to you, sis, but it looks like I was right again.” I held up my fists. “People listen to these.”

  She rolled her eyes. I laughed and turned to Carla. “So kiddo, what do you want for your birthday?”

  She groaned. “Nash, I’m a grown woman, I’m not your kiddo anymore.”

  I hooked my arm around her neck and dragged her closer to me. “I think if we could just get this one thing agreed upon, it would make my life a lot easier. You’ll always be a kid to me and as such you shouldn’t date ever again. Okay?”

  Jamison started laughing. “I’m with Nash on that one, Carla. If he and I didn’t have to deal with the guys that want into your pants, our stress levels would dramatically decrease.”

  She struggled out of my hold. “I’m only thirteen years younger than you so I’m not sure why that’s a huge deal to you.”

  “Hell, even if there was only three years between us, I’d still have issues with it,” I muttered. Carla had given us many reasons over the years to worry about her; Erika too. But Carla seemed to have a knack for finding the biggest dickheads around.

  Mum stepped into the conversation again. “Thank God Nash and Jamison worry about you, Carla, I’ve lost track of the number of times they’ve had to bail you out, baby.”

  “And score three to Nash. Right again,” I boasted with another huge grin on my face.

  Everyone in the room groaned, but I continued to flash my shit-eating grin at them. Family. It was just what I’d needed tonight. And to think I’d almost walked away from them after I served time years ago. Thank fuck Griff had talked some sense into me and led me back to them.

  ***

  I walked out of church the next day in a worse mood than I’d walked in. The feeling in the club at the moment was very apprehensive after the fall out between Marcus and J, and Marcus had just cemented his asshole status. Problem was that most of the boys were behind him, leaving the few of us behind J with our dicks swinging in the wind.

  “Nash, got a minute?”

  I turned to see Marcus walking towards me. “What’s up?”

  “You know where J has gone?”

  “No, that fucker doesn’t tell me anything,” I lied.

  He assessed me for a second. His scrutiny pissed me off; actually, everything about him pissed me off.

  “You seen Madison lately?”

  “Fuck, Marcus, I don’t keep tabs on your daughter. If you wanna see her, you sort that shit out, don’t go through me.”

  His anger threatened to erupt, but he kept it in check. “You need to learn some fuckin’ respect. Shit’s gonna go down and if you don’t pull your head in, things are gonna get real messy, real fuckin’ quick.”

  I stepped closer to him. “Have the fuck at it, asshole, because the way I’m feeling, I could give a flying fuck.” My anger burned in me; it was getting harder each passing day to contain it, and Marcus copped a lick of it.

  He growled. “Remember you said that.”

  I watched him walk away; his shoulders were rigid and he strode like he was on a warpath.

  “Marcus giving you grief?” Scott caught up with me, a scowl on his face as we watched Marcus talking to some other club members.

  “Asked about J and then threatened me. What the hell was up with that meeting?”

  Scott shrugged. “Got no idea. He keeps shit to himself these days; doesn’t tell me much of what’s going on.”

  “Looks like his intention is to get us back into drugs. Not a good fuckin’ move.”

  “That run he’s organised is a bad move. Cops are all over shit at the moment, the last thing we need is to be caught up in that.”

  “You need to talk to him, brother,” I suggested. Marcus had volunteered our guys as protection for a drug run the Adelaide chapter was organising.

  Our eyes were drawn to Griff who had just approached Marcus. Marcus gave him a friendly slap on the back and Griff hit him with a smile.

  “That looks fuckin’ friendly,” I mused, “You know what’s going on there?” The last I knew, Griff had come around to our way of thinking and was trying to figure out what Marcus was up to.

  Scott frowned. “Yeah. No idea what that’s all about.” He directed his attention back to our conversation. “Problem with this Adelaide deal is that Marcus seems to have convinced everyone else it’s a good plan. We’re in the minority on this one which doesn’t give us many options.”

  “You heard from J?”

  He shook his head. “Not yet. He’ll have to come back soon though or Marcus is going to get suspicious.”

  Our attention was drawn again to Griff. He was laughing at something Marcus had said. That was odd because Griff never laughed at anything.

  “Definitely something going on there,” I said, feeling mild irritation at Griff.

  Scott watched them for another couple of moments. “Yeah.”

  “Fuck!”

  Scott raised his brows at me, questioning my outburst.

  “It just feels like if it’s not one thing, it’s another at the moment.” I lifted my hand and rubbed my neck but it did little to alleviate the knots that had formed there. Shit was hitting the fan in all directions and I wasn’t sure if I would escape unscathed.

  Chapter 12

  Man I Feel Like A Woman ~ Shania Twain

  Velvet

  “Cheers!” I clinked Harlow’s glass and threw the shot down my throat.
It burned on the way down but the warm buzz it gave me felt really fucking good. This week had been long and crappy, and I was glad it was over. I’d organised a girls night out at Graggs, a new bar in town. Never having been here before, I wasn’t sure what to expect but it was a popular place and the party atmosphere ensured we were having a great time.

  Harlow’s face flushed with excitement as she ordered more drinks. “This was such a good idea, Velvet!”

  Roxie bumped her hip against mine and chimed in, “Fuck, yeah! I haven’t had a girl’s night out in ages. It’s a shame that Madison couldn’t be here.”

  “She’s got a good excuse though,” Harlow was almost slurring her words. We’d consumed a lot of alcohol in a short amount of time; it was probably time to slow it down because I didn’t think she could hold much more.

  “What’s that?” Roxie asked.

  “She’s babysitting Nash.”

  Her words hit me in the gut. I hadn’t seen or heard from Nash in six days. Indigo was a lonely place without him, but he’d made his intentions clear, and I was getting on with life.

  “Why does Nash need babysitting?” Roxie asked, clearly confused.

  “I don’t know really, it’s just what Scott said when I asked why Nash was going over to Madison’s house. It’s a bit odd though, isn’t it?”

  Roxie finished her next drink, and said, “Yeah. I mean, what biker have you ever heard of who needs babysitting?” She eyed me. “You sort your shit out with him?”

  I could have killed her. I hadn’t told Harlow about Nash and I, but she was looking at me with interest now, waiting for my response as much as Roxie was. “Yes,” was all I said.

  “And?” Roxie prompted.

  “And nothing. He just wanted a bit of fun and now he’s done with me.” The words physically hurt to say.

  Harlow’s eyes widened. “You slept with him?”

  I shot Roxie a foul look before answering Harlow, “Yes, once.”

  Harlow looked like she was about to burst with excitement. “I knew you two were totally suited!”

  “No, we’re not.” I sculled my drink; maybe the alcohol would numb the pain that thinking about Nash caused. “Can we please change the subject?”