Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  I can’t imagine losing one of my parents so tragically, though I’ve felt that sort of pain before. Jeremy…

  As if he’s reading my mind, Gavin presses closer to me, giving me his warmth when a breeze sways my hair back.

  “Do you have any brothers? Sisters?” he asks, his eyes focused on mine.

  “Yes, Kel’s my sister. She’s older by three years. And um… ” My voice trails off as I wonder if I should tell him about Jeremy, unsure if I can get the words out without having my emotions get the best of me.

  He tilts my face up and reads me with worry stretching over his face.

  “Tell me,” he whispers, holding me close, giving me strength.

  “My brother Jeremy. He was four years older than me and the best brother I could have asked for. He was my rock.”

  Gavin runs a hand over my cheek, never taking his eyes off mine.

  “Was?” Gavin’s eyes are filled with sudden concern as he gazes down at me with his hand against my cheek.

  “Jeremy and I were on our way home from a dance competition when a semi sped through a red light and crashed into his cab. They… um… couldn’t save him. He died from the blood loss.” My voice breaks twice and a tear falls onto my cheek as I close my eyes, waiting for Gavin to make an excuse to leave. One day with me and I’m already a mess. The tightness in my chest feels as if my heart is being squeezed by a fist, my worst pain being voiced, I feel naked in front of him.

  Will he pull away now? Will it be too much, too soon for him to deal with?

  Will he see a damaged, unlovable girl in front of him or will he really and truly see me?

  Gavin’s thumb catches a tear against my chin and his lips press against my forehead so very lightly. A feeling of such relief comes over me when he wraps his arms tightly around me and I press my face into his neck, letting myself feel the pain for this moment in time.

  “I didn’t mean to tell you all that. I’d understand if you walked away right now. I know, I’m a mess,” I whisper, not daring to look into his eyes for fear of what I’ll see there. Pity, regret, sadness, concern, maybe panic. I couldn’t bear that so I just press closer to him as he whispers in my ear.

  “You’re not a mess, you’re so goddamn strong. I can see how hard it is for you to talk about him. I’m so sorry that you had to endure that. How long ago?”

  I gaze up at him then and let out a breath as I see a fierce devotion in his face, not pity.

  “May third will be the anniversary of his death. I’m okay though. He’s in a better place now, and I have to believe that.” He nods and pulls me back into his chest, stroking my back soothingly. It feels so good when my eyes close and after a moment, Gavin presses a kiss to my forehead.

  “I have a sister, Callie.”

  I smile and lean back to look into his eyes.

  “Yeah? How old is she?”

  His eyes fill with joy when he talks about her, his mouth turning up into a reminiscent smile.

  “Sixteen years old as of April twelfth. She’s a dancer, like you. Does some gymnastics, too. She’s my mom’s pride and joy, of course.”

  I grin and sweep locks of his brown hair off his face, my touch lingering.

  “What do you do for work, Gavin?” My voice is teasing, but I genuinely want to know.

  He hesitates as if he’s gauging my reaction before he opens his mouth.

  “My dad passed Thomas Corporations down to me, the family company, last spring. He’d been priming me for it since I was fifteen years old. I own and operate it now, along with my mom, of course, who runs the offices and legal aspects of it.”

  My breath catches. I struggle to imagine how much money he must make, owning a growing computer technology corporation like that. Mom always told me to follow the men with gold, but it doesn’t make me want him any less or any more. It’s just a surprise.

  “Wow. I mean I figured you had a pretty high-end job to afford your Jaguar, but I didn’t expect that. What do you do? It’s computer technology, right?” He nods and leans back a little so his eyes meet mine in the setting sun.

  “We try to innovate mobile and computer technologies for modern-day society. After Windows 8, our system was in almost every PC in America.”

  I give him a smile, reassuring him that I’m only curious about his work and not trying to pry.

  “Windows 8?”

  “Yeah, once we put together the idea, software, and patent for it, we sold it for quite a lot to Microsoft. It took them a while to give us a viable offer, though now we have access to almost any software or technology information program we’d need. Trust me; it was well worth the wait.” My eyes light up hearing him talk about something he’s very passionate about.

