Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  She grabs me by the shoulders, her laughter ringing against my ear as she hugs me tight. We’re both basking in this moment. The first happy moment we’ve had in so, so long.

  “I knew you’d get it!” Kel squeals, squeezing me once more. She lets me go and has a wide grin on her face. She’s happy for me, just like I knew she would be.

  Swinging her arm around me, she whispers in my ear, “He’s here, you know. He’s talking with Lucas now.” A blush rushes to my cheeks in anticipation. My joy in my news is replaced by the excitement and nervousness of seeing Gavin again.

  “Do I look okay?” I rub my hands down my lavender mid-length summer dress, biting my lip when it starts to tremble. I don’t want to mess this up. Kel is right; it’s time to live again.

  Kel’s hand reaches out and squeezes mine.

  “You’re perfect, Ari.” She tucks my hair behind my ears and gives me a little push toward the open door. I step inside and take another Blue Moon from the cooler before veering to a crowd of our high school friends.

  “There you are!” Sasha, one of Kel’s friend’s, calls, wearing a short black dress and heavy makeup. Ugh, I inwardly cringe at her high-pitched voice. I remember how many girls surrounded my sister in high school, but she was never superficial like these girls. Kel is in a class of her own. I walk up and take the bowl of pretzels that Lucas hands me. I look around for Gavin as I sip my third beer of the night.

  “He had to make a call, Aria.” Lucas gives me a knowing smile and throws an arm around me as he downs the last of his Samuel Adams.

  “Have you seen that man? You might have to stake your claim before one of us snatches him away!” Sasha squeals, nursing a cranberry martini. Immediately, I imagine kissing him in front of all these people, ruining him for her and all these other girls. But I’m not ready for that. For all I know, he’s taken. What is going on with me today? It’s not like he’s the first hot guy I’ve laid eyes on these past four months. But, oh my, those eyes. The sculpture of his lean chest, narrow hips…

  My thoughts are interrupted by a hand on my shoulder. The touch ignites shocks that light up my skin and I know he is behind me. I turn, meeting the crooked smile of the mystery man himself. My heart skips a beat as I look up into his eyes, feeling myself pulled toward him. It’s like gravity.

  “There you are! Do you want to dance?” Sasha chimes, looking up at him expectantly. Gavin gives me a wink and never takes his stormy blue eyes from mine as I notice the song change to a slow beat that I recognize as one by Coldplay. It’s slow and reverent and melts my heart on the spot.

  “A dance, Aria?” he asks quietly, his voice resonating through me in the best way. I place my hand in his and nod as he leads me onto the floor. Once we reach the middle of the dispersing crowd, he turns to me and wraps an arm around my waist, his right hand linked with my left as he sweeps me into him, leading us in a graceful slow dance. I look up at him and a smile plays on my lips.

  “You showed up.”

  Gavin’s face spreads into a wide, dimple-bearing, soul-consuming smile and it makes me feel lighter somehow. Then I realize he’s dipped me in the circle of his arms, which makes my heart beat impossibly fast. I grab his biceps for balance and see his eyes blaze with amusement. I can feel every line of his lean, hard, muscled body on every line of my soft curves, and when he places a hand at the small of my back, my heart hammers in desire. God, how long has it been since I’ve desired or truly wanted a man? Years. I haven’t felt like this since my sophomore year in high school. I can’t help but think how naive I was back then.

  “Of course I did, Aria.” He pulls me back into his arms, hooking them around my waist as he balances me again, and I link my hands around his neck, sucking in a breath at the sight and feel of him. Wow, he’s toned. I try to sort my thoughts into words.

  “Why? I’m sure you had plans tonight before I gawked at your car and my sister invited you to our party.” Gavin dips his head and his mouth is only inches from mine when he speaks.

  “I did, but I wanted to see you again more. You look beautiful, by the way.” His voice is deep and makes me draw closer to him.

  “Thank you,” I whisper breathlessly.

  When he pulls me to his chest, I rest my head against his shoulder and his arms hold me close at the small of my back. My heart beats so fast, and as the song ends, I lift my head and give him my best smile when I feel the nervousness of opening up to this guy I don’t even know. Am I really ready to do this?

