Finding Home

by Kate Field

  Mim stared at him. Was he making a joke, at a time like this? He smiled. She hadn’t thought she would see that smile again.

  ‘Where’s Lucas?’ Corin asked. ‘Did he get past? Is he okay?’

  She nodded. She couldn’t speak. The relief was too great. Relief and something more, something she didn’t recognise and had no name for, something that scared her more than anything else that had happened today. He was the same old Corin, though the smile seemed more fragile than usual. His hair was sticking out as it always did, despite the particles of dust that weighed it down. He looked the same but she wasn’t seeing him in the same way. She wanted to weep with thankfulness that he was alive.

  He stood up, put Dickens on the ground, and walked towards her.

  ‘Are you crying, Mim?’ he asked.

  ‘No.’ Treacherous eyes. How had that happened? She scrubbed her face. ‘It’s the sea,’ she said. But what chance was there that he’d believe her when her voice wobbled on every word?

  He came closer and drew her into his arms.

  ‘All’s well,’ he murmured into her hair. ‘Don’t worry. You’re safe now. Everything’s going to be fine.’

  Chapter Twenty

  The rock fall was the only topic of conversation in the village for days. Mim couldn’t complete a shift in the Boat without having to give an eyewitness account to either locals or fascinated tourists, who seemed thrilled to have arrived in the area at such an interesting time. There had even been a brief paragraph about it on the BBC website. Mim was worried that it would put people off holidaying in the caravans, but Bea disagreed.

  ‘Bill couldn’t find a space in the village car park yesterday,’ she said. ‘Daytrippers are thronging to the beach. I can’t bear to go near it. When I think about Corin down there…’ Bea shuddered. The recent events had taken their toll on her; Mim noticed the tired lines around her eyes. She was a subdued version of her former self, evident even in the plain clothes and glasses she was wearing. ‘The sooner he gives all that up and takes over the business, the better. He’ll be safe in an office.’

  Safe but not necessarily happy, Mim couldn’t help thinking. Which was better? Bea was out of luck if she thought Corin was going to let the rock fall put him off the beach. He’d been back within an hour of it happening, helping the police and fire service who had arrived to assess the scene. Mim had wanted to drag him away but what business was it of hers? None at all, even though memories of those moments when she had thought Corin was under the rocks still haunted her several days later.

  Lucas was dwelling on his close shave too. He visited Mim one day when she was going round each caravan, adding a notice to the information packs warning of the dangers of rock falls and giving advice on how to visit the beach safely.

  ‘You don’t have to worry about this on Blackpool beach,’ he said, pointing at Mim’s leaflet. ‘The only dangerous part is crossing the tram tracks, and at least you can see when a tram is coming.’

  Mim laughed.

  ‘It’s not a great alternative, is it, being flattened by a tram rather than a pile of rocks?’ Her smile faded; it was still too distressing to joke about. She was usually capable of putting awful events behind her and looking forward, so why was she struggling so much with this one? ‘I’ll have to come and visit you in Blackpool and compare the beaches for myself.’

  ‘You should definitely come,’ Lucas said. ‘There’s a proper beach in Blackpool, not just stones. It’s not dead like this place either. You’ll love it.’

  Lucas’s imminent departure was another cause of distress to Mim. He had taken two weeks off work to look for her and their time was almost up already. His return train journey was booked for Saturday and the deadline loomed over their blossoming relationship. She liked him more each day, but they were still getting to know each other and learning the similarities and differences between them. Lucas had shown her lots of photographs of their dad and there was a clear resemblance between the three of them. Mim loved making the connection and discovering the roots that she’d missed out on for so long.

  ‘I wish you could stay longer,’ she said to Lucas, not for the first time, when he called in to the Boat one night. Their relationship felt too fragile and too precious to bear a separation so soon. ‘Is there no way you can manage another week? There should be the equivalent of paternity leave for finding a sister instead of having a baby.’

  ‘I can’t. My boss is off next week for the school holidays and I need to be in work.’

  ‘Then I’ll have to save up and come and visit you as soon as I can,’ Mim said. She sighed. ‘It might not be until autumn though. Howie tells me it can be packed in here over summer.’

