Perception

by A. L. Waddington

  CHAPTER 12

  Sunday, December 04, 1878

  LYING IN BED, I could hear the subtle sounds of the house greeting the day. The clanking of dishes in the kitchen below and the sounds of feet shuffling about brought about feelings of security and love. I closed my eyes and snuggled deeper into the covers trying to focus on the blurred scenes from the night before. I couldn’t figure out why the visions were cluttered with images of my uncle Nicholas. He was with Jackson, his parents, and me in a room I did not recognize. I had never seen him anywhere that would give me the impression that Uncle Nicholas had inherited this curse and was in or knew anything about my other world. My uncle Monte surely would have told me if he did.

  ***

  I knew that it was going to be a long sermon this morning. It seemed it always was when there was something I wanted to discuss with Jackson. I fidgeted with my gloves twisting them over and over again trying to figure out how all these pieces fit together. I wished I could see things clearly and understand the significance of what things actually meant. I glanced over at my uncle Nicholas sitting across the aisle with his wife, Lydia, and their sons. On the pew in front of him sat my uncle Monte holding hands with his wife, Vivian. I wanted so badly to drag them both outside and make them explain to me why I was seeing Uncle Nicholas in my other world.

  Uncle Nicholas, feeling my gaze, turned his head slightly in my direction and our eyes locked. He smiled slightly and nodded with a knowing look in his eyes. I wanted to scream out in utter frustration. Jackson lightly placed his hands over mine and leaned in closer to me. “Please stop playing with your gloves. It’s very distracting.” His voice sounded parental.

  “Please excuse me, I do not feel well. I need some air.” I got up and squeezed past everyone in our row before I made my way out the front door.

  I sat down on a bench just off the side of the church entrance. The air was cold and a light breeze blew through my hair but I didn’t feel anything. My head was spinning and aching at the same time. I rested my head upon my hands and let the tears of frustration run down my fingers.

  “It is a bit overwhelming at times I suppose.” His voice echoed across the empty yard. Uncle Nicholas smiled warmly and took a seat beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “I know how hard this is. The time between knowledge and clarity feels like an eternity.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” My eyes met with his, pleading for some answers.

  “For one, up until yesterday I did not know your barrier was beginning to disintegrate. Secondly, if I had known I still could not have said anything to you for the same reasons Monte, Jackson, and his parents did not. You had to see it for yourself. This is not something that is believable unless it is experienced.”

  “But I do not understand. How can you and Monte be my uncles in both planes and neither Shane nor Patrick inherited the gift? And what about my brothers . . . or Sidney?”

  “Are you sure none of them has the gift?” He raised an eyebrow with a slight smile.

  His question both stunned and silenced me. No . . . I am not sure.

  “You know, just because you, me, Monte, and the Chandlers share a similar time span, that does not mean that your siblings will share yours. They could be on an entirely separate plane from yours.”

  “Are you serious?” His smiled broadened. “How is that possible?”

  “To be honest, I am not sure, but I do know that my father and his sister both inherited the gift and were on different planes from myself as well as each other. My grandmother used to tell us stories when we were kids about futuristic things like telephones, cars, electricity, and indoor plumbing and my father told us tales of King William’s War that took place between France and England on the Northern Frontiers in New England and New York from 1689 to 1697. Imagine our surprise when Monte and I learned later after we became aware of EVE that our grandmother was born shortly after the turn of the twentieth century and our father was retelling battles to us as they occurred to him in his other life.”

  “This EVE spectrum is a great deal more complicated than I ever imagined.” My gaze drifted off into the distance staring at nothing. “It is impossible to wrap my brain around this monster,” I whispered softly more to myself than to him.

  “I suppose that is why I decided to devote my other life to uncovering the realm of this . . . monster as you call it.” He chuckled softly and leaned back on the bench. “I know it is difficult when the barrier is still partly intact and I am sure you are tired of hearing that.”

  “Yes . . . very much so.” I let out a deep breath and brushed the last of the tears off my cheeks. “What I do not understand is why you suddenly appeared in my world there. I have no memories of you or Uncle Monte there.”

  “You will soon, but you must understand that you will remember his death more than his life. You were very young when he left his life there, if I recall correctly, you were about eight years old.”

  “But where were you?”

  “Your father, Shane, and I had a falling out after Monte’s funeral. I tried to explain to him the truth of what happened to our brother and why he believed his death there was necessary, but I only got out half the story, I am afraid. Shane thought I was insane and refused to hear any more about it. Since that night he cut me completely out of his life and kept me away from all three of you children.” He smiled lovingly over at me. “I cannot tell you how delighted I was to see you there.”

  “Can you please explain something I do not understand?”

  “I will if I can.”

  “Why is it the Chandlers all share both planes but our family is somewhat scattered?”

