Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  I offer my hand and he shakes it, his eyes welcoming. He can’t be any older than 25 and must be the security lead Gavin told me about.

  “Aria. It’s nice to meet you, too.”

  Gavin wraps an arm around my waist and looks back to Spencer.

  “This is Spencer. He’s my security lead and friend.”

  He chuckles as if he doesn’t agree, which Gavin echoes with his husky laugh.

  “Come on, baby. Let’s get you settled.”

  * * *

  As I unpack my things, it excites me how well I adjust to this home-style penthouse. I set the picture of Jeremy and me by the bedside table and see another framed photo behind it. I pick it up, balancing it between my palms as I look down at the photograph that looks worn in the black frame. It’s of an older woman with soft gray eyes and wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. She has white wavy hair that’s pulled into a bun and she wears a brown sweater and black slacks. I can see the resemblance in her face. Gavin stands next to her, smiling warmly with his arm around her shoulders, wearing a black suit jacket and a lavender-colored tie. I smile, seeing how close he must be with this woman.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Gavin murmurs, striding into the room and wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, nuzzling my cheek softly.

  “Who’s this?” I ask, looking up into his blue-gray eyes that are clear with his easygoing nature now that I’m all moved in.

  “My grandmother from my dad’s side. Tessa. We were really close when I was growing up.”

  I turn in his arms and press my hands to his cheeks when I see the tinge of sadness in his eyes.

  “When?” I skate my fingers across his freshly-shaven jaw.

  “Last year,” he murmurs, almost to himself.

  I pull him into my arms and wrap them around his back. Gavin presses his face into the swell of my neck and breathes me in. He leans back after a moment and his eyes are clear of the sadness. Instead, I see the love he has for me.

  “I love you, Aria. Always.”

  I gasp, the sound dying on my lips as he dips his head and kisses me. His mouth engulfs me, his minty breath overwhelming my senses, and as he sucks my lower lip into his mouth, a moan slips from my parted lips.

  I rest my forehead against his, trying to catch my breath.

  “Can I take you somewhere, Aria?”

  I smile, nodding as he grins that wide smile at me.

  “Sure.”

  Fourteen

  THE SAND SEEPS BETWEEN my toes as Gavin leads me down to a picnic blanket a little ways down the beach. There’s an over-sized basket sitting beside it, along with a bottle of wine in an ice bucket and a single red rose lying on the sand. I gasp, my eyes darting to his as he pulls me down to the blanket and sets me in his lap.

  “When did you plan all this?”

  His chuckle sends delicious tingles up my back.

  “I have my ways, baby.”

  He lifts my chin with his finger and his eyes blaze with love. It takes my breath away.

  “You’re too good to me, Gavin,” I whisper, resting my head across his shoulder. He looks so gorgeous with his hair mussed after his shower, and the way his blue tee, low slung jeans, and Columbia Motocross sweatshirt hug his body. His smile is teasing as he gazes down at me.

  “You deserve the world, baby. And I’m going to do everything I can to give it to you.”

  “Gavin… ”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and press my mouth to his, moaning when he kisses me back passionately. He licks into my mouth and sucks adoringly on my lips, stealing the breath from my lungs and making my heart soar with love for this man.

  He leans back with his eyes alight with humor. He winks at me, stirring my core with anticipation as he whips his shirt off over his head and scoops me in his arms, standing effortlessly. I squeal, grasping onto his neck when he starts running toward the shoreline. The sight of his half smile and blazing blues takes my breath away.

  “What are you doing?” I yell, kicking my legs gleefully.

  “I’m taking you in the water.”

  “No! It’s probably so cold! Gavin!”

  His husky laugh sends delicious shivers down my spine.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll keep you warm,” he says, winking down at me with a breathtaking smile on his face.

  His mouth is hot against mine, his arms wrapped around my hips and my legs tight around his waist. His tongue licks along my lower lip as he murmurs against my urgent mouth.

  “Let’s finish this at home.”

  My heart soars at the sound of that one word that holds so much meaning. Home.

  “I really like the sound of that,” I whisper, inching away from his lips, grasping his gorgeous face between my palms.