  Lucas picked at the label on his bottle of lager.

  ‘There is another option,’ he said. ‘Why don’t you move back to Lancashire?’

  ‘Move back?’ Mim was tidying behind the bar but that made her stop in her tracks. She hadn’t seen that coming. ‘Do you mean for good? To live there?’

  ‘Why not? It’s your home, isn’t it?’

  Home. The word filled Mim’s head as she served another customer. Lucas had inadvertently found her most vulnerable spot. A home and a family – those were the two things she’d always wanted. She’d found one. Could the two go hand in hand? She instinctively felt that it couldn’t be that simple, not now. Returning to Lancashire hadn’t crossed her mind since the first week of arriving here. Was she willing to do that? To leave behind everything she had found in Devon? To leave behind everyone?

  ‘I wouldn’t have a job or anywhere to live,’ she said, when she wandered back over to Lucas. She tried to focus on the practical objections; the emotional ones were harder to deal with.

  ‘I’ve discussed it with Mum,’ Lucas said. ‘You can stay in our spare room, at least to start with. That’s better than an old caravan, isn’t it? And we’re in Blackpool.’ He laughed. ‘There are hotels and bars everywhere. You belong in Lancashire with us. It’s what Dad would have wanted.’

  Mim went back to the caravan that night and looked around the space that had been hers for the last five months. It wasn’t just an old caravan to her. This place had been a lifeline, offering her comfort and safety when she’d been at her lowest point. She loved living here, especially now the weather was warmer and she could throw open the doors and windows instead of huddling under the duvet. She loved being able to spend her spare minutes sitting on the cliff tops, watching the waves down below and the gulls circling overhead, enjoying the sort of peace that had been missing in her life until now. But she had to be realistic. The caravan had only ever been meant as a temporary place to stay. At some point she would need to move on and find a permanent base. Did it make sense to make that base in Lancashire, now that she knew Lucas was there? Was it really what their dad would have wanted, for his family to be together? She’d never had the chance to know him but perhaps it wasn’t too late to make him proud.

  Her gaze fell on the college prospectuses, lying open on the courses she’d flagged as possibilities. Something else she would have to leave behind if she went back north. She ignored the sudden twist of disappointment. There would be similar courses in Lancashire. It would be fine. She would have Lucas to cheer her on and encourage her, instead of the Howards.

  The Howards. She’d been trying not to think about them but now they crowded into her head, loud and large as life. Bea and Bill, Lia and Ros. Corin. They had drawn her into their world and it was a wonderful place to be. The last few months had been some of the happiest of her life. But that was because she’d had no one else and nowhere else to go. Much as she loved the caravan, it wasn’t a proper home. Much as she liked the Howards, they weren’t her proper family. She wasn’t really one of them and she never could be. It had been a brilliant adventure staying here, one she would never forget, but was it time for the adventure to end?

  She met Heather and Karen for their regular swim the next morning, after a night of tossing and turning ove
r her decision.

  ‘Late night, was it?’ Karen asked, smiling. ‘You still look half asleep. What have you been up to?’

  ‘Nothing as exciting as you’re suggesting.’ Mim grabbed a slice of coffee cake and told them about Lucas’s suggestion that she go back north.

  ‘You’re not really going to leave, are you?’ Heather asked. ‘I thought you were settled here now. We’d miss you.’ Mim would miss them too. They were the first real friends she’d ever had. But now she knew that such friendship existed, she could find friends in Lancashire, couldn’t she?

  ‘We wouldn’t have to make as much cake,’ Karen said. She smiled and reached out to pat Mim’s hand. ‘We’ve all become fond of you.’

  ‘I love it here,’ Mim said. ‘But it’s not a permanent sort of life, is it? It’s been like an extended holiday from reality. I can’t still be living in a borrowed caravan in twenty years’ time, even if Bea and Bill didn’t mind. I have to think of the future. I love working in the Boat but I don’t earn enough to afford a place of my own, especially somewhere round here. It’s much cheaper to live in Lancashire. I’d have better prospects there.’

