Perception

by A. L. Waddington

  “And you do not believe that is what having EVE is? Something unique that makes you special?” Robert inquired with one eyebrow raised.

  A laugh escaped before I could stop it. “Me? No, I’m not special. I have no ability to predict the future.”

  “But once the barrier is completely diminished between your two worlds, you will have.” Emily gave me a coy smile. “At least there you will be able to.”

  I turned back to the window as her words fully sank it. She was right. There I would be able to accurately predict the future, down to amazing detail in some cases. I closed my eyes briefly, pushing those thoughts out of my already overcrowded mind.

  ***

  We left the car in the Circle Center parking garage and crossed the skywalk into the mall. Emily and I separated from the men, promising them we would meet them at eleven o’clock at Champps Americana for lunch. The mall was just beginning to come alive and Hoosiers milled about getting ready for what was sure to be a very hectic day. The mall was in close proximity to Lucas Oil Stadium and was guaranteed to be bustling with Colts fans.

  We strolled around the multi-level mall enjoying a lively discussion about the upcoming weddings, graduation, college, and the busy Christmas holiday. Emily bought a few items for her family, a new jacket for herself, and we both bought a pair of gorgeous boots at ALDO’s. I purchased a new pair of jeans for myself and a sweatshirt that I fell in love with. Unfortunately, that was pretty much the end of my birthday money, but I still had the fifty that my dad had slipped me for the trip.

  In the small amount of time that had passed since our arrival, people began pouring into the mall at an unbelievable rate. We stopped briefly at the Indiana Pacer’s store and browsed the various items representing the city’s basketball team. However, the Colt’s store was easily three times the size of the Pacer store and carried every imaginable thing a fan could think of to proudly sport the team’s logo. Emily and I remarked on the cute baby clothing, license plate covers, and tablecloths in royal blue and white. Still, the most amusing token was the oversized Colts recliner in bright team blue with white lettering and a horseshoe sitting in the front window. Emily picked out a pink Peyton Manning jersey for herself and insisted I select a jersey to wear at the game. I decided on a pink Joseph Addai jersey while Emily picked up little horseshoe earrings for her and I to wear. She also chose a blue Austin Collie jersey for Jackson and a white Anthony Gonzalez one for Robert to surprise them with.

  The food court was jam-packed with individuals attempting to pick up something quick in the short time remaining before kickoff as we squeezed our way through the maze to reach the escalator. I couldn’t imagine that the city was like this with every home game they held. I knew the Colts were undefeated this season and that Indianapolis was known for its sports venues with their close proximity to hotels, shopping, and restaurants throughout downtown, but this was ridiculous. However, I had never witnessed it firsthand and I now believed the newscasters when they commented on Hoosiers being fanatical about their sports.

  After a quick bite to eat and dropping off our packages in the Durango, the four of us headed outside to venture the few blocks to the stadium. It was only a little past noon and the streets of downtown Indianapolis were overrun with Colts fans of every age. The large majority of them were sporting some fashionable style of Colts apparel. Royal blue, white, and pink jerseys with the number eighteen and Manning adorned on the back could be seen for as far as the eye could see. There was perhaps one Titan fan for every fifty or more Colts fan that filed into the city.

  The Lucas Oil Stadium was everything and more that was written on it. It was spectacular. The wide walkways and venues surrounded the heart of the facility, which could be viewed from every seat under its retractable roof. Although I had never been a big spectator of professional football, experiencing a live game changed all of that in one afternoon.

  Robert and Jackson laughed outright at the sight of Emily and me as we both got caught up in the spirit of the crowd and spent the majority of the game on our feet cheering for the Colts. They held the Titans at bay and succeeded in victory with a 27-17 win. That day made me a diehard Colts fan.

  ***

  It was close to nine when we reached our street. I was exhausted and had slept most of our trip home. The enthusiasm of the afternoon after the whirlwind of information that clouded my brain had taken a toll on me and I could not keep my eyes open.

  I thanked Emily and Robert several times before Jackson walked me home. The moonlight was bright in the frigid sky and our breath was easily seen on the night air.

  “Are you sure you are all right?” Jackson asked, taking me in his arms when we reached my porch.

  “Yes, I am sure.”

  “You seem so distant,” he noted.

  “I hope you enjoyed your birthday.” I mustered up the best smile I could in my tired condition.

  “You love to change the subject when the topic is something you do not wish to discuss.” He pulled me close and allowed me to rest my head against his chest. Jackson leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “I had a marvelous birthday.” I could feel his cheek resting on my head. “And now my love, will you please answer my question truthfully? Are you all right?”

  “Yes, I am fine, I promise.”

  “Fine as in all right or fine as in frustrated insecure neurotic and emotional?” He flashed that lop-sided grin that I loved.

  “You are impossible.” I playfully smacked his chest. “I believe the excitement of the last forty-eight hours have taken their toll on me and given me much to think about.”

  “Get some rest, darling. I’ll pick you up in the morning.” Jackson lifted my face gently to his and kissed me deeply. “Call me if you need me.”