  “I have to go refill the refreshments. Save me a dance, will you?”

  Gavin’s dark brown hair falls into his eyes as he loosens his arms around me and nods, his eyes locked onto mine. I see uncertainty in the depths.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, his hand coming up to my cheek. I suck in a breath, my heart racing at the contact of skin against skin.

  “I’ll be back, I promise.” I just need to take a breath, some air to sort myself out.

  Reluctantly, he lets me go and I try to calm my heart as I pull my best friend Farah outside with me. She’s the only girl I know that will never sugarcoat things with me. That’s what I need right now.

  “What the hell, Aria, are you okay?” Farah asks as she grabs my hand and we sit on the steps. I take a deep breath and turn to her. She’s been my rock for as long as I can remember. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing, Farah. I met this guy today and he’s, God, so gorgeous. Like his eyes captivate me and when he was holding me just now, it felt so right, you know?”

  She grins and squeezes my hand for reassurance, her reddish-brown hair tucked behind her ears, her knowing eyes seeing right through me.

  “Then go with it, Aria. Don’t start over thinking it!”

  “He called me beautiful, Farah. I mean, I don’t even know his last name! Is this crazy?”

  She shakes her head and looks into my eyes, forcing me to be honest.

  “Do you like him?” She cocks her head to the side, pinning me with her gaze.

  “Yes.”

  “Then stop thinking about it. I can tell he likes you.” I grin at the thought and narrow my eyes at her.

  “Really? How?”

  Her eyes gleam with a smile as she throws her arm around my shoulder.

  “He couldn’t keep his eyes off you. He asked us what your favorite band was so he could request it! Trust me, honey; he’s in this with you.”

  Farah gives me another hug before she goes back into the house and I sit on the steps for another minute, deciding to give this a chance, knowing that if I shy away from him, I’ll always wonder what could have been.

  “Are you ready for that dance?” Gavin’s smooth voice says from behind me, causing my heart to race just from the sound of it.

  “Yeah.” I lift my head and he offers his hand to me, a boyish smile on his lips.

  I giggle at the gesture, letting him help me up and my eyes lock onto his.

  “Can I ask you something?” I ask with my hand still wrapped around his. He nods, not letting go of me as he steadies me with a hand placed on my hip.

  Trying to organize my jumbled thoughts, I briefly look up at the sun that’s hiding behind a crescent-shaped cloud. When I look back into his eyes, I lay it all out there.

  “Why do you like me? I mean, maybe I’m misreading this, but I… I like you. But why do you like me?”

  He gives me that sexy lopsided smile that makes my knees weak and cups my cheek with his hand as I step closer to him.

  “I just want to get to know you, Aria. You’re beautiful and kind and I saw the passion inside you through your dancing. It was amazing, as if you lived for each step, each movement, and each spin. Aria… you take my breath away.” His eyes fill with some unnamed emotion that stirs something deep inside me.

  I suck in a breath as my body is instantly drawn closer to his body.

  “You saw me dancing?”

  He nods, gliding his thumb over my cheek, leaving ting
les everywhere he touches.

  “Yes, I saw. You were incredible, Aria. It was elegant, yet modern. Every move amazed me along with the audience. Then when I saw you in the parking lot, I had to talk to you. It was like fate or maybe sheer luck. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something about you that draws me to you. I want more.”

  A delicious shiver runs up my spine at his words and when he places both hands on my face, tilting it up to meet his, I see his clear, blue eyes melding into mine.

  “More?”

  “Do you have a boyfriend, Aria?” he whispers, caressing my cheek achingly slow. I gasp, shaking my head and feeling how fast my heart is beating and the blood rushing through my veins. I feel alive and vibrant, as if my every breath lights my body anew.

  “No.”

  He smiles and leans his forehead closer to mine. I can feel his breath upon my lips.

  “I want to kiss you, Aria,” he says, his voice deep with lust and a desire that takes my breath away.

  Yes, please.