  ‘That’s true,’ Karen said. ‘Everything is more expensive down here. We get better weather though, most of the time. I wouldn’t relish living in that caravan over winter, however cosy it looks now. You were lucky there was no snow this year.’

  ‘Don’t encourage her,’ Heather said, nudging Karen to shut her up. Mim smiled. This was exactly what she would miss. ‘Okay, there are some practical arguments in favour of going. But there are lots of reasons to stay, too. You’re earning money and not paying rent – that’s not something to give up lightly. You’ve made friends here and become part of the village community. And what about the charity? You’re a trustee and you’ve put so much work into it. The first guests are about to arrive. Don’t you want to see it through?’

  ‘Yes. I want to make sure it’s a success. It would be one of the hardest things to leave behind,’ Mim said. ‘But the idea of the charity is to allow families to spend quality time together and make memories. Shouldn’t I be doing that with my family? You live in the same village as Bobby. You wouldn’t want to move away from him would you?’

  Heather hesitated then shook her head with obvious reluctance.

  ‘No, I wouldn’t. When Carmel died, I couldn’t have managed without him. He was my rock. There’s nothing like having the support of your family when you need them.’ She smiled. ‘I’m not helping persuade you to stay, am I? What’s your heart telling you to do?’

  ‘I haven’t a clue,’ Mim said. ‘I think mine is purely functional. It’s never spoken to me yet.’

  ‘Perhaps you need to make time to listen.’

  ‘I don’t have time. Lucas is due to leave tomorrow.’ He had pressed her for an answer and she felt terrible that she hadn’t given him one yet. She’d come close many times but something had held her back, sticking the words in her throat. ‘I keep coming back to the same point. He’s my family, like you and Bobby. That means everything to someone like me. If I let him leave, I’ll always wonder if it was a mistake and what our relationship might have been.’

  ‘Can’t you make it a holiday?’ Karen asked. ‘Go for a week or two and see if it works out.’

  ‘Give it a trial run to see if I like having a family? How would I explain that to Lucas?’ Mim smiled. ‘I don’t do half measures. I either commit in full or not at all. If I go, it will work out. I’ll make sure it does.’

  ‘It sounds to me like you’ve made up your mind,’ Karen said.

  Mim gazed out across the Littlemead car park, towards the clifftops and the view of the sea beyond. There hadn’t been a choice – not really, not since the moment Lucas had asked her to go. It was the first chance she’d had to prove herself as a sister, and she wasn’t going to let him down. Heather’s words had only confirmed it for her; Lucas needed her and her place was with him. She had vowed to be the best possible sister, hadn’t she? She had to follow that through, whatever the cost.

  ‘I have to go back to Lancashire,’ she said.

  It was easy to dismantle her life in Devon. Mim was well-practised at moving on at short notice. But it had never been so painful before.

  She broke the news to Howie first, apologising that she was about to leave him in the lurch as peak tourist season was getting underway. His unequivocal support for her decision and genuine sorrow to see her go almost made her cry. And that was before she’d told the Howards. How was she ever going to bear saying goodbye to them?

  Mim wandered along the track to Vennhallow shortly after lunch, when she hoped she might find the family together. She was in luck. Bea, Bill, and Lia were sitting outside in the garden. Bill was snoozing in his chair, his moustache rippling with each snore. Bea was reading a book and Lia was scrolling on her phone. Mim lurked in the shadows of the house for a moment, locking in this memory of them to savour when she was gone.

  ‘Hello Mim.’ Bea looked up from her book and smiled. ‘Have you had lunch, my dear? There’s another bowl of salad in the kitchen and Mrs Dennis has made a heavenly Victoria sponge. You won’t say no to that, will you? Is Lucas with you? There’s plenty for him too.’

  ‘No.’ Mim came forward and joined the family on the terrace. ‘Lucas wanted to do some more sightseeing before he leaves.’

  ‘Is it tomorrow he goes?’ Bea asked. ‘It’s gone so quickly. It’s a shame you’ve had so little time together when you’ve only recently found each other.’