  His eyes are filled with want for me as he carries me out of the warmish water and sets me down beside the truck a moment later. He dries me off and as I wrap the pink towel around myself, I grab another one and dry him before kissing him quickly on the lips and hopping into the heated truck. The heat warms my fingers, banishing the goose bumps over my arms and legs.

  “You’re so beautiful, Aria. You take my breath away each and every time I see you.”

  His sincere voice and hungry blue eyes make my heart race with desire for him again. He grasps one of my hands in his and kisses my knuckles softly, not letting go even when we arrive back at the penthouse.

  “I love you,” I whisper, smiling as he dips his head toward mine. His nose runs along mine and the tender way he adores my mouth is heavenly. God, I never knew I needed this. But I do. His love has healed me in the best way possible.

  “I love you, too, baby. Let’s go inside.”

  I nod, looking up and spotting a white Lincoln in the spot next to us. When Gavin opens my door, his eyebrows are drawn together.

  “That’s Jasmine’s car. I have no idea why she’s here.”

  He grasps my hand and leads me inside, his face tense with frustration.

  “Maybe she wants to apologize.”

  He shakes his head, tracing a finger down the side of my face as the elevator moves below us. What could she want? Uneasiness spreads through me the minute I see her slender frame in the doorway of the penthouse.

  “I’ll figure out what she wants.”

  I nod, trying to calm the worry etching through my mind. I kiss his cheek, giving him my best smile, and he hands me my purse as he runs a hand through his hair, probably steeling himself to talk to his ex for the first time in four years.

  “I’ll be in the bedroom.” I wrap my hands around his broad shoulders and press my face into his neck.

  “I won’t be long.”

  * * *

  I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting and waiting and waiting. The suspense ratchets up my anxiety. I hear the front door close, and then footsteps down the hall.

  Gavin opens the door and meets my eyes, his eyebrows drawn together in agitation. He sits next to me and gazes into my eyes, not saying anything just yet.

  “Everything okay?” I ask. Nodding, he kisses my knuckles as I smooth his hair from his eyes. He looks tense, which only spikes my anxiety even more.

  “I’m sorry she showed up here, Aria. I promise you, I didn’t ask her to come.”

  “I know.”

  He sighs, the tension leaving his body all at once. His eyes clear as he gazes down at me more earnestly.

  “She won’t be back. I made it clear who I want now.”

  My heart stutters, his deep voice and clear eyes penetrating through my uneasiness.

  I press closer to him and nuzzle my face into his neck.

  “Make love to me, Gavin.”

  I see his blue-gray eyes fill with love for me and I moan as his mouth comes down, sucks and licks my throat, and his hands flex against my bottom. All my insecurities are forgotten as he makes slow, rough, gentle love to me again.

  * * *

  “Aria, baby, wake up.”

  My eyes flutter open to see Gavin sitting beside m
e, his smile lighting up his ruggedly handsome face. He wears a pair of faded Levi jeans and a button-down white shirt, the sleeves meeting his forearms. His chest fills out the shirt perfectly and it makes my fingers itch to touch him. His mouth sweeps over mine, stealing my breath in the tenderness of it.

  “Hi, handsome.”

  He laughs against my lips, his eyes filled with desire.

  “Good morning, beautiful.”

  It’s only then that I see the tray of pancakes, grits, scrambled eggs, and bacon. My stomach grumbles, seeing the delicious food Gavin made. I smile, biting my lip as he winks down at me.

  “You made me breakfast?”

  His lips tilt up in a smile that could make any girl swoon. It makes my heart race.

  “Wasn’t that our deal?”

  I pull his face down to my parted lips, clutching onto his hair as he lifts the tray away from my lap and grazes his teeth along my jaw.

  “Oh, yes.”

  His lips tease my neck and graze over my shoulder. I moan softly, gripping onto his shoulders as my head falls back.

  “I want to try something, Aria,” he whispers, his minty breath covering the oversensitive skin of my neck.

  “Okay… ” My eyes flutter close as I feel my core tighten.

  “Grasp the headboard above your head now.”