  “Gavin… ” I whisper, my voice breathy in anticipation.

  He leans back, meeting my gaze so that it’s impossible for me to look away. His blue-gray eyes capture mine and in this moment, I’m his.

  “Yes or no, Aria?” he whispers, urging me closer to him with a hand at the small of my back as his other cups my cheek so gently. All I know is I want to be closer to him. I don’t want to worry about whether this is the right thing after what I’ve gone through. I just want him closer now.

  I nod my head, feeling his breath across my face as my chest presses against his. He smells like mint and his touch feels like a dream as I wrap my hands around his neck, my fingers grasping onto soft, smooth strands of his unruly hair.

  “Yes.”

  He smiles, one hand moving across my cheek to my neck where he tilts my head while his arm wraps around my waist, his eyes blazing with a desire that takes my breath away.

  “Tell me if you want me to stop, beautiful.”

  I moan deep in my throat, the sound of that word from his lips slipping past the last of my defenses as his mouth softly closes over mine. His heat engulfs my senses and I grab his hair, tangling my fingers in it. I open my mouth to his. My leg comes up as if of its own volition and wraps around his waist while I gasp against his ardent, all consuming kiss. I’ve never been kissed like this. Savagely yet gently all at the same time. I hear Gavin groan, sending tingles up my spine, while his arms wrap around my waist and one of his hands grasps the bottom of my short, satin dress. With his lips eagerly pressing to mine, his tongue slips slowly into my mouth, licking, tasting, and exploring me as I do the same, moaning in desire when he nips at my bottom lip. It sends a jolt of aching desire from my lips to my core. Wrapping both arms around his neck, pressing into him, I lock his mouth with mine and clutch onto his tee as passion runs through my veins. God, I can’t get close enough.

  “Aria,” he whispers against my lips, pulling back an inch to meet my eyes, reading them for a moment before that gorgeous smile graces his mouth and he leans his forehead against mine. I let go of his shirt and wrap my hands around the back of his neck as I struggle to catch my breath.

  “That was… wow,” I whisper, smiling excitedly. His hand brushes my flushed cheek and his mouth sets in a smile that shows off his ruggedly handsome face.

  “Amazing,” he says, pressing his lips to mine softly once more before he leans back and grasps my hand, his eyes shining as he gazes down at me. “Do you want to dance, beautiful?”

  I grin and nod as he leads me back inside. My heart beats fast and erratically in my chest. His fingers close over mine as we walk back to the almost empty dance floor where a soft melody by Shania Twain is playing. He pulls me into him and presses a hand to my waist. He sweeps me into a slow dance that is just as graceful as before, only this time he presses his mouth to my neck, turning me around so that my back is pressed to his lean chest and his arms wrap around my hips, swaying us easily to the beat.

  I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of his ever-so-gentle touch and the feel of his mouth pressing on the side of my neck. And I know, from this moment on I’ll be completely and totally his.

  * * *

  Once a Jason Walker song ends, three dances later, Gavin turns me to him and tucks a curl of my hair behind my ear. His finger grazes my cheek just barely and it makes my breath hitch.

  The things I feel when I’m with him both scares me and excites me.

  “Take a walk with me?” he asks, his hand on the back of my neck causing my skin to tingle from the feel of his touch.

  “Of course. I just have to let Kel know. You want to meet me outside?”

  He dips his head and presses a kiss to my lips, grazing a finger across my chin before pulling back and looking into my eyes.

  “Sure, take your time.”

  I smile and kiss him once more before taking a step back and spotting Kel talking with Elliot, our cousin, over by the beer coolers.

  “Hey! You leaving already?”

  I nod, unable to keep the smile off my face, and I hug my arms around her, waving to Elliott from behind her head.

  “I’m happy for you, Ari. You deserve some happiness,” she whispers before she leans back, kissing my cheek and smoothing the hair from my face.

  “We’re just going to take a walk. I’ll be back later for cleanup. Okay?”

  She nods and steps back. I beam up at her, hoping that she’s right about opening myself up to love again.