  I lean into him to give him a soft kiss on the lips, losing my breath as he grasps onto the back of my neck to deepen it. His touch lingers along my oversensitive skin and I lean against it.

  “What was that for?” he whispers as he presses a lingering kiss on my temple and runs a hand through my hair.

  “Just wanted to let you know that you didn’t scare me off, Gavin.”

  He smiles that shy smile at me, showing off how goddamn handsome his features are.

  “Did you read my mind?”

  “No, but I saw it in your eyes.”

  I bite my lip as he pulls me to him and begins to kiss my neck, licking as he goes. I feel heat in my core and wetness between my legs from my desire, my arousal for him growing.

  “It’s getting dark. I probably have to get back… ” I whisper breathlessly as he groans against my skin. He doesn’t want to let me go yet.

  “I don’t want to push you but… ”

  Something in his voice urges me to look up into his eyes and I see almost a vulnerability there. “I want to see you again, beautiful. Your sister, she told me that you might be a little gun-shy to a full-on relationship with me because of something in your past… ” I gasp, feeling a little betrayed that Kel spoke with him about this despite that I do want to see him again. I want to be near him, just like this.

  “But honestly, Aria, I want to be with you. You take my breath away; I don’t think I could stay away, not unless it’s what you wanted.”

  I suck in a breath, letting go of my fears. I struggle to find my words.

  “Gavin, I like you so much. I think anyone else would have been running for the hills by now, but you’re still here and you take my breath away, too. The way I feel about you, it’s so new to me and, honestly, it scares the crap out of me. I mean I’ve spent the last six months being afraid to get too close to someone for fear of being hurt, but with you, I want to take that chance. I want to be with you, Gavin.” I hold my breath as I read his expression, his eyes alight with relief and his hands on the sides of my face, banishing away the shivers on my skin as I lay my heart out to him, this man I’ve only known for a day.

  His face stretches into a crooked smile, taking my breath away, and he presses his lips urgently to mine. Our mouths move together in perfect unison and when his tongue licks into my mouth, I moan through our kiss. He softens the kiss, his lips slowly and reverently pressing to mine as if he’s memorizing the feel of me. He just kisses me, groaning deep in his throat. He pulls away, showering kisses over my parted lips, my cheeks, and then my temple.

  “Oh, beautiful. I like you so much,” he whispers, pressing his forehead against mine, both of us catching our breath.

  I smile, not trying to hide the giggle that parts my lips.

  “Gavin, I think we should take this slow, get to know each other and spend time together. There’s no rush, right?”

  He leans back and nods, giving me a kiss on the nose. His eyes are filled with want when he gazes down at me.

  “No rush, okay? Can I take you out tomorrow?”

  I blush and nod eagerly. I want, no, I need to see him again.

  “Dinner. I can pick you up here at eight?”

  I kiss the side of his mouth and hear the catch in his breathing.
/>   “I’d love to.”

  He stands up, reaching out his hands to me. I grasp onto him and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, holding me close to him.

  Once we reach the porch, I look back at him and smile, feeling more at peace now that I know I’ll see him again.

  “Can I text you?” he asks, his voice reverberating with that sexy drawl that makes my heart stutter.

  I laugh a little, pulling out my phone as I lean my back into his chest.

  “God, I love the sound of your laugh,” he whispers, running his hands up my arms for warmth against the chill.

  “Doesn’t this feel a little backward? I give you my number after we make out like teenagers.” His husky laugh makes my voice all breathy and I turn to him, giving him my phone. He hands me his. I program my number and hand it back to him.

  “It does, huh? Well, this way I don’t have to wait three days to call you for a date.”

  I giggle, gazing up at him. He traces his hand over my cheek, lighting up my skin in flames.

  “Would you have been able to wait three days?”

  He laughs, shaking his head and grasping my hand, leading me to the door.

  “No way, maybe one, but not three, beautiful.”

  I get out my keys and unlock the door before turning back to him.