  “From all that I have discovered and pieced together is that when both parents have the genetic trait then their children will reside on the same planes with them. However, if the trait is passed on by only one parent, it seems the children can live on separate planes then their parent but the siblings can exist on the same plane. Or in rare instances, such as yours, you inherited the gift but have two sets of parents who, as far as we are aware, do not have it. I still have not figured that out because somehow if the individual inherits EVE from . . . say an uncle, then their siblings can exist on separate planes.” Nicholas ran his hand through his hair.

  “So if my sister there — Sidney — inherited EVE then she could have another life on a completely separate plane than I.”

  “It is possible if she does indeed have EVE. Robert told me about what happened over Thanksgiving. It sounds like she may but you should try and find out for sure.”

  “I am trying, but she is being rather evasive.”

  The sun had broken through the clouds and was shining brightly upon us, yet failed to offer any warmth. I had no idea whether I would remember or not to get in touch with Sidney once I was in the other world. Somehow, I thought for sure either the Chandlers or Nicholas would make sure that my other self would. We sat on the bench until church services were over.

  Jackson walked down the church steps in the sunlight. The light surrounding him looked almost like a halo following him. He smiled brightly in our direction as he walked over to meet us. Our families and the rest of the congregation emptied out into the churchyard. Everyone was talking pleasantly and enjoying the break from the rain showers.

  “Are you feeling all right?” Jackson asked when he approached.

  “She is fine, just confused.” Nicholas stood and took my hand, helping me to my feet. “I need to rejoin my family. We can talk some more after supper if you like. Your mother was kind enough to invite us over.” He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek before he disappeared into the crowd.

  “Another memory?” Jackson slid his arm around my waist.

  “Yes. I was trying to figure out why I was seeing him in my dreams or whatever you want to call them,” I explained.

  “We just found out ourselves. It was a complete surprise. We went down to Indiana University in Bloomington yesterday where your uncle is a professor.
He has been doing research on EVE and gave us a cram session on what he has uncovered. It was very interesting,” he explained while we walked a little ways away from the others.

  “Will you tell me everything after supper?”

  “Of course.” He put his arm protectively around my shoulder.

  ***

  Our house was crammed full in celebration of Jackson’s twenty-second birthday. Sarah had made a special triple layered chocolate fudge cake, his favorite, for the occasion. The women were bustling about, fussing over the smaller children, trying to get them settled down and away from the cake before supper.

  My father and Monte kept Nicholas occupied, even after we finished eating, in a heated political debate. My brothers, Alexander and Robert were also obsessed with the discussion and voices raised from the far corner of the front room as the men carried on. William and Jackson were the only two who had excluded themselves from the conversation. They joined Olivia and me by the piano where I was absentmindedly playing a piece from memory. The rest of the women enjoyed their coffee while gossiping about things going on in town and things of that nature.

  The three of us were thrilled to have Olivia out of her room. She was still not joining us in public or at church, but she had wandered downstairs after we returned home. Everyone was delighted when she entered the dining room and tried to make her as comfortable as possible. She was still pale with red puffy eyes and resembled more of the person William brought home the night they got married. She spoke very little, did not really join in any conversation, but would answer if asked a direct question. I wanted so badly to reassure her that her dreams of becoming a mother were going to come true and that someday soon she would have beautiful children to love and spoil. I was quickly understanding how frustrating various areas of EVE were. I hated it.

  It was early evening before I got Jackson alone. I felt like I was constantly going back and forth asking for clarity in both my worlds. It was truly aggravating and after a short time I changed the subject. It was more fun just to enjoy spending time alone with him and watch his brilliant green eyes dance when they held mine.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned up to kiss him softly on the front porch just as the sun was setting on the beautiful day. There was a chill in the light breeze and I snuggled closer to him for warmth.

  “Happy birthday, darling.”

  “Thank you,” he whispered into my ear.

  “I have something for you.”

  “You did not have to do that. Marrying me is gift enough.” His voice was low and soothing.

  “But I believe this might look better on your desk at the office.” I reached into my side pocket and pulled out an engraved name plate that said ‘Attorney Jackson W. Chandler.’ I had ordered it weeks before Jackson took the bar. I was crossing my fingers hoping that it would be delivered in time for his birthday.

  “Jocelyn, I love it!”

  “I am so glad to hear you say that. I was afraid it was too impersonal, but I wanted to get you something special for your office.”

  “It is perfect. I will take it to work with me on Monday.” Jackson looked at it a moment longer then carefully tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket.

  We walked around the front yard and over to a big wooden swing that hung from the tree by thick ropes. James had hung it there when I was quite young and William and I had spent hours playing on it.

  I sat down on the long board and grabbed a hold of the frayed ropes. I turned around and smiled at Jackson as he stood behind me and pulled the ropes back and up towards himself. He let go and I went soaring through the brisk air. Despite the cold it was a marvelous freeing feeling and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I could hear his laughter behind me as he pushed me gently each time I returned to him. It had been a long time since I had felt so normal.