  What? I open my eyes, seeing his heated gaze, and I comply. I grasp onto the wooden headboard with both hands, never taking my eyes off Gavin’s.

  “Gavin… ”

  He slips the sheet away from my breasts, leaning back and gazing adoringly at me. His heated look makes me feel so wanted it takes the breath from my lungs.

  “Your body is so beautiful,” he whispers, leaning forward as he cups my breasts in his hands. When his hot mouth covers one of my nipples, my sex clenches and my body yearns to touch him, pull him closer, something. I call out, gripping the wood beneath my hands even tighter.

  “Gavin… please… I want to touch you,” I moan. He licks around the areola of my left breast, making it achingly sensitive and hardened under his touch.

  “Hush, beautiful. Feel me.”

  His tongue moves over to my other breast, his hand moving south as he nips down on my nipple, eliciting a cathartic groan from my parted lips. Pleasure rocks through me in a wave.

  “Oh, my God!” I call out, trying in vain to grind against him. He heads south, his mouth adoring the skin of my belly, his hands parting my legs and running along my inner thighs. My skin zings to life and my legs wrap around his hips.

  “Oh, Aria. You’re so wet,” he whispers, sliding a finger into my heat then adding another. I moan, feeling myself tighten around him. God, I need…

  “Let the headboard go, Aria. Hold on to me,” Gavin says, his voice a command. I moan when my overheated skin meets his as I grasp onto his forearms. My hips meet his fingers as he creates a heavenly rhythm. Once, twice, I tighten and writhe, feeling my release so close.

  “Yes! Gavin!” I call out as he kisses down my neck and pushes three fingers into me once more. I cry out, exploding around him, my eyes falling shut in utter bliss.

  “That was… ”

  He chuckles, kissing my temple as he hovers over me, kneeling between my legs. The fact that he’s still completely dressed after that is such a turn on. His mussed hair falls into his eyes, his smile taking up his entire face, and his eyes gleam hungrily as he gazes down at me.

  “Earth shattering?”

  I giggle, kissing his collarbone. I revel in the taste of him, rubbing my hands down his chest.

  “Among others,” I whisper. He leans back, his mouth kissing my forehead gently.

  “What do you want to do today, baby?”

  “Um, actually there is something.”

  His eyebrows rise as he sits across from me, pulls me into his arms, and lays his hands around the back of my neck.

  “I want to go see Jeremy’s grave site.”

  I meant to go yesterday, but it slipped my mind and I haven’t been there since the funeral. It’s time.

  He gazes down at me with his clear blue eyes. He nods, kissing my knuckles gently.

  “Of course. Can I come with you?”

  I smile, brushing my lips against his. How did I deserve this man?

  “I’d love that.”

  * * *

  His grave is just as I remember it, with a handful of lilies lying in front of the stone. They were always Kel’s favorite, the only flowers Jeremy would give her on special occasions. I wonder when she was here.

  I kneel in front of the stone and lay the white roses Gavin picked up for the grave site, remembering the beautiful bouquet Jeremy had given me on Valentine’s Day after Bryce had ditched me for our anniversary. Jeremy always knew when I needed a lazy day with my brother.

  Gage Jeremiah Morgan

  Beloved son and brother

  We will miss you

  I skate my fingers down the lettering, the feel of the stone under my fingers bringing tears to my eyes as I remember the moment he slipped away from us. I can still hear his voice in my mind, so full of fondness for me. “I love you, Ari. Be happy.” He was such a kind-hearted person. Why had he been taken from us so soon? Why not me? I feel tears well as my emotions overwhelm me. Be strong for him. For Jeremy.

  I sit cross-legged, feeling Gavin kneel behind me. His hands run up and down my arms and I find the words I want to say to Jeremy, not knowing if it’s possible that he’ll hear me.

  “I’m here, Jer. I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you, but after you left us I kind of lost my way.”

  Gavin slips his arms around my waist and rests his chin on the top of my head. Just having him close gives me strength.