  “I will.” I offered him the best smile I could muster.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  I watched him from the porch as he slowly walked across the street and disappeared into his own house.

  ***

  I snuggled down under the covers after giving my father a full detailed recap of my trip to Indianapolis and marveling about the new stadium, and a long hot shower. I picked up my uncle’s journal off my nightstand and began reading where I’d left off before. His words were so vivid that I could easily picture the tragic world he was experiencing. Before I realized it, I was wiping tears off my cheeks. His attachment and love for his family— his entire family — was like nothing I had ever felt. I could not help but wish that the family dynamics of today were even a tenth of what they were back then. Today, it seemed everyone was out for themselves and family values had, for the most part, fallen by the wayside.

  I closed his journal feeling very isolated. I reached under my bed for the photo album of Jackson and I and our little family. I browsed the photos, content in knowing that at least in one of my worlds the words family and devotion actually meant something.

  I slid the album under my pillow, turned off my light and closed my eyes, thrilled in knowing that I was marrying into a family that in both my lives, would always mean everything.

  CHAPTER 14

  Thursday, December 08, 1878

  JACKSON JOINED US almost every evening for dinner. He relished in telling me all about things going on at the office and how different it was to practice law rather than read about it from books. While he still had no clients of his own, he was enjoying sitting second chair to his father while he learned the ropes. He was so eager to learn and prove himself as the prominent attorney that Robert was.

  I was surprised when I came home after school and found him in the front room by the hearth speaking with Olivia while she sat staring silently out the window. Occasionally I would hear her utter a reply if only to be polite. I knew he was trying desperately to take her mind off her shattered world and put other thoughts in their place, if only for a short while. I leaned against the doorframe and listened for a moment as Jackson rattled on about a story he’d rea
d in the newspaper recently. Olivia didn’t even blink when he finally completed his recount.

  “Good afternoon, darling.” I smiled from the across the room when he noticed my arrival.

  “Hello, sweetheart.” A smirk, more than grin, slid across his shapely lips as he stood up and walked towards me. “Please excuse me, Ms. Olivia.”

  She nodded slightly without turning from the window.

  “How long have you been here?” I whispered, leaning up and giving him a welcoming kiss.

  “Almost an hour.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.

  “I was hopeful after she emerged from her room last weekend that she was doing better, but all she ever does is stare out the window. I wish I could do something for her.”

  “Just try to be supportive and understanding. That is really all you can do for her right now.”

  I rested my head upon his chest and breathed in the intoxicating aroma of his cologne. I tightened my arms around him and couldn’t imagine any other place I would rather be.

  “You need to gather your caplet and muff, my dear, we have some work to do before supper.” Jackson lifted my chin lightly and kissed me softly.

  “Where are we going?” I gave him an inquisitive look.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, our wedding is less than two weeks away and we still have no place to live,” he chuckled.

  “But I . . . I mean we have not found anything suited for us.” We both knew I was procrastinating and pretended I wasn’t.

  “I am sure we can find a home that would work as a suitable starter we could live in for a while until we can afford to build something more to your taste.” His smile broadened and I immediately felt guilty.

  “Am I being that difficult?” I looked deep into his beautiful green eyes.

  “Perhaps maybe a little, but that is what I love about you.” He kissed me again quickly and added. “Now get your things please, we are losing daylight.”

  Four homes later the sun was slipping from the sky and we were not an ounce closer to finding a home. We climbed back into the carriage and I wrapped the carriage quilt over my legs. Jackson looked disgruntled and I remained silent. I didn’t have the heart to say anything. I didn’t have to because he was the one who didn’t care for any of the homes. I didn’t either but his displeasure was so evident that my comments would have definitely made it worse.

  The gray sky was heavy with clouds and people moved about in the chilly evening bustling home after a long day of work. Jackson’s horse pranced at a steady pace while he sighed heavily and headed the carriage back towards my home. I wanted to say something comforting but everything that entered my mind sounded insincere even to me.

  “Look at the bright side, at least we don’t have to worry about paying an inspector to check the plumbing or electricity or whether we have to update the appliances,” I giggled.

  Jackson slowly turned his head towards me with an astonished expression before he suddenly burst out laughing. “Where in the . . . You never cease to amaze me!”

  “Well, it is true.” I did my best to keep a straight face.

  “Yes, I suppose it is.” He couldn’t seem to control his laughter.

  “Do you know how ridiculous this all is?” The laughter I’d been trying to suppress broke free. “Here we are unable to find a home to start our married life together and making such a huge deal about it and when you stop and think, this should be so much easier than trying to do that in the twenty-first century. I mean buying a home here should be a breeze in comparison with that headache.”

  “I love you. You know that, right?” Jackson leaned over and stole a kiss.

  “I love you too.”

  ***

  My brother, James, and his wife, Rachel, had stopped over for a visit by the time we returned. We handed our things over to Eddie and joined everyone in the parlor where the room was buzzing with commotion.

  “Good evening, Jackson, Jocelyn. Please join us.” James was grinning widely.