  CHAPTER 13

  Sunday, December 06, 2009

  I SILENTLY SNUCK into Jackson’s bed while the house was dead silent and it was still black outside. I straddled over him and leaned down gently, brushing my lips over his. I could feel the shape of his lips change beneath mine as they broadened into a smile. Jackson reached up and wrapped his arms around me, pressing our bodies together. Our desire turned into fire as he rolled me over and lifted himself upon me. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. His lips slid down to my neck and traced over my collarbone as his hand hungrily grasped over my body.

  He finally pulled himself back and rolled over beside me. “Jocelyn, what are you doing? Do you know how dangerous it is for you to sneak in here? I could really take advantage of you and it’s most unfair of you to tempt me in this way!” The slight smile was still resting on his lips.

  “Happy Birthday, darling.” I propped myself up on my elbow, still breathing heavily and slightly disappointed that he had squelched the fire.

  “You little devil,” he laughed.

  “I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday.”

  “And so you have been . . .” Jackson leaned up and moved towards me. “I cannot imagine a better way to start my day. I can’t wait until I can wake up beside you every morning for the rest of my life.”

  I leaned over and gently brushed my lips over his. His hand reached over and caressed the back of my head, pressing it closer to his. The fire ignited once more with such a strong potency I never wanted it to end.

  Jackson rolled back over upon me and my arms embraced him, holding his muscular frame tightly against my body. Our appetite was unquenchable and the thin layer of pajamas between us provided little resistance to our true desires. Our bodies moved in perfect harmony together as our hands explored and our mouths devoured each other.

  I could not get enough of him. My body wanted him . . . needed him . . . longed for him. I gave myself fully and completely to him. I was at his mercy, willing and eager to give myself over to this craving, to him . . . once and forever.

  But then the small voice in the back of my mind recalled Jackson’s words and the importance of them, the words he had said about virtue, honor, and respect and how he would never compromise mine. I knew he wanted me as desperately as I him, but I could not silence his words and what they meant to him. Now, in this moment of heated passion I knew I was taking away something sacred to his very soul.

  With great reverence I pushed him away and slid out from under him. “Jackson . . .” I said breathlessly. “We can’t do this.”

  “I know, I’m sorry.” His powerful green eyes dropped in personal shame.

  I lightly lifted his chin so his eyes would meet mine. “Tis not you, my love. It was me.” I smiled softly. Jackson’s eyebrows crinkled.

  “You speak in words that belong in another era, my darling. I believe your two worlds are vastly becoming one.” I blushed deeply as the realization that the words I had spoken had never crossed my lips before in this world.

  “What does this mean?”

  “I believe the barrier is coming down quickly between your two worlds,” he smiled. “And I trust this would be most agreeable to you.”

  “Jackson,” I whispered as a lone tear slipped from my eye. “I’m afraid that in joining these two worlds I am losing the essence of who I am in the process.”

  Jackson studied my face for a moment before he replied. “As I have told you before, my love, regardless of what time we are in, you may take full comfort in knowing that you are always my Jocelyn.”

  ***

  After a delicious but healthy breakfast of waffles, scrambled eggs, and ham, we said our good-byes and were on the road before eight o’clock. I hugged and kissed my uncle and promised him that I would come and see him again soon. Emily wanted to make sure we had plenty of time to spend browsing around downtown Indianapolis before the game started.

  The air was crisp and clean with a definite feel of winter about it. I leaned my head against the window as I watched the farmhouses scattered amongst browning fields and small businesses blur past us. I hadn’t s
lept well the night before. I never did in unfamiliar surroundings. I had tossed and turned, waking up frequently throughout the wee hours of the morning. The familiar question haunted my mind: what happens there when I wake up in the middle of the night here and vice versa?

  Jackson reached over and gently slid his hand into mine. “Are you all right? You have been very quiet this morning?”

  I nodded my head with a half-smile. “I’m fine, just thinking about yesterday.”

  “A bit overwhelming.” Emily turned towards us from the passenger seat. “I have been living with EVE for almost thirty years and I am having trouble absorbing the amount of information Nicholas discussed.”

  “Do you believe his theories could be correct?” Jackson’s eyes drifted from one of his parents to the other.

  “Perhaps.” Robert rubbed his chin in speculation. “It certainly sounds plausible, but plausibility is not fact. This is not an experiment that could be conducted inside or outside a laboratory. There really is no way of proving or disproving it for that matter. Despite the fact that it is hereditary there has never been any DNA markers studied to find the genetic link.” His eyes met Jackson’s in the rearview mirror.

  “What about the genetic markers for schizophrenia? Couldn’t those be used?” I inquired.

  “Schizophrenia is a real disorder. It would be difficult to use such markers to differentiate between who was really schizophrenic and who had the gift of EVE,” Robert noted.

  “That’s what scares me,” I added unintentionally.

  “What do you mean?” Emily gave me a puzzled look.

  “Well, if all he talked about — those famous people in history — is true, I really did not want to know. I realize it may sound silly, but sometimes it’s better to believe myths or prophets or medicine men. Legends are better than rationalization. Sometimes it is simpler to believe that some people are special, unique in a way that makes them different from the rest of us.” I looked at their faces searching for answers.