  “Come here, Gavin,” I whisper, my voice raspy with desire. He steps up to me, wrapping his arms around the small of my back and lifting me off my feet in a whoosh. I giggle happily when he crushes his lips against mine. His kiss is sweet, slow, and lazy as his tongue invades my mouth and his lips adore me. When he pulls away, I’m breathless.

  “Tomorrow, beautiful,” he whispers, lifting our joined hands to his mouth and pressing his lips to my palm before stepping back.

  I smile, my lips still tingling from the kiss. I close the door behind me and sigh while I put down my keys and head to the fridge for something to eat. My mind is still reeling from all that’s happened, but for now, I’m happy.

  Three

  AS I MAKE MY WAY into the kitchen, I see my dad giving Kel a hug. I squeal, a huge smile on my face since I haven’t seen him in weeks. Excitement bubbles up inside me when he turns and sees me.

  “Pumpkin, come here,” Dad says, pulling away from my sister. I run into his arms, so happy to see him as he lifts me off my feet and kisses my cheek.

  “When did you get here?” I ask, pulling back to take a look at him. I laugh, seeing his beard coming back. He has new lines around his eyes and mouth, but his deep amber eyes, the same as Kel’s, are as bright as they’ve always been.

  “You look happy, Aria,” he says, twirling me in a circle like he always does.

  “Dad, you seriously have to shave!” I laugh through the words. He throws his head back and laughs, pulling me with him. He makes his way into the kitchen where Kel places three plates of mac and cheese on the table.

  “I’ll take it under advisement, pumpkin,” Dad winks at me.

  Turning to my sister, he says, “This is great, Kel. Thank you.” I sit down and he sits next to me, both of us digging into our dinner.

  “Oh, my God, this is amazing, Kel!” I gush, enjoying her homemade food.

  After dinner, we take Dad into the living room and watch reruns of Full House. He tells us all about his trip. It feels so good to have him back home, and when Kel goes to bed, I stay up and decide to tell him about Gavin.

  “You okay, pumpkin?” He reaches for my hand and squeezes it.

  I look up from my phone, hoping for a text, and give my dad a smile.

  “Yeah. I met someone today, Dad.”

  He grins wide and gives me a kiss on my forehead. I know that he just wants me to be happy.

  “Yeah? Kel may have told me about that, pumpkin. You like him?”

  “Yeah, so much. I didn’t think it was possible for me to open up to a guy so quickly after what happened with Bryce, but I really like him.”

  He pulls me into a hug and rubs his hand up and down my back. He smells like gasoline and cigarettes, as always. My dad has worked in his auto repair garage since I was a little girl. The smell of it lingers on him and it’s come to smell like home to me.

  “I’m so happy for you, pumpkin. Just take it slow, enjoy the chase. There’s no rush, Aria. You deserve a guy who treats you right, who treasures you, like I treasured your mom for the time we were together.”

  Tears build in my eyes. I remember growing up and seeing how much they loved each other. My mom stopped modeling when I was born, but she still did occasional shoots for local magazines and spreads. She loved her job, loved modeling. My dad always supported her dream. He would stay home with the three of us the nights she had to work, and when everything went up in flames after the accident, nothing was ever the same. My mom broke, emotionally and physically. I know she loved my dad with her whole heart, but she just couldn’t take the never-ending pain of losing her son. She ran from us, from what happened, from everything. I’ll never forget watching my dad’s heart break when she left us. I rest my head against his chest. I needed this, this reassurance from my dad about starting something new with Gavin.

  “Do you miss her, Daddy?” I ask, my voice clogged with tears.

  He sighs and nods, his eyes filled with a trace of sadness. “Every day, but she made her choice, and no matter how much it hurt me and you girls, we have to accept that.” His thumbs wipe my tears away and he dips his head to kiss my forehead. I’d be lost without him. My dad’s strength put us back together after we broke apart. But I know he’s never truly gotten over my mother. She was his one true love.

  I rest my head on his shoulder again, not wanting to think about Mom.

  “Can we talk about something else?”

