Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  “You’re right,” I whisper, taking his hand from my core and pulling it to rest on my lower belly.

  Gavin’s heated eyes shoot to mine and I see a cautious hope in them.

  “This is just the beginning. Our beginning.”

  His eyes widen and he shakes his head subtly as he struggles to speak.

  “Please tell me what you’re telling me, baby. I don’t want to jump to anything… ”

  I smile wide, happily at sharing this news with him and nod through tears of unfettered joy.

  “Yes, Gavin. I think it’s going to be a boy.”

  His deep blueish gray eyes fill with tears as he pushes forward and drops his face to my neck as he kisses me gratefully. His lips skim from my neck to my collarbone and lower still until his lips press so very tenderly to my lower stomach where our baby is growing.

  “I love you, so fucking much Aria Georgia Thomas. And I love our baby already.”

  I run my hands lovingly through his messy brown hair and say it back to him.

  He repeats my name over and over as if it’s a prayer as he makes love to me and I know he is filled with as much joy as I am.

  As I lie in the afterglow of the most passionate lovemaking I’ve ever experienced, I am crazily, blissfully happy.

  Nine Months Later

  “Aria, baby wake up.”

  Gavin whispers in my ear, waking me from what feels like the deepest sleep I’ve ever had. As I lift myself onto my elbows to look at him, I feel a shooting pain in my sides and lower stomach that makes my eyes fly open and my chest heave up and down quickly.

  It’s too soon.

  Oh, God. It’s happening.

  “Gavin, I—”

  I don’t get any more words out as he is hovering over me and it’s only then that I feel the sheets wet underneath me.

  “I need to get you to the hospital, Beautiful. Your water broke.”

  Panic, joy, elation—it all floods through me and I let him help me out of bed and to my feet. He grazes his thumbs over my cheeks and his blue gray eyes melt to my green ones.

  “Are you okay? How do you feel?

  I see the worry and concern and love in his steely gaze. I grasp his hands and place them on my belly, our little bear begins to hiccup and I press a soft kiss to his mouth.

  “It’s time. Are you ready for this?”

  He smiles and nods, kissing me breathless before he kisses my forehead and wraps his arms around me.

  “I can’t wait to meet him, baby. I love you so much.”

  I lift my hands to his face, memorizing the joy in his beautiful eyes.

  “I love you too.”

  * * *

  Gavin rests his head beside mine on the hospital bed and I run my fingers through his hair. It shouldn’t be long now and I treasure these last moments of quiet before we meet our baby boy for the first time.

  When I feel another contraction coming on, I grasp his hand in mine and squeeze it through the pain. He wipes my tears away and presses a kiss to my forehead.

  “What can I do, Aria? I hate seeing you in pain.”

  I lean my forehead against his and shake my head.

  “Just having you here is enough, Gavin. Thank you.”

  He grazes his knuckles down my cheek and lifts one of my hands to his lips to kiss my knuckles.

  “For what baby?”

  “For loving me, having your love is everything I’ve ever wanted, Gavin.”

  He kisses me then, long and sweet and slow, pouring his love into our connection until I’m breathless.

  “Always, baby. I’ll never stop”

  It seems like hours until Dr. Hines comes in and sits at the end of my bed. She smiles and another doctor brings in the epidural. Why I couldn’t have it three hours ago, I’ll never know. I insisted on it because I know I couldn’t give birth without one.

  “Okay, Aria. Sit up and grab the railing at the edge of the bed. It might sting a little.” I nod, do as I’m told and Gavin kneels beside me, squeezing my hand in his.

  “Breathe, baby.”

  I do and after a stinging sensation in my back, everything south of my waist numbs. Oh, that’s better.

  “Better?” he whispers. I nod and he kisses my forehead as he lays me back onto the bed. The doctors leave along with the two nurses.

  I don’t know how much time goes by as Gavin reads my favorite book to me, Pride and Prejudice and I breathe through the pain that builds up in my center every eight minutes. Gavin squeezes my hand and tells me how strong I am. I wish he knew that he’s the one that makes me strong. His love.

  When the contractions become much closer apart than before, Dr. Hines is called.

  Gavin cups my cheeks and I know how much he wishes he could feel my pain for me. He loves me more than anything. He always had.

  “I’ve got you, baby.”

  I nodded, pressed my mouth to his and reveled in the taste, the feel, everything about this moment.

  It was time to bring our baby into this world.

  “Okay, Mrs. Thomas. Time to push. I want you to focus on Gavin as much as you can. Don’t be afraid to squeeze his hand. You won’t feel the pain, just pressure and you’ll want to sleep. But you have to listen to your body and push when it tells you to. He’s already crowning, are you ready, Aria?”

  Gavin grasps my hand in his and his blue gray eyes fill with emotion.

  “I’m ready”

  I pull Gavin’s head down to my lips and kiss him softly before whispering against his lips.

  “Don’t let go”

  I hear the need in my voice and when he kisses my forehead, sits beside me and squeezes my hand tightly in his, it’s his promise.

  * * *

  After much pushing, my body is wrung out. Physically exhausted and pushed past its limit, all I want to do is sleep. Gavin presses my fingertips to his lips and kisses them. He anchors me to him and when Dr. Hines tells me to push again, I feel the weighted pressure in my middle and I don’t think I have the strength in me.