  “Hello, how are you? Where are the children?” I asked, giving my brother a hug and then kissing Rachel on the cheek.

  “We left them home with Hannah. It is almost their bedtime and they get so fussy when kept up late,” Rachel explained.

  Hannah had lived with Rachel’s family for the majority of her life and once she married my brother, Hannah had gone to live with them. She was probably about ten or fifteen years older than Rachel and was so sweet and wonderful to them and their children. She had a great personality but was not nearly as sassy as Mimi nor could she cook as well as Sarah.

  “I understand. It is certainly nice to see you both.” I took her hand and we moved over to the lounge to sit down near mother.

  The men gathered closer to the hearth as my father opened his humidor and passed out cigars to Jackson and James. It was then that I noticed Olivia was nowhere to be seen. My eyes drifted back over towards the two ladies beside me and both of them were giddy with excitement.

  “Where is Olivia?” I inquired.

  “She retired early. She told Mimi she would have dinner in her room,” my mother answered.

  “Is she feeling all right?” I asked.

  “I believe so, physically. Emotionally . . . she is still struggling a great deal.” My mother looked guiltily over at Rachel and then back at me. “Which is what makes this so much more difficult.”

  “Mother? What are you talking about?” I noticed Rachel dropped her eyes to her lap.

  “Jocelyn . . . ,” Rachel injected. “Your brother and I have some wonderful news.” She paused and I knew what she was going to say before the words came out of her mouth. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Congratulations!” I jumped up and gave her a hug. “I am so happy for you two!” Then I rushed over and hugged my brother briefly catching him off guard, yet he smiled and embraced me back.

  “I am so thrilled to hear you say that,” Rachel noted upon my return. “We were so nervous to tell you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Olivia is having such a difficult time.” Rachel looked down at her hands.

  “I know she and William will have a hard time adjusting to the news, but I could not be happier for the two of you,” I gushed.

  “We did not plan this. I know to them that will not matter, it’s going to hurt all the same.” Her smile quickly faded.

  “I am sure William will be happy for you both. I wish I could say the same for Olivia. She is not exactly herself these days. Please, don’t take anything she says personally.” I gently placed my hands over hers and gave them a gentle squeeze.

  “I know she is still hurting and I do not want to be another source of her pain.” Rachel looked empathetic.

  “Of course you don’t,” my mother interceded. “Olivia will come around. Just be patient with her and in time she will come to be as ecstatic as the rest of the family.”

  “Well, I am not so sure about ecstatic.” I grimaced a bit. “But happy will do.”

  “Yes, happy would be wonderful,” Rachel grinned.

  Jackson stayed for supper and the household celebrated joyously the anticipated arrival of the new baby. I tried not to think of the possibility that Olivia might overhear our celebration in the dining room as my father drank toast after toast to the newest Timmons’s member. I also couldn’t help but wonder if any of my nieces or nephews or this new baby was also cursed with the same debilitating curse as I was: EVE.

  CHAPTER 15

  Thursday, December 10, 2009

  I RESTED MY HEAD on my hand, giving up on paying attention to Mr. Rand ramble on about the bystander effect on witness testimony when Jackson poked me in the side. “Wake up.” He strained not to smile.

  “I am awake. That’s the problem,” I whispered back.

  Any other day I loved psychology class and Mr. Rand was one of my favorite teachers but today I just wanted the bell to ring, and the sound of his lecture was making it hard for me to drift off. We had a big ga
me this evening and I desperately needed a nap. I was spending entirely too much time buried in my uncle’s journals and it was seriously cutting into my sleep. Each morning I was waking up exhausted and struggling to stay awake through my classes.

  I knew I had to pull it together and find some energy somewhere or Coach Smith was going to wring my neck. She had already yelled at me twice in practice for missing easy shots and not paying attention. If I screwed up in the game she would surely have me running laps all next week.

  Time crept on and I felt myself drifting off into darkness as my head slowly slid down my arm and rested on my desk. Peace . . . and finally silence.

  “Jocelyn, wake up!” Jackson gently rubbed my shoulder.

  “What?”

  “Wake up. Class is over. Didn’t you hear the bell?”

  “No.” I yawned deeply and sat up straight.

  Mr. Rand was sitting at his desk shuffling papers. “Are you feeling all right, Jocelyn?”

  “I can’t seem to get enough sleep. I’m sorry.” I gave him a weak smile.

  “You should get some Starbucks before the game. We’re counting on you tonight,” he smiled back.

  “That is not a bad idea.” Jackson picked up the books off my desk and placed them on top of his in his arms. “Thanks, Mr. Rand.”

  “Oh, and Jocelyn?” he hollered as we made our way to the door. “Try to stay awake in class from here on out,” he winked with a smile.

  “I’m sorry, I will,” I apologized.

  “See you both at the game. Good luck, Jocelyn,” he hollered as we exited the room.

  We walked out to the parking lot after dropping off our books at our lockers. It’s amazing how quick the lot clears out after the final bell. There were only a few scattered cars left when we arrived at his car.