  “Sure, pumpkin. What’s mystery man’s name?”

  I lift my head, narrowing my eyes at him. I love my dad, but ever since high school, he’s run background checks on every one of my boyfriends or any boy I had an interest in. It’s like he’s trying to protect me before I get hurt, which is unnecessary since the nicest, kindest, and richest and most successful man that I dated turned out to be a monster. I shudder, thinking of his face, but Dad kisses my forehead for comfort as if he read where my mind had wandered.

  “Just in case, Aria. It would put my mind at ease. After what happened with Bryce, I can’t fathom the idea of you getting hurt again. I couldn’t bear it, pumpkin.”

  I exhale, remembering my dad’s broken face in my hospital room weeks ago.

  “Gavin Thomas.”

  He raises his eyebrows skeptically at me.

  “You mean the billionaire, Thomas Corporations CEO?”

  I gasp, shocked that my dad knows who he is. Oh, crap.

  “Yeah, I think he said something like that.”

  My dad throws his head back laughing and then smiles knowingly.

  “Do you realize how much money that boy makes? Wow, wait till your mom finds out, Pumpkin. She’s going to be so happy.”

  I inwardly cringe, not wanting to think about how much money he makes or what a “catch” my mom will say he is.

  “Don’t tell her, please, Dad. I just met him. None of that stuff matters to me,” I whisper, looking anxiously up at him. He nods after a moment, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

  “I won’t. I promise. Just be careful with him. I’ll let you know what I find out.” He gets up and heads to the fridge, grabbing a water and his duffel bag off the edge of the couch. He crouches down and hugs me tight, kissing my forehead.

  “Love you, Daddy,” I whisper into his neck before he leans back and smiles warmly.

  “Love you more, pumpkin.”

  * * *

  After a nice hot shower I put on a pair of gray yoga pants and a tour tee of The Band Perry, pulling my hair into a messy bun. I crawl under the covers, grabbing the remote and flicking through channels until I find a police procedural that I like.

  My mind is racing with curiosity about what Dad could find on Gavin, and when I see my Ma
c laptop screen flash with a new email, I reach over and pull it onto my lap. I open up Google Search and type in “Gavin Thomas.”

  I know I should stop myself, but in all honesty, I need to know what I’m getting myself into by pursuing a relationship with him.

  When the results come up across the search engine, I slowly scroll down. There’s a picture of Gavin and a blond, skinny woman with brown eyes. His hair is slicked back and he’s wearing a gray Paul Smith three-piece suit tailored perfectly to hug his lean chest, arms, and toned thighs, and a dark green tie, while the woman wears a silver dress that shows off her prominent chest and long legs. He has to be at least twenty in this photo and I wonder vaguely how old he is now because he looks so young in this picture. His arm wraps around her shoulder and she’s smiling while she gazes at him. I feel a little jealousy that he had been so happy with this girl. Oh, my God! What if he still loves her? The caption reads:

  Young prodigy Gavin H. Thomas left at the altar by his high-end fashion model fiance of two years, Jasmine Elliot.

  The date underneath reads almost four years ago. Oh, no. I feel both relief and sadness as I read more. Then it dawns on me. Jasmine, his Jaguar, “after the girl that broke my heart years ago.” I remember his heartfelt words from this afternoon. There’s a lot about his business.

  Billionaire Gavin Thomas takes the technology world by storm!

  And…

  Thomas spotted with younger sister Callie Joy at Raymond’s in north end, Chicago.

  Then I see something else that makes my heart stop. It stutters while I read on.

  Son Gavin Henry Thomas devastated after tragedy strikes the family. At nineteen years old finds father James A. Thomas suffering from cardiac arrest. He died later that night, leaving Thomas Corporations to only son G. H. Thomas.

  I close my laptop, feeling sad for a young Gavin, lost after his father’s death. He must have felt so alone, having to be strong for his mother and sister while grieving his father’s death.

  I watch television and almost fall asleep before my phone vibrates with a text. I smile, my sadness vanishing when I open the message and see it’s from Gavin.