  ‘It is.’ Mim sat down on an empty chair. Bea had given her the perfect opening. ‘That’s why I’ve come to talk to you.’

  Bea’s smile faded. She had guessed. Mim could see it in her face.

  ‘You’re here to say goodbye, aren’t you?’ Bea said. She reached across to Bill and shook his arm to wake him up. ‘I had an awful sense that this might happen and that we might lose you.’

  ‘Goodbye?’ Lia looked up from her phone. ‘What are you talking about? Where are you going?’

  ‘Back to Lancashire,’ Mim said.

  ‘But darling, why would you want to do that? Your life is here now.’

  ‘It was. But now I have a brother and he’ll be there.’

  ‘Brothers are totally overrated.’ Lia smiled. ‘What about As You Like It holidays? Our first guests are arriving tomorrow. We need you.’

  ‘I’ll be here.’ Mim had already worked out an answer – not a perfect one, but better than nothing. ‘Lucas had booked a train for tomorrow, but he’ll stay on an extra day and we’ll drive north together on Sunday. Heather has offered to take over the cleaning duties between guests. I hope you’ll still let me be involved in some way. I can deal with the emails and the admin from Lancashire. I can spread the word about the charity in a whole new area too.’

  ‘We’ll be sorry to see you go,’ Bill said. ‘I’ll come with you to the garage and fill up your car.’ He raised a hand when Mim tried to protest. ‘It’s the least we can do. You only came down here because of us.’

  ‘Don’t encourage her, Daddy,’ Lia protested. ‘We need to persuade her to stay here.’

  ‘If I know Mim, she won’t be persuaded once she’s made up her mind,’ Bill replied. ‘If she’s given Lucas her word, she’ll stick by it. Isn’t that right?’

  Mim nodded.

  ‘Is there no one who could persuade you?’ Bea asked softly. ‘No one at all?’

  ‘No.’ Mim smiled, thought it was the hardest smile she’d ever given. ‘Think of the positives. You have an extra caravan to use for the holidays now.’

  ‘We won’t use it,’ Bea said. ‘That caravan is yours whenever you need it. Who knows when you might want a holiday yourself and come back to see us?’ She walked over to Mim and took hold of her hands. ‘Do come back and see us, won’t you? You’re one of us, Miranda Brown, wherever you are and whatever you do. Don’t forget that. There will always be a home for you here.’

  Behind her gaudy glasses, there
were tears in Bea’s eyes. She squeezed Mim’s hands and then muttered something about ‘another bottle of wine’ and hurried into the house. Bill stood up.

  ‘I should follow her,’ he said. He held out his hand to shake Mim’s. ‘It’s been a bigger and better adventure than we expected, eh? Don’t you worry about us. You deserve your chance at happiness. If you believe that’s waiting for you in the north, I’ll wish you the best of luck. You know where we are if you need us.’

  He followed Bea into the house. Mim moved over to sit on the bench next to Lia.

  ‘You don’t really need me,’ Mim said to her. ‘Look what you’ve achieved with the charity. All the ideas and initiatives were yours. You obtained most of the donations and all the sponsors for the caravans. I’ve done some donkey work but anyone could have done that. You have vision and drive and creativity. Now you know you can succeed at anything you put your mind to. I’m going to watch out for whatever brilliant thing you do next.’

  Lia leaned against Mim.

  ‘Don’t go,’ she said. ‘I do need you. You’re the only person who judges me for what I do now, not because of who I am or who I was.’

  ‘I’m not the only one.’ Mim couldn’t resist the opportunity to meddle. ‘There’s a certain young gardener who seems very impressed by everything you’ve done.’

  Lia sat up.

  ‘Bobby? Do you think so?’

  ‘I’m sure of it. He likes you. How could he not? But you know, it must be hard for him to look at all this and believe he has a chance. Perhaps you need to give him some gentle encouragement.’

  Lia threw her arms round Mim.

  ‘You are the best sister I never had,’ she said. ‘You know I’ll be on the phone to you every day, until you’re literally sick of hearing from me. I may even have to figure out where this Lancashire place is so that I can visit you. Do they have any five-star hotels there, darling?’