  “I miss you so much, Jer. It’s not the same without you, but I’ve found some happiness again. It’s been a year since your accident and now it feels like I’m finally accepting what happened. I’m dancing again, and I’ve found love, just like you wanted for me.”

  Gavin kisses my temple, running a soothing hand up my back.

  “Jer, I hope wherever you are, you’re happy. You deserve that. I… I love you, Jeremy. Always.”

  I press a kiss to my left hand and press it to the tombstone above his name.

  I feel a sense of clarity, knowing he’s at peace now. At least I’m hoping he is.

  “I miss him so much,” I whisper, more to myself than Gavin. He pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around my middle as his lips linger on my forehead.

  “I know.”

  I sniffle, turning deeper into his embrace. His eyes fill with such love, and I immediately lift my lips to his, needing to show my love for him. It’s a slow, inhaling kiss that gives me butterflies. I gaze up at him, thankful for him.

  “Thank you for being here,” I whisper into his neck, my favorite place.

  He smiles a soft smile, cupping my cheek in one of his hands.

  “I told you. I’m not letting you go, beautiful.” His hands clasp my face so lovingly.

  My heart yearns for him as my body relaxes against his. I love him so much. I don’t know how long we sit there, Gavin holding me with my head resting against his shoulder.

  “Jeremy is his middle name?” he asks, lifting my chin to meet his clear gaze.

  “Yes, Gage was my grandfather’s name, but he never liked it. Everyone called him Jeremy. I think it fit him.”

  He nods, helping me up and grasping my hand in his. All I see are his blue-gray eyes.

  This man is always so gentle with me, knowing exactly what I need even when I don’t.

  “Are you okay, Aria?” he asks, placing a kiss on my knuckles.

  I gaze up at him and nod, tightening my hold on his hand.

  “Better now, babe.”

  We step onto the sidewalk and down a little ways I see St. Luke’s Lutheran Church, the church where I made my First Communion. There’s a wedding going on and the sight of the wedding party gathering makes me realize something. I want it. I want him. I want to marry this
man. How is that possible?

  “Aria?”

  Gavin cups my cheeks, bringing me back to the now.

  “Oh, sorry.”

  “Daydreaming?” he whispers in my ear, his hot breath grazing my cheek.

  “Maybe,” I bite my lip to hide my giggle.

  “Come on, baby.” Somehow, he sees right through me.

  Fifteen

  I LEAN MY HEAD AGAINST Gavin’s shoulder as he eases out into the midday traffic. His eyes flit down to mine and his lips tilt up into that youthful smile that first hooked me in the parking lot of Eli’s studio.

  His phone vibrates in the cup holder and I hand it to him, intertwining our fingers absentmindedly.

  “Hi, Mom,” he says. Crap, his mother?

  “No. Yes, she’s with me.”

  He gazes down at me, sighing and seeming agitated. What did she say?

  “What? Mom… I’m not sure if that’s a good idea… ”

  He pauses, listening. I wonder vaguely what his mother is like. She certainly raised him well.

  “Okay, I’ll talk to her about it. I love you. Bye.”

  He hangs up, huffing a laugh as he parks beside the studio.

  “What was that about?”

  He grins, kissing my lips softly as he leads me out of the Jaguar.

  “She wants to meet you. How does dinner next Tuesday sound?”

  Oh my.

  “I’d love that. This might take a while since it’s my last session before the showcase. Gavin, you don’t have to stay.”

  He opens the glass door for me, a shadow of a smile on his handsome face.

  “Only for a bit. I have an overseas conference call and a few meetings this afternoon.”

  Eli waves us over and I see Gavin’s shoulders tense when he spots Eli’s shaved head and piercing navy blue eyes.

  “Eli, this is my boyfriend, Gavin Thomas.”

  “Nice to finally meet the man who’s stolen Ms. Morgan’s heart. I’m Eli Jenkins.”

  Gavin relaxes substantially and they shake hands, moving into easy conversation as I slip on my ballet flats and go to the center mat to begin stretching. My limbs ache more than usual. I’m sore from all the earth shattering lovemaking we’ve had over the last week. When I turn, I see Gavin’s adoring stare as the music begins and Eli steps by my side.