  I find Gavin leaning against the door frame as I step outside. Breathing in the cool Chicago air, a smile graces my lips.

  “Ready?”

  He looks up from his phone and gives me a heart-stopping smile when he sees me staring unabashedly at him. The sudden thought comes to me that I might be pulling him away from his job or someone else. Doubt clouds my thoughts as I step toward him and see how clear his eyes are.

  “I hope I’m not pulling you away from anything or… ”

  He gazes down at me almost comically and bites his lower lip to hide a smile.

  “Do you really think I would’ve kissed you if I had anyone waiting on me?”

  I let out the breath I’d been holding, hearing the sincerity in his voice while he places his hands on either side of my face and presses a soft kiss to my forehead.

  “Sorry,” I whisper, my hands on the middle of his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder. It feels so natural, as if I’ve known him for much longer than a few hours.

  “No worries, we hardly know each other. Let’s take a walk. There’s a hiking trail not far from here that I want to show you.”

  I nod as he interlaces his fingers with mine and we head along the road leading to Marley’s Cove, a hiking trail I haven’t actually been to since Kel and I moved here a few months ago.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  I look up to see Gavin gazing over at me, running a hand through his messy brown hair. He’s sitting on a rock on the top of the cove and I’m sitting under an oak tree just three feet away from him.

  “I was just thinking that I’d like to know more about you,” I say. He smiles and reaches out his hand to me. When I grasp it and stand closer to him, he scoots backward to the flattest surface of the rock and pulls me with him, so that I’m in between his legs. My back presses to his chest and his hand links with mine across my thigh.

  “Ask me anything you want, Aria,” he whispers, wrapping one arm around my waist and tucking me close to him. I take a deep breath, thinking of all the things I want to know about him. I start with an easy one.

  “Why do you call me beautiful?”

  I can feel his smile against my neck as he sucks in a breath.

  “You’re beautiful to me, Aria. I call you that because it’s how I see you.”

  I can’t help the stutter of my heart and the wide smile on my lips as I place my arms around his arms that are wrapped around my stomach, reveling in the feel of his skin against mine.

  “My
turn,” he whispers, smoothing my hair away from my neck. He places a kiss on the skin there, his lips moving in a circular motion as he speaks against my skin.

  “When did you start dancing?” he asks, his deep voice next to my ear.

  “When I began preschool, my mom enrolled me in a toddler dance academy, and my love for it grew from there.”

  “Is your mom a dancer?” Gavin’s hands skate down my arms, causing goose bumps.

  I giggle and press closer to him. Being in his arms feels better than I could have imagined.

  “That’s two questions, but no, she isn’t. She’s a model and travels a lot, too.” The last thing I want to think about is my absentee mother, but he asked and, truly, I want Gavin to know me.

  “Did I upset you?” he asks, turning me so that I’m facing him. I hastily shake my head, pressing it against his shoulder as his hand strokes up and down my back.

  “No, she wasn’t around a lot when I was growing up, though. I actually haven’t talked to her in a long time.”

  Deftly, Gavin lifts my face with a finger under my chin and gazes into my eyes.

  “I understand, but if she doesn’t appreciate you then it’s her loss, Aria, not yours.”

  My heart skips a beat at his heartfelt words as I lean my face into his touch.

  “What about you, your parents?”

  He gazes down at me and smiles softly. That smile makes my heart beat even faster.

  “My mom and I have always been close. She’s the glue that’s always kept the family together. My dad, well, he passed away last year. It was a cardiac arrest.”

  I gasp audibly, my hand instinctively going to the locket resting against my chest. The pain of losing someone so important, so vital to you never heals completely and my chest tightens at the thought of his own pain. Leaning forward, I kiss his neck urgently, hating the thought of him losing his dad so suddenly. He rubs his hand up my back as if to reassure me also.

  “I’m so sorry, Gavin. I can’t imagine… ” He presses his lips to my temple, silencing me. His arm wraps me tight against him.

  “It’s okay. I miss him. We all do, but he had a great life and I have to take some comfort in that.” He leans back, meeting my eyes as he nods, reassuring me with more than his words.