  “No… I can’t. I’m tired, I can’t… ”

  I whimper taking in breath after breath, my tear filled eyes meeting his tortured ones. He presses his forehead to mine. I can feel the tremors in his body, his breaths. He is in just as much pain.

  “One more push, Aria. And you can rest, I promise you,” the doctor says, holding my legs.

  I groan; pounding my free hand against the handrail.

  “You can do it, baby. I’m right here. Squeeze my hand, take my strength. Push for me, Beautiful.”

  His voice is filled with concern, worry, love, excitement. I can hear it all inside of him and it gives me profound strength. I breathe in and squeeze his hand as tightly as I can as I push with all the strength inside of me. I push and I push, yelling out in agony as the fight leaves me and I collapse back onto the bed. When I hear the loud cries of our baby boy, they are the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard.

  Oh.

  My.

  God.

  Tears course down my cheeks and I begin to sob in joy and relief, clutching onto Gavin’s hand as I let the tears flow unrestrained.

  “He’s beautiful, my sweet baby,” he whispers, that endearment so tender in his voice. I look up at him to see his eyes filled with so many emotions.

  “I love you with all my heart, baby. Thank you.”

  I smile through my tears and he kisses my lips gently, then my cheeks, my nose, my forehead, my eyes. He cherishes me.

  “Would you like to meet him?”

  A nurse asks, holding our little boy wrapped in a blue blanket. God, he’s so small.

  “Oh my God… ” I whisper, a sob escaping me as she places him in Gavin’s arms.

  “6 pounds, 3 ounces, 21 inches. Perfectly healthy.” I watch Gavin peer down to his son, grasping his hand where little bear grabs his thumb in his fist, holding tight and I swear my heart bursts with such joy.

  “He’s so beautiful.” He’s enthralled by our son, counting t
en fingers and ten toes and kissing each of them. Our son begins to move around and cry, but Gavin rocks him gently in his arms, holding him to his chest and supporting his head with his hand, whispering to him.

  “Shhh, daddy’s here. I’ve got you.”

  I wipe at my tears and sit up, where Gavin sits beside me and lays our baby boy in my arms. He looks so much like Gavin that my heart bursts with love.

  “Mommy’s here, my sweet baby boy. I love you so much.” I cradle him to my chest and kiss his forehead gently. Bright, unyielding love bursts from my heart and my very soul. He’s just perfect.

  “Welcome to the world, Gage Charles Thomas. We love you.”

  We talked about names for weeks, but when it came down to it, we named him after Jeremy and my father for his middle name. It fits him perfectly.

  The nurses leave the room and we sit together on the bed just gazing down at our beautiful son.

  “Are you happy?”

  I whisper an hour later as Gavin holds Gage to his chest and rocks him to sleep. He looks down at me and smiles, leaning forward to kiss me.

  “Yes, more than I ever thought possible, baby. I’ll love you both forever.”

  I smile, feeling the same way as I grasp our baby boy’s hand in mine.

  And as I gaze down into the face of our beautiful baby boy, I know, this is home. I know this is true. This is real. This is our happy ending. It may not have been filled with as much happiness as it was sorrow, pain and loss, but we got here. And it was worth every second to have this moment right here, right now. It was worth it all to fall in love with this man over and over again, every single day from this point on.

  The End

  ~ Playlist ~

  Angel ~ Martina McBride

  Aria remembers her baby girl at Marley’s Cove

  I Won’t Give Up ~ Jason Mraz

  Dance after Aria and Gavin’s wedding

  500 Miles ~ Sleeping At Last

  Gavin’s heartache being away from Aria

  A Thousand Years ~ Christina Perry

  Aria’s love for Gavin as they’re separated

  Say You Do ~ Dierks Bentley

  Proposal at the gazebo on the land Gavin bought for his beautiful Aria

  Give Me Love ~ Ed Sheeran

  Aria’s vows to Gavin

  Stay With Me ~ Sam Smith

  Gavin’s vows to Aria

  I Will Always Love You ~ Whitney Houston

  Aria’s dream of Tessa Lynn after losing her

  Love Me Like You Do ~ Ellie Goulding

  Aria asks Gavin to love her again after three months of being away from him

  All of Me ~ John Legend

  Slow dance at Kel and Lucas’ wedding where Gavin tells Aria he wants to marry her someday

  Tonight (Best You Ever Had) ~ John Legend

  Gavin makes love to Aria after his accident

  Forever and Always ~ Parachute

  Aria waiting for Gavin to wake up after his accident

  Gravity ~ Sara Bareilles

  Aria’s struggle to believe in Gavin after her seeing him with Jasmine

  She is Love ~ Parachute

  Gavin thanks God for Aria’s love after he almost lost her

  Magic ~ Coldplay

  Aria and Gavin in the car after his accident

  The Scientist ~ Coldplay

  Aria’s struggle to make her way back to Gavin after her miscarriage

  A Note from the Author

  Amanda Kaitlyn is a new and up and coming author of contemporary romance. Finding Beautiful is her first work. If she isn’t writing or developing her characters, you can find her in front of her kindle or spending time with her family and friends. When she’s not writing, she is a coffee loving barista and a good listener to her friends. Writing has always been